Collection of Lame Jokes

[jack action]

I can't decide if I'll be a hairdresser or a short story writer.

I guess I'll have to flip a coin...

Heads or Tales.

 

[jtbell]

Psychologist or proctologist?

Odds or ends?

 

[WWGD]

Guy walks into the confessional and tells the Father: " I just had great sex with a blonde I met at the beach."
Father :" Ok, say 3 hail marys and two our fathers*."
Guy :" But I'm a Buddhist"
Father:" So why are you telling me?"
Guy: " Hey, I'm telling _ everyone_."

*Please forgive the lack of technical accuracy.

 

[dwarde]

 

[DaveC426913]

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar.
The bartender yells "Batman!"
Half of them leave.
The bartender says "Hey hey-hey, good-bye."

 

[Arjan82]

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar.
The bartender yells "Batman!"
Half of them leave.
The bartender says "Hey hey-hey, good-bye."

That took me a bit

 

[jackjack2025]

I hear Brits calling him So- Crates, as in Soak Rates. It took me a while to know who they were talking about.

Really? We call him sock-rat-eez

 

[jackjack2025]

IKnowRite? At the time I declared Ted to be the pinnacle of Reeves' career (not it a bad way. I thought the performance was superior).

Sorry fellas, it is Point Break that was his pinnacle. Or maybe John Wick. Or Speed. Definitely not the matrix.

 

[DaveC426913]

Sorry fellas, it is Point Break that was his pinnacle. Or maybe John Wick. Or Speed. Definitely not the matrix.

No. Bill and Ted was his pinnacle!

 

[WWGD]

No. Bill and Ted was his pinnacle!

How about that of Soak rates? Hope you won't tell me it was drinking Hemlock.

 

[mjc123]

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar.
The bartender yells "Batman!"
Half of them leave.
The bartender says "Hey hey-hey, good-bye."

Then eleven of them go off to greet a friend called Jude.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

 

[berkeman]

I have no idea what the joke is, but that top fletching is going to hurt when they pull the trigger...

 

[phinds]

I have no idea what the joke is, but that top fletching is going to hurt when they pull the trigger...

Never watched Pulp Fiction, huh? It was quite a movie.

 

[Ibix]

I have no idea what the joke is

Search "Pulp Fiction apartment scene". Content note: lots of swearing and shooting.

I have no idea what the joke is, but that top fletching is going to hurt when they pull the trigger...

I think the bowstring will take their fingers off too. Par for the course for Vincent, but Jules seems more competent in the movie.

 

[fresh_42]

Search "Pulp Fiction apartment scene".

Alternatively, call The Wolf.

Content note: lots of swearing and shooting.

This Tarantino quote was the first one I saw that made it past the language hurdle at PF.

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Borg]

Sponsored by the local hospital?

 

[phinds]

Sponsored by the local hospital?

Morgue more likely

 

[DaveC426913]

 

[sbrothy]

Q: What's white and black and red all over?
A: A zebra with an attitude.

 

[fresh_42]

I wonder if such an event would lead to cooperation between the bison and wolf populations in Yellowstone.

 

[BillTre]

View attachment 361794

Should have hooves not claws I think. I would guess 4 obvious toes.

 

[Ibix]

Q: What's white and black and red all over?
A: A zebra with an attitude.

The answer to that used to be "a newspaper", but now they're in colour and a lot of people just read the headlines.

 

[renormalize]

The answer to that used to be "a newspaper", but now they're in colour and a lot of people just read the headlines.

Another golden oldie answer is "a sunburned zebra".

 

[DennisN]

 

[renormalize]

 

[DrGreg]

View attachment 361803

Reminds me of the old joke:

Person doing crossword:
"Often found on the bottom of a birdcage, 4 letters: something something I T"

"GRIT"​

"Has anyone got an eraser?"

 

[pinball1970]

View attachment 361494

 

[WWGD]

My other friend's motto was "fight fire with fire".

And that's why he was fired as a firefighter.

My friend's motto was a Vespa.

 

[Ibix]

My friend's motto was a Vespa.

Friend? You Harley know 'im.

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[256bits]

View attachment 361803

Why do dogs Pick Their Teams?

Ans :

Spoiler

Cuz they can

 

[davenn]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," he replied.

"Oh, killed any?" she said.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 females," came the answer.
Intrigued, the wife asked, "How can you tell them apart?"
Husband: "3 were on a beer can

, 2 were on the phone

."

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 361777

And then there were these things called "phone booths."

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

And then there were these things called "phone booths."

Not to forget where this mysterious "mail"-part in email comes from. On the other hand, email itself might be outdated meanwhile.

 

[DennisN]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

Sorry fellas, it is Point Break that was his pinnacle. Or maybe John Wick. Or Speed. Definitely not the matrix.

Matrix wasn't even invertible.

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]