Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #2,151
jbmiller said:
...
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
:smile:
 
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  • #2,152
jbmiller said:
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

Did you know the invisible man and the invisible woman got married? Their kids are nothing to look at though...
 
  • #2,153
dkotschessaa said:
Did you know the invisible man and the invisible woman got married? Their kids are nothing to look at though...
What did they see in each other?
 
  • #2,154
They first met in a nude beach.
 
  • #2,155
Q. Why can't you play cards on the savannah?

A. 'Cause there's too many cheetahs.
 
  • #2,156
http://imgboot.com/images/ritchie888/3223042912906605357568105355762891348271n.jpg
 
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  • #2,157
"Did you know the invisible man and the invisible woman got married? Their kids are nothing to look at though..."
"What did they see in each other?..."

Hahaha! SO good!

A newspaper hosted a pun competition where whoever submitted the best pun to the paper would win a prize. A man submitted ten of his best puns hoping that one would win but... no pun in ten did.

:)
 
  • #2,158
Sitting in the living room we had a one-inch diameter metal tube, about thirty inches long, that suddenly looked like it might make a good trumpet. So I gave it a go. Sure enough, it worked like a champ and sounded like a South American soccer game in our living room. Suddenly Tsu came ripping around the corner from the kitchen with a look on her face that lands somewhere between shock and panic. She saw me, froze, glared, and with a definite tone declared that she thought we had an elk or a cow in our living room! :smile:

I haven't been able to stop chuckling and laughing ever since.
 
  • #2,159
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.

It was tense.
 
  • #2,160
QuarkCharmer said:
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.

It was tense.

That made me search for these:

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause at the end of a clause.

Q: What's another name for Santa's elves?
A: Subordinate Clauses

Teacher: "Josephine, give me a sentence beginning with I."
Josephine: "I is ..."
Teacher: "No, Josephine. It's always 'I am...' "
Josephine: "OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
 
  • #2,161
dkotschessaa said:
Teacher: "Josephine, give me a sentence beginning with I."
Josephine: "I is ..."
Teacher: "No, Josephine. It's always 'I am...' "
Josephine: "OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

haha:smile:
 
  • #2,162
Mr President, I know you won't be able to laugh at any of my jokes about the Secret Service, so cover your ears, if that's physically possible.
- Jimmy Kimmel
 
  • #2,163
Personally, I don't see what the big problem is with the SS hiring prostitutes; as long as they're all Democrats.
 
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  • #2,165
Greg Bernhardt said:
Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.

Lol...:smile:
 
  • #2,166
A student riding in a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited he asks, "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"
 
  • #2,167
:) I like that, too!
 
  • #2,168
ok I just made up a lame joke

"Is this really the marine mammal campground?"
"Yes, it is for all in tents and porpoises."

sorry...
 
  • #2,169
A tough looking group of bikers were out riding when they saw a woman about to jump off a bridge... so they stopped and parked their Harleys.

Their leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you
doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an
opportunity either, so he asked her... "Well, before you jump, why don't
you give me a kiss?"

So she does...

And it was a long, deep, lingering, spine-tingling kiss.

After she's finished, the biker leader says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I've
ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why
in the world would you want to commit suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl..."

The authorities think she may have been pushed…
 
  • #2,170
a physicist gets pulled over for speeding
cop: do you know how fast you were going?
physicist: no but i know where i am
 
  • #2,171
rollcast said:
http://imgboot.com/images/ritchie888/3223042912906605357568105355762891348271n.jpg

:smile:
 
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  • #2,172
A bumper sticker seen by a friend (or so he says) in the car park at CERN:

IF THIS APPEARS BLUE YOU
ARE TRAVELING TOO FAST​
 
  • #2,173
man: doctor, docter, i broke my arm in two places.

doctor: well, don't go back to those places
 
  • #2,174
Ibix said:
A bumper sticker seen by a friend (or so he says) in the car park at CERN:

IF THIS APPEARS BLUE YOU
ARE TRAVELING TOO FAST​


Love it!
 
  • #2,175
Ibix said:
A bumper sticker seen by a friend (or so he says) in the car park at CERN:

IF THIS APPEARS BLUE YOU
ARE TRAVELING TOO FAST​

lolz
Darken-Sol said:
man: doctor, docter, i broke my arm in two places.

doctor: well, don't go back to those places
:smile:
 
  • #2,176
dkotschessaa said:
ok I just made up a lame joke

"Is this really the marine mammal campground?"
"Yes, it is for all in tents and porpoises."

sorry...


