Collection of Lame Jokes

[Mark44]

What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

 

[Mark44]

A toothless beaver walks into a pub, and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

 

[Ibix]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

 

[Mark44]

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Spoiler

red paint

 

[Mark44]

Did you hear about the two tanker ships that collided? One was loaded with red paint and the other was carrying purple paint.

All of the sailors were marooned.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

Blind deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

Blind cripple deer ...

P.S. No equivalence though

 

[WWGD]

A: I saw the other day a dog without a nose.

B: How does he smell?

A: Awful.

 

[WWGD]

A prostitute, P working in a small town, approaching a client, C:

P: Hey, big boy, ready for a good time ?
C: No thanks.
P: Ok, say hi to your mom for me!

 

[Mark44]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

Blind deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

Blind cripple deer ...

Apparently you didn't get Ibix's jokes. The answers "no idea" and "still no idea" are the punchlines.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Apparently you didn't get Ibix's jokes. The answers "no idea" and "still no idea" are the punchlines.

Or you didn't get mine! Just being cynic ...
[In other words I got Ibix's joke but I am "showing plain old trurh sarcasm ...".
Do you get it now? RSVP]

 

[WWGD]

A no-joke joke ( has the setup, a punchline, looks and sounds like a joke, but is no joke*):

1) Your momma's so fat, when she walks around the house...she really WALKS around the house.

2) The town I was born in was so small -- even the Ferris wheel was green.

* Tell it to people and many are embarrassed to admit they don't get it and will laugh with an uncomfortable chuckle.

 

[Mark44]

You didn't get mine either! Just being cynic ...

What you wrote wouldn't qualify as a joke. Even in lame jokes, there has to be some logical coherence, based often on double meanings of words.
"deer with no eyes" -- "no idea" $\equiv$ "no eye deer"
"deer with no eyes and no legs" -- "still no idea" $\equiv$ "still no eye deer", with still meaning inert as a second meaning.
Responses of "blind deer" "blind cripple deer" don't have these same plays on words.

Don't give up your day job...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

What you wrote wouldn't qualify as a joke. Even in lame jokes, there has to be some logical coherence, based often on double meanings of words.
"deer with no eyes" -- "no idea" $\equiv$ "no eye deer"
"deer with no eyes and no legs" -- "still no idea" $\equiv$ "still no eye deer", with still meaning inert as a second meaning.
Responses of "blind deer" "blind cripple deer" don't have these same plays on words.

Don't give up your day job...

Please look at my edited above:

Or you didn't get mine! Just being cynic ...
[In other words I got Ibix's joke but I am "showing plain old trurh sarcasm ...".
Do you get it now? RSVP]

We are talking about a different type of joke than what you describe. Whether you get it or not it's a different story. Can't analyse everything!

Don't give up your day job...

Gee thanks! ...

 

[Mark44]

We are talking about a different type of joke than what you describe.

Obviously. The type of jokes I'm describing are the ones in the funny category.
"Plain old truth sarcasm" isn't in that category.

 

[davenn]

OK guys
let's move on

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Obviously. The type of jokes I'm describing are the ones in the funny category.
"Plain old truth sarcasm" isn't in that category.

But it may elicit groan ... . People's nuances and sense of humor matter and vary of course.

Plus let me put it this way:

Even in lame jokes, there has to be some logical coherence, based often on double meanings of words.

Thus in this case I chose the literal sense of the meaning of words to play with (lamely) and ... pull his leg ... . For those who got it, it could elicit groan at least. I didn't say myself it was funny or successful joke, but at least I hope you understand what I did.

Note: at least nowdays, in the jokes threads I just do what most people do. So no need to hit only on me. I don't like all the jokes on the threads and neither do all people. So if you don't like some of my jokes (or you don't fully get them) I think you can just skip them, instead of saying:

Don't give up your day job...

and may cause friction and/or misunderstanding in relevance to possible pertaining to content reference when I see below it e.g. "mfb likes this".I can point out many other similar cases in the jokes threads of not very good jokes where no one sais anything. Why "prejudice?" against me or something? But I am not really sure ...
[and this is not a report, or anything]

Also I want to clarify something, regarding my perhaps [mentors characterization for me] allegedly "fixation to likes" (not fully relevant here though):
Whenever I like a joke (or post in general), I automatically hit 'like' (it doesn't cost me anything and it is in fact encouraged by and incorporated in the Forum system, e.g. "number of posts", "likes", "trophy points", etc. - the Forum is set up that way, I didn't choose that, and I learned to appreciate it here in PF ...). But I do that no matter who wrote the post, without prejudice or bias against or for anyone. (not necessarilly 'give and takes' either, just basic courtesy on something that 'you actually like' ... instead of ignoring the like button, while others don't! ...)
I just wish everyone (more or less) did the same unbiased and unprejudiced, because bias and prejudice etc. are I think against the common sense and basic courtesy unwritten rules that we may sometimes forget ...

