Collection of Science Jokes P2

[256bits]

Ooooh, I got one...

It would bearly fit.

got me a thinking -
Something to ponder about late at night in bed when you can't sleep.
Is bare meat when they take the fat off?

 

[Ibix]

Yes, really. It's 12 UK fluid ounces.

Ah - what the 330ml cans approximate, I presume. I don't think I've seen 341ml bottles, though - maybe I haven't looked.

 

[DrClaude]

Ah - what the 330ml cans approximate, I presume. I don't think I've seen 341ml bottles, though - maybe I haven't looked.

Then let me make some free publicity for my favorite beer:

 

[Ibix]

Then let me make some free publicity for my favorite beer:

Canadian? Not sure it's available in the UK, but I'll keep an eye out.

 

[Ibix]

Ha - We still buy eggs by the dozen, lettuce by the head - is that a metric or imperial unit of measure?

The lettuce one is metric. The imperial version is the off-with-his-head of lettuce.

 

[BillTre]

 

[Ibix]

The alt-text on that one is good too - "More likely: Click on all the pictures of people who appear disloyal to [name of company or government]"

 

[davenn]

Some friends came over to the UK from Spain and wondered why we sell milk in units of 1.136 litres. Two pints, in metric.

OMG, seriously, I would be wondering as well, it wasn't just done to 1litre, 2litre etc ?

 

[Ibix]

OMG, seriously, I would be wondering as well, it wasn't just done to 1litre, 2litre etc ?

We used to sell it in pints, or simple multiples thereof. When we switched to using metric officially there was a huge outcry about it - largely from the type of conservative who (to quote David Eddings) "wouldn't change their underwear if they didn't have to". Carrying on selling in pints, just labelled differently, was a form of social judo. By changing literally nothing except the number on the bottle (and we'd had dual labelling for years anyway) they were more or less totally disarmed. And sensible metric quantities have slowly crept in - beer in 500ml cans isn't uncommon now, for example.

To be fair, I think there were concerns that shops would stop selling pints and start selling half litres but not change the price - a per-volume rise of over 13%. And since exactly that happened the other way around, at least in some places, when Europe introduced the Euro (many things got their prices rounded up to the next multiple of 5 cents, never down), there probably was some genuine concern.

 

[DrClaude]

Canadian? Not sure it's available in the UK, but I'll keep an eye out.

It's from a microbrewery in Montreal.

 

[DennisN]

Family Guy - How the Universe was made

 

[jack action]

Physicists & Mathematicians:

"You can't approximate every constant we worked so hard to prove."

Enginneers:

$e = \pi = 3$

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Keith_McClary]

SMBC
http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/clouds-2
http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/should
and
Rabbits Against Magic
https://www.gocomics.com/rabbitsagainstmagic/2019/11/24

 

[mfb]

Rabbits Against Magic
https://www.gocomics.com/rabbitsagainstmagic/2019/11/24

Oh no, what a rabbit hole you sent me into.

 

[jack action]

Instructions: Insert an exclamation point where needed.

I want to kiss you 6 times​

​

Normal people:

I want to kiss you 6 times!

Math people:

I want to kiss you 6! times

 

[fresh_42]

​

Normal people:

I want to kiss you 6 times!

Math people:

I want to kiss you 6! times

That was actually my first thought: 6! together with the question: where else would it make sense?

 

[DrGreg]

Normal people: I want to kiss you 6 times!

Math people: I want to kiss you 6! times

That reminds me (not actually a joke but a curious fact). Did you know that 10! seconds is exactly 42 days? Maybe that was the ultimate question.

 

[fresh_42]

That reminds me (not actually a joke but a curious fact). Did you know that 10! seconds is exactly 42 days? Maybe that was the ultimate question.

Makes sense.

Earth was a giant supercomputer designed to find the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything. Designed by Deep Thought and built by the Magratheans, it was commonly mistaken for a planet, especially by the ape descendants who lived on it.

But as "days" varies in time, they have to hurry up reading the output.

 

[mfb]

Inspired by the lame jokes thread:

Why didn't Hamilton travel more?

Spoiler

If a city had a dead end there was no path for him.

Edit: Hmm... working on it.

Why did Hamilton get lost so often?

Spoiler

He couldn't find a path.

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[mfb]

665 no-number/pound HAL times bracket cathedral?

- HAL 9000
- Stephansdom in Vienna.

Edit: 665, not 655

 

[fresh_42]

655 no-number/pound HAL times bracket cathedral?

- HAL 9000
- Stephansdom in Vienna.

Close. With the kind of number and read differently it will be the solution.

 

[256bits]

times 10 = 9,984984984...
Is that an infamous number?

 

[mfb]

OEIS doesn't know 9,8,4,9,8,4,9,8. Where does that number come from?

Close. With the kind of number and read differently it will be the solution.

No idea.

 

[fresh_42]

OEIS doesn't know 9,8,4,9,8,4,9,8. Where does that number come from?No idea.

665 is a happy number, so "Happy HaL number - o(Wien)". I had no idea for "Thanksgiving".

 

[256bits]

OEIS doesn't know 9,8,4,9,8,4,9,8. Where does that number come from?No idea.

665/666 ( Hal Worship - Helll Worship)

 

[256bits]

665 is a happy number, so "Happy HaL number - o(Wien)". I had no idea for "Thanksgiving".

Well I didn't know of happy numbers!

 

[jack action]

Lots of jokes about the Tesla Cybertruck look out there. Here's the mathematician's version:

 

[davenn]

 

[DennisN]

 

[Ibix]

If all snowflakes are different, does this mean it's impossible for snowmen to have identical twins?

 

[DennisN]

 

[Keith_McClary]

Today's SMBC .
I could rip the image, but then you wouldn't get to read the mouseover popup and click the red button.

 

[mjc123]

Of course, if you replace "badness" with "prices", that's describing inflation. "Inflation is falling" means prices are still rising, but the second derivative of prices is negative. But they never present it like that.

 

[davenn]

Spoiler: for those with a ?

lion king

 

[Mark44]

I want to kiss you 6! times

That was actually my first thought: 6! together with the question: where else would it make sense?

Or
I! want to kiss you 6 times.

 

[BillTre]

I bought some ediable molecular models for the holidays!

This is the hydrogen set:

 

[mfb]

It's mixed with air. Careful, it is explosive.

 

[jack action]

Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.

Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.

In our lab, theory and practice are combined:

Nothing works and no one knows why.​

 

[Keith_McClary]

Nothing works and no one knows why.

If we knew what we are doing, it wouldn't be research.

 

[Vanadium 50]

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is.

 

[fresh_42]

There are two types of physicists: mathematicians and blacksmiths.

... run and cover ... (it was only a quote) ...

 

[DrGreg]

There are two types of physicists: mathematicians and blacksmiths.

Now you've opened that door...

There are 10 types of mathematicians: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Comment: this is a rare example of a joke that only works in writing, and fails when spoken. Often it's the other way around.

 

[Ibix]

There are 10 types of mathematicians: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

I thought there were 10 types - those that understand ternary, those that don't, and those that thought this was going to be a joke about binary.

(Which caused somebody upthread to comment that he thought he saw an inductive proof that there are infinitely many jokes of this form, and that life would never be dull...)

 

[256bits]

Yes the door is opened,
As they were discussing, the binary-ist and the ternary-ist agreed to disagree if 10 was company or a crowd.

 

[jack action]

It is that time of year again:

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DrGreg]

It is that time of year again.

Oh dear, that means I'll have to rearrange this equation yet again.$$
y = \frac{1}{r^2} \ln \left( \frac{X}{m} - sa\right)
$$