How Can I Approach a Pretty Girl at My University Despite My Social Anxiety?

[DataGG]

I have not read the whole thread yet (just the first page) but there's basically 2 rules to be successful with girls (which is what you want):

Rule 1: Be attractive
Rule 2: Don't be unattractiveThere is, however, a secret that'll avoid the need of attractiveness.. MONEY! So ya, if you're rich, you don't need to be atractive.

So, if you're rich and/or attractive, just go talk to her and I'm sure she'll be more than happy to talk back at you.

EDIT: I've read mostly read the thread and wow. This is one of my favorites threads of this kind, ever. I fill in OP's shoes so easily that OP could be me. I'll be sure to save this thread and re-read it every week as it has really good advises..

 

[DataGG]

I saw her ride past on a bike today and said hello and she almost fell over saying hi back so I feel she may not like me now. I chose a bad time to say hi.

While in disagreement with others, I think this was a wonderful advance to your goal! It would have been better if she actually fell though! Could you pay someone to push her over and you go then be the hero?

Yeah, see, what I hear you relating is that you were so eager to overcome your block you blurted out your greeting completely disregarding the situation she was in, oblivious to whether or not she was in a position to properly process what was going on. Not listening.

I disagree with you on this. I'm an absolute disaster when it comes to relations though, more so than OP. I think what he did is something not easily forgotten.

After a normal "hi", she would have thought "oh, nice, a guy said hi to me.." After OP's "hi" she was like "Oh, I almost fell over! And that guy said "hi" to me, nice... Damn, I almost fell over, need to be more careful". This to say that OP's "hi" is more easily remembered and I think that's good. She'll probably think of that before falling asleep.

Well I didn't heed the warnings here and I think I may have been better for it. I just went headfirst and decided if she was creeped out or seemed disgusted I would spend every morning for the rest of the semester at McDonald's instead of the bookstore, but that didn't happen.

Last night I couldn't sleep, so I got a sheet of paper and wrote down what I was going to say, it read:

"Hello, my name is Ben my major is physics what's yours?" (pause to let her answer). "Oh, cool I hear there are many lucrative careers in that field, I am sorry for saying hi to you yesterday and making you almost wreck, I am attempting to overcome a social fear I have" (pause to let her either be disgusted or to laugh) "Well, as you may know I come here quite a bit, and when you began coming here I was attracted to you based solely on looks, at first, which is very superficial, I know. But then I noticed the way you dressed indicated you have similar social views as me and the books you carry, the music you listen to- all similar to me. So I set a deadline for myself, on my birthday- today- I would greet you, hopefully not on a bike" (pause and smile) "Sorry if I creep you out but, you're very interesting and I see you are studying French, J'ai grandi dans les régions francophones de Belgique, je peux vous aider avec ça."

I tucked the paper in my backpack and went to the bookstore this morning. Where I waited. She arrived and I approached her, took out the paper and discreetly (or so I thought) read it off to her, but I started with an "excuse me, I don't mean to bother you, but ..." because she had headphones in (see I am a good listener!). When I was done with my spiel she was smiling, so I took it as a good sign and when I turned to walk away she said "What you're just going to leave it at that?". I didn't know what she meant by this so I said "what?" and she laughed, she said "You wrote that paper out, nice touch I like it". Apparently she thought the paper was a joke and I have a dry sense of humor. I clarified it was not and she sympathized, she explained she is from out of state and doesn't know very many people here, and then she said "happy birthday". I smiled like the idiot I am instead of saying "thank you". She invited me to sit down, and I did. I told her that tomorrow the physics department is having a Neutron Stars presentation at the observatory and I was going there for my birthday if she wanted to come. She asked who was going and I said just me, she said that "she'd love to" and suddenly I felt on cloud9. I didn't know how to ask for her phone number, luckily I didn't have to because she asked for mine and said it's so she knows how to get there.

I really couldn't be happier. I wish I could have stayed at the bookstore longer, because she stays there until 10, but I have classes to attend. Tomorrow I can stay there longer, and even if she isn't my girlfriend she's a friend and that's all I really wanted. I feel like I can lift the Earth right now, this feeling is incomparable.

