Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

Agree. The closest I came is the now discredited economist Arthur Laffer. It sort of, kind of, sounds like "half a" but still not very funny.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_Laffer

Maybe "rather".

 

[Klystron]

Maybe "rather".

We could rewrite the original list of employee names:

Arthur - our best tech writer (author).
Bob - makes great fishing lures
Crystal -- very fragile.
Mary - always planning weddings.
Norm - an average employee.
...

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 358907



Enlighten me.

Arthur -> Arfur -> 'alf a -> half a

 

[berkeman]

Arthur -> Arfur -> 'alf a -> half a

Arthur -> Art her -> Mona Lisa -> half a smile

 

[WWGD]

We could rewrite the original list of employee names:

Arthur - our best tech writer (author).
Bob - makes great fishing lures
Crystal -- very fragile.
Mary - always planning weddings.
Norm - an average employee.
...

" He's such great cook, everyone calls him Alberto". Let's do a social experiment to repeat, spread these around see if they stick in the long run.

 

[WWGD]

If you're not too hungry, just have a half a Halvah.

 

[fresh_42]

We could rewrite the original list of employee names:

Arthur - our best tech writer (author).
Bob - makes great fishing lures
Crystal -- very fragile.
Mary - always planning weddings.
Norm - an average employee.
...

How about completing the alphabet?

Duck - cannot be found
Elliot - el idiot
Frank - has nothing to do
German - too accurate
Hank - picks up the phone and leaves
Ivan - does terrible jobs
John - nobody knows him
Kevin - always complains about the temperature
Lavender - smells good
...
...
Oscar - trashy desk
Pat - comes with his dog
Quentin - his work cannot be measured
Ralph - disgusting
Samson - our strongest employee
Tom - sounds like a drum
... <I need more time for the rest>

 

[Klystron]

How about completing the alphabet?

Duck - cannot be found
Elliot - el idiot
Frank - has nothing to do
German - too accurate
Hank - picks up the phone and leaves
Ivan - does terrible jobs
John - nobody knows him
Kevin - always complains about the temperature
Lavender - smells good
...
...
Oscar - trashy desk
Pat - comes with his dog
Quentin - his work cannot be measured
Ralph - disgusting
Samson - our strongest employee
Tom - sounds like a drum
... <I need more time for the rest>

Urban - very citified
Victor/Victoria - Employee of the Month
Wolfram - hard as steel
Xi - too exotic
Yetl -- too argumentative
Zed - always last on every list

 

[WWGD]

Urban - very citified
Victor/Victoria - Employee of the Month
Wolfram - hard as steel
Xi - too exotic
Yetl -- too argumentative
Zed - always last on every list

Del/Nabla-Deriving anything he runs into.

 

[WWGD]

I have a yen for Japanese food.

 

[WWGD]

I have a yen for Japanese food.

Guess it won't buy me much.

 

[Klystron]

I have a yen for Japanese food.

So, you've soured on that all citrus diet?

 

[Klystron]

I have a yen for Japanese food.

I have a hankering for Hungarian food. But 10 minutes later I'm hungry again.

 

[WWGD]

I have a hankering for Hungarian food. But 10 minutes later I'm hungry again.

To the waiter: " I just came back from Budapest".
" Hung(a)ry ?"
" Yes, please give me today's special."

 

[fresh_42]

I have a hankering for Hungarian food. But 10 minutes later I'm hungry again.

I will never understand why an entire stated demands to be taxed.

 

[WWGD]

Why doesn't anyone ever ask _ who_ is Waldo?

 

[berkeman]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 358914

I often wonder, other than obvious traits like color of the dog , Edit: size/weight, and breed, how can you tell two dogs appart? They all look the same to me.

 

[fresh_42]

No huddle corner!

 

[Klystron]

I often wonder, other than obvious traits like color of the dog , Edit: size/weight, and breed, how can you tell two dogs appart? They all look the same to me.

Yes, must be Matt's mutt.

Have you been in a foreign land without much fancy dog breeding? I ask because the dog in the above picture reminds of a "basic" or natural mutt common throughout rural Asia and Middle East. They are commonly colored yellow, brown and white with medium build.

 

[WWGD]

Yes, must be Matt's mutt.

Have you been in a foreign land without much fancy dog breeding? I ask because the dog in the above picture reminds of a "basic" or natural mutt common throughout rural Asia and Middle East. They are commonly colored yellow, brown and white with medium build.

Well, tbf, I also have the unfortunate trait of having trouble remembering human faces. So not sure.

 

[Ibix]

Well, tbf, I also have the unfortunate trait of having trouble remembering human faces. So not sure.

I have the opposite problem - an excellent memory for everything except names. Every so often I bump into a colleague I haven't seen for years. I recognise them and I can usually remember where I worked with them enough to have a casual conversation in the corridor, but can I remember their names...? The number of times I've ended up finishing the conversation with "good to see you... er... mate" is getting embarrassing.

I usually recall their names about half an hour later.

 

[fresh_42]

My God, how fast was he going?

 

[WWGD]

I have the opposite problem - an excellent memory for everything except names. Every so often I bump into a colleague I haven't seen for years. I recognise them and I can usually remember where I worked with them enough to have a casual conversation in the corridor, but can I remember their names...? The number of times I've ended up finishing the conversation with "good to see you... er... mate" is getting embarrassing.

I usually recall their names about half an hour later.

I feel your pain, ..., er, Apex was it?

 

[berkeman]

 

[Klystron]

Well, tbf, I also have the unfortunate trait of having trouble remembering human faces. So not sure.

Do not despair. After a head injury in 2000 my brain "recognized" almost every passing face, making walking through an airport quite interesting. This passed after a few months. Forgetting names persists but that is relatively common.

I try to look on the bright side. Everybody looked like a friend.

 

[256bits]

Meanwhile, in an alternative universe, on another world.

Most recent guidelines:
1. All sleep must be 8 hours straight. No more 8 hours gay.
2. Seeing the rise in measle cases, and possible bird flu crossover, it is recommended that you and in your family receive a third leach booster.

 

[Arjan82]

Zed - always last on every list

Oh, but Zed's dead baby... Zed's dead...

 

[WWGD]

Do not despair. After a head injury in 2000 my brain "recognized" almost every passing face, making walking through an airport quite interesting. This passed after a few months. Forgetting names persists but that is relatively common.

I try to look on the bright side. Everybody looked like a friend.

Strangely, though, I do remember all sorts of other minutia with little if any problem. Just not faces.