Collection of Lame Jokes

[DaveC426913]

That reminds me.

What was the owl's telephone extension number?

Spoiler

2820

Spoiler: I don't get it

This assumes you pronounce "0" as "oh"

(That also works for PIN number.)

I still don't get it. :(

 

[Psinter]

I still don't get it. :(

Me neither. We are in the same boat.

 

[Ibix]

I still don't get it. :(

Two eight two oh isn't too far from twit twoo.

Psinter - this is the canonical noise of an owl in English, although many don't make anything like this sound.

 

[DaveC426913]

First Mate: "Captain! Enemy ship on the horizon, approaching fast!"
Captain: "Cabin Boy! Fetch me my Red Coat."
First Mate: "I've always wondered Captain, why the red coat when we go into battle?"
Captain: "So the enemy can't see my blood stains."

First Mate: "Captain! Twenty more enemy ships on the horizon, approaching fast!"
Captain: "Cabin Boy! Fetch me my Brown Pants."

 

[DaveC426913]

Two eight two oh isn't too far from twit twoo.

Psinter - this is the canonical noise of an owl in English,

Huh. Never heard this before.

 

[Psinter]

Two eight two oh isn't too far from twit twoo.

Psinter - this is the canonical noise of an owl in English, although many don't make anything like this sound.

Oh. Now I get it. Yeah, that was lame.

 

[Ibix]

Huh. Never heard this before.

Maybe it's England, not English. http://www.garden-birds.co.uk/birds/tawnyowl.htm

 

[DaveC426913]

Wait wait.

Twit twoo isn't the same as a wolf whistle, is it?

 

[Ibix]

Similar, although more mating call than sexual harassment. There's an mp3 at the link I provided.

Edit: ...or was that a "whistling at the birds" joke I missed?

 

[Sophia]

This is not a science joke, but I can't find Lame jokes now. The search function doesn't work on mobile.

Why do fat people envy elephants?
Because if the elephant weights 200kg he is considered underweight.

 

[256bits]

What's your wife/hubby?
Super.

What's a scam artist?
Super duper.

A baby?
Super duper pooper.

A dog?
Super duper snooper.

You walking your dog?
Super duper pooper scooper.

A housefly?
Super duper pooper snooper.

 

[Sophia]

What's your wife/hubby?
Super.

What's a scam artist?
Super duper.

A baby?
Super duper pooper.

A dog?
Super duper snooper.

You walking your dog?
Super duper pooper scooper.

A housefly?
Super duper pooper snooper.

[emoji99]

Haha that's really lame!

 

[jtbell]

Super duper pooper snooper.

A visitor to the new National Poo Museum.

 

[Borg]

 

[256bits]

OK. I'm getting grossed out now.

 

[jtbell]

You walking your dog?
Super duper pooper scooper.

When you accidentally put the stuff in your grocery bag?
Super duper pooper scooper blooper.

 

[Pepper Mint]

You don't know how to empty the Pooh bowl, do you ?

 

[Sophia]

A waiter asks a blonde:
- Would you like your pizza sliced to 6 or 12 pieces?
- 6 please, I couldn't eat 12

 

[JorisL]

Heh, the variant around here is about vlaai.
Usually cut in eight but for the small appetite they can slice it in 4 pieces.

 

[DaveC426913]

As long as we're telling blonde jokes...

A blonde is celebrating with champagne at a bar and offers to buy a glass for the guy next to her.
"Thanks! What are we celebrating?"
"Glad you asked!" She whips a jigsaw puzzle box out of her purse.
"See this puzzle? It was super hard - but I finished it in only two years! Aren't I smart??"
The guy says "What's so smart about that?"
The blonde is undeterred.
"Look, right here on the box! It says 3+ years."

 

[twiz_]

4 men walk into a bar, they realize there's only one bar stool...

 

[DaveC426913]

4 men walk into a bar, they realize there's only one bar stool...

I don't get it.

 

[mfb]

2 others didn't get it either.

 

[twiz_]

I don't get it.

...so they flip the 4-legged barstool upside down

 

[Pepper Mint]

...so they flip the 4-legged barstool upside down

bhuhaha

 

[ShayanJ]

Three tomatoes are walking on the street, Mama tomato, papa tomato and baby tomato. The baby tomato starts to lag behind and papa tomato gets angry. He goes back, squishes the baby tomato and says: catchup!

 

[DaveC426913]

...so they flip the 4-legged barstool upside down

OK, that was too lame.

 

[jtbell]

What do you get when someone throws a bottle of omega-3 capsules at you?

Spoiler

Super fish oil injuries.

 

[Psinter]

I've got everything 0.000001% under control. Or in other words: micro-controlled.

 

[DrClaude]

I've got everything 0.000001% under control. Or in other words: micro-controlled.

That's 10^-8, not 10^-6.