Did surpassing your parents ever make anyone else feel guilty?

[DeadWolfe]

When I was young I always wanted my Dad to teach me more math, and it was something that made us close, but now that I know far more than him, and he no longer enjoys or understands the math I'm learning I feel more distant from him and I feel awkward, and even a little guilty.

Has anyone else experienced this?

 

[Astronuc]

I passed my dad up when I began studying advanced math (e.g. calculus), chemistry and physics. His education was primarily in the humanities like history, political science and religion. Most of the time I read texts that were beyond his experience.

I did not feel guilty. My father encouraged me to do my best.

 

[moose]

Why don't you teach your dad some math, although that may be a bit ackward...

I will most likely never experience this considering both my parents went to grad school for engineering...

 

[munky99999]

my dad took up tech work. Like welding, carpentry. and works for the railroad. when i stopped having interest in tools and sports and started getting perfect(well i got 100% for everything written, all the presentations i took a 0 for) at everything in science and math.

me and my dad stopped having similar interests there. my mom i don't really live with. they had gotten divorced.

was i guilty? no. my thirst for a challenge is far more strong then any social things.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

When I was young I always wanted my Dad to teach me more math, and it was something that made us close, but now that I know far more than him, and he no longer enjoys or understands the math I'm learning I feel more distant from him and I feel awkward, and even a little guilty.

Has anyone else experienced this?

I know exactly how you feel. There are some things between a father and son that change with age and maturity - no way around it. The same thing happened with my high school physics teacher who is still a best buddy. He is a Berkeley mathematician who had spent a lot of time on the physics grad staff in the 1950s, but one day we found that I had gone beyond his level of knowledge in physics. I think this was difficult for him as think he still wanted to be my teacher in all things.

You might try to find out what else your dad knows.

 

[Lisa!]

I just wanted to add that it could happen between a father and daughter as well!

 

[Math Is Hard]

Or a mom and daughter. My mom never got to go to college, so in some ways I am living out her dream. I like to talk with her about what I am learning, and she seems to enjoy it - or maybe she's just humoring me.

 

[munky99999]

lol. lucky you. half my class was beyond my teachers in most of the sciences at my catholic school.

My grade 12 physics teacher. He was the biggest dope of them all. Basically ask about anything outside the curriculum. he honestly doesn't know. I used the word Lepton in one of my long answer questions. He thought i somehow cheated from the internet. That he himself had to get a dictionary to find out what a lepton was.

or another very low point.
We were taking up frames of refrence. and it was something like.

Car A is driving towards Car B and Car B is driving toward Car A at the same speed of 40 Km/hr. If you take the frame of reference for Car A. It would appear that Car B is moving 80 Km/hr towards Car A.

So me who has read a bunch at http://scienceworld.wolfram.com/physics/" and lots of other sites.

I raise my hand and ask.
Ok Electron A is going toward Electron B and Electron B is going toward Electron A at the same speed of .7 c(speed of light). if you take the frame of reference for Electron A. It would appear Electron B is moving 1.4c

Hes like. VERY good! your exactly right. At which point i pointed out that there is an equation to determine what exact speed it would appear. and it wouldn't be 1.4c which is faster then the speed of light. which isn't exactly right. I got 53% in that class LOL. Let alone the fact that i got at least 70% on all my tests. Anyway to get 53% i had to have gotten 0% on everything for the final exam. HMMM eh?

The following semester. I had a similar experience. I had a black binder. and some jackass took whiteout(liquid paper) and drew a swastica. I didnt notice it till the next day at lunch. so my chemistry teacher at least had to have seen it. Which she then told all my other teachers. which then got to my religion teacher. and he was wondering if I was a jainist. because i had spoken about jainism in class before. When i told him i was still an atheist he thought i had become a neo-nazi. Which I am not. I am a trekkie! But my chemistry teacher and calculus and geometry then all dropped me to 66% to screw me over because 70% is minimum. Which i went and spoke to them about it. They wouldn't admit to anything. Then some kid gets drunk pissed who went to our school and got himself killed. Every class signs this page in rememberance. The same jackass signs adolf hitler and osama bin laden. When the teacher goes to ask around. They blame me. and the teachers wouldn't even speak to me or answer any questions i had. and i ended with 66% in all my classes while copies of my tests prove that i had 70-80% on all the tests. When i called the school board about the marks. They wouldn't even speak to me. They thought i was lieing. I went into the school board. spoke to the guy i should. he said. ill look into it. He then responded later on that i simply got 0% on all my exams.

