Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

I applied for tenure as a student. From the Peter Pan Scholarship Fund.

 

[mjc123]

View attachment 362108

Wagner's Ring in a nutshell.

 

[WWGD]

Wagner's Ring in a nutshell.

How did it get in there?

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 362136

As we speak of practical tips for everyday life: If you garden naked, your neighbors will build you a fence!

 

[WWGD]

As we speak of practical tips for everyday life: If you garden naked, your neighbors will build you a fence!

Unless it's an attractive female.

 

[pinball1970]

Wait, isn't this supposed to be a humor thread?

Titan was not funny at all but the graph is a darkish kind of a way. Very darkish.

 

[pinball1970]

Sorry if a repost.View attachment 362044

Also dark! But funny!

 

[jack action]

If you're worried about your microwave collecting data or your TV spying on you ...

Just remember - Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

 

[DaveC426913]

Just showed up on my FB Community wall.
It's a dangerous world out there....

 

[fresh_42]

If you're worried about your microwave collecting data or your TV spying on you ...

Just remember - Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

If you think there is no hope anymore, think of the lobsters in the aquarium of the Titanic.

 

[DennisN]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 362152

See also this old Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal comic

 

[DrGreg]

View attachment 362152

How can we trust driverless cars if they can't recognise traffic lights?

 

[topsquark]

How can we trust driverless cars if they can't recognise traffic lights?

Heck, many human drivers can't recognize traffic lights....

-Dan

 

[fresh_42]

My colleague received a puppy as a gift. Unfortunately, her husband is allergic, so he has to go. He's friendly, his name is Tom, he's 26 years old, and weighs 89 kg. If you're interested, please let me know!

 

[Demystifier]

It is well known that $1+2+3+4+5+\cdots =−\frac{1}{12}$, which contradicts the fact $1+2+3+4+5+\cdots$ is positive. Since contradiction implies anything, it implies that Goldbach conjecture is true. Q.E.D.

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

My date wanted to go to the toilet but left through the front door. How stupid can you be?

 

[fresh_42]

British Airways Flight Announcement:
Captain: "Ladies and gentlemen, weather’s clear- just relax and... OH MY GOD!"
[Dead silence]
Captain: "Apologies! A flight attendant just spilled coffee on my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
Irish Passenger from the Back:
"FOR THE LUVVA JAYSUS, YOU SHOULD SEE THE BACK O’ MINE!"

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

Dad, did you know that in some countries, a man doesn't know a woman until after the wedding?
That's true in every country, my son, in every one.

 

[berkeman]

 

[Ibix]

No man is an island,
Entire of itself;
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
If you're in the bath, 'tis the doorbell for thee.

 

[davenn]

Dad, did you know that in some countries, a man doesn't know a woman until after the wedding?
That's true in every country, my son, in every one.

so very true !!

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

What's the name of that place where people fall asleep during long meetings?

The bored room.