Collection of Lame Jokes

[mfb]

Huh?

 

[fresh_42]

My minute has been definitely the longest.

 

[OCR]

Read the first part out loud, try to spot the pattern for the fourth line, and read it out loud.

Lol... I 8 a 10 a shoe...
Meaning... I ate a tennis shoe... ?

Is my minute over...?

Damn... fourth grade seems to take forever.

God, I hate math! ...

 

[fresh_42]

I've read today, someone wanted to know, who this Lars Krismes is, everybody is singing from.

 

[OmCheeto]

Another one from fifth grade:

I 2 a 4 a shoe.
I 4 a 6 a shoe.
I 6 a 8 a shoe.
I...

Fifth graders are pretty smart.
Well, that's the last time I remember being smart, anyways.

Anyways, I read yesterday, that a 5th grader once named a horse.
Or, more properly, he decided on the spelling: Potoooooooo

when the owner told him to write the name on the horse's feed bin.

 

[OCR]

Well, seems they've finally really created a black hole in CERN ...

Source... ?

Oh, wait... you can't find it, right ? ..

 

[fresh_42]

Source... ?

Oh, wait... you can't find it, right ? ..

We should be able to calculate all relevant data by the different lengths of DaveC426913's, yours and my minute combined with our locations on earth. Seems to get an interesting gravitational well. A physicists' version of geocaching. (We can rule out Fermi-Lab and KEN for my minute has been definitely the longest.)

 

[DaveC426913]

Fifth graders are pretty smart.
Well, that's the last time I remember being smart, anyways.

Anyways, I read yesterday, that a 5th grader once named a horse.
Or, more properly, he decided on the spelling: Potoooooooo

when the owner told him to write the name on the horse's feed bin.

I seem to be freefalling toward the Event Horizon, because my minute is approaching infinity.

 

[jtbell]

Fifth graders are pretty smart.
Well, that's the last time I remember being smart, anyways.

Ever see the TV quiz show, "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" where adults take turns competing against a panel of fifth graders?

 

[EnumaElish]

"Houston, we have another problem."
"Apollo, jeez"
"Nice of you to apologize."

 

[OCR]

I seem to be freefalling toward the Event Horizon, because my minute is approaching infinity.

No... it only appears that way to the rest of us, but you do look a bit red... sunburn, maybe ? ..

 

[OmCheeto]

Ever see the TV quiz show, "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" where adults take turns competing against a panel of fifth graders?

Not until after you mentioned it. I canceled my cable 7½ years ago. I watched one youtube video last night, and I am definitely not smarter that one.

I seem to be freefalling toward the Event Horizon, because my minute is approaching infinity.

If you are still stuck in freefall, try googling the horses name.
If you are texting, you can probably get away with using the text abbreviation: Pot8os.

 

[DaveC426913]

If you are still stuck in freefall, try googling the horses name.
If you are texting, you can probably get away with using the text abbreviation: Pot8os.

Ohhh.
I was looking for some connection to horses.

 

[Ibix]

I didn't get that one either, if it makes you feel any better Dave. I just assumed it was an Americanism that I didn't know...

 

[fresh_42]

Ohhh.
I was looking for some connection to horses.

I didn't get that one either, if it makes you feel any better Dave. I just assumed it was an Americanism that I didn't know...

Neither did I. Only The horse with no name came to my mind. However, evidence for a kind of time dilation becomes denser.

 

[davenn]

 

[jim mcnamara]

What did the thesaurus eat for breakfast this morning?

... a synonym roll.

 

[davenn]

What did the thesaurus eat for breakfast this morning?

... a synonym roll.

groan ... hahahaha

 

[Joosh]

What kind of suits do lawyers wear to court?

Lawsuits

 

[davenn]

some will get this

mite have to buy one of these

 

[bland]

Doctor: When did you first notice you had diarrhoea?

Patient: When I took off my bicycle clips.

 

[OCR]

some will get this

Dead Parrot sketch ?

"is no more", "has ceased to be", "bereft of life, it rests in peace", "this is an ex-parrot"

Lol...

 

[fresh_42]

some will get this
<image>
mite have to buy one of these

This has been in my ad feed:

https://scontent-ams3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/15178040_1873493609537646_6674749971557823134_n.jpg?oh=70485781db6e4d757611d56bcf5832bd&oe=58BDBABB

 

[Mark44]

some will get this

mite have to buy one of these

No, he's just "havin' a kip"

A great Python bit...

 

[DrGreg]

What did the thesaurus eat for breakfast this morning?

... a synonym roll.

Synonyms!
What are they like?!

 

[Ibix]

Synonyms!
What are they like?!

Metaphors.

 

[fresh_42]

Metaphors.

Uh, Aphorism's kid.

 

[jtbell]

Today I learned that covering your eyes with ketchup give you 20/20 Heinz sight.

 

[Ibix]

Today I learned that covering your eyes with ketchup give you 20/20 Heinz sight.

It let's you see if anything behind you will ever ketchup.

 

[davenn]

Today I learned that covering your eyes with ketchup give you 20/20 Heinz sight.

It let's you see if anything behind you will ever ketchup.

double groan hahaha ... very good

 

[Ibix]

double groan hahaha ... very good

In the spirit of proper academic behaviour, I ought to cite Thurman in Tarantino (1994), who delivers a similar lame pun.

 

[davenn]

In the spirit of proper academic behaviour, I ought to cite Thurman in Tarantino (1994), who delivers a similar lame pun.

in pulp fiction ?

 

[Ibix]

Yup. Uma Thurman's character was going to star in a horrifically generic all-female spy team series. It falls through after the pilot, and she ends up telling John Travolta all about it over dinner. She was going to have a once-an-episode corny joke gimmick - and the one from the only episode made was something to the effect of "The tomato is lagging behind, so all the other vegetables turn round and say 'ketchup'".

 

[davenn]

Yup. Uma Thurman's character was going to star in a horrifically generic all-female spy team series. It falls through after the pilot, and she ends up telling John Travolta all about it over dinner. She was going to have a once-an-episode corny joke gimmick - and the one from the only episode made was something to the effect of "The tomato is lagging behind, so all the other vegetables turn round and say 'ketchup'".

one of my fav crazy movies :)

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 110481

As a person of profound knowledge in chemistry, can you tell me, what my hairdresser means?
He's always saying I Cobalt.

 

[mfb]

As a person of profound knowledge in chemistry, can you tell me, what my hairdresser means?
He's always saying I Cobalt.

Don't worry, it means you won't need them much longer.

 

[Ibix]

I got a rental car the other day. It was such a pain to get into. My car is quite low to the ground, but this one was a hire car.

 

[fresh_42]

I got a rental car the other day. It was such a pain to get into. My car is quite low to the ground, but this one was a hire car.

Paid by a flat rate to lower the hire? Watch out the tire!

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

I'm sure this will work ... NOT !
I just shake my head in disbelief

 

[jtbell]

Zsa Zsa Gabor: "I'm a marvelous housekeeper. Whenever I leave a man, I keep the house."

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

gosh, whoever wrote that last one, needs to learn some punctuation ( wasn't me)

 

[Ibix]

It is a bit panda packing heat, isn't it? I make it two or three missing commas depending on your attitude to the Oxford comma.

 

[Hugh Parker]

What is green, slimy, and lives in cell phones and CPs? ... I don't know either, but one is crawling out of yours right now.

 

[Hugh Parker]

Did you hear about the butcher who got a little behind in his business?

 

[Hugh Parker]

How do you keep a turkey in suspense?