 

[Lisa!]

when I was a kid, my father was able to answer most of my questions. when I learned how to read I looked for a answer to my questions in his books. Now it's my father who asks me lots of questions and study my books!
Anway I just feel guilty why I grow up so soon that not my father and his books nor anyone else and any book is able to answer most of my question!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I just wanted to add that it could happen between a father and daughter as well!

Of course.

But not in my case.

 

[Astronuc]

when I was a kid, my father was able to answer most of my questions. when I learned how to learn I looked for a answer to my questions in his books. Now it's my father who asks me lots of questions and study my books!
Anway I just feel guilty why I grow up so soon that not my father and his books nor anyone else and any book is able to answer most of my question!

That is part of growing up. We seek to further our knowledge, so that means we discover new things.

My mother did not go to college until about 20 years ago. She has been a nurse all her life, and she had gone a far a nursing school (during the early 1950's) which was more of technical or vocational college, with no formal science curriculum. On the other hand, she has great practical knowledge and it has served our family well - and she kept me alive when I was young.

 

[Jelfish]

If it makes you feel any better, despite the fact that you can't ask your father for math help anymore, he'll always be ahead of you in terms of life experiences aging and maturity, and you can ask him about that to keep your bond going. In the long run, those things are more important anyway.

 

[Integral]

My Mom, (Dad would have also, had he lived long enough), takes great pride in the fact that all 5 of her kids have completed college degrees. She was a high school grad, dad did not even get that far. Mom had to help Dad lay out the right angles for the first foundation he poured, he went on to build dozens of houses. Unfortunately dad passed away before any of us kids completed college. Dad had learned electrical fundamentals in the Army during WWII, he gave me my early training in electricity and did live long enough to see me complete Electronic Tech training with the Navy, I believe that he took a lot of pride in my accomplishment.

Now, I am a father, and my children have completed their education. I am still the Mathematician of the family. But I now have a CE son to discuss computer hardware with and a CS son to give me software advise. And a machinist son who may in the future prove to have the most useful knowledge of the lot. I take a great deal of pride in their accomplishments, I believe that all parents take pride in the accomplishments of their children, that is just the way it is. I could not imagine it any other way.

I also take a lot of pride in the fact that I have 3 sons from 23 to 28 and none of them have ever been in trouble with the law, none of them suffer addictions and all seem to be in stable relationships.. What more could a parent ask for.

 

[zoobyshoe]

From reading Feynman's memoirs it's clear his father is the whole reason he became what he did. His father's way of examining and explaining all phenomena, scientific or otherwise, gave Feynman a huge boost up over all his contemporaries.

Feynman's level of education and accomplishments, of course, surpassed his father's (and most everyone elses') but only because his dad had instilled a remarkable manner and attitude about analyzing things in him.

 

[Chi Meson]

I also take a lot of pride in the fact that I have 3 sons from 23 to 28 and none of them have ever been in trouble with the law, none of them suffer addictions and all seem to be in stable relationships.. What more could a parent ask for.

My kids are 1, 3, and 5 years old.

Can I come to you for advice?:shy:

 

[Integral]

My kids are 1, 3, and 5 years old.

Can I come to you for advice?:shy:

LOL, Sure... Just not sure how to guarantee results!

Enjoy 'em,.. that is quite a house full you have.

 

[Gale]

i can relate well too. My dad inspired me to study math and science, and i can still remember sitting with him and learning binary when i got bored with long division. I think its different if you surpass a parent in their own field. like, if i had become great at history, it wouldn't matter so much, but now that I'm studying math, i can tell he struggles real hard trying to give me advice. I've surpassed him on some levels, not on others. eventually, i definitely will understand math much better than him, and possibly physics as well (he's actually an engineer.) I can tell that he realizes that and doesn't look forward to it so much. i know he's proud of me, but he's been doing his work as long as I've been alive... i don't think its easy to accept that i may be better suited for it soon. even with computers he's getting outdated fast, and he hates to admit it.

when i learned guitar, my father taught me my first chords. a few years later, his skills don't even compare to mine. when i jam with his friends at parties, i know he's just proud to have inspired me, i can see it in his eyes. i think that guitar and math are different because math has been his livelihood, and my out-performing him says something about his competition at work.