 

[mfb]

Can you discuss this elsewhere please?

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Can you discuss this elsewhere please?

Of course!

 

[256bits]

What does Homer Simpson call a blind deer?

Spoiler

[="Doh!"]

What does Santa call a blind deer?

Spoiler

[="venison"]

-Spoilers needed attention for some reason

 

[Stavros Kiri]

What does Homer Simpson call a blind deer?

What does Santa call a blind deer?

No idea! ...

 

[jtbell]

So, now she sells C cells for her sea shells.

...in the Seychelles.

(with a tip of the hat to Alex Trebek and the writers of "Jeopardy!")

 

[davenn]

...in the Seychelles.

(with a tip of the hat to Alex Trebek and the writers of "Jeopardy!")

and for an extra 10 points ... Have you been to the Seychelles ?

 

[davenn]

didn't quite suit the " Animal Lovers" thread

a good giggle

 

[fresh_42]

didn't quite suit the " Animal Lovers" thread

a good giggle

He worked in a coal mine before, but got fired as it turned out he was over qualified.

 

[Mark44]

What happens when you confront an angry pepper?

It gets jalapeño face...

 

[fresh_42]

In some cases brain death remains without diagnose for years.

 

[OCR]

A toothless beaver walks into a pub, and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

OK, I finally got it !... in less than twelve hours, too.... .. LOL

 

[Ibix]

OK, I finally got it !... in less than twelve hours, too.... .. LOL

My record for longest time to get a joke is about ten years.

 

[OCR]

Still a better idea than arguing with a woman...

And...

A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it ! ..

 

[OCR]

A blond, who was tired of all the blond jokes going around, decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road. "Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees...

Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!" He is stunned, but keeps his word and allows her to pick one.

She picks out the cutest...

He looks at her and says... "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back ? ....

 

[davenn]

in

And...

A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it ! ..

indeed

unlike this guy who probably didn't live too long after his response ...

 

[OCR]

And then the fight started...

 

[OCR]

Back to physics, and observation...

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger... then it hit me. ..

 

[BL4CKB0X97]

 

[jtbell]

Have you heard? Apple is about to enter a new field, cattle ranching, with a device named the iProd.

 

[mfb]

iRack?

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

"The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive."
-- W. C. Fields

 

[mfb]

"The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive."
-- W. C. Fields

Indeed
But it can't be too bad, so far they always wanted to come back.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Indeed
But it can't be too bad

May be it gets bad at the exit! ...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Teacher calls the parent: "Mr Smith please control and restrain your son, because he tells many lies!"
Smith: "Gee! He must be a heck of a lier, because ... I DON'T HAVE A SON!"

 

[fresh_42]

And there was this famous tenor at the met. He received one da capo after the other and as he had repeated his third time he sang the aria there were still shouts "Da capo!" from the balcony. He gesticulated that he was too exhausted now, but there still was the call: "Da capo! Da capo! Until you know how to do it!"

 

[fresh_42]

"There are leftovers from yesterday: apple pie, cheescake and torte. Want to have it?"
"Yes, please."
"Which one?"
"I don't understand the question."

 

[WWGD]

Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore, it is too crowded! (Yogi Berra).

 

[256bits]

Hannibal the cannibal was late for dinner.
He got the cold shoulder.

 

[WWGD]

There was a rumor Idi Amin, former Ugandan ruler, was a cannibal*. Once, during a flight, they asked him what he wanted for dinner. He replies: " The fat guy on row 3, with potatos and salad."

* Thanks for refreshing my memory , 256 ( May I call you Byte/4 ?)

 

[256bits]

Ha Just please don't call me late for dinner.

 

[fresh_42]

Ha Just please don't call me late for dinner.

Why? Shoulder is a good piece for BBQ.

 

[fresh_42]

Working at home is crap!
(Joe, 42, firefighter)

 

[WWGD]

iRack?

It is in Pakistan, which is between iRack and a Hard Place ( Maybe the Hard Rack cafe' in Pakistan)..