Collection of Lame Jokes

[DaveC426913]

 

[Bystander]

View attachment 367444

Just used the "search" function; no results...how has this not been posted earlier?

 

[DaveC426913]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[pinball1970]

View attachment 365480

Bargain. Banabnas in Oldham cost about £2 for three diddy ones.

 

[pinball1970]

View attachment 365553

I couldn't post that!

 

[pinball1970]

View attachment 367519

Absolutely pinching that one!

 

[difalcojr]

Where do bad rainbows go?...................................................................................................................................................Prism.

 

[BillTre]

Where do bad rainbows go?...................................................................................................................................................Prism.

But they keep braking out.

 

[difalcojr]

Yes, they do, those that don't get straightened out.

 

[WWGD]

Ive tried to use Windows Defender, but it takes me on an infinite loop. I wish they would polish Defender. I'm moving out.

 

[DaveC426913]

Ive tried to use Windows Defender, but it takes me on an infinite loop. I wish they would polish Defender. I'm moving out.

Im a not sure if this has a punchline.

 

[sbrothy]

For some time now I've been playing around with writing/drawing a childrens book chronicling the adventures of Teddy The Tardigrade,

and possibly his friends (whatever they may be. Bedbugs? Staphylococci? I'm not entirely sure about the dimensions. When I mention this idea to people they tell me that children will be scared, but seriously who would be scared of the above 8-legged vacuum-cleaner bag?

Now his father on the other hand!

He might evoke a nightmare or two!

 

[WWGD]

Im a not sure if this has a punchline.

Well, the joke is the comparison with Billy Joel's "Moving Out"'s line "At least you can polish the fender". I thought about the joke in my Cadillack Aka. Still, MadMag used to have a bit about joke setups in search of a punchline. Edit: Maybe overly contrived, or just a horrible joke.

 

[DaveC426913]

Well, the joke is the comparison with Billy Joel's "Moving Out"'s line "At least you can polish the fender". I thought about the joke in my Cadillack Aka. Still, MadMag used to have a bit about joke setups in search of a punchline.

OK, now I'm starting to understand why my wife's friends ask her if I'm all right when I post stuff online that is so obscure only I get it. So this is what it looks like from the outside.

 

[fresh_42]

OK, now I'm starting to understand why my wife's friends ask her if I'm all right when I post stuff online that is so obscure only I get it. So this is what it looks like from the outside.

I, once, back from a dinner at a Pizzeria, made a pun in a conversation. I have forgotten the details. One of my friends laughed, and the other one asked him what was so funny. His reply: "I don't know. I just learned when to laugh."

Welcome to the club, guys.

 

[WWGD]

I made one at the line from the news : " Stolen Van pursuit in Glendale". It was "Ah, my favorite Dutch rapper is finally visiting us ". With the contrivance of a Dutch rapper named "Stolen Van pursuit", since "Van" is used in many Dutch last names.

 

[DaveC426913]

As long as we're on the subject of rapper puns...

 

[WWGD]

I canceled my order of a phone, kitchen table and PC , to TEMU. Now I just need to ask for my $.25 back.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[WWGD]

In a poll of those aged 60+ , 50% regret having worked too hard, 50% regret not having worked hard-enough. The third 50% regret not having learned basic arithmetic.

 

[berkeman]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DaveC426913]

View attachment 367574

PIVOT!!!*

*_{obligatory reference}

 

[BillTre]

Where I live in Eugene, Oregon, the slug numbers have dropped. Things have gotten drier and we now have fewer snails.

My slug census method is whether I could walk from the house to the garage at night without stepping on a slug (2 to 5 inches long!). 20 or 30 years ago had to be careful to avoid multiple slug steps per trip.
now never a problem.

 

[sbrothy]

I remember seeing a news segment where a man tried to solve the problem by properly preparing and eating them. Needless to say he didn't have much luck as they apparently taste horribly, no matter how you prepare them.

I tried to find a link but got only horror stories of people dying after eating them raw on "dares" and similar idiocy.

 

[BillTre]

I remember seeing a news segment where a man tried to solve the problem by properly preparing and eating them. Needless to say he didn't have much luck as they apparently taste horribly, no matter how you prepare them.

Probably a defense mechanism.

 

[sbrothy]

On the other hand, other foods, now considered luxuries, didn't exactly look appetizing on first glance. E.g. oysters.... I mean who thought to himself: "I'm sure that'll be good!" (Disclaimer: I've never had one.)

 

[WWGD]

Probably a defense mechanism.

The food my aunt cooks uses the same defense mechanism.

 

[fresh_42]

Dear Santa!

I write this letter on sandpaper since I know very well what you did with my letter last year.