Collection of Lame Jokes

[Stavros Kiri]

The first of May stands for public holiday!

No, it's actually my birthday!

Also:

Edit: We basically use symbols and signs instead of written texts as in the US. Driving in the states has been pretty challenging, because one always had to squint: reading texts every five meters with your right eye, like reading a newspaper, and looking at the tachometer with your left, since speed limits in cities sometimes changed every 200 meters, depending on what kind of building or park there was: 30 - 15 - 45 - 15 - 25 etc. and always several lines of text! What a terrible, terrible way of driving.

I disagree. Reading (short texts) is easier than remembering a whole bunch of signs (you have to take extra tests for the latter). All you need to know is English (for the former).

That explains why foreign country (e.g. European) driver's licences are normally accepted in the US, but I think usually not vice versa ... (e.g. because Americans visiting other countries are not used to signs).

 

[fresh_42]

I disagree. Reading (short texts) is easier than remembering a whole bunch of signs (you have to take extra tests for the latter). All you need to know is English (for the former).

Nope.

1. Signs are faster to recognize. That's why we have icons and pictographs.
2. You need to be able to read in the first place! (Think of all the blind people!)
3. You need to be able to understand an eventually foreign language and its entire vocabulary (for you cannot know which words occur and which won't).
4. You need to be able to read fast, cause often there are a few lines to recognize and only seconds within sight. (I often missed the last line.)
5. There have been places with several signs in a row, which almost made it impossible to read all of them while still concentrating on traffic.

All of this is a consequence of the American attitude, that there are no foreigners at all in their country. (This is only my opinion based on my experiences visited a small US town - est. 200,000.)

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Nope.

1. ...
2. ...
3. ...
4. ...
5. ...

All of this is a consequence of the American attitude, that there are no foreigners at all in their country. (This is only my opinion based on my experiences visited a small US town - est. 200,000.)

1. We are talking about short basic texts ... vs signs that some (if you don't know them well) are vague and far from what they want to represent (not the obvious ones of course).
2. How would blind people read anyway? (on the road I mean). Plus nowdays most people read basic English, while not all drivers remember the signs and the e.g. 20 years ago tests ...
If you pay attention and use them you remember the signs of course, but I know many drivers that they never do ... (that's why we have accidents).
3. It's basic English (e.g. "No Turns") ... short and obvious usually.
4., 5. I partially agree, but sometimes similar problems with signs ...

In US most are foreigners ! (so to speak; if not first ... 2nd and 3rd generations). And, IMO, US people usually welcome foreigners, as long as they are legal ... (ethnic variety is broad anyway).

[But I don't want to stay off-topic anymore]

 

[mfb]

The important signs are very similar in most parts of the world. You have to learn them once, but that is no problem, and you don't forget how a stop sign looks like for example.

You know English, and you are used to the traffic signs - but that is not the only perspective that matters here. Imagine you go to Japan and all Japanese traffic signs would be in Japanese text only. Can you see an issue?

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

Blind people can't read a sign nor recognize the shape.

 

[Ibix]

What is yellow, linear, normed and complete?

A Bananach space!

You know the best thing about Bananachs? You can cut them up and reassemble them into two Bananachs...

 

[fresh_42]

Blind people can't read a sign nor recognize the shape.

Sure?

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

A couple of friends super glued a baby carrier onto the top of their car and went driving around LA. The cops weren't amused.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

The important signs are very similar in most parts of the world. You have to learn them once, but that is no problem, and you don't forget how a stop sign looks like for example.

You know English, and you are used to the traffic signs - but that is not the only perspective that matters here. Imagine you go to Japan and all Japanese traffic signs would be in Japanese text only. Can you see an issue?

Stop is obvious and the same in US. What about the sign "No parking or standing"? I always confuse it with the like ...

In the case you describe, in Japan, they would simply have you get a local driver's licence, or you wouldn't be allowed to drive. The same in most countries, despite the sign code. In USA, because most people around the world nowdays understand basic English, they allow foreign driver's licences, since the signs have no code (just read) and driving is in many ways simpler. If you don't speak English however you wouldn't want to drive, unless you passed a written test.

