Collection of Lame Jokes

[jtbell]

Who here has an insufferable inner adolescent? I know I do !

If you have one, it will love this site.

http://maps.geotastic.org/rude/

I'm surprised it doesn't mention the scenic French Broad of North Carolina and Tennessee.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I'm surprised it doesn't mention the scenic French Broad of North Carolina and Tennessee.

I was there last year.
French Broad Baptist Church.

 

[Borek]

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr01/2012/11/30/12/anigif_enhanced-buzz-7145-1354298200-1.gif

 

[PhysicsDad]

Why do they have fences around graveyards?
Because people are just dying to get in there!

 

[OmCheeto]

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr01/2012/11/30/12/anigif_enhanced-buzz-7145-1354298200-1.gif

I think I will invest in companies that make Toilet Paper and Power Paint Rollers.

That was not lame at all.

 

[HeLiXe]

I think I will invest in companies that make Toilet Paper and Power Paint Rollers.

That was not lame at all.

lol it just goes to show...no matter how pretty you are, some people will still treat you like solid waste.

 

[OmCheeto]

Ahhhh! More Flashbacks!

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/559709_556331331054549_279176926_n.jpg​

One of my facebook friends posted the following this morning:

Today my sweet little angle turns 9, Happy Birthday Ty!

My response:

He's acute little angle. :)

Aug20-11, 10:21 AM

 

[PhysicsDad]

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: GPS malfunction.

Was he using Apple Maps?

 

[mathsman1963]

Why are stupid owls always single?
They don't have the wit to woo.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

And yet they have with what to who.

 

[PhysicsDad]

Reminds me of:

Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat mama's orbiting around her.

Yo mama so fat she collapsed into a singularity, thus causing the first "earth based" black hole!

 

[jtbell]

Yo mama so fat she collapsed into a singularity,

that sucked the whole universe into it, so now we're all living inside her!

 

[trollcast]

that sucked the whole universe into it, so now we're all living inside her!

But then those pesky mathematician overlords defined her insides to actually be the outside so mass panic didn't occur across the globe.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

A man walks into a bar and sits down. Pretty soon he hear's a muted, high-pitched voice, which says, "You're very handome". The man looked around but couldn't figure out who said it. A moment later he hears the voice again. "You're awesome!" Again the man looked around but saw no one. And again he heard it; "You're a classy guy!". But this time the man could determine the source of the voice. It was coming from a bowl of peanuts sitting on the bar! So he called the bartender over and exclaimed, "Bartender, these peanuts are talking to me!" "Really? What did they say?" asked the bartender. "Well they said I'm handsome, awesome, and classy", the man replied. "Oh yes" said the bartender, "the peanuts are complimentary".

 

[OmCheeto]

too tired to type...

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/549254_561363640551318_1024119333_n.jpg​

zzzzzzz...

 

[PhysicsDad]

When I was growing up, my dad treated us like gold... Every time he wanted something, he just yelled Au! (Aye you!) ;)

 

[OmCheeto]

Yo mama so fat she collapsed into a singularity, thus causing the first "earth based" black hole!

There's a joke somewhere in that title. I know there's a lame joke. Something about uranium, critical mass, a fat mama...

Or perhaps, just an after dinner mint...

conservation of mom. explosion

 

[trollcast]

There are two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

 

[PhysicsDad]

There are two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

And those who don't understand this joke...

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I don't understand it either. There doesn't seem to be enough information in it.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

They hit me with pepper spray and then mustard gas. Now I'm a seasoned veteran.

I drink brake fluid, but I'm not addicted. I can stop any time.

I went to the general store and said I wanted to buy something. They said I should be more specific.

 

[Drakkith]

I drink brake fluid, but I'm not addicted. I can stop any time.

Oh god...it burns...deep in my brain thing...

 

[Borg]

They hit me with pepper spray and then mustard gas. Now I'm a seasoned veteran.

Did you get fresh with the Spice Girls?

 

[collinsmark]

I drink brake fluid, but I'm not addicted. I can stop any time.

That reminds me of Skank and Gutterboy for some reason.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaswLSmNxec

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4pE_0h7LUg

 

[jtbell]

Top Ten Reasons to play the Bassoon.

10. Some people consider it a phallic symbol
9. You can blow up a balloon by attaching it to the bell.
8. It makes a great kendo stick.
7. It can be used as a cattle prod.
6. The big end works great as a shop vac.
5. If you’ve lost your bong, you have it made.
4. If you cross an onion with a bassoon, you get music that brings tears to your eyes.
3. It works great as a crutch.
2. If you put the big end up against the wall, you can hear what the people in the other room are saying.
.
.
.
1. It looks awesome on the gun rack of your pickup.

 

[AlephZero]

Top Ten Reasons to play the Bassoon.

Ordinary bassoons are for wimps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZygC1yff04

Warning: sometimes the hunt in packs. And beware of the the uncoiled "RPG lauucher" design on the right...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YM0uB7HRqGA

 

[jtbell]

At 35 minutes, Kalevi Aho's contrabassoon concerto is definitely no joke!

 

[HeLiXe]

They hit me with pepper spray and then mustard gas. Now I'm a seasoned veteran.

I drink brake fluid, but I'm not addicted. I can stop any time.

I went to the general store and said I wanted to buy something. They said I should be more specific.

aw man...these are all so great
well the veteran one maybe is a little...un-sacred

 

[lisab]

I'd hate to choke to death on a Life Saver.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I'd hate to choke to death on a Life Saver.

No kidding! Instead of struggling to get help, you'd just be lying there considering the irony.