Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #17,051
fresh_42 said:

256bits said:
Proof:
On a clear day you would see this:
( Higfhlight emphasis and contrast enhancement )

View attachment 333744
Rain washes the pollutants out, and you see this :
View attachment 333745
Case closed.
There's a lot more going on in that image...
I let advanced AI software analyze it, and here's the result:

01.png
 
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  • #17,052
DennisN said:
There's a lot more going on in that image...
I let advanced AI software analyze it, and here's the result:

View attachment 333790

Oh, come on ! This is clearly a fake. It's too early for Santa clause.
 
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  • #17,053
phinds said:
Oh, come on ! This is clearly a fake. It's too early for Santa clause.
Not every nation has this clear cut called "Halloween". Santa Clause starts as soon as the remaining stocks of Easter bunnies are sold or molten to produce Santas.
 
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  • #17,054
In 1972 the CBC held a contest to find the Canadian equivalent of "As American as apple pie" and the winner was "As Canadian as possible under the circumstances".
 
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  • #17,055
fresh_42 said:
Not every nation has this clear cut called "Halloween". Santa Clause starts as soon as the remaining stocks of Easter bunnies are sold or molten to produce Santas.
Yes, but he doesn't show up on his sleigh until Dec 24 at midnight.

EDIT: Hm ... OK, maybe the pic was shot on Xmas Eve.
 
  • #17,056
phinds said:
In 1972 the CBC held a contest to find the Canadian equivalent of "As American as apple pie" and the winner was "As Canadian as possible under the circumstances".
I never understood this apple pie thing. Firstly, we have apple pies as a standard Sunday pie, too. Even more than one version, and it is definitely a "German" pie. I guess, the French and British have their versions of apple pies, too. Secondly, apples aren't American. IIRC they are Chinese, maybe Caucasian, but definitely not American. Pumpkin pie would have been American.
 
  • #17,057
fresh_42 said:
I never understood this apple pie thing....

It's not that complicated. Apple pie became popular in the U.S. and was adopted as something of it's own.
 
  • #17,058
fresh_42 said:
I never understood this apple pie thing. Firstly, we have apple pies as a standard Sunday pie, too. Even more than one version, and it is definitely a "German" pie. I guess, the French and British have their versions of apple pies, too. Secondly, apples aren't American. IIRC they are Chinese, maybe Caucasian, but definitely not American. Pumpkin pie would have been American.
Hey, I don't make up the rules. The full phrase is "As American as hot dogs and apple pie". Don't blame me.
 
  • #17,059
the Wiki page on apple pie is interesting.
 
  • #17,060
What is the cheesiest pickup line?

cheesy-pickup-line.jpg


(Yah! Yah! Yah! I know. Insert the wolf thingy here.)
 
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  • #17,061
I'd vote for the tomato and cheese pie as being the quintessential American pie nowadays. What's more American than pizza? A ground beef sandwich named after a German city? French fried potatoes? Are those Chevy trucks?
 
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  • #17,062
An eight-year-old girl goes to the office with her father on "Take Your Kid to Work Day".

As they were walking around the office, the young girl started crying and getting very cranky. Her father asked what was wrong with her.

As the staff gathered round, she sobbed loudly: «Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?»
 
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  • #17,063
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

For drizzle
 
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  • #17,064
Screenshot_20230915_100259_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
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  • #17,065
Screenshot_20230818_135020_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
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  • #17,066
WWGD said:
Finally got banned from the flat earth discord by posting a forbidden image.
LATAM805.jpg
 
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  • #17,067
Screenshot_20230812_122621_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
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  • #17,068
Please, let’s stay away from violent conflict jokes where innocent people have died. Being a victim of violent crime, I mourn the needless loss of life and cringe whenever I see callous jokes related to it and I know many other folks who cringe as well.

in the past few weeks, I’ve read about a small happy 6 year old boy assaulted with a baseball bat by a deranged neighbor. No reason was given for why a grown man would do such a thing, breaking into their house at 5am and attacking him while he slept.

I’ve read about the horrific attack by Hamas on the people in Gaza, Israel’s targeted response and the subsequent Hamas missile strike mishap on a Hamas hospital and the Hamas attempt to blame Israel.

