Fix Banner: Santa Hat Missing? No Holiday Spirit?

[Cyrus]

Why no santa hat over the P in the banner? No holiday spirit around here?

 

[berkeman]

Why no santa hat over the P in the banner? No holiday spirit around here?

Sorry, Cyrus. Very few people beyond the Mentors know that there is an HR department here at the PF, and a lot goes on behind the scenes here! The Santa hat thing has been under discussion, but the year-end party planning has been taking most of our energies. Here is an internal thread that may give you an idea of how hard it is to plan these things for such a diverse community as the PF

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2008
RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the
Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And
don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among
employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over
$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This
gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty


Company Memo



FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often
coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However,
from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy
applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still
celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no
Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for
your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty


Company Memo



FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2008
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since
the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives
believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Company Memo



FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how
a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
employees' beliefs.. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving
your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you
to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that
no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about
confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in
the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure
taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the
restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?
Patty

Company Memo



FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2008
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian ******! We're going to keep this party
at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at
the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it,
and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But
you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.
I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a
rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!

Company Memo



FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Joan

 

[Pengwuino]

haha that's hilarious!

 

[Evo]

Great one Berkeman! But I'm with Cyrus, where's the Santa hat?

 

[Astronuc]

Why no santa hat over the P in the banner? No holiday spirit around here?

Greg will put it up at the appropriate time. Ho, ho, ho - fa-la-la-la, la - la - la - laaaa!

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

ho ho ho!

 

[Evo]

BeeUtiful! had to clear my cache to see it.

You've outdone yourself Greg!

 

[berkeman]

ho ho ho!

Uh-oh. Looks like HR took it back down again, Greg.

 

[berkeman]

Uh-oh. Looks like HR took it back down again, Greg.

Greg wins! Happy Holidays!

 

[Astronuc]

ho ho ho!

Don't forget to hang the mistletoe in the Relationships forum.

 

[Evo]

Don't forget to hang the mistletoe in the Relationships forum.

No, they'll just eat it and it's poisonous!

 

[lisab]

Aaaww, it's wonderful!

 

[turbo]

No, they'll just eat it and it's poisonous!

Mistletoe all around for the kiddies, and chocolate for the dogs!

 

[turbo]

Mistletoe all around for the kiddies, and chocolate for the dogs!

Just kidding about the dogs.

 

[Evo]

Just kidding about the dogs.

 

[berkeman]

Just kidding about the dogs.

You guys are killing me here!

 

[dlgoff]

You guys are killing me here!

Get a bottle of sherry and join us for chat on New Years eve if Greg opens it. Had a blast here last year.

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

Get a bottle of sherry and join us for chat on New Years eve if Greg opens it. Had a blast here last year.

you bet I will!

 

[mugaliens]

...an idea of how hard it is to plan these things for such a diverse community as the PF...

"Employees?" You guys get paid?

So that's why my mods kept asking for a raise!

Nice lights, PF staff!

 

[Cyrus]

Thats what I am talkin bout!

 

[Cyrus]

JAJAJAJAJAJ You jerks!

This is awesome, leave it!

 

[Lisa!]

You look great!

 

[drizzle]

Just how did you do that? You and Gerg are friends, right?

 

[Astronuc]

Cyrus is the PF Dating Elf.

 

[lisab]

JAJAJAJAJAJ You jerks!

This is awesome, leave it!

ahahha...hilarious!

 

[Evo]

OMG, that's hysterical!

 

[Moonbear]

I love the Christmas spirit there, Cyrus! The tag line under it is the coup de grace. Okay, now I'm in a really good mood...off to grade exams.

 

[turbo]

I love the Christmas spirit there, Cyrus! The tag line under it is the coup de grace. Okay, now I'm in a really good mood...off to grade exams.

Ack! Well, better than off to clean the cat box.

 

[drizzle]

Ack! Well, better than off to clean the cat box.

Grading exams!


The question is how does Moonbear http://www.scribd.com/A-Guide-to-Grading-Exams-VERY-FUNNY/d/1707" ? Or, sniper kitten could lend her a helping hand

 

[Moonbear]

Grading exams!


The question is how does Moonbear http://www.scribd.com/A-Guide-to-Grading-Exams-VERY-FUNNY/d/1707" ? Or, sniper kitten could lend her a helping hand

My students (I hope) are appreciative that I use a much kinder method. I make them work their little butts off all semester long, and then they do well on the final exam out of sheer desperation and ernest effort. I'm actually really proud of them. I gave my nursing students similar questions to those I gave to the dental students and the class had about an 82% average because they finally learned how to study. They were smart enough to do it all semester long, but took until the end to really figure out how to study right. Don't let the sniper kitty fool you...it's all warm and fuzzy if you work hard.

 

[Evo]

My students (I hope) are appreciative that I use a much kinder method. I make them work their little butts off all semester long, and then they do well on the final exam out of sheer desperation and ernest effort. I'm actually really proud of them. I gave my nursing students similar questions to those I gave to the dental students and the class had about an 82% average because they finally learned how to study. They were smart enough to do it all semester long, but took until the end to really figure out how to study right. Don't let the sniper kitty fool you...it's all warm and fuzzy if you work hard.

I wish I'd had someone like you when I was in school. I had one professor that was so bad that most of the time he'd just say "since most of you are asleep anyway, class dismissed". He would stand in front of the class and in the most monotone voice, read from a book. I was one of the few that he didn't put to sleep, but it was really hard not to. Teaching was not his forte.