Collection of Lame Jokes

[berkeman]

 

[WWGD]

At the landing strip:
A: We're not going to make it. The landing strip is too short!
B: Yes, but look at how wide it is!

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Delta Prime]

Floating earth ground?

 

[jtbell]

Unless you're retired, of course.

 

[gmax137]

View attachment 367968

Unless you're retired, of course.

My wife and I got this thing so we would know what day it is, lol.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[sbrothy]

It's somewhat fitting, I guess. According to Norse mythology, the god Thor did go drag in the Þrymskviða (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Þrymskviða).

(Sex and gender in Norse mythology were not wholly binary, as evidenced by the god Loki becoming pregnant and giving birth to offspring such as Sleipnir [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Svaðilfari].)

Likewise in ancient Rome where sexual morals were divided more along active/passive lines. As long as you were "giving it" you were a proper man. If you were "taking it" not so much. That kinda went for both genders.

EDIT: Now I come to think about it not much have actually changed...

 

[nsaspook]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 368002

Gives a different meaning to Santa 's " He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake".

 

[phinds]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 368013

Will you take it higher ( Eddie Grant)?

 

[BillTre]

 

[jtbell]

I hear Apple is working on a new product: a "smart toilet" that you control from your iPhone.

It's called the iPoop.

 

[Borg]

I hear Apple is working on a new product: a "smart toilet" that you control from your iPhone.

It's called the iPoop.

Kohler decided to go a different route.
Kohler Can Access Data and Pictures from Toilet Camera It Describes as “End-to-End Encrypted”

In October Kohler launched Dekota, a $600 (plus monthly subscription) device that attaches to the rim of your toilet and collects images and data from inside, promising to track and provide insights on gut health, hydration, and more. To allay the obvious privacy concerns, the company emphasizes the sensors are only pointed down, into the bowl, and assures potential buyers that the data collected by the device and app are protected with "end-to-end encryption”.

End-to-End encryption. LOL.

 

[Borg]

I'm wondering how long it will be before people start to post the pictures on their Instagram accounts with comments like this:
Here are the before and after pictures of my dinner last night.

Then there's the fine print in the Kohler agreement where they can share your data. I guess if they share it with Amazon, you can get offers the next for Imodium after a bad reaction to Taco Bell.

 

[JT Smith]

I hear Apple is working on a new product: a "smart toilet" that you control from your iPhone.

It's called the iPoop.

There was a product called the "iPood!" (the name looks the same upside down). It was a small trowel made by Sea to Summit that was designed for use by backpacker/bushwalkers to dig cat holes. Apple eventually put the kibosh on the name, sadly. It reminded me of the college student who was sued by the North Face for selling South Butt t-shirts. The college didn't didn't back down though.

 

[WWGD]

There was a product called the "iPood!" (the name looks the same upside down). It was a small trowel made by Sea to Summit that was designed for use by backpacker/bushwalkers to dig cat holes. Apple eventually put the kibosh on the name, sadly. It reminded me of the college student who was sued by the North Face for selling South Butt t-shirts. The college didn't didn't back down though.

I would if iPood.

 

[jtbell]

IP address: where the urinal is located.

 

[WWGD]

IP address: where the urinal is located.

My Webserver name: ItonlyhurtswhenIP.

 

[jtbell]

 

[256bits]

Mom just up and went and threw me out of the house today.

Earlier, while putting on my shoes lookin out the window, I said "The evening seems calm and warm. "
She has taken up walking most days to get some exercise so I added "You thinking of going for a walk."
She replied "Yes, I am going for a walk."
Beaming, seeing me ready to go, she added, " I would love to have you along as company!"
Taking my shoes off "Well that's good then. I won't have to go to the store. Can you pick me up a 6-pack on the way back."

I still don't understand why she went ballistic.
She can't accept pragmatism. Exactly what dad said when he left.

 

[davenn]

 

[WWGD]

They've added Viagra to the " Oh Henry " candy, and renamed it to " Oh, Oh, Oh Henry!".

 

[nsaspook]

 

[sbrothy]

Hah. Hadn't heard this one:

O'Toole's Commentary [to Murphy's laws]​

"Murphy was an optimist."

 

[nsaspook]

 

[davenn]

 

[dextercioby]