1. Yay!
2. Adding delay to change the ordering (sequence) does not change the statistics. The following can occur in any order:
a. Detection of photon 1.
b. Detection of photon 4.
c. Projection of the photons 2 & 3 into a Bell state via co-arrival at the beam splitter.
d. Creation of photons 1 & 2 (must precede a. and c. though).
e. Creation of photons 3 & 4 (must precede b. and c. though).
3. I don't know if it makes sense to refer to "everything happening at once" in a normal temporal sense. Precisely because there is no required order other than that photons must be created before they are detected, and photons 2 & 3 must be created prior to projection.
My "narrative" to describe entanglement swapping is as follows:
When photons 1 & 2 are created, they form an entangled system "X" which grows to have spatio-temporal extent. When photons 3 & 4 are created, they too form an entangled system "Y" which grows to have spatio-temporal extent. As elements of quantum systems X and Y intersect at the beam splitter, they split into 2 new systems that are likewise entangled, but consisting of different pairing of the photons. After the *beamsplitter* portion of the BSA, ALL 4 PHOTONS ARE STILL ENTANGLED: 1 & 4, and 2 & 3. And in some experimental versions, the 2 & 3 pair is in the singlet state and therefore otherwise has the same characteristics as the 1 & 4 pair. Both sets now exhibit perfect correlations.
a. What can't be described in this narrative is the nature of how systems with spatio-temporal extent "collapse", if indeed there is something that can be called collapse. Because of Bell: this implies that "something" changes non-locally, and it certainly appears that it is NOT the revealing of quantum properties that had preexisting values. Because entangled particles lack well-defined preexisting values until observation (again per Bell, and this particular characteristic appears one way or another in all interpretations).
b.
When can it be said that 1 & 4 become entangled? They need not ever have been in causal contact, don't need to exist at the same time, don't need to even exist when they became entangled. And because of entanglement monogamy, they cannot remain entangled (as they were previously) with their birth twins.
c. Returning to the OP: special relativity does NOT in any way figure in, constrain, or otherwise involve itself in the quantum description. In fact, SR can be even considered time symmetric (just to add to the confusion).