Collection of Lame Jokes

[mfb]

The number of zeros is not in the 0.0001% that is controlled.

 

[Psinter]

That's 10^-8, not 10^-6.

For the sake of me, I don't get it. Is this a lame joke continuation?

Spoiler

Because this table told me what is micro.

 

[OmCheeto]

For the sake of me, I don't get it. Is this a lame joke continuation?

Spoiler

Because this table told me what is micro.

Ah ha!
That darn % sign will put you off by two orders of magnitude, if you're not careful.

x% = x/100

 

[Psinter]

Ah ha!
That darn % sign will put you off by two orders of magnitude, if you're not careful.

x% = x/100

Ahaha, now I get it. Thanks!

That was lame, but a good one.

 

[collinsmark]

Reminds me of this:

 

[Sophia]

Hipsters going to love it http://9gag.com/gag/a3Bn8X8?ref=android.s

 

[Kevin McHugh]

A three legged dog walks into a saloon and says "I'm lookin' for the man that shot my paw"

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "We have a drink named after you'" The grasshopper responds, "Really? You have a drink called a Murray?"

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"

 

[Ibix]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

 

[ProfuselyQuarky]

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

lol . . . I like this one a lot ^^

 

[DrGreg]

Times New Roman walks into a bar. The barman says "We don't serve your type in here."

 

[Ibix]

Times New Roman walks into a bar. The barman says "We don't serve your type in here."

aaaabeeiiklmmNnnooRrssTtww. The barman says "We don't serve your sort in here either".

Lame enough for ya?

 

[mfb]

A sorting algorithm walks into a bar.
It became a br.

Spoiler: HTML nerd version

It became a
.

 

[Kevin McHugh]

aaaabeeiiklmmNnnooRrssTtww. The barman says "We don't serve your sort in here either".

Lame enough for ya?

No Two eggs and a piece of toast walk into a bar and the toast says"I'd like to buy my two friends a drink." The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

 

[Planobilly]

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?

This reminded me about why cannibals don't eat comedians...they taste funny

 

[DaveC426913]

A salesman walks up the driveway to a farmhouse in the pouring rain at night, knocks on the door, and tells the old farmer:
"My car broke down a mile back. I got it to a garage, but I need a place to stay over night."
The farmer says: "Well, my beautiful young wife passed away recently, and my 4 beautiful daughters have recently moved to the big city, so I've got plenty of beds for you to sleep in."
The salesman turns around and begins walking down the driveway.
The farmer says "Hey where are you going?? I said there's There's plenty of room!"
The salesman calls back: " Yah... I think I've walked into the wrong joke."

 

[dkotschessaa]

Two supercomputers?

That's cray cray!

 

[Ibix]

No Two eggs and a piece of toast walk into a bar and the toast says"I'd like to buy my two friends a drink." The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

A man walks into a bar with a crocodile on a leash. "Do you serve foreigners here?" he asks the bartender.

"Er... yes, sir. Er... equalities legislation, you know..."

"Good. A pint for me and a foreigner for my crocodile here."

 

[Psinter]

I want to know what is the secret of Victoria.

 

[Pepper Mint]

I want to know what is the secret of Victoria.

You mean the womenswear https://www.victoriassecret.com/ in New York ?

 

[Psinter]

You mean the womenswear https://www.victoriassecret.com/ in New York ?

You know it!

I like your cubone. ♥

 

[davenn]

OK you lot, you asked for it ! ... don't say you weren't warned

https://scontent-syd1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13139095_1446125402080705_7136497526394434_n.jpg?oh=9be067ed4a09ff488da207d54b00eca0&oe=57A318F2D

 

[Borg]

OK you lot, you asked for it ! ... don't say you weren't warned

https://scontent-syd1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13139095_1446125402080705_7136497526394434_n.jpg?oh=9be067ed4a09ff488da207d54b00eca0&oe=57A318F2D

Not everyone has the bread for a suitcase like that.

 

[davenn]

hahaha good response

 

[jtbell]

 

[davenn]

ohhh dear ...

https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13179180_804522663012518_1816825525115751260_n.jpg?oh=fe58ba6187b75c57707b125629715554&oe=57E60C34

 

[mfb]

He is so versatile!
↓
↓
↓

 

[ProfuselyQuarky]

ohhh dear ...

https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13179180_804522663012518_1816825525115751260_n.jpg?oh=fe58ba6187b75c57707b125629715554&oe=57E60C34

lol! I need that on a t-shirt!

 

[fresh_42]

ohhh dear ...

https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13179180_804522663012518_1816825525115751260_n.jpg?oh=fe58ba6187b75c57707b125629715554&oe=57E60C34

Laughing gas doesn't exist.
There is nothing between N to O.

 

[mfb]

NO, no laughing gas for you, because nitric oxide is poisonous.

 

[davenn]

sorta lame one liners ...

1.) Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2.) A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."

3.) Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4.) A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5.) A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6.) Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7.) "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8.) An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

9.) Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

10.) I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

11.) A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't sir, I've cut off your arms!"

12.) I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

13.) Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam!"

14.) Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

15.) A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

16.) A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain, and they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

17.) Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

18.) There was once a man who sent ten puns to the Pun Master, with the hope that they would satisfy him. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.