Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

Isn't that what nothing does?

Yes, but that man wasn't British who said no-thing. It was an Indian long, long before the British built concentration camps in India. Google says that he said कुछ नहीं.

 

[gmax137]

Isn't that what nothing does?

Nothing does it like zero.

 

[fresh_42]

Nothing does it like zero.

And then there is the American variant that takes it literally:

10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-ignition!

Whatever has been there has been ignited and is gone now.
(No idea whether the Russians had a countdown in the sixties.)

 

[jbriggs444]

The first time someone had the idea to name something that wasn't there

Harvey? Is that you?

 

[fresh_42]

Harvey? Is that you?

I only know Mr. Floppy's version.

 

[DrGreg]

The downside of this thought is, that I bet it was an accountant.

I thought accountancy was based on the surreal number system.

 

[phinds]

I thought accountancy was based on the surreal number system.

Depends on whether or not they are honest. If not, then it's based on the imaginary number system.

 

[WWGD]

Isn't that what nothing does?

Not quite. Nothing really matters...to me.*

* Anyway the wind blows.

 

[berkeman]

 

[DrClaude]

And then there is the American variant that takes it literally:

10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-ignition!

Is this the case? When Apollo XI lifted off, there was a zero, and ignition is at t - 5 seconds.

 

[Orodruin]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

I shaved my head completely for Summer. Now, when I enter a room, I ask: " Did someone rub a lamp twice?".

 

[fresh_42]

Is this the case? When Apollo XI lifted off, there was a zero, and ignition is at t - 5 seconds.

artistic freedom

 

[jack action]

You will never guess it right but you will surely laugh:

https://fb.watch/sEcZwFqjYs/​

 

[nsaspook]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[renormalize]

View attachment 346766

 

[WWGD]

Finally home after a long day. Sofa so good.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Borg]

View attachment 346788

Maybe that's the result of him clawing his owner as he was parking.

 

[phinds]

 

[Ibix]

"Man walks down the street in that poncho, you know he ain't afraid of anythin'."

 

[WWGD]

A priest, an imam, and a rabbit enter a blood bank to donate. The receiving nurse asks for their blood type:

- I am a type-A, says the priest.

- I know I am type-B, says the imam.

The rabbit looks a bit lost and finally stammers:

- I think … I think … I am a type-O

The Taiwanese priest is a Tai pei personality.

 

[WWGD]

My friend Patrick changed his name to Joseph. Now his an expat.

 

[WWGD]

Hey, I want my confocal hyperbola too:

Where can I get one ??!!

 

[fresh_42]

Hey, I want my confocal hyperbola too:
View attachment 346831
Where can I get one ??!!

The question is, to figure out which Aurelius is meant. My proposal:

So look out for the nearest hippobola! Unfortunately, a quick search didn't show any hippobolas under King Julien's reign.

 

[Borg]

 

[fresh_42]

My date said she was going to the bathroom and used the front door.
How stupid can you be?

 

[berkeman]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[davenn]

another day in Phoenix, AZ

 

[davenn]

Wow ...imagine staying up till 9pm

 

[Gifovaco]

Wow ...imagine staying up till 9pm

View attachment 346851

Don't forget the naps, the 'advanced' afternoon delights....

 

[Gifovaco]

another day in Phoenix, AZ
View attachment 346850

We make sure it persists....

 

[davenn]

 

[Gifovaco]

View attachment 346853

Oh 'Fleas' Dr 'Fleas' some more of these... what a drag it is ... on my own....

 

[Swamp Thing]

 

[Gifovaco]

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him ... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Almost instruction set....what processor..??...haha

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[berkeman]

View attachment 346886

That's a pretty weird fridge that you have there at work, fresh...

 

[DrClaude]

That's a pretty weird fridge that you have there at work, fresh...

Mmm, Goo Gone!

 

[Borg]

Mmm, oatmeal cooked in chicken stock with whipped cream.

 

[berkeman]

 

[ohwilleke]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DennisN]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Gifovaco]

View attachment 346886

Mine say 'Muy Caliente'...