Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #2,601
jmneutr0nn3 said:
What did one fish say to the other? If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
And what did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam!
 
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  • #2,602
Adjoint said:
And what did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam!

LoL. Here's another lame joke about anteaters:

Why don't anteaters get sick? Because they're full of anty-bodies.
 
  • #2,603
How many combinations of "u" Pokemon are there from a set of "i" Pokemon?
 
  • #2,604
jmneutr0nn3 said:
LoL. Here's another lame joke about anteaters:

Why don't anteaters get sick? Because they're full of anty-bodies.

:smile::smile:
 
  • #2,605
collinsmark said:
:smile::smile:

Finally, you thought that this joke was funny. Was it really?
Another one:
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
 
  • #2,606
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a truck. Badum TSSS
 
  • #2,607
What's Bruce Lee's favorite drink?

Wataaaaaah!
 
  • #2,608
Today's Jokes

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare..

-------------------------------------

There is a real shortage of ammunition at the moment in the UK but this morning I lucked in and managed to find a local Gun Shops where I was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the way home I stopped at the petrol (gas) station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde was filling up her car at the next pump. She looked at the ammo in the back of my Land Rover and said in a very sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, Big Guy...Would you be interested in trading sex for ammo?" So, I thought about it for a few seconds and then I asked, "What kinda ammo you got?"


cheers
Dave
 
  • #2,609
dkotschessaa said:
What's Bruce Lee's favorite drink?

Wataaaaaah!
Wasn't that his favorite verbal expression before and during fight? I notice that in some of his films.
 
  • #2,610
Black and white on 16 wheels. What's this?

This zebra on roller skates.
 
  • #2,611
What's small, red and knocks on the window?

A baby in the oven.
 
  • #2,612
A lame joke about octopus: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten- Tickles!
 
  • #2,613
Back in Calculus 1, someone asked the professor what his favorite math joke was. He said, "Let epsilon be less than zero."
 
  • #2,614
Nick O said:
Back in Calculus 1, someone asked the professor what his favorite math joke was. He said, "Let epsilon be less than zero."

After two semesters of analysis, reading this hurts my brain!
 
  • #2,615
I've been cleaning up my inbox. This one isn't really topical anymore, but during the whole "CERN results suggest neutrinos may be superluminal" thing, I got the following email exchange:

Friend 1: The barman says "Get out! We respect the laws of causality in here!" Then a neutrino walks into the bar.
Friend 2: Friend 1, have you thought of making a joke about the superluminal neutrinos?
Friend 1: I feel like making up a joke. Does anyone have any ideas?
 
  • #2,616
Another lame joke to share: What do prisoners use to call each other? Cellphones!
 
  • #2,617
Nothing like a good super sex joke.
What? You will have the soup!
 
  • #2,618
What if, the last line, of the last book of Harry Potter was, "And then Harry woke up, in the cupboard under the stairs."
 
  • #2,619
Why don't you ever shower with a Pokemon? -Because it will Pikachu! (Peek At You)
 
  • #2,620
johnqwertyful said:
How many combinations of "u" Pokemon are there from a set of "i" Pokemon?

I like this one.
 
  • #2,621
One of Polish publishing houses specializing in linguistics offers "Klingon for beginners" with "recordings by native speakers".
 
  • #2,622
What did one fish say to the other? If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
 
  • #2,623
https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t1.0-9/10462800_573460759424893_7457467475562386534_n.jpg
 
  • #2,624
Math Is Hard said:
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him ... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Wow... did Gandhi really suffered from halitosis and calluses on his feet in real life?

Another lame joke to add:
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
“No thanks, I’m traveling light.”
 
  • #2,625
Changing my diet has helped me become regular; I now evacuate at 7a.m every day. Unfortunately, I wake up at 8 .
 
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  • #2,626
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
 
  • #2,627
Where did the Lone Ranger take his garbage?

To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump!
 
  • #2,628
Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

To get to the same side...
 
  • #2,629
Here's a funny, yet a little lame, quote I found:

Plants produce the precious oxygen we need to live. Let's stop vegetarians from eating our forests before it's too late.
 
  • #2,630
How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. They are very efficient and not very funny.
 
