Collection of Lame Jokes

[OCR]

Don't forget his sister... De. . .

 

[DrGreg]

That reminds me of the armed robber, whose relatives were all armed police officers.

He died recently, surrounded by his family.Joke credit: Milton Jones

 

[Drakkith]

Don't forget his sister... De. . .

De Burr?

 

[OCR]

De Burr?

.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Are these jokes?

 

[Drakkith]

@OCR I'm not sure I get it.

Are these jokes?

The are absolutely most likely possibly jokes.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

possibly

Potentially, in a modal sense, there's a chance that everything could likely, probably, be a joke to somebody, at some point with a certain probability corroborated against to/versus a certain degree of certainty, providing also, at that particular moment, that the particular person actually really gets the joke ... !
[And I have no clue for the ~ last 7 posts ... but that's ok ... it's still fun! ...]

 

[OCR]

OCR I'm not sure I get it.

Yes, it's lame... .

 

[davenn]

another reason why ...

 

[Ibix]

another reason why ...

View attachment 221901

Yeah. They really need another stepladder cable-tied (!) to the side so it can lean against the back wall, for lateral stability.

 

[Mark44]

A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender: "Why the long face?"

 

[DrGreg]

A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender: "Why the long face?"

White Horse: "Because I'm fed up with all the other bartenders saying there's a whisky named after me. It's all fake news! There's no whisky called 'Eric'!"

 

[OCR]

Yeah. They really need another stepladder cable-tied (!) to the side so it can lean against the back wall, for lateral stability.

Lol...

.

 

[davenn]

Lol...

View attachment 221953

.

holy crap!

 

[jack action]

another reason why ...

View attachment 221901

Lol...

View attachment 221953

.

This is all amateur stuff:

​

 

[gmax137]

They showed us this one in safety training at work. The caption is, can you spot anything that they are doing right?

 

[fresh_42]

They showed us this one in safety training at work. The caption is, can you spot anything that they are doing right?

View attachment 221979

Yep, the man who took the picture has been probably sufficiently far away. But in the picture: nothing at all, but the what's-wrong-list is pretty long.

 

[BillTre]

Well, no one is directly under the elevated load (something I learned working on ships).

 

[Aarav]

Man: Your makeup isn't looking good.
Woman: I haven't put any makeup today.
Man: Your Genetic Makeup.

 

[Ibix]

Well, no one is directly under the elevated load (something I learned working on ships).

Also, I think there are "this way up" arrows on the boxes which are pointing up. They're probably filled with boxes with arrows pointing down...

 

[Ibix]

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. It's swaying and wobbling around, obviously not well, and suddenly keels over dead on the floor. The man quickly turns round to leave, and the barman calls after him: "Hey - you can't leave that lying on the floor like that!" And the man says: "It's a giraffe, not a lion!"

 

[osilmag]

What do you call a dumb atom?

A Boron.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

This is from another thread (I couldn't help not bringing it in Lame Jokes):

One day, Fred noticed that the faucet in his kitchen sink was leaking, so he called a plumber to come fix his faucet.

When Joe the plumber arrived, he inspected the scene, and began taking the faucet apart. After about 20 minutes, the plumber replaced a couple of faucet washers, and put the faucet back together. Joe then presented his bill to Fred.

Fred: "What, $2000 for less than a half hour of work! That's outrageous! I'm a medical doctor, and even I don't make that much money!"

Joe replied, "Yeah, I didn't either when I was a doctor, so I took up plumbing."

 

[Mark44]

In post #4407...

another reason why ...

This actually doesn't look all that unsafe to me, provided that the smaller (blue) ladder is firmly attached to the long ladder. Most of the man's weight would be directed down the long ladder, and a small fraction of it would be the horizontal component directed to the side via the blue ladder. With someone at the bottom to keep the long ladder from slipping sideways, the system would be pretty stable, IMO.

Unlike the ladder on the truck held up by 2 x 4's (post #4411) or the forklift holding a second forklift in post #4414.