my mum only got a high school degree, but i still have a similar scenario with her. she loved to travel, and she's who i get my sense of adventure from. like my dad she encouraged me to try new things and meet new people and see new places when i was very young. Now, I've started wanting to go off on my own and I've already seen some things she never has. She's proud of me, and encourages me, but i can see the longing in her and wishing that she could go with me. i know she envies me because she's stuck being a wife and mother, while I'm young and exploring.

with both my parents i feel guilty. especially because on top of everything, I'm trying to move away and live on my own. i think the only thing worse than my father's fear or my mums envy the thought that they won't even be near me to feel them anymore. My older sister still lives very close to home, and my other siblings are still in high school, and i think its going to be especially hard for my parents to realize that I'm really becoming independent. And with my dad especially, i can see him tightening the ties he has to me, and trying to force me to stay home. yeah, i feel guilty.

 

[loseyourname]

If it makes you feel any better, despite the fact that you can't ask your father for math help anymore, he'll always be ahead of you in terms of life experiences aging and maturity, and you can ask him about that to keep your bond going. In the long run, those things are more important anyway.

I was going to mention that. Pretty much from the time I got into high school, I knew more than my father in just about every academic subject out there (he had forgotten half of it, and the rest had changed), but that doesn't mean I've exactly surpassed him in any meaningful way. He owns two houses, four cars, has raised four children, been married for 26 years, and will sooner than not be retired. I've still got plenty of catching up to do.

 

[DocToxyn]

Honestly I never really thought about it. Neither of my parents were heavily into science, although both have college degrees. I rarely talked to them about my education or work, but then again I don't talk about it with most people. Truth be told, I go to my father more now than I ever have. His knowledge of construction and machinery is beyond anything I'll ever hold and now that I own a house he's invaluable. Not to say that we didn't talk much in the past, but I talk to him more now than I ever did growing up at home. I have not surpassed my parents, I just took a different road.

 

[chroot]

I'd say the greatest gift a child can give a parent is to surpass that parents' accomplishments. I hope I remember that when I have children! Since the world's knowledge is always increasing, its populace better continue to become more educated.

I have, however, felt guilty a time or two with my own parents. My father is a pharmacist, a brilliant one at that, but has never taken it upon himself to advance his knowledge of any subjects other than those directly related to his business. He spends all his free time hunting and fishing. As a child, I went with him on his insane 18 hour fishing trips, but lost interest as I got older. I got a small telescope when I was 10, and would have loved for my father to go through some astronomy books with me, or take me someplace to use the telescope -- but he never did, presumably because he knew nothing about it and didn't care to learn.

When I was 16, my father was rebuilding a boat. It took him over a month to finally get up the nerve to ask me to help him with the electrical system, even though I had always wanted to be involved, and wanted to spend some time with him. He never even asked me to help, but instead recruited another "kid" from his hunt club. I was actually pretty hurt; I felt like he had just adopted another son because he didn't know how to relate to his biological son. He only came to me for help when I was his last resort.

My mother (who didn't finish a degree until well into her 40's) wasn't even so graceful as that. I bought a car with my own money the day I turned 16, and my mother cried. Not because she was happy, but because she didn't like her car and wished she had a new one, instead.

When I graduated college, my first job paid 50% more than my mother had ever been paid during her career as an office assistant. She cried again, not because she was happy for me, but because she was jealous.

So... I guess the answer is clearly 'yes,' I have been made to feel guilty for being successful. I'd almost say it's the reason I'm not very close to my family, in fact.

- Warren

 

[Moonbear]

I surpassed my parents in terms of education before I ever finished high school. They used to just watch me doing my homework and comment, "I'd help if I could, but I don't have any idea what you're doing." But it was never something to feel guilty about, rather it made my parents proud, so was something to be happy about. They can brag to their friends about their daughter, the college professor, and that seems to be good enough for them. There are cultural differences there though. In some cultures, parents are "shamed" if their kids surpass them, but that's not the culture I grew up in, so it's not an issue. Like DocToxyn, though, my parents still have knowledge about things that I don't, and that are useful. When I have car trouble and want to make sure I'm not getting ripped off by the auto shop, I still call my step-dad for a quick diagnosis to help confirm that I really need to have the work done that the shop says needs doing.

