Collection of Lame Jokes

[jtbell]

Everybody uses their tellerphone.

Is that you, Jed?

 

[Klystron]

Is that you, Jed?

Old Jed? as in:

Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named Jed,
A poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed.
And then one day he was shootin' at some food
And up through the ground come a bubblin' through:

Oil, that is. Black gold. Texas tea...

"Ballad of Jed Clampett" by Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs.

 

[jtbell]

Yep, that Jed, who goes to see Mr. Drysdale at his bank if necessary.

 

[Ibix]

Old Jed?

Yep, that Jed

Thank you - wasn't familiar with the reference.

 

[jtbell]

"Ballad of Jed Clampett" by Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs.

I've passed the Earl Scruggs Center (the former Cleveland County courthouse) in Shelby NC a few times, but I've never visited it. In a couple of weeks I might have the opportunity to do it.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Klystron]

Yep, that Jed, who goes to see Mr. Drysdale at his bank if necessary.

Old Jed was a gentleman in the original sense. Visiting Mister Drysdale at the bank was polite cover for basking in Miss Jane's unflagging infatuation with male Clampetts. "Shucks!".

 

[jbriggs444]

"Ballad of Jed Clampett" by Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs.

"Up through the ground come a bubblin' crude"

It makes the next line work.

 

[berkeman]

 

[fresh_42]

Doc: "How much do you drink?"
Me: "Say 5 to six."
Doc: "5-6 is totally fine in a week."
Me: "Oh, in a week. Then about 30."
Doc: "30 beers a week are a few too many."
Me: "Beer counts, too?"

 

[DennisN]

 

[phinds]

Ah, the circle of life.

 

[dextercioby]

Mona Litha

 

[berkeman]

Mona Litha

LOL, with the recent passing of George Foreman, it took me a few seconds to figure this one out.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

" You said you were a hair stylist!"
" Yes, at the Dog shelter".

 

[WWGD]

New display at the Ohio Museum of Geology:
" Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks!"

 

[DaveC426913]

Doctor: "And how often do you exercise?"
Me: "Three times."
Doctor: "What? Three times a week? Three times a month?"
Me: "I said what I said."



Doctor: "OK, it looks like you need to make some lifestyle changes."
Me: "Easy! For, like, how long? A week? A month?"

 

[davenn]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

The caption seems rather harsh. The "Welcome" sign is printed upside down and backwards but not in "mirror writing". I assume it is a deliberate joke since the stack of WELCOME mats are also displayed upside down, as mats frequently appear on doorsteps.

So, take it with a grain of salt, tongue in cheek, a minor joke, an attempt at humor, quirky and risible, but not a harbinger of end days. ;-)

My friend Mathew was a greeter at Walmart. He was a welcome Matt.

 

[Borg]

Depending on the customer, he could also be a door Matt.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[nuuskur]

Constipation

 

[WWGD]

Depending on the customer, he could also be a door Matt.

Or if gows to wash his clothes, he'll be a Laundry Matt.

 

[Klystron]

Or if gows to wash his clothes, he'll be a Laundry Matt.

It doesn't really Matt-er,
How much he splash and splatt-er.

 

[256bits]

AI is taking over his job. It will be called Auto Matt Ic.

 

[fresh_42]

If you want to get really surprised then order 1kg Matt in a German butcher shop.

 

[DaveC426913]

Enlighten me.

 

[Klystron]

View attachment 358907



Enlighten me.

Agree. The closest I came is the now discredited economist Arthur Laffer. It sort of, kind of, sounds like "half a" but still not very funny.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_Laffer