Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

 

[DrClaude]

At least they are all keeping their eyes on the ball.

 

[DrClaude]

View attachment 290004

Guy 1: Did you know that helicopter blades are there to keep the pilot cool?

Guy 2: Really?

Guy 1: Yeah. The other day I saw a helicopter whose rotor had stopped, and boy was the pilot sweating!

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 290023

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 290023

They live on the Sandwich Islands, of course! At least the ones that are ready to eat. The ones that I have to pull out of the freezer and pop into the microwave are from the South Sandwich Islands.

 

[WWGD]

They live on the Sandwich Islands, of course! At least the ones that are ready to eat. The ones that I have to pull out of the freezer and pop into the microwave are from the South Sandwich Islands.

Maybe we could use more food-like names for islands: " Cheesecake Islands", " Cheeseburger Islands, etc."

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

Cheeseburger Islands

whose capital is Margaritaville...

(Hey Jimmy, if you see this and then buy an island to build a resort on, and give it that name, I want a cut. )

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Right after this photo was taken, she dropped her knee and threw him using an Ō goshi. After that embarrassing incident Shrek left the world of wrestling and went into acting.

 

[WWGD]

Right after this photo was taken, she dropped her knee and threw him using an Ō goshi. After that embarrassing incident Shrek left the world of wrestling and went into acting.

View attachment 290067

Kind of looks like Andre the Giant. Though I heard Shrek is based on a real person.

 

[fresh_42]

Marvin is based on a real person. Quotation: "You cannot invent such a character." (Douglas Adams)

 

[WWGD]

T&T; Trinidad and Tobago is considering merging with the island of Antigua to become A T&T.

 

[jtbell]

The official name of this sculpture in Greenville SC is "Il Porcellino." I think of it as "Shut up and dribble!"

(with no intent to compare it to the person(s) towards whom the remark was originally directed.)

 

[phinds]

fun with auto-correct:

 

[256bits]

I clicked that one a HAHAHAHAHA because it was so Hilary Duff,

 

[jack action]

The official name of this sculpture in Greenville SC is "Il Porcellino." I think of it as "Shut up and dribble!"

View attachment 290076

(with no intent to compare it to the person(s) towards whom the remark was originally directed.)

The most fascinating fact about that sculpture (the original one in Florence, Italy) is this one:

Visitors to Il Porcellino put a coin into the boar's gaping jaws, with the intent to let it fall through the underlying grating for good luck, and they rub the boar's snout to ensure a return to Florence [...] which has kept the snout in a state of polished sheen while the rest of the boar's body has patinated to a dull brownish-green.

 

[jack action]

I've just replaced my car engine with the motor from my washing machine.

I'm going to take it for a spin later.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[phinds]

truth in advertising

I particularly like his statement of the quantity

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.

You can't say that's just a coincidence.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DennisN]

:)

 

[WWGD]

My daughter has a dog without a nose.
How does he smell?
Horrible!

 

[mfb]

Do they have a gift shop?

That joke has another layer for Germans because Gift=poison.

 

[jack action]

 

[DrClaude]

That joke has another layer for Germans because Gift=poison.

Even better in Swedish, where gift means both poison and married

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

That joke has another layer for Germans because Gift=poison.

Well that's the Germans for you.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

View attachment 289862​

This now hangs on the wall of our company president - Thor.

 

[artis]

Those gates seem like they were taken from a concentration camp.

If I was a former political prisoner seeing those gates alone would give me PTSD

I wonder how the gardeners fight off weeds in that garden - in full hazmat and using "agent orange"

 

[Ibix]

Those gates seem like they were taken from a concentration camp.

If I was a former political prisoner seeing those gates alone would give me PTSD

The place is in the middle of London, which is full of little well-manicured public and private squares with gardens. The scary is deliberate and probably cuts down on the dead bodies found on Saturday mornings.

wonder how the gardeners fight off weeds in that garden - in full hazmat and using "agent orange"

It's a nice normal looking garden inside (that's part of the danger...). I've been on a tour - no protective kit required, although I bet the staff wear heavy gloves and long sleeves when caring for the plants.

 

[jack action]

100 years ago, everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.

Now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses.

The stables have turned.

 

[jack action]

 

[phinds]

To go to the opposite of this garden, I'm reminded of the story of the American visiting London who, long story short, desperately needed a bathroom ("loo") to take a whiz but could not find one and was about to do it up against a wall in an alley when a cop ("bobby") tapped him on the shoulder and said Sir, we don't DO that here in London but if you'll follow me, I'll show you where you CAN go.

Bobby takes the guy around the corner and opens up the gate to this beautiful garden and tells the American that he can go anywhere in there. Guy does so, comes out and thanks the bobby profusely and says that must be what they call the British hospitality. Bobby says, well, no sir, it's actually what we call the French Embassy.