 

[franznietzsche]

I've never had a good relationship with my parents really, so I've never felt guilty about any of these sorts of things. Truth be told, I've most always felt that they've tried to discourage me from studying physics. Almost up until the day I left for college my mother was still asking me "Are you sure you don't want to be a doctor or a lawyer?". Last summer when I did some work for one of my professors remotely it was pretty clear that my parents considered what I was doing to be on the same level as my brothers playing video games all day (I was doing some analysis of some data we got from LANL solar evolution simulations, as well as writing some of my own code to work with the LANL simulations). So I've never really felt guilty about it, because I've always felt like they were working against me in the first place, there wasn't much to feel guilty about.

 

[munky99999]

well i don't know about american high school but Canadian high school grade 10-11 in terms of science/math is the grade 13 of when my parents went to school. apparently cutting out the sincostan big lists out of books and such made a lot of space and they just crammed more advanced math in the space.

"Are you sure you don't want to be a doctor or a lawyer?"

ive had 1-2 people say this to me. naturally as I am a negative kind of person. I respond everytime with. "Just because you can't explain or understand what a physicist does. doesn't mean those are better career options. Lawyers have to read and memorise loads and loads of boring crap. doctors have needles*shriek* and are dealing with dieing, sick, and infested people all day. Not the ideal career choices." they stop saying stuff like this and accept everything i say as fact. which they should.

Know what's kinda funny though franznietzsche. that your parents expect you to be a computer geek sort of slacker. when you choose to be the study geek. but social things never really come into the equation. I am the same way. If i came home from school and could study, play games, or do something social. id study to the max and play games with the spare time. if there is any.

 

[Astronuc]

My mom harped on me about becoming a doctor. I had no interest. I spent way too much time in hospitals and clinics as a kid and experiencing way too many diagnostic tests.

My sibblings are all doctors though. I preferred physics and engineering.

My father has a Doctorate in Education and my mom obtained a Masters in Nursing (or health care).

While I couldn't rely on my parents for assistance in my academic work, I can go to them for other things.

When I was in college, I helped my dad re-roof their house - I did most of the work since it was usually over 105°F on the roof during summer and my dad couldn't deal with the heat. And since I was an ironworker at the time (to pay for college) I was a much stronger than him. I also helped with other carpentry and repair work on their house, since I had plumbing and mechanical experience.

 

[Omid]

You can have your dad teach math to your kids, do you have any kids?

Another thing:
Poor the pupil who doesn't become better than his master. (Davinci)

 

[GCT]

When I graduated college, my first job paid 50% more than my mother had ever been paid during her career as an office assistant. She cried again, not because she was happy for me, but because she was jealous.

Yes, very awkward. I wouldn't understand why she would cry over such a thing, perhaps it was just her mood at the time.

 

[Smasherman]

I've never felt guilty by it. Neither of my parents went to college, but I think they both have high school degrees. My father doesn't really talk to me much, but he's always wanted me to to succeed. I don't live with my mother, but we talk on occasion, and used to have hour-long conversations about arbitrary topics when I lived with her. I'm still in high school, though, so I haven't really surpassed them by much.

 

[KingNothing]

Let's just say I passed my dad when I learned how to multiply. He doesn't mind about the school subjects, but he still won't let me work on my own car.

 

[munky99999]

Let's just say I passed my dad when I learned how to multiply. He doesn't mind about the school subjects, but he still won't let me work on my own car.

I don't know but that sounds mean KingNothing.

Like my grandparents only got a grade 2 education and they can do all your basic mathematical skills. Hell they even fill out tax returns for people who should do circles around them in math.

one thing my dad always holds above me. I'm book smart and not street smart. Although i taught myself social engineering. So I have very advanced people skillz. Its complex to define where my book smarts ends and street smarts starts. But I do have some street smarts. I would consider the ability to go shopping get 10 items. and have a pretty accurate # for the final price after tax-streetsmarts. Cant exactly learn how to do that in a book.

Anyway which gives me the point. That perhaps you surpassed your parents at book smart subjects. But they have much more street smarts. Its just the kind of way it works i guess.

 

[Cyrus]

I would consider the ability to go shopping get 10 items. and have a pretty accurate # for the final price after tax-streetsmarts.

Thats not street smarts, no where close. That's just common sense. Sorry.