Collection of Science Jokes P2

[DrClaude]

How to publish a scientific comment in 123 easy steps

I once tried to get a comment published. Reading this brought back bad feelings

 

[Keith_McClary]

I once tried to get a comment published. Reading this brought back bad feelings

Really egregious papers sometimes get retracted.

 

[BillTre]

Sometimes poor interactions with journals can have beneficial results, later:

Here is something I found today, from the American Genetics Society.
The journal Genetics is their publication and is a well thought of journal in the field.

The Origin of GENETICS
Read “The Origin of GENETICS,” an editorial from the journal’s Editor in Chief, Howard Lipshitz, that traces the founding of the journal to Thomas Hunt Morgan and a rebuffed presubmission inquiry.
» academic.oup.com

This story involves when genes (inherited factors) were being intellectually being put on a string (linked together on chromosomes, which could also be seen in a microscope) as an explanation of how genetic inheritance was passed on cellularly. This matched up the newly described linkage relationships betweeen genes, seen in genetic studies, with the cytological appearance of chromosomes in mutants that had visible changes (deletions, inversions, etc.) in the chromosomes.
Many big names in Genetics involved. Many were at Caltech, so was Lipshitz, the author.
Bridges and Sturtevant were students in Morgan's lab. Lewis was in Sturtevant's lab.
Bateson favored his own reduplication hypothesis and was editor of the Journal of Genetics.

Here is some of his description of the kerfuffle the lead to the establishment of the journal Genetics:

So, what did Bateson have to do with this? Well, in 1914 Morgan had written to Bateson enquiring whether Bateson thought the Journal of Genetics an appropriate venue for publication of one of Sturtevant’s manuscripts. Bateson's reply was: “None of us is in the least likely to take the matter up [the Chromosome Theory], and we think the publication of the paper in Jour. Gen. would merely look odd...It seems more dignified to keep each to our own ground – send it to Baur or one of your own journals. Why not? We all see these things.” (https://www.physicsforums.com/javascript%3A;). Erwin Baur was the founder and managing editor of the first European genetics journal, established in 1908, Zeitschrift für induktive Abstammungs-und Vererbungslehre, which is where Sturtevant subsequently published his detailed study of linkage and chromosomes (https://www.physicsforums.com/javascript%3A;). Ed Lewis, who must have heard it from Sturtevant, his Ph.D. supervisor, related that Morgan was so incensed at Bateson’s response that he initiated establishment of GENETICS (E. B. Lewis, personal communication); the initial Editorial Board comprised ten eminent geneticists, including Morgan himself. In due course, Bridges' paper was submitted to GENETICS and, as described above, appeared on Page 1 of the first issue.

 

[jack action]

Why engineers don't have girlfriends:

 

[Jarvis323]

Typical reactions to a woman's research contributions in the early 20th century.

Grete Hermann: resolves longstanding dilemma in the interpretation of QM
Heisenberg: “That’s it, what we were trying so long to clarify!”

Also

Hermann: You're going to want to hear this ...
Others : Shhh. Men are talking.
Bohr: As I was saying, nature is fundamentally non-deterministic, IT HAS BEEN PROVEN!
Einstein: GOD DOES NOT ROLL DICE!
Hermann: but, Von Neumann has made an ...
Others: shhh.
Hermann: error, hidden variables are in fact possible.
Relevant Subset of the Scientific Community: Carries on doing faulty research for a few generations because they didn't pay attention.

 

[BillTre]

 

[BigDon]

How do we know God is a civil engineer?

Because only a civil engineer would put a sewage line through a recreation area.

 

[DennisN]

It's been cold here lately. But at least I don't live in Finland.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Finland

At what temperature is

?

 

[DrClaude]

 

[DennisN]

I can do looping gifs of pictures of my hair. Does that count as reanimating dead tissue?

 

[docnet]

Some say the dinosaurs went extinct according to the following evidence:

(I found this on the web. i hope it does not violate copyright rules)

 

[strangerep]

How do we know God is a civil engineer?
Because only a civil engineer would put a sewage line through a recreation area.

...and how do we know @BigDon is an environmentally aware individual?

Spoiler

He just recycled an extremely old joke, but cleaned it up a bit.

 

[mfb]

I only post using recycled electrons.

 

[fresh_42]

I only post using recycled electrons.

Wiki says you don't:

According to the theory accepted today, the processes for the formation of the first atomic nuclei could begin about a hundredth of a second after the Big Bang. At this point in time, the universe had cooled down so much that the quarks previously present as plasma condensed into protons and neutrons in a ratio of 1: 1.

... or at least can't be sure.

 

[mfb]

How is the quote relevant?
All the electrons have been used in other processes before.

 

[fresh_42]

How is the quote relevant?
All the electrons have been used in other processes before.

If neutrons were generated directly from the quark soup without creating electrons first, then any beta decay would create an electron which hasn't been in a separate state before, and you cannot know whether you use one of those.

 

[Keith_McClary]

I only post using recycled electrons.

One fellow protested his electric bill on the grounds he had returned every electron they had sent him.

Actually, there is only one electron.

 

[Klystron]

I only post using recycled electrons.

mfb only joked that his/her/their posts use recycled electrons.

