Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

 

[gmax137]

At least the poachers didn't get him.

 

[Vanadium 50]

I love a good hard-boiled detective story.

 

[DrGreg]

I love a good hard-boiled detective story.

As long as it's eggciting.

Glad it was just the one egg, because un oeuf is enough.

(Sorry, but this is the lame yolks thread.)

 

[jbriggs444]

Just when you thought there will be no more stupid egg jokes, another one comes along.

It's unovoidable.

 

[fresh_42]

Are there other fans than me of the Eggmonton Broilers?

 

[fresh_42]

"I'm a radiologist."
"Fine. Which channel?"

 

[gmax137]

"I'm a radiologist."
"Fine. Which channel?"

I heard this a long time ago, a real conversation

"I'm from New Jersey."
"Really. What exit?"

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DaveC426913]

View attachment 283359

That took me a lot more zooming to figure out than I'm comfortable with.

 

[Keith_McClary]

View attachment 283359

From Quora:

What are the best flip flops to wear on a motorcycle?

Naveen Raj:

Oh my god! Why do you need flip flops while riding?

Do you even know how to ride a motorcycle?

Always ride Bare footed.

• This gives you extra grip on the gear and brake.
• While putting the leg down, the small stones and mud in the grind will clean the dead cells on the foot.
• While an accident since there are no footwear, you can easily escape the place.

Also please note that don’t wear an helmet. It spoils your hair and why do you even need a helmet if have this much of strong brain!

 

[Borg]

This is posted on my cube at work. Very appropriate at times.

 

[Ibix]

I hesitated over liking that... I was loaned to a place like it for a couple of weeks some years ago. It wasn't even really their fault and they were very aware of the insanity. Nice bunch of people and I still have a chat if I see them around, but you couldn't pay me enough to work there long term.

 

[DennisN]

Some fun quotes of Steven Wright:

• I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
• Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
• 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. (my favorite)
• The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

 

[fresh_42]

Here is one which would fit in that collection:

Optimism is only a lack of information.

 

[Frigus]

Here is one which would fit in that collection:

Optimism is only a lack of information.

My teacher says that Optimism is just ignoring half the road.

 

[Ibix]

In a similar vein, "cynic" is what an optimist calls a realist.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

Optimists say in the future there will only be crap to eat. Pessimists say there won't be rnough for every one.

 

[Borg]

I hesitated over liking that... I was loaned to a place like it for a couple of weeks some years ago. It wasn't even really their fault and they were very aware of the insanity. Nice bunch of people and I still have a chat if I see them around, but you couldn't pay me enough to work there long term.

It's not really that bad where I work. Mostly, I just like the meme because prod installs can seem like a life or death battle sometimes.

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

Some fun quotes of Steven Wright:

His best:

You can't have everything; where would you put it?

 

[phinds]

I love a good hard-boiled detective story.

Reminds me of the anecdote about the contest for the best really, really short story that had to include religion, sex, and mystery.

The winner:

Good God, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Klystron]

View attachment 282766

Not certain I get this joke. Perhaps it is funnier in a different language.
German, as in "'s' in loT" --> "Essen Lotte"?

Ayudame, por favor. Mi mente esta estancada. (Help, please. My mind is stuck.)

 

[berkeman]

Not certain I get this joke. Perhaps it is funnier in a different language.
German, as in "'s' in loT" --> "Essen Lotte"?

Ayudame, por favor. Mi mente esta estancada. (Help, please. My mind is stuck.)

One of the big issues with the Internet of Things (IoT) is that not all manufacturers of the devices are being careful about security. Many/most of the devices are connected to the Internet (hence the "I"), and some of them do not use strong passwords and security. Some of the devices still have their well-known default passwords because their installers/users haven't bothered to change them, and some devices can be used to bridge past firewalls if they are not installed thoughtfully.

So the meme is poking fun at such IoT devices, pointing out that "Security" did not make it into the acronym.

 

[Klystron]

One of the big issues with the Internet of Things (IoT) is that not all manufacturers of the devices are being careful about security. Many/most of the devices are connected to the Internet (hence the "I"), and some of them do not use strong passwords and security. Some of the devices still have their well-known default passwords because their installers/users haven't bothered to change them, and some devices can be used to bridge past firewalls if they are not installed thoughtfully.

So the meme is poking fun at such IoT devices, pointing out that "Security" did not make it into the acronym.

I read the 'I' as 'l'; i.e., a lowercase 'L'. Thanks for helping keep decrepitude at bay for another day.

 

[Baluncore]

Thanks for helping keep decrepitude at bay for another day.

Is decrepit an antonym of crepit ?
What is the antonym of crepuscular ?

 

[DrGreg]

Is decrepit an antonym of crepit ?
What is the antonym of crepuscular ?

Hmm...
"Decrease" should be the opposite of "crease".
"Increase" should be the opposite of "crease".
Therefore "decrease" and "increase" mean the same thing!

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

Hmm...
"Decrease" should be the opposite of "crease".
"Increase" should be the opposite of "crease".
Therefore "decrease" and "increase" mean the same thing!

This sheds completely new light on the mean value theorem!

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 283464

I encountered this procedure during a visit to Russia. However, they used Vodka (= little water) instead.

 

[mfb]

Is the glass not filled, or is it fully emptied?

 

[WWGD]

Hmm...
"Decrease" should be the opposite of "crease".
"Increase" should be the opposite of "crease".
Therefore "decrease" and "increase" mean the same thing!

I just ironed my shirt to get rid of de crease.

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

View attachment 283481

Actually, he's just asleep.

 

[Ibix]

Actually, he's just asleep.

Pinin' for the fjords...

 

[jack action]