Hahaha...
Greg, your Einstein one was awesome too. Hahaha. These are all great.
 
  • #2,177
Teacher: "Josephine, give me a sentence beginning with I."
Josephine: "I is ..."
Teacher: "No, Josephine. It's always 'I am...' "
Josephine: "OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Also very funny! hahaha... I definitely will tell my teacher friends this one. :)
 
  • #2,178
Darken-Sol said:
a physicist gets pulled over for speeding
cop: do you know how fast you were going?
physicist: no but i know where i am
Ibix said:
A bumper sticker seen by a friend (or so he says) in the car park at CERN:

IF THIS APPEARS BLUE YOU
ARE TRAVELING TOO FAST​


These rock! :!)

Really not fit for the 'lame jokes' thread...
 
  • #2,179
Not a joke, true story. I went to my neighbor to ask about something and complained I have a very low BP (apparently I was ill last week). "You have a low BP? I will give you a phone number to Aunt Mary." Yes, I know her aunt - and that was a perfect idea.
 
  • #2,180
A hole was found in a wall at the nudist camp. The police are looking into it...
 
  • #2,181
A two seat plane crashed into a graveyard. The death toll is already at 692 and rescuers are continuing to dig up bodies.
 
  • #2,182
Jimmy Snyder said:
A two seat plane crashed into a graveyard. The death toll is already at 692 and rescuers are continuing to dig up bodies.

We have a very exclusive graveyard here. People are just dying to get in.

(Oldie but goody, and very lame!)
 
  • #2,183
dkotschessaa said:
We have a very exclusive graveyard here. People are just dying to get in.

(Oldie but goody, and very lame!)
Are there benches there for rigor mortis to set in?
 
  • #2,184
Anna Blanksch said:
A hole was found in a wall at the nudist camp. The police are looking into it...

Someone broke into the police station overnight and stole all the toilet seats. The thief left no clues, and police have nothing to go on.
 
  • #2,185
Anna should start to post in Relationship :wink:
 
  • #2,186
What goes off, until you turn it off?



An alarm clock.
 
  • #2,187
cow crossed the road
 
  • #2,188
I am sitting naked with my iPod in the wardrobe in my GF room, her parents came home too early. What do I do?

Go deeper inside, there will be a detour through Narnia.
 
  • #2,189
Picabo [Peekaboo] Street, the former World Cup alpine ski racer from the U.S., was fired from her new job as an ICU nurse, today. Why? When she answered the phone she would say, Picabo, ICU...
 
  • #2,190
Ivan Seeking said:
Picabo [Peekaboo] Street, the former World Cup alpine ski racer from the U.S., was fired from her new job as an ICU nurse, today. Why? When she answered the phone she would say, Picabo, ICU...

:smile:
 
  • #2,191
Someone in a Prius actually tried to race me the other day, I had him for the first 100 feet but then my legs gave out.
 
  • #2,192
IMP said:
Someone in a Prius actually tried to race me the other day, I had him for the first 100 feet but then my legs gave out.
I was out of gas.
 
  • #2,193
3813923.jpg


3813951.jpg


If you can solve - you are too close!
 
  • #2,194
Borek said:
If you can solve - you are too close!

Hehe. So if you can't solve, all is good? :P
 
  • #2,195
I like Serena said:
Hehe. So if you can't solve, all is good? :P

Sorry, the logical equivalent is "if you are not too close, then you can't solve!"
 
  • #2,196
rohitm95 said:
cow crossed the road

Ohm my god! :o
 
  • #2,197
Char. Limit said:
Sorry, the logical equivalent is "if you are not too close, then you can't solve!"

if you can solve you are too close

Also
"You can't solve or you are too close"
"It is not the case that You can solve this and you are not too close"
 
  • #2,198
And now, switching to inductive logic:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
 
  • #2,199
Denying the antecedent, (as well as dessert:)

A logician said to his son, “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you can’t have any ice cream.” Upon hearing this, the son choked down a plate of broccoli, and his father, duly impressed, sent him to bed without any ice cream.
 
  • #2,200
Ibix said:
A bumper sticker seen by a friend (or so he says) in the car park at CERN:

IF THIS APPEARS BLUE YOU
ARE TRAVELING TOO FAST​

I need one of those. xD
 

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