 

[davenn]

continuing the ladder theme...

 

[fresh_42]

If life gives you a lemon ...

Spoiler

... ask for salt and tequila!

I've bought lemons to fight the flu ...

Spoiler

... hope the tequila works.

 

[Ibix]

Drat. Didn't see this thread until berkeman had closed it: https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/weird-circuit-board-with-only-resistors.942401/#post-5961160
D'you think if I PM him he'd reopen it so I could post an "it's futile" joke?

 

[fresh_42]

Drat. Didn't see this thread until berkeman had closed it: https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/weird-circuit-board-with-only-resistors.942401/#post-5961160
D'you think if I PM him he'd reopen it so I could post an "it's futile" joke?

It's only closed, can't you just copy what you need and post it, e.g. under Science Jokes?

 

[Ibix]

continuing the ladder theme...

View attachment 222212

As with many posts on this thread, although for slightly different reasons, I'm not sure the "like" button is strictly appropriate for this...

 

[fresh_42]

As with many posts on this thread, although for slightly different reasons, I'm not sure the "like" button is strictly appropriate for this...

At least it contains a lot of physics: force diagrams, centre of gravity, stable and unstable equilibrium, torque to come, and in the last one also short circuits, free fall.

 

[Ibix]

It's only closed, can't you just copy what you need and post it, e.g. under Science Jokes?

Nah, that one definitely belonged on this thread. Anyway, you shouldn't let Borg jokes spread across more than one thread. Sci-fi techno-zombies can be hard to get rid of once they're dug in.

 

[Ibix]

and in the last one also short circuits

Yes, I was wondering about those cables in the foreground too. Power or telephone, do you think?

 

[fresh_42]

My guess is power lines, because they are so many of them and rather thick, but I'm not very experienced. Both are underground here.

 

[fresh_42]

Root beers are far better if drunk from a square mug!

 

[davenn]

As with many posts on this thread, although for slightly different reasons, I'm not sure the "like" button is strictly appropriate for this...

At least it contains a lot of physics: force diagrams, centre of gravity, stable and unstable equilibrium, torque to come, and in the last one also short circuits, free fall.

if you have never done it, and want some entertainment, google "ladder fails" the images and video clips are ... well OH&S would have a heart attack hahaha

 

[Psinter]

StackOverflowException

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 222308

StackOverflowException

That joke is impossible to understand without first understanding the joke in #4434.

 

[fresh_42]

That joke is impossible to understand without first understanding the joke in #4434.

This joke is a member of the genus canis. The species is called Canis Lupus Infinitus. Another reason to prefer members of Felis.

 

[jtbell]

Root beers are far better if drunk from a square mug!

But cube mugs hold more.

 

[mfb]

Only if the mug is larger than one.

 

[Ibix]

Only if the mug is larger than one.

True. But square mugs can only hold beer that's gone flat.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Only if the mug is larger than one.

It's always larger than one [other mug ...] ...

True. But square mugs can only hold beer that's gone flat.

Beer always goes "flat" in our 3 dimensional Euclidean flat space ...

Conclusion: fresh.. [beer] is [always] right! ...

 

[fresh_42]

True. But square mugs can only hold beer that's gone flat.

But you won't get rid of the root.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

But you won't get rid of the root.

That's ok. We like roots. They are so radical! ...

 

[Ibix]

But you won't get rid of the root.

What, with a cubic mug? Don't I end up with a beer and a root beer?

 

[Borg]

I've been rooting around the last few threads looking for a decently lame joke. Unfortunately, I don't see much to root for and I'm not sure what's at the root of the problem.

 

[DrGreg]

These jokes about roots are getting ab-surd.

 

[jtbell]

Mr. Shakespeare was trying to decide whether to have potatoes for dinner:

"Tuber or not tuber, that is the question."

 

[Borg]

Did you hear about the glue that's used to hold train whistles in place?

Spoiler

It's called tootpaste.

 

[davenn]