I think it's all very reasonable.

As far as English being a dominant language (and we accept that with ease in PF too), that's of course a totally different story! ...
[+, if there was an indeed universal "Earth" language, wouldn't it be easier to have short obvious texts than signs? Do a poll. Most drivers don't even know their signs (thus the accidents).]

 

[mfb]

This is the German sign for "no parking or stopping", various other countries use extremely similar signs.

In the case you describe, in Japan, they would simply have you get a local driver's licence, or you wouldn't be allowed to drive.

In other words: that would be more complicated than necessary.I think signs are better than written text even if everyone on Earth would speak the same native language. You can recognize them easier, from a longer distance, and with less distration from traffic. The most important signs (regulating who can drive first) all have different shapes so they are recognizable even if they are totally covered with snow, for example.

Most drivers don't even know their signs (thus the accidents)

I doubt there are many accidents due to people not knowing what street signs mean.

 

[EnumaElish]

Pretzel shop to the left?

Thought police on duty?

Heavy truck attracted to ladder?

 

[phinds]

View attachment 199883

This is the German sign for "no parking or stopping", various other countries use extremely similar signs.

AAAKKKKK ! To me that look like it means "DON'T DO ANYTHING. DON'T EVEN MOVE. WAIT HERE FOR THE POLICE TO SHOW UP !"

 

[Ibix]

AAAKKKKK ! To me that look like it means "DON'T DO ANYTHING. DON'T EVEN MOVE. WAIT HERE FOR THE POLICE TO SHOW UP !"

Well, if you do wait there and don't do anything the police will show up, so it looks like the message is getting through...

 

[fresh_42]

Just another side note: If you are used to a certain direction in roundabouts, and suddenly drive in a country, in which it is the other way around, you will certainly manage to deal with it. But a small blue sign with a white arrow to remind you, can be really, really helpful! I don't dare to think about a text written somewhere!

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

Ahem.

 

[fresh_42]

Spoiler: I cannot stress this enough. AI is getting more and more dangerous!

"Siri, still beer in the fridge?"
"Who gives a <peep>? Ask your new <peep> Alexa!"

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Just another side note: If you are used to a certain direction in roundabouts, and suddenly drive in a country, in which it is the other way around, you will certainly manage to deal with it. But a small blue sign with a white arrow to remind you, can be really, really helpful! I don't dare to think about a text written somewhere!

There are such signs in the US too. Alert signs and obvious situations still have both sign and text (just in case), trying that way to make driving more 'Common Sense'. (Unlike the "No parking or stopping" or the "priority road" sign). The idea being (IMO) that you want driving to be accessible and tangible to most people. (More people can read than are effectively able to memorize and apply over 40 signs or so)

But I admit that plain signs have many advantages too (especially visibility), providing they are used effectively.

However the problem is that most (or many) drivers do not pay attention to any signs!
Take a look, and count how many:

 

[DrClaude]

What is yellow, linear, normed and complete?

A Bananach space!

Certainly in the EU http://www.europarl.europa.eu/london/en/media/euromyths/bendybananas.html

 

[davenn]

sorry to my USA friends ... welllll maybe not

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

sorry to my USA friends ... welllll maybe not

View attachment 200149

That's okay, youu lout havue a probleum with "u", but it addus colour to youur versioun of the languague.

 

[Ibix]

sorry to my USA friends ... welllll maybe not

View attachment 200149

An excellent point!
<Leaps to feet, salutes, sings God Save the Queen>

 

[davenn]

An excellent point!
<Leaps to feet, salutes, sings God Save the Queen>

LOL I'm not a royalist ( am sure there's a better word) but they are basically an OK mob
their influence in the colonies, as here in Australia, these days is pretty much non-existant and we would be much better off being a republic
There have been several votes to the same over the years but they have yet to succeed

 

[davenn]

 

[mfb]

 

[Ibix]

LOL I'm not a royalist ( am sure there's a better word) but they are basically an OK mob

I just enjoyed caricaturing the kind of person I imagine might take the meme seriously. English is what the speakers mean by English, which includes dialects like American English and the Queen's English too.

