Collection of Lame Jokes

[collinsmark]

Hey, what are you sayin'. Skeletons ain't scary, I'm surrounded by 'em over here, and I'm OK.

 

[fresh_42]

Now that he's been booted from the country, he'll have to change his name to NoTennis.

The world is going crazy. I mean, everybody else would have gotten a three-year ban of reentry. All those news about an incredibly well-paid, nevertheless unimportant gladiator. And today I read on CNN that Pence's rabbit has died! What's next? That John Smith changed his underwear?

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Borg]

Pence's rabbit has died!

Pence is https://oncofertility.msu.edu/blog/2010/08/mythbusters-oncofertility?

 

[Hornbein]

View attachment 295110

A friend of mine had this censored when he tried to post it to Facebook.

 

[Borg]

I guess they wouldn't like this one either.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[strangerep]

What's next? That John Smith changed his underwear?

Actually, that would be quite significant news. Many innocent people could return to their homes in his suburb.

 

[phinds]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[ergospherical]

 

[jack action]

Before it was carved, mount Rushmore's natural beauty was unpresidented.

 

[Ibix]

I went on Dragon's Den the other day, and I showed them my dad's old shotgun. Peter Jones asked me to describe my idea, so I said "It's a simple scheme, Peter. You put all the money in the bag!"

 

[jack action]

Another Novak first:

Novak Djokovic becomes the first professional athlete in history to be banned from a major sporting competition for not taking drugs.

 

[fresh_42]

Source: see picture

 

[BillTre]

Critter Review:

 

[WWGD]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[Ibix]

Which book is that? There's the same gag with 'recursion' in Kernighan & Ritchie.

 

[WWGD]

And separate entries some 20 pages appart about Deja Vu in ' Why Things Are' by J Acgenbach.

 

[Ibix]

My wife said she'd kick me out if I made one more llama joke.

I said alpaca my bags.

 

[Ibix]

Did you know that Norwegian warships have barcodes? It's because dey Scandinavian.

 

[Ibix]

Do you know why you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they're really, really good at it.

 

[WWGD]

And separate entries some 20 pages appart about Deja Vu in ' Why Things Are' by J Acgenbach.

 

[WWGD]

Do you know why you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they're really, really good at it.

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 295741

That's because baby elephants cannot climb trees and poles, yet.

 

[WWGD]

That's because baby elephants cannot climb trees and poles, yet.

But they can take residues around poles. Or maybe around germans too?

 

[DrClaude]

Which book is that? There's the same gag with 'recursion' in Kernighan & Ritchie.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0201529831/?tag=pfamazon01-20

 

[DaveC426913]

 

[DennisN]

 

[frost_zero]

why did the anode not attend 2020 reunion party?
it was positive

 

[jtbell]

Did you know that Norwegian warships have barcodes? It's because dey Scandinavian.

If they ever get into the Baltic Sea, they'll be Finnished off.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

If I cut the pie in 3 equal pieces with a knife, each one is 0.333 of the pie. 3(0.333) =.999 .
Where's the rest of the pie?
A: It's stuck in the knife.

 

[Ibix]

If they ever get into the Baltic Sea, they'll be Finnished off.

Yeah, that Finnish admiral is a tough customer. Any enemy ships get close to his country and Helsinki dem.

 

[Ibix]

If I cut the pie in 3 equal pieces with a knife, each one is 0.333 of the pie. 3(0.333) =.999 .
Where's the rest of the pie?
A: It's stuck in the knife.

Assuming this is a circular pie, it's a rounding error.

 

[kuruman]

If I cut the pie in 3 equal pieces with a knife, each one is 0.333 of the pie. 3(0.333) =.999 .
Where's the rest of the pie?
A: It's stuck in the knife.

Your premise is incorrect. To divide a circular pie in 3 equal pieces, each piece must be 120° or two-thirds pie. You're off by a factor of two.

 

[jtbell]

Once upon a time, a group of diplomats from various European countries were flying over the Atlantic to a conference in New York.

They heard a loud "bang", followed by an announcement from the pilot. The plane was leaking fuel, and would not be able to reach land unless one of them jumped out to reduce weight.

The British diplomat stood up, shouted "God save the Queen!" and jumped out the hatch.

A bit later, the pilot reported that the fuel loss rate had increased, and another person would have to jump out.

The Soviet diplomat stood up, shouted, "Long live Comrade Brezhnev!" and jumped out the hatch.

A bit later, the pilot reported... well, you can guess.

The Dane, the Norwegian, the Icelander, and the Finn all stood up together, shouted in unison, "Long live Nordic cooperation!", picked up the Swede, and threw him out the hatch.

 

[WWGD]

Who doesn't recognize the type:

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DaveC426913]

Who doesn't recognize the type:View attachment 295809

Yup. Friend of a friend. Was an ACKtually Guy before it was a thing.

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[frost_zero]

Who doesn't recognize the type:View attachment 295809

I don't ;-;

 

[berkeman]

Ackchyually I don't ;-;

Fixed it for you.