Dating Struggles: Can't Commit to a Nice Guy

[Lisa!]

So I've been dating this very nice guy for the 3 monthes! He's fun, open-minded and intelligent.
We get along really well with each other. I even talked to him about my sickness(MS) and he didin't take a big deal of it and said that's ok. I guess I won't find any nice guy like him in my life. I just don't know why I can't convince myself to be commited to him.
You know there's this other guy whom I talked about him https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=387040" last year. You know he lives in the city where I study and I travel regularly but for some strange reasons and events we've not found the chance to go out on a date seriously. I know that he's so out of my league and we might not even get to like each other but I just can't get him out of my mind and thinking about other guys. Things are pretty complicated. Have you ever been in the same situation that you want to let someone go and focusing on your life but you wouldn't be able to do that?

Sorry that if it doesn't make sense to you!:shy:

 

[Constantinos]

I have been in the same situation many years ago.

What I did was to view it as a nuisance and not act upon it. Its like when I see a very physically attractive woman in the street and that makes me lose my concentration for a second. I know this happens because my brain secretes hormones that make me want things. Its not me who is thinking, its just genes trying to propagate themselves. The same when I feel attracted to someone that I would never get along with. I just put my logic above my feelings and go on with my life. It then goes away sometime. Its the same thing as having any feeling which you would rather not act upon, like feeling I want to play a game when I have a lot to study.

It needs sufficient self-control though, the chemical reactions in our brains that make us like people are not always controlable! And even if they are, it may make you feel very uncomfortable, at least for a while. But for me, knowing why it happens is a way to deal with it.

 

[turbo]

I don't remember ever getting to a certain point in a relationship and thinking "I'm committed". Perhaps you shouldn't get too hung up on that transition. If it's right, it will happen. I lived with my wife for about 6 months before I asked her to marry me, and it took a week or two for her to say yes. It has been 36 years, so I'm pretty sure we'll stay together. Plus, there's our child to think about.

 

[Andy]

Constantinos, are you from vulcan?

 

[Zryn]

Sounds like the grass is greener on the other side, though we seem to always want just what we can't have, and sometimes it turns out that you don't know what you've lost until its gone, but if you never ever go, you'll never ever know.

 

[Constantinos]

Constantinos, are you from vulcan?

Nah! Its just that I like controlling myself. I seriously lack this towards other things (for example I am supposed to eat now and study some, instead of commenting on PF) but it comes out easy on me when I have to deal with people.

If I was from Star Trek, I'd rather be the Borg Collective Consciousness. I think I'll go assimilate some pasta now and add the chicken's biological distinctiveness to my own...

 

[256bits]

I don't remember ever getting to a certain point in a relationship and thinking "I'm committed". Perhaps you shouldn't get too hung up on that transition. If it's right, it will happen. I lived with my wife for about 6 months before I asked her to marry me, and it took a week or two for her to say yes. It has been 36 years, so I'm pretty sure we'll stay together. Plus, there's our child to think about.

So how long does it take you guys to decide what's for dinner tonight?

 

[turbo]

So how long does it take you guys to decide what's for dinner tonight?

Not long. What do we have on hand? What can one or both of us make out of it? When will it be ready? That's pretty much it. We do free-style cooking around here.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Someone can be a really nice person that you like very much but just not really be "the one" for you. I assume that you have very nice and fun female friends that you like very much that you are not interested in being in a serious relationship with. This is why I think there is so much divorce and unhappy marriage, because people seem to think that if they find a nice attractive person that they should fall in love with them. It is also a constant source of consternation for many males "I am a really nice guy, why don't you want to date me?"

 

[zomgwtf]

Someone can be a really nice person that you like very much but just not really be "the one" for you. I assume that you have very nice and fun female friends that you like very much that you are not interested in being in a serious relationship with. This is why I think there is so much divorce and unhappy marriage, because people seem to think that if they find a nice attractive person that they should fall in love with them. It is also a constant source of consternation for many males "I am a really nice guy, why don't you want to date me?"

Exactly, if you're not feeling it don't do it. Saves much heartache on both sides in the future.

After me and my last girlfriend broke up I started seeing many girls... some I knew would be great for a serious relationship and most of them really got to like me. But instead of lying to myself and forcing the issue with myself I just told them everything straight how it was. I didn't want to be in a relationship with them. Most of these girls got pretty pissed off at me but I think that was better than dating them for a few months, wasting money, time, and then getting them to like me EVEN more while the entire time I wasn't feeling the relationship. This would just hurt them more and make a difficult situation worse for myself.

So regardless of how great the person seems or how perfect they are if you're not wanting to be in a relationship with them then don't. There's always that next guy out there.

 

[lisab]

Good point, stat and zomgwtf. Sometimes a person who is a great match "on paper" just doesn't click. Don't force it.

 

[Lisa!]

Thank you for your comments! They were very helpful.
I rejected the nice guy last night and now I'm feeling really better