The latest news I read where another 6 year old boy was attacked and killed by his family’s landlord because they were Palestinian Muslim immigrants and the formerly friendly landlord exacted his anger on them.

In the end, the reality is that innocent people are killed as a proxy for another persons anger.

So please no more jokes tinged with or peripheral to violence and conflict.
 
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  • #17,069
 
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  • #17,070
phinds said:
A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READS:
We will heel you.
We will save your sole.
We will even dye for you.

A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:
Blind man driving.

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix.

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels.

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels.

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed.

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout.

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts.

In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door
"Push. Push. Push."

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait.

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank Heaven for little grills.

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak.

And the best one for last:
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck: Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises
In the front yard of a hair salon:
"Curl up and Dye"
 
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  • #17,071
A grey haired Army General walks into a bar and sits down next to a young attractive woman.
They hit it off and she likes a man in uniform.
So she says "Why don't you come up to my room?"
The general says "I'm flattered. But at my age I'm not sure things would work the way you hope."
She says "But you're in good shape. Tell me, when was the last time you had sex?
"Oh" the general says; "It was probably 1950."
"OMG!" says the woman. "Well, I'm sure it will all come back to you."
So they end up in bed and it's pretty wild. The general really has some skills. When it's all over she says:
"General, that was WONDERful. I'm impressed that you haven't forgotten a thing since 1950."
The general says "I should hope not. It's only 2130 now."
 
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  • #17,072
A guy goes off to University, and has to fill out some paperwork:

Emergency Contact: [mother's name and address]
Relationship: Good
 
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  • #17,073
"C'mon, Eve, forget about that apple. Let's grill the snake!"
"I'm vegan."

... and that is how it all began ...
 
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  • #17,074
Screenshot 2023-10-19 at 9.07.04 AM.png
 
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  • #17,075
Maybe Jagger could get enough votes for Speaker of the House?
 
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  • #17,077
The problem is that they were told to get more than one because catscan.
 
  • #17,078
_nc_ohc=WOgk-HcXzmwAX8n0bUz&_nc_ht=scontent-fra3-2.jpg
 
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  • #17,079
1697765141689.png
 
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  • #17,080
phinds said:
I've been shouting at the mouth ordering my cheeseburger with fries and no one is replying !
 
  • #17,081
1697770382069.png
 
  • #17,082
Screenshot_20230812_123549_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
  • #17,083
Screenshot_20230810_161723_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
  • #17,084
Screenshot_20230810_161439_Samsung Internet.jpg
 
  • #17,085
nuuskur said:
1697770382069.png
Is that an Esaw Woodsaw wood spoon?
Or a woodchuck chuck wood spoon.
 
  • #17,086
FB_IMG_1697738248378.jpg
 
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  • #17,087
Screenshot 2023-10-20 at 6.32.48 AM.png
 
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  • #17,088
391591760_24809599968639072_2935077315983121931_n.jpg
 
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  • #17,089
FB_IMG_16978474680397786.jpg


(sorry, US citizens, but I thought it was too funny to avoid sharing 🙂)
 
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  • #17,090
DennisN said:
View attachment 333927

(sorry, US citizens, but I thought it was too funny to avoid sharing 🙂)
What about the other two?
 
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  • #17,091
DennisN said:
View attachment 333927

(sorry, US citizens, but I thought it was too funny to avoid sharing 🙂)
What's wrong with you?? I'm an American and I take great offense to you making fun of my education. That's clearly Africa and you know it!

Dum*ss.

-Dan
 
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  • #17,092
Ok, to balance it out, here's a Norwegian joke about Swedes :smile::

Joke about Swedes.jpg
 
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  • #17,094
_nc_ohc=LLpl2PSFe7MAX-OGLw8&_nc_ht=scontent-fra3-1.jpg
 
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  • #17,095
_nc_ohc=rXJ66pwphB4AX-RcR1C&_nc_ht=scontent-fra5-2.jpg
 
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  • #17,096
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  • #17,097
jtbell said:
Or from Monty Python to something else...


I had the same thought.
 
  • #17,098
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  • #17,099
Well that's a real safe sculpture...
 
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  • #17,100
Screenshot 2023-10-21 at 11.26.28 AM.png
 
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