  • #2,631
a1ZdvY2_700b_v1.jpg
 
  • #2,633
Text messaging

Girlfriend text message: When exactly do you plan to come back home?! It's late! *angry*

Answer to text message (somehow trying to sound like a sir): Oh my cherished lady. It is of great regret to inform you that I need to spend some more time with my preeminent friends for we need to finish a very important business. But agonize not. In a few minutes I will bestride the Taku Winds in direction of our renowned mansion and share this wonderful night under the warmth of your most precious beauty and admirable presence. Please receive my most heartfelt apologies, my exalted baroness. As proof I attach an image of my illustrious friend and I discussing very important matters. As you can admire, I am very exasperated from being asunder from you. I hold with great vehemence our conjoining in our $100 million mansion tonight.

http://img.izifunny.com/pics/20120415/640/feel-like-a-sir-14-pics_14.jpg
 
  • #2,634
Very important business, evidently :P
 
  • #2,635
the bartender says "sorry, we don't serve tachyons here"
a tachyon walks into a bar.
 
  • #2,636
A photon walks into a bar and ask if they have a room to rent, the bartender says "yeah sure would you like a hand with your bags?" The photon replies "it's okay I'm traveling light!"
 
  • #2,637
A man asks a woman on the street: Hey there, lady, where do you come from?
She replies: From the beauty salon.
To which the man replies: Oh, was it closed?
 
  • #2,638
What kind of bees make milk?
boobies

So Bert goes up to Ernie and says, "want some ice cream?" Ernie replies, "Sherbert."

What does a gay horse eat?
Haaaaaaay
What do three gay horses eat?
Hay Hay Haaay
And what do lesbian horses eat?"
(in a really deep voice) hay.

"What did you eat under there?" "Under where?" "YOU ATE UNDERWEAR?!"

A book just fell on my head.
I've only got myshelf to blame.

"Did you hear about the circus fire? It was intense."

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

What goes "Ooo"?
A cow with no lips.

Two cows are passing their day in the pasture when one cow says to the other, "are you afraid of getting this mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "why the hell would I care? I'm a helicopter."

two cannibals eating a clown, one turns to the other and asks, 'does this taste funny to you?'

Two irishmen walk out of a bar.
Sure, it could happen...

Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle.

What's the difference between a robber and a peeping tom?
A robber snatches your watch...

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A man fell in a puddle.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
A man had a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles is a man.

What's red and invisible?
No tomatoes.

more of these at http://lamejokesdaily.com
 
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  • #2,639
Don't trust atoms.. They make up everything.
 
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  • #2,640
A man started to notice that every time he passed gas it went "Honda". This went on for over a month and every time there was a "Honda" sound.

He went from doctor to doctor trying to find out what was wrong. Eventually a doctor referred him to an old school Asian doctor. The new doctor told the man: "You have abscess in mouth need pull tooth".

The man said to the doctor; "So I need to go to a dentist". The doctor said no I pull tooth now. A few weeks went by and the man noticed that when he passed gas it no longer went; "Honda".

Perplexed he went back to the Asian doctor and asked how pulling the tooth could have possibly cured his unusual problem. The doctor paused for a moment and said ; "Abscess make the fart go Honda" ..... <(@^@)>
 
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  • #2,641
Two wrongs don't make a Right but Three Rights Do Make a Left .
 
  • #2,642
x1FSrcN.png


Look! He's escaping like the adult he is!
 
  • #2,643
Today's weather tip:

If it's raining cats and dogs, be careful not to step in a poodle.
 
  • #2,644
jtbell said:
Today's weather tip:

If it's raining cats and dogs, be careful not to step in a poodle.
Must be a poodle day. I got this in my inbox this morning - Poodle Attack.
 
  • #2,645
They say: "You are what you eat."

I must be a boiled chicken then... and rice.
 
  • #2,646
Did you hear about the redneck who was racing with a pop-up camper?
They called him Trailer Swift.
 
  • #2,647
Lameness warning: You may die from the lameness of this joke that I made up while walking the dog yesterday...

Did you that they built a campground they built next to the marine wildlife sanctuary? They had to make separate areas, for all in tents and porpoises.

::bows:

-Dave K
 
  • #2,649
Girl, are you sin(x)? Well, I'm cos(x); why don't you get on top of me so that we can make tan(x)? ;)
 
  • #2,650
I realized I shouldn't be racist. That's why I equally hate everyone in the world. *grumpy* :mad:
 

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