Collection of Lame Jokes

  • Thread starter Thread starter quddusaliquddus
  • Start date Start date
  • Tags Tags
    Jokes
Click For Summary
The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #2,851
18.) There was once a man who sent ten puns to the Pun Master, with the hope that they would satisfy him. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
I like this one most, it's more than being lame actually. :biggrin:
 
Physics news on Phys.org
  • #2,852
davenn said:
18.) There was once a man who sent ten puns to the Pun Master, with the hope that they would satisfy him. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Don't bother telling a pun to a kleptomaniac. Kleptomaniacs take things literally.
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes Ibix, Drakkith and davenn
  • #2,853
DrGreg said:
Don't bother telling a pun to a kleptomaniac. Kleptomaniacs take things literally.
:DD Hilarious!
 
  • #2,854
A baseball umpire once got into a huge argument with a player and ejected him from the game. That player happened to be his son's favorite... and his son had been watching the game on TV. So when the umpire got home, his son snubbed him and refused to sit on his lap like he usually did. In other words:

The son never sits on the brutish umpire.
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes Drakkith and davenn
  • #2,855
Q: The most favorite song of all golfers?
A: The first cut is the deepest.

... or was it boxer ...
 
Last edited:
  • #2,856
has this one been done?
Seasoned lumberjack walks into the lumberjack store and says to the salesman, "
At my age I need something better than my axe to chop trees. I can now do only 2 cords of wood by swinging my axe. I need something better for my tired bones."

Salesman eyes him up. "You look like pretty strong fellow. With this model," showing him a 20-inch chain saw, " you are certainly to do double that - 4 cords a day and you will be home for supper. Every single client swears by it."

Some more discussion, and the impressed lumberjack buys the chainsaw.

Three days later, the lumberjack marches into the store in a rage. "You sold me a piece of junk! 1-1/2 cords is all I could get."

The salesman is perplexed. "If it is a faulty model, I can give you your money back, or exchange. Let me see the machine."
Having the chainsaw, the salesman pulls the cord, and it comes to life.

The lumberjack exclaims. "What's that noise?"
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes CalcNerd and davenn
  • #2,857
Mother: So what did you all do in Sunday school today?

Little girl: We learned about God and Cheez-Its.
 
  • #2,858
ohhh dear ...

https://scontent-syd1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13226939_10154085000681291_6582447191622101317_n.jpg?oh=707e8490950aa97564763d9bf729034c&oe=57C7F51B
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes EnumaElish, collinsmark, Pepper Mint and 3 others
  • #2,859
Q: Why is the mycology course the most popular elective in the biology department?

A: The professor who teaches it is a real fun guy.
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes Sophia, davenn and ProfuselyQuarky
  • #2,860
jtbell said:
Q: Why is the mycology course the most popular elective in the biology department?

A: The professor who teaches it is a real fun guy.
And I thought it was because the course takes place in the magic mushroom.
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes Sophia and ProfuselyQuarky
  • #2,861
jtbell said:
Q: Why is the mycology course the most popular elective in the biology department?

A: The professor who teaches it is a real fun guy.

hahahaha ( I had to google mycology :rolleyes: )
 
  • #2,862
Why did the toadstool feel squashed?

There wasn't mushroom
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes ProfuselyQuarky, Sophia, Psinter and 2 others
  • #2,863
I watched a TV show last night and burst into laugh when the comedian said "Never sit on your own stool".
 
  • #2,864
davenn said:
ohhh dear ...

https://scontent-syd1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13226939_10154085000681291_6582447191622101317_n.jpg?oh=707e8490950aa97564763d9bf729034c&oe=57C7F51B

Oh uhm...yeah.
 
  • #2,865
Andy said:
Why do women wear make up and perfume?Because they're Ugly and Smelly.

Andy...chill
 
  • #2,866
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

Bison [emoji23][emoji106][emoji23][emoji106][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes Hoophy, davenn, ProfuselyQuarky and 1 other person
  • #2,867
Q: Why are mathematicians bad politicians?

A: They keep to get stuck after the division in "divide and conquer".
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes Pepper Mint and ProfuselyQuarky
  • #2,868
Why does nobody laugh at cow jokes?

They've herd them all before.
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes ProfuselyQuarky
  • #2,869
Ibix said:
Why does nobody laugh at cow jokes?

They've herd them all before.
Come out, joke! You're closed in!
No, said the joke, I'm in the majority!
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes ProfuselyQuarky
  • #2,870
Bazooka Joe bubblegum - the gum was lame and the jokes were lame.
Remember this one

Bazooka Joe - Andy. Why is you nose all red?
Andy - I got stung smelling a b-rose.
Bazooka Joe - Andy. There is no "b" in rose.
Andy - There was in this one.
 
