Collection of Lame Jokes

  • Thread starter Thread starter quddusaliquddus
  • Start date Start date
  • Tags Tags
    Jokes
Join the discussion
Registration is free. Ask a follow-up in this thread, or start your own.
24,333 replies · 3M views
Ibix said:
I've just finished writing my book on penguins! In hindsight, it would probably have been easier to write it on paper.
So that's why they're called Penguin Books!
 
Physics news on Phys.org
Time flies like an arrow,
fruit flies like a banana.
 
  • Like
Likes   Reactions: jack action and Ibix
See: https://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/05/04/time-flies-arrow/
QI has traced the core of the quotation to the work of an early researcher in artificial intelligence, Anthony Oettinger, who was trying to get a computer to manipulate the English language. In the magazine Scientific American in 1966, Oettinger describes a computer program that takes sentences as input and attempts to determine which words are acting as verbs, nouns, adjectives, and adverbs, etcetera [OET]. The example input he uses is “Time flies like an arrow”, but the task is complicated because the computer program must also work properly for sentences such as “Fruit flies like a banana” and “Time runners with a stop-watch”. Here is what he says: ...
 
  • Like
  • Informative
Likes   Reactions: mfb, BillTre and Ibix
If2E_swvPjh6GpyzUMzLUjkCb8w&_nc_ht=scontent-ham3-1.jpg
 
  • Like
Likes   Reactions: Ibix, 256bits and BillTre
Would you even notice if a fly gave you the bird?
It has such so tiny fingers.
 
Do you know the difference between a UFO and a bad driver? (Turn your phone around or see the spoiler)

ufo.jpg


bad-driver.jpg
 
  • Like
  • Love
Likes   Reactions: AlexB23, Filip Larsen, 256bits and 6 others
That's brilliant! There are a few clues that the image is upside down, but it's amazingly misleading. Well done to whoever saw the possibility in that shot...
 
  • Like
Likes   Reactions: BillTre and Wrichik Basu
An old classic: what do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia.
 
  • Like
Likes   Reactions: 256bits, jack action and BillTre
Why should you always tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?

You don't want to wake the sleeping pills.
 
  • Like
Likes   Reactions: 256bits, Wrichik Basu, etotheipi and 2 others
A Yorkshireman goes into a comic shop and says "I'm looking for the latest edition of that comic about the Belgian detective boy, but I can't remember his name."

"Tintin," says the shopkeeper.

"Never mind," says the customer. "I'll try again next week."
 
Check your clocks every day, and keep them well nourished.
If they are hungry, they go back for seconds.
 
  • Like
  • Haha
Likes   Reactions: BillTre, Keith_McClary, jack action and 1 other person
Year 2020 wanted to make a name for itself, and it has accomplished that goal.
Just by the look of things so far, it will be remembered.

All the other wise knowing years are quietly mumbling about this whippersnapper of a year, your days are numbered.
 
256bits said:
Year 2020 wanted to make a name for itself, and it has accomplished that goal.
Just by the look of things so far, it will be remembered.
I feel I ought to make some sort of joke about 2020 vision. But I can't see it.
 
  • Like
Likes   Reactions: jack action, Ibix and 256bits
DrGreg said:
I feel I ought to make some sort of joke about 2020 vision. But I can't see it.
Wait until 2021 - then you'll have 2020 hindsight.
 
  • Like
  • Haha
Likes   Reactions: atyy, BillTre, phinds and 2 others
It was a surprise. 2020 started of without a problem and then, right off the bat, Covid showed up.
 
  • Haha
Likes   Reactions: Keith_McClary