Something weird as hell is going on, it's like high school where apparently being the most awkward person in the world is cute.

(I paraphrased a lot of the conversation because she used slang and colloquialisms and I do not like to type either of those)

You're my hero! Please keep updating this post, I'm getting ideas from here.

 

[B3NR4Y]

While in disagreement with others, I think this was a wonderful advance to your goal! It would have been better if she actually fell though! Could you pay someone to push her over and you go then be the hero?




I disagree with you on this. I'm an absolute disaster when it comes to relations though, more so than OP. I think what he did is something not easily forgotten.

After a normal "hi", she would have thought "oh, nice, a guy said hi to me.." After OP's "hi" she was like "Oh, I almost fell over! And that guy said "hi" to me, nice... Damn, I almost fell over, need to be more careful". This to say that OP's "hi" is more easily remembered and I think that's good. She'll probably think of that before falling asleep.



You're my hero! Please keep updating this post, I'm getting ideas from here.

If the thread is still alive tomorrow I'll definitely update with what the three hours with her contained.

 

[nuuskur]

Right on man! This is exactly the attitude. Keep us posted, I think you had a revelation.

and even if she isn't my girlfriend she's a friend and that's all I really wanted

this kind of attitude is worth gold for you. No, it's priceless. Friendship is a base, it could be you two get closer to one another, but it also may not. When you make friends with her, it's all gravy!

If I could hi five you, I would. That's some serious backbone you just got. Respect

and he said girls value honesty

what did I say ? :)

 

[zoobyshoe]

Something weird as hell is going on, it's like high school where apparently being the most awkward person in the world is cute.

Indeed, it looks like somehow you ended up entertaining her so much your awkwardness worked in your favor. The piece of paper with the script on it must have struck her as remarkably cute!

Amazing story, and congratulations!

 

[B3NR4Y]

Right on man! This is exactly the attitude. Keep us posted, I think you had a revelation.

and even if she isn't my girlfriend she's a friend and that's all I really wanted

this kind of attitude is worth gold for you. No, it's priceless. Friendship is a base, it could be you two get closer to one another, but it also may not. When you make friends with her, it's all gravy!

If I could hi five you, I would. That's some serious backbone you just got. Respect

and he said girls value honesty

what did I say ? :)

Oh jeez, thursdays are my long days so I'm at school from 5:00 to 19:00 and I have a huge break from 11:30 to 15:00 so I'm just on campus and she texts me "hey bud"

So I reply at 90% the speed of light (had to throw that in, we're on the physics forums) "hey pal, what's up?"

And she said she just got done with her last class, do I want to come over (if I have time) so we can get to know each other better.


Now I haven't replied yet, but I don't know how comfortable I am going to her house/dorm/apartment when I only talked to her today. She doesn't seem like a murderer (murderess?), but my sister said that was almost definitely a "booty call" (typing slang because I don't know what else to call it) and I'm like 100% a virgin, never kissed a girl and masturbated once but felt like **** afterwards so never again.

I am rather shocked at the attention she is giving me too, I will post a picture of me so you guys can share the shock. What if it's like the movies where she invites me over to humiliate me.

Edit: me, please be nice http://i.imgur.com/kyec2Hr.jpg

 

[B3NR4Y]

Indeed, it looks like somehow you ended up entertaining her so much your awkwardness worked in your favor. The piece of paper with the script on it must have struck her as remarkably cute!

Amazing story, and congratulations!

I swear the paper was hidden, she must have x-ray vision

 

[nuuskur]

This is where you have nothing to lose and much to gain. Don't focus on the negative. Just go, pay her a visit, have a chat. I told you before, she's not illiterate. Just.. just go already! :! Looks is..looks, you look the way you look. She knows how you look already and she still invited you over. You think she cares about the looks? How do you even know there isn't anything attractive about you in her eyes? She. Invited. YOU. Over.

please just go :<

 

[DataGG]

From what I can see in the picture (potato quality), you're actually good looking OP.