  • #2,871
Ibix said:
Why does nobody laugh at cow jokes?

They've herd them all before.

In other words: déjà moo.
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes EnumaElish, 256bits, davenn and 2 others
  • #2,872
How do you get four elephants in a Mini?

Two in the front, two in the back.

How do you get two rhinoceroses in a Mini?

Get two of the elephants out.

How do you get two whales in a Mini?

Straight up the M4.
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes Hoophy, 256bits, ProfuselyQuarky and 4 others
  • #2,873
Ibix said:
How do you get four elephants in a Mini?

Two in the front, two in the back.

How do you get two rhinoceroses in a Mini?

Get two of the elephants out.

How do you get two whales in a Mini?

Straight up the M4.
hahalame joke alert !What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One's heavy and the other's a little lighter!
D
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes Hoophy, Ibix, 256bits and 3 others
  • #2,874
davenn said:
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One's heavy and the other's a little lighter!
I'm surprised that @jtbell hasn't liked this... :wink:
 
  • #2,875
lame chemistry jokes

oxygen dates.jpg
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes Ibix and ProfuselyQuarky
  • #2,876
Erwin Schrodinger is speeding down the highway one day when a cop pulls him over. While he's asking Erwin for his license and registration, he notices that Erwin is sweating and acting kind of twitchy. The cop spot checks the car and sees nothing suspicious and then asks Erwin if there's anything in his trunk. Erwin replies, yes, I have a cat in the trunk. The cop replies, really, can I check it out? Erwin says, go right ahead.

Accordingly, the cop goes and opens the trunk and exclaims, "That cat is dead!" Erwin replies, "Well, it is now."
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes Hoophy, ProfuselyQuarky and davenn
  • #2,877
DiracPool said:
Erwin Schrodinger is speeding down the highway one day when a cop pulls him over. While he's asking Erwin for his license and registration, he notices that Erwin is sweating and acting kind of twitchy. The cop spot checks the car and sees nothing suspicious and then asks Erwin if there's anything in his trunk. Erwin replies, yes, I have a cat in the trunk. The cop replies, really, can I check it out? Erwin says, go right ahead.

Accordingly, the cop goes and opens the trunk and exclaims, "That cat is dead!" Erwin replies, "Well, it is now."

that's the lame version of this one I posted in science jokes several months ago ...

heisenberg-and-schrodinger1-jpg.96751.jpg
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes Hoophy, down to earth and DiracPool
  • #2,878
davenn said:
that's the lame version of this one I posted in science jokes several months ago ...

Haha. I was guessing that I wasn't the first one to post that joke, but I didn't want to admit it and perhaps attenuate the impact for those who haven't heard it.

I actually just heard the joke for the first time last night on some TV drama show. I think it was "Bones," but I'm not sure. I just paraphrased the joke from memory, but it is funny...and lame.
 
  • #2,879
A cop stops Einstein for running a red light.
Einstein complains: "I'm sure it was green for me!"

The cop gives him a speeding ticket.
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes Hoophy, EnumaElish, down to earth and 3 others
  • #2,880
A post office sorting clerk received a letter addressed to:

Wood
John
Mass.

Who did it end up being delivered to? (Note: this was in the days before street addresses were necessary)

John Underwood
Andover, Mass.
 
Reply
  • Like
Likes EnumaElish, davenn, down to earth and 1 other person

Similar threads

Programming Jokes: Lame, Science & Math Jokes!
  • · Replies 464 ·
16
Replies
464
Views
34K
Reflecting on 47: An SMBC Comic
  • · Replies 57 ·
2
Replies
57
Views
9K
Constructing a meme - an exercise
  • · Replies 3 ·
Replies
3
Views
357
Bad Math Jokes
  • · Replies 405 ·
14
Replies
405
Views
40K
Weird / Interesing science related objects
  • · Replies 7 ·
Replies
7
Views
3K
What does it tell if you can (or can't) get this joke?
  • · Replies 15 ·
Replies
15
Views
6K
What Are Your Favorite Physics Jokes?
  • · Replies 1 ·
Replies
1
Views
3K
Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman! - My Favorite Book
  • · Replies 21 ·
Replies
21
Views
3K
Mini road trip: tigers and goats and bears, oh my
  • · Replies 5 ·
Replies
5
Views
2K
That Will Smith and Chris Rock thing
  • · Replies 185 ·
7
Replies
185
Views
11K