Pepper Mint
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I like this one most, it's more than being lame actually.
Collection of Lame Jokes
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Pepper Mint
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DrGreg said:
Hilarious!
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A baseball umpire once got into a huge argument with a player and ejected him from the game. That player happened to be his son's favorite... and his son had been watching the game on TV. So when the umpire got home, his son snubbed him and refused to sit on his lap like he usually did. In other words:
The son never sits on the brutish umpire.
The son never sits on the brutish umpire.
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Q: The most favorite song of all golfers?
A: The first cut is the deepest.
... or was it boxer ...
A: The first cut is the deepest.
... or was it boxer ...
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256bits
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has this one been done?
Seasoned lumberjack walks into the lumberjack store and says to the salesman, "
At my age I need something better than my axe to chop trees. I can now do only 2 cords of wood by swinging my axe. I need something better for my tired bones."
Salesman eyes him up. "You look like pretty strong fellow. With this model," showing him a 20-inch chain saw, " you are certainly to do double that - 4 cords a day and you will be home for supper. Every single client swears by it."
Some more discussion, and the impressed lumberjack buys the chainsaw.
Three days later, the lumberjack marches into the store in a rage. "You sold me a piece of junk! 1-1/2 cords is all I could get."
The salesman is perplexed. "If it is a faulty model, I can give you your money back, or exchange. Let me see the machine."
Having the chainsaw, the salesman pulls the cord, and it comes to life.
The lumberjack exclaims. "What's that noise?"
Seasoned lumberjack walks into the lumberjack store and says to the salesman, "
At my age I need something better than my axe to chop trees. I can now do only 2 cords of wood by swinging my axe. I need something better for my tired bones."
Salesman eyes him up. "You look like pretty strong fellow. With this model," showing him a 20-inch chain saw, " you are certainly to do double that - 4 cords a day and you will be home for supper. Every single client swears by it."
Some more discussion, and the impressed lumberjack buys the chainsaw.
Three days later, the lumberjack marches into the store in a rage. "You sold me a piece of junk! 1-1/2 cords is all I could get."
The salesman is perplexed. "If it is a faulty model, I can give you your money back, or exchange. Let me see the machine."
Having the chainsaw, the salesman pulls the cord, and it comes to life.
The lumberjack exclaims. "What's that noise?"
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And I thought it was because the course takes place in the magic mushroom.jtbell said:
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Why did the toadstool feel squashed?
There wasn't mushroom
There wasn't mushroom
Pepper Mint
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I watched a TV show last night and burst into laugh when the comedian said "Never sit on your own stool".
Pepper Mint
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davenn said:
Oh uhm...yeah.
KaleLetendre
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Andy said:
Andy...chill
KaleLetendre
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What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison [emoji23][emoji106][emoji23][emoji106][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
Bison [emoji23][emoji106][emoji23][emoji106][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
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Q: Why are mathematicians bad politicians?
A: They keep to get stuck after the division in "divide and conquer".
A: They keep to get stuck after the division in "divide and conquer".
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Why does nobody laugh at cow jokes?
They've herd them all before.
They've herd them all before.
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Come out, joke! You're closed in!Ibix said:
No, said the joke, I'm in the majority!
256bits
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Bazooka Joe bubblegum - the gum was lame and the jokes were lame.
Remember this one
Bazooka Joe - Andy. Why is you nose all red?
Andy - I got stung smelling a b-rose.
Bazooka Joe - Andy. There is no "b" in rose.
Andy - There was in this one.
Remember this one
Bazooka Joe - Andy. Why is you nose all red?
Andy - I got stung smelling a b-rose.
Bazooka Joe - Andy. There is no "b" in rose.
Andy - There was in this one.
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DiracPool
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Erwin Schrödinger is speeding down the highway one day when a cop pulls him over. While he's asking Erwin for his license and registration, he notices that Erwin is sweating and acting kind of twitchy. The cop spot checks the car and sees nothing suspicious and then asks Erwin if there's anything in his trunk. Erwin replies, yes, I have a cat in the trunk. The cop replies, really, can I check it out? Erwin says, go right ahead.
Accordingly, the cop goes and opens the trunk and exclaims, "That cat is dead!" Erwin replies, "Well, it is now."
Accordingly, the cop goes and opens the trunk and exclaims, "That cat is dead!" Erwin replies, "Well, it is now."
DiracPool
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davenn said:
Haha. I was guessing that I wasn't the first one to post that joke, but I didn't want to admit it and perhaps attenuate the impact for those who haven't heard it.
I actually just heard the joke for the first time last night on some TV drama show. I think it was "Bones," but I'm not sure. I just paraphrased the joke from memory, but it is funny...and lame.
Mentor
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A cop stops Einstein for running a red light.
Einstein complains: "I'm sure it was green for me!"
The cop gives him a speeding ticket.
Einstein complains: "I'm sure it was green for me!"
The cop gives him a speeding ticket.