Collection of Lame Jokes

[Borg]

Let themselves go from where?

Letting oneself go is an idiom that means to not care about your weight.

 

[ISamson]

Letting oneself go is an idiom that means to not care about your weight.

Thanks.

 

[jtbell]

Did you hear about the band of cannibals who captured the Lord of the Jungle? Afterwards, their feasts became insufferable because they insisted on playing the Tarzan's tripes forever.

 

[stoomart]

Did you hear about the band of cannibals who captured the Lord of the Jungle? Afterwards, their feasts became insufferable because they insisted on playing the Tarzan's tripes forever.

That one’s a stretch.

 

[Ibix]

That one’s a stretch.

Stretched over a soundbox, presumably.

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

That one’s a stretch.

Didn't strike a cord with me either.

 

[256bits]

Didn't strike a cord with me either.

Although, the percussionists did take a lot of ribbing.

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

"With this new App on your smartphone you can pretend you were at home!"
"Great. May I see the office version?"

 

[davenn]

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

I asked about the NSA once, and was told there is No Such Agency.

 

[Ibix]

Before judging someone, first walk a mile in their shoes.

That way you're a mile ahead and you've got their shoes.

 

[Ibix]

I asked about the NSA once, and was told there is No Such Agency.

But there Clearly Is A Fairly Big Item in the budget for it.

 

[fresh_42]

I asked about the NSA once, and was told there is No Such Agency.

I had a phone call this morning with my friend. I placed a lot of crucial words in it, you know, bomb, Jihad and some more of this kind. What shall I say. It's fall, the potatoes, cucumbers, onions and carrots are all harvested, and someone had to dig the garden ...

 

[Ibix]

I had a phone call this morning with my friend. I placed a lot of crucial words in it, you know, bomb, Jihad and some more of this kind. What shall I say. It's fall, the potatoes, cucumbers, onions and carrots are all harvested, and someone had to dig the garden ...

See also waaaay back on page 8

 

[Stavros Kiri]

I had a phone call this morning with my friend. I placed a lot of crucial words in it, you know, bomb, Jihad and some more of this kind. What shall I say. It's fall, the potatoes, cucumbers, onions and carrots are all harvested, and someone had to dig the garden ...

"They" always do a great job too! Guaranteed. (I hope the rest of the people here realize the answer to the question "Who's "They"?" ...)

 

[davenn]

yikeessss ... think I would be getting off the plane, knowing that !

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

"How did the argument end that you had with her last night?"
"Oh, it ended up with her on her knees, robbing towards me!"
"Wow! What did she say?"
"You cannot hide forever under the table, coward!"

 

[mfb]

Just 366 options for the password, how bad can it be?

 

[Borg]

Just 366 options for the password, how bad can it be?

Unless he doesn't remember the year either.

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

This is why I got married on Valentine's Day. The whole sexual-organs-of-plants industry reminded me every year.

 

[fresh_42]

This is why I got married on Valentine's Day. The whole sexual-organs-of-plants industry reminded me every year.

Lol, me, too. But only because an appointment on Friday 2/13 wasn't available. But it didn't help anyway.

 

[DrGreg]

...an appointment on Friday 2/13 wasn't available.

Of course not. There's no such date as 2nd Undecember.

 

[Charles Link]

(I learned a new word today on PF. It was used in another discussion. I hadn't paid close attention to the news when President Donald Trump first invented the word. I had to google it to see where it came from). $\\$ I would like a cup of "covfefe". LOL :)

 

[davenn]

The force is strong with this one

 

[Ibix]

The force is strong with this one

View attachment 213340

Hmmmm.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat_sìth

 

[davenn]

Hmmmm.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat_sìth

wow, I didn't even know that the word "sith" was a word outside of star wars

 

[Ibix]

wow, I didn't even know that the word "sith" was a word outside of star wars

I found out about it from a serious academic source, and was similarly surprised. I don't know if it's just chance or if Lucas was aware of the myths.

 

[davenn]

I don't know if it's just chance or if Lucas was aware of the myths.

He is a very bright guy, wouldn't surprise me if he was well aware of the myth

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

Big Mitichlorians would like to remind everyone that there is no such thing as a "sith".

 

[256bits]

... fyifth, sith, sevfinth, ...

 

[256bits]

Halloween coming up.
The witch, invited to a party,
"Sure. I'll come over for a spell."

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

Halloween coming up.
The witch, invited to a party,
"Sure. I'll come over for a spell."

I love Halloween, it's the old day of the year nobody stares at me.

 

[davenn]

but using a backhoe is more efficient

 

[mfb]

Isn't a deeper hole easier to find?;)

 

[Ibix]

Isn't a deeper hole easier to find?

That's easy - dig a bigger hole to bury the first hole in.

 

[OCR]

- dig a bigger hole to bury the first hole in.

Can you really do that ?? ...

⍻ ... Oh my, wait ! !

You can't keep digging a whole hole, hole... after you hit the first turtle ! ! .

 

[Noisy Rhysling]

Can you really do that ?? ...


View attachment 213733 ⍻ ... Oh my, wait ! !

You can't keep digging a whole hole, hole... after you hit the first turtle ! ! .

What shell we do then?

 

[Ibix]

What shell we do then?

Something turtley different, of course.

 

[stoomart]

Knock knock...who’s there?

Dishes...dishes who?

Dishes Sean Connery.

 

[256bits]

Doctor to patient: I am going to tell you something that is difficult to say.
Patient awaiting the bad news: OK. Doc.
Doctor: She sells sea shells by the sea shore.

 

[OCR]

...something that is difficult to say.

Try this one... lol

" Tie twine to three tree twigs... "

 

[AlexCaledin]

 

[fresh_42]

I've seen so many Schrödinger jokes, that I don't know whether to laugh or not anymore.

 

[davenn]

View attachment 213868View attachment 213869

more goodies, but you should have put them in the science joke thread

 

[Stavros Kiri]

I don't know whether to laugh or not anymore

Superposition would do just fine ...

 

[DaveC426913]

Try this one... lol
" Tie twine to three tree twigs... "

The sixth sick shiek's sixth sheep's sick.

 

[fresh_42]

Superposition would do just fine ...

I wonder whether this is infectious. I recognized today that my telephone pretends to ring when called, but actually does not ring. And of course this state of superposition couldn't be observed by a single measurement.

 

[OCR]

The sixth sick shiek's sixth sheep's sick.

That's probably the worst one there is... I've never made it through without a mess up... never ! . One more... lolEsau Wood would saw wood... the wood Esau Wood saw, Esau Wood would saw... all the wood Esau saw to saw, Esau sought to saw. One day, Wood's wood saw would saw no wood, thus the wood Wood sawed was not the wood Wood would saw if Wood's wood saw would saw wood. Wood would saw wood with a wood saw that would saw wood, so Esau sought a saw that would saw wood.

Esau saw a saw saw wood no other wood saw Wood saw would saw wood... of all the wood saws Wood saw saw wood, Wood never saw a wood saw that would saw wood as the wood saw Wood saw saw wood would saw wood...

Now Wood saws wood with the wood saw Wood saw saw wood...

Esau Wood


Want more ?

" Well, do you...? " Eastwood, in Dirty Harry

... .