Collection of Lame Jokes

[QuarkCharmer]

Teacher: "Josephine, give me a sentence beginning with I."
Josephine: "I is ..."
Teacher: "No, Josephine. It's always 'I am...' "
Josephine: "OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

haha

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Mr President, I know you won't be able to laugh at any of my jokes about the Secret Service, so cover your ears, if that's physically possible.

- Jimmy Kimmel

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Personally, I don't see what the big problem is with the SS hiring prostitutes; as long as they're all Democrats.

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.

 

[lisab]

Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.

Lol...

 

[dkotschessaa]

A student riding in a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited he asks, "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"

 

[fuzzyfelt]

:) I like that, too!

 

[dkotschessaa]

ok I just made up a lame joke

"Is this really the marine mammal campground?"
"Yes, it is for all in tents and porpoises."

sorry...

 

[jobyts]

A tough looking group of bikers were out riding when they saw a woman about to jump off a bridge... so they stopped and parked their Harleys.

Their leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you
doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an
opportunity either, so he asked her... "Well, before you jump, why don't
you give me a kiss?"

So she does...

And it was a long, deep, lingering, spine-tingling kiss.

After she's finished, the biker leader says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I've
ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why
in the world would you want to commit suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl..."

The authorities think she may have been pushed…

 

[Darken-Sol]

a physicist gets pulled over for speeding
cop: do you know how fast you were going?
physicist: no but i know where i am

 

[HeLiXe]

http://imgboot.com/images/ritchie888/3223042912906605357568105355762891348271n.jpg

 

[Ibix]

A bumper sticker seen by a friend (or so he says) in the car park at CERN:

IF THIS APPEARS BLUE YOU
ARE TRAVELING TOO FAST​

 

[Darken-Sol]

man: doctor, docter, i broke my arm in two places.

doctor: well, don't go back to those places

 

[Drakkith]

A bumper sticker seen by a friend (or so he says) in the car park at CERN:

IF THIS APPEARS BLUE YOU
ARE TRAVELING TOO FAST​

Love it!

 

[HeLiXe]

A bumper sticker seen by a friend (or so he says) in the car park at CERN:

IF THIS APPEARS BLUE YOU
ARE TRAVELING TOO FAST​

lolz

man: doctor, docter, i broke my arm in two places.

doctor: well, don't go back to those places

 

[Anna Blanksch]

ok I just made up a lame joke

"Is this really the marine mammal campground?"
"Yes, it is for all in tents and porpoises."

sorry...

Hahaha...
Greg, your Einstein one was awesome too. Hahaha. These are all great.

 

[Anna Blanksch]

Teacher: "Josephine, give me a sentence beginning with I."
Josephine: "I is ..."
Teacher: "No, Josephine. It's always 'I am...' "
Josephine: "OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Also very funny! hahaha... I definitely will tell my teacher friends this one. :)

 

[Infinitum]

a physicist gets pulled over for speeding
cop: do you know how fast you were going?
physicist: no but i know where i am

A bumper sticker seen by a friend (or so he says) in the car park at CERN:

IF THIS APPEARS BLUE YOU
ARE TRAVELING TOO FAST​

These rock! :!)

Really not fit for the 'lame jokes' thread...

 

[Borek]

Not a joke, true story. I went to my neighbor to ask about something and complained I have a very low BP (apparently I was ill last week). "You have a low BP? I will give you a phone number to Aunt Mary." Yes, I know her aunt - and that was a perfect idea.

 

[Anna Blanksch]

A hole was found in a wall at the nudist camp. The police are looking into it...

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

A two seat plane crashed into a graveyard. The death toll is already at 692 and rescuers are continuing to dig up bodies.

 

[dkotschessaa]

A two seat plane crashed into a graveyard. The death toll is already at 692 and rescuers are continuing to dig up bodies.

We have a very exclusive graveyard here. People are just dying to get in.

(Oldie but goody, and very lame!)

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

We have a very exclusive graveyard here. People are just dying to get in.

(Oldie but goody, and very lame!)

Are there benches there for rigor mortis to set in?

 

[lisab]

A hole was found in a wall at the nudist camp. The police are looking into it...

Someone broke into the police station overnight and stole all the toilet seats. The thief left no clues, and police have nothing to go on.

 

[Borek]

Anna should start to post in Relationship

 

[lisab]

What goes off, until you turn it off?

Spoiler

An alarm clock.

 

[rohitm95]

cow crossed the road

 

[Borek]

I am sitting naked with my iPod in the wardrobe in my GF room, her parents came home too early. What do I do?

Go deeper inside, there will be a detour through Narnia.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Picabo [Peekaboo] Street, the former World Cup alpine ski racer from the U.S., was fired from her new job as an ICU nurse, today. Why? When she answered the phone she would say, Picabo, ICU...

 

[dkotschessaa]

Picabo [Peekaboo] Street, the former World Cup alpine ski racer from the U.S., was fired from her new job as an ICU nurse, today. Why? When she answered the phone she would say, Picabo, ICU...