Collection of Lame Jokes

[jtbell]

Who is the head of Teheran's parking enforcement squad?

The I'll-a-tow-yah.

 

[OmCheeto]

You can't run through a campground.
You can only ran.

Because it's past tents.

 

[lisab]

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat?

Because if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat.

 

[DaveC426913]

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat?

Because if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat.

Gonna use this one on my next dive. :)

 

[OmCheeto]

Gonna use this one on my next dive. :)

These are supposed to be lame jokes.
I laughed so hard, picturing people in scuba gear falling forward into the boat.

 

[jtbell]

What did Linda see when she took her cat to the beach on Christmas Eve?

Spoiler

Sandy claws.

 

[PWiz]

Why can't you play dubsteps aboard the ISS?

Because you can't "drop" the bass.

 

[OmCheeto]

Rumour hath it, that there ith a ferry at the end of thith avenue.

 

[jtbell]

2th Avenue is the perfect address for a dentist's office.

 

[OCR]

2th Avenue is the perfect address for a dentist's office.

Lol, not bad...

 

[nuuskur]

What is claustrophobia?
It's the fear of closed spaces, like when you are going to the shop for some booze, but are afraid that the shop is closed.

 

[DaveC426913]

The main function of the propeller on a plane is to cool the pilot.

If the propeller stops, you'll see him start to sweat.

 

[FeDeX_LaTeX]

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

 

[jtbell]

Have you ever heard of zebra baseball?

Three stripes and you're out.

 

[jtbell]

What's the biggest kind of fish in Panama?

Spoiler

Lox.

 

[Isaacsname]

Anybody in here lose a cat ?

 

[Isaacsname]

What do you call a Donkey with three legs ?

A Wonkey

 

[jtbell]

Where do ghosts, goblins and zombies go for a cruise on Halloween?

Spoiler

The Eerie Canal.

 

[Isaacsname]

Fair enough, I can see I need to up the... bar

Venus Jupiter and Mars walk into a bar

The bartender says; " why the long face Jupiter ? "

Jupiter turns to the bartender after looking at his compatriots and says; " I've got 63 little ones running circles around me day in day out, which by the way is only about 9 hours. No one ever talks about my rings like they do some other planets. I've had the same red spot on my bottom side for about 350 years, and every planet says " I have an icy cold metal heart "

" Do you have any other brilliant questions ? "

The bartender turns to Mars and Venus and says "I would have guessed it was the elongated orbital period." Venus and Mars both chuckle as Jupiter stares at the bartender with disdain

 

[DaveC426913]

I walked into a library and asked for a book on Pavlov's Dog and Schrödinger's Cat.

The librarian said "The name rings a bell but I don't know if we have it or not."

 

[Isaacsname]

I heard it was Schrödinger's litter box that presented more of a problem

 

[Borg]

Only if he looked.

 

[jtbell]

What kind of music does a zombie banjo band play on Halloween?

Spoiler

Boograss.

 

[Isaacsname]

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

Not half as bad as the mathematician who couldn't make it to the restroom in time

He had to use the floor function

 

[nuuskur]

Not half as bad as the mathematician who couldn't make it to the restroom in time

He had to use the floor function

Jesus christ! :D

 

[Isaacsname]

Jesus christ! :D

told you I'd be back :P

 

[PWiz]

Why can't bicycles stand on their own?
It's because they're two tired.

 

[PWiz]

Why did the computer crash?

It's driver was going too fast.

 

[JorisL]

Some of the high school textbooks around here are called Quark.
So when some other students (teaching degree) were considering ordering a set of those I couldn't help myself.

I had to ask if you could get them separately. They probably didn't get it.
Could've asked if they were in colour now I think about it.

 

[jtbell]

What do you call a fear of fat men with white beards, wearing red suits?

Spoiler

Claustrophobia