If you do decide to go, use protection.

 

[CWatters]

Clean your shoes no smelly trainers and wear a nice shirt.

 

[nuuskur]

Basic hygiene should be elementary, but yes. Don't stink and don't stink of mass deodorant either.

 

[KL7AJ]

Quote from Albert Einstein:
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.

 

[zoobyshoe]

...I will post a picture of me so you guys can share the shock. What if it's like the movies where she invites me over to humiliate me.

Edit: me, please be nice http://i.imgur.com/kyec2Hr.jpg

Hmmm. This changes everything. You're actually good looking. All this time, I was picturing something more like this:

http://www.autumnbench.com/wp-conte...icle-2003029-0C8ADC1E00000578-398_634x361.jpg

 

[BHL 20]

Remember B3NR4Y, you've already impressed this girl, you don't need to worry about impressing her anymore. Just enjoy yourself when you're with her, as hard as that sounds.

 

[Enigman]

I was picturing something more like this:

http://www.autumnbench.com/wp-conte...icle-2003029-0C8ADC1E00000578-398_634x361.jpg

Where did you steal my picture from?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Where did you steal my picture from?

You didn't notice the drone? Not listening.

 

[B3NR4Y]

Well just got out of my lab. Shortly after posting my reply I decided I wouldn't wait for you guys' advice, and took a leap of faith based on what I expected you to say, and what my sister was telling me I HAD to do. I decided to go ahead and go.

I arrived and knocked 3.5 times, she interrupted the fourth. She invited me in with a big smile, she was barefoot, a pet peeve of mine I hate feet. I will wear socks around my home to avoid looking at my own, but I let it slip, she's literally too perfect to let go because of trivialities. I felt awkward at first because I didn't see your replies about my looks yet (thanks for that by the way, I picture myself more like zooby's picture), but she sat next to me and said "whaddya want to do?" I replied that whatever she wanted to do is fine with me, but you said we are here to get to know each other so why not start there? First thing she asked was how tall I was, I said 6'2" because I have scoliosis pretty bad and my height falls between 6'1" and 6'4". I asked how tall she is, 5'7". Then she went into my studies and then I went into hers, chemical engineering. The usual questions were thrown around, favorite book, movie, food, etc. then the best thing in the world happened at 13:39, she said she was glad I talked to her because she felt awkward approaching me. That was like +100 confidence level right there. She then decided kissing was the next best thing to do, and I didn't protest. It felt weird, but it was also quite enjoyable. I wonder if she could tell it was my first time

I then said that I had to get to class, and the second best thing happened, she offered to walk with me, holding hands. I don't know if this is normal, but walking with a girl like that is even more confidence. I could quote quite a bit of Eminem songs about it, but the language filter would block it. She invited me to go to her house again tomorrow when my class ends at 9:30 and after her class ends. I didn't protest.

Now I am waiting for my sister to pick me up, she will likely have 100 questions.

Thanks for you guys' help, and compliments. I will continue to update if that is what the general public wants


And as an aside zoobyshoe: my dad said something similar yesterday when I came to him with this, he said I am in the wrong body. My build suggests a sports player (minus the back), and my face is pretty attractive, but my social skills do not match. He jokingly remarked, I should add.

 

[lisab]

What a great thread. I'm so happy for you! From what I've read here, I think you didn't really need our advice at all. You had everything you need, all along.

And yes, you're really adorable :!).

 

[DataGG]

OP, you know what could be nice? If you showed us a picture of HER! For science.. (unless she's underage)

 

[CWatters]

OP, you know what could be nice? If you showed us a picture of HER! For science.. (unless she's underage)

No. Do not do that!

She finds out you're posting all the details and photos here and you're dead.

Now that you have made the move keep the details to yourself. Its even wise to be careful what you tell friends. You're in a relationship now! Look after it.

 

[B3NR4Y]

OP, you know what could be nice? If you showed us a picture of HER! For science.. (unless she's underage)

She's of age, I will post one when I have one. I don't use social media so it has to be