Reminds me of a Seventh-Day Adventist church ceremony I witnessed as a child* where members exhaled into a handkerchief then blessed people with the now-holy cloth. Apparently Jesus of Nazareth breathed air when he walked the earth. Psuedo-logically the exhaled air molecules circle the globe from Israel to Cupertino over ~2000 years. Thought and prayer permit believers to capture and concentrate the holy breath.

*Congregants built a church in what used to be an apricot orchard within view of our backyard.

 

[Keith_McClary]

exhaled air molecules circle the globe

I had to research that:
every time I take a breath I inhale a molecule of the air that Christ exhaled as he died.

 

[Klystron]

I had to research that:
every time I take a breath I inhale a molecule of the air that Christ exhaled as he died.

My first reaction upon reading the recycled electron joke concerned the one True Cross myths but the holy handkerchief belief appeared more accessible to atheists and other nonbelievers; i.e., air molecules.

Contemporaries of William of Occam centuries before the Protestant revolution attempted to quantify the number and approximate weight of 'true cross' fragments, counting only 'wood' made into jewelry such as rings, chalices, monstrums (device used to display a host during Catholic ceremonies) and crucifixes (medallions in the shape of a cross often holding a human figure). The consensus indicated that a "forests of trees" would be required to produce just the estimated fragments known in what is now Europe.

 

[docnet]

 

[JT Smith]

I had to research that:
every time I take a breath I inhale a molecule of the air that Christ exhaled as he died.

In the same way, every glass of water has some of the H20 in Thomas Jefferson's urine. Feel free to pick some other historical figure if you prefer. And of course we are assuming thorough mixing.

 

[Bandersnatch]

In the same way, every glass of water has some of the H20 in Thomas Jefferson's urine. Feel free to pick some other historical figure if you prefer. And of course we are assuming thorough mixing.

Spoiler: smbc

 

[strangerep]

every time I take a breath I inhale a molecule of the air that Christ exhaled as he died.

Heh, I was about to say: "...and also a molecule from Judas Iscariot's farts...", but I see @Bandersnatch got in first with something similar.

 

[strangerep]

View attachment 278345

Perplexingly, I have recurring dreams in which I can move through walls like this. I often wonder what they mean?

 

[DrGreg]

Perplexingly, I have recurring dreams in which I can move through walls like this. I often wonder what they mean?

I once had the chance to experience a virtual reality (VR) system which allowed you to walk around the real room you were in, as a means of walking round the virtual room that you could see and hear via the VR headset. In this system you could walk through a virtual wall and find yourself outside the virtual building floating 15 feet above the virtual ground. I found this a little scary and I felt paralysed and unable to walk forwards even though I was well aware that I was experiencing an illusion.

 

[mfb]

If neutrons were generated directly from the quark soup without creating electrons first, then any beta decay would create an electron which hasn't been in a separate state before, and you cannot know whether you use one of those.

That doesn't make any sense?
Why would it matter if an electron was produced from pair production, beta decay, or any other process? Every beta- decay produces an electron that has not been there before, independent of how that nucleus has formed.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

maybe I should have done bigger text ??

 

[Klystron]

maybe I should have done bigger text ??

Or rewrite the joke as "Mars is the only planet where the only known inhabitants are robots.";
thus avoiding the issue of microscopic and other unknown inhabitants.

 

[collinsmark]

(Source: https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/function)

 

[Demystifier]

Test your knowledge of human male and female anatomy!

Questions:
1. What is the biggest outer organ in males?
2. What is the firmest outer organ in males?
3. What is the biggest pair of body parts that females use for seduction and child raise?

Answers:
1. skin
2. nail
3. legs

If you answered correctly all three, something is deeply wrong with you.

 

[BillTre]

Got the first two.
I had a prof. once call skin the organ of sexual attraction.

 

[256bits]

1. Nose - is that an organ
2. Abs - when you work on it, you can get great firm abs ( they say )
3. Arms - really now, how many females raise kids with their legs?

 

[Ibix]

3. Arms - really now, how many females raise kids with their legs?

Lift with your legs, not your back.

 

[docnet]

 

[Demystifier]

Not really a joke, but a parody of public news on no-go theorems in quantum foundations.

A theorem suggests that planets may not exist

Historians of science discovered an old but forgotten text by Isaac Newton in which he proves an important no-go theorem. If measurable predictions of Newtonian gravity are true, then, Newton proved, at least one of the three propositions must be false:

1. Planets exist even if no human observes them.
2. God has a free will to set initial positions and velocities of planets as He wishes.
3. The laws governing the motion of planets are local.

Newton then argued that denying 2. or 3. would obviously be outrageous, suggesting that we should give up the assumption 1.

Newton did not publish this result in his famous Principia, probably because he was not able to prove the assumptions 2. and 3. rigorously.

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Ibix]

And Kurt Cobain was the genius mind behind Nevermind, right?

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Halc]

Is is live or is it dead?
Is it both those states instead?

Is it boy or is it girl?
Each of those in different world?

Hidden states mean it's one state.
Collapse won't happen at this rate

Cat controlled by what I see?
That's so solipsist of me.

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

Pythagorean means are nice and all, but throwing the median in the pot is really what turns this into random forest statistics: applying every function you can think of, and then gradually dropping the ones that make the result worse.​