Do you know the difference between a language and a dialect? A language is a dialect with an army and a navy.

 

[fresh_42]

Do you know the difference between a language and a dialect? A language is a dialect with an army and a navy.

So what is it, that the Scottish call English? I always have the greatest difficulties when following John Higgins in an interview. (Not that Ronnie would be so much better though ...)

 

[Ibix]

So what is it, that the Scottish call English?

I have trouble with thick Scottish accents. But I think Scottish English is just a dialect, although a fairly well developed one. Also, Scots may choose to throw in the odd word of Gaelic, just to keep you off balance I think.

I'm sure there are a few episodes of Rab C Nesbitt on YouTube if you want to hear a really strong Glaswegian accent. He's an exaggeration, but not much of one...

 

[fresh_42]

if you want to hear a really strong Glaswegian accent

Higgins interviews from time to time are enough, thanks. Sometimes I think, some words are closer to German than to English, esp. the pronunciation of vowels. I remember a radio interview with Amy Macdonald ... I still don't understand how the interviewer managed to understand her.

 

[Ibix]

Sometimes I think, some words are closer to German than to English, esp. the pronunciation of vowels.

Wouldn't surprise me. Before William the Conqueror invaded from the south east, the north of Britain was Viking and the south was Saxon. Both retreated north, and while the southern accents became influenced by the French spoken at court, the northern accents less so.

Or at least so I was told. I can't claim to be any kind of expert.

 

[fresh_42]

There's a highway to hell,
but only a stairway to heaven.

Guess, expectations are clear.

 

[Borg]

There's a highway to hell,
but only a stairway to heaven.

Guess, expectations are clear.

I guess that also explains why heaven has a gate and hell has a pit.

 

[Ibix]

There's a highway to hell,
but only a stairway to heaven.

Guess, expectations are clear.

Driving is evil? I guess God's gone green.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

What's so very special and unique about every Thursday, for all people around the world, no matter what ?

Spoiler

It's exactly when a week has passed since last Thursday and it's one day before Friday ...

 

[jtbell]

Today I drove past a beauty salon named "Curl Up & Dye".

 

[davenn]

Today I drove past a beauty salon named "Curl Up & Dye".

hahahaha ... ohhh dear

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

It's certainly a drug-free shelfspace.

 

[fresh_42]

What makes the Golden Gate Bridge really a modern wonder of the world?

Spoiler

It has been built in budget and in time!

 

[nuuskur]

 

[mfb]

You could sell a reliable cure for cancer for the same money people pay for a lifetime supply of cancer drugs today. And you would gain an instant monopoly.

 

[davenn]

 

[Stavros Kiri]

You could sell a reliable cure for cancer for the same money people pay for a lifetime supply of cancer drugs today. And you would gain an instant monopoly.

Any ideas? (What do you have in mind? LEM protein? / cf. ImmunarT Ltd. for monopoly)

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

But I think Scottish English is just a dialect, although a fairly well developed one.

Try finding "Edenborrow" on a map of Scotland. ;)

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

not sure I like the word exactly in this context, but ohh well

 

[Ibix]

Better: What do you call a snake that coils into a circle exactly 1m in diameter?

Of course, that's a metric πthon. Imperial πthons would also be possible.

 

[nuuskur]

Better: What do you call a snake that coils into a circle exactly 1m in diameter?

Of course, that's a metric πthon. Imperial πthons would also be possible.

Offtopic:
What about rebel $\pi$thons?

 

[Ibix]

Offtopic:
What about rebel $\pi$thons?

They coil into circles exactly 1m in diameter and 3m in circumference.

 

[sophiecentaur]

So any python could become a πthon - just by coiling itself into an exact circle.π

 

[Ibix]

Indeed. I believe we stand here on the cusp of a completely new system of reptile-based measurement. I'll post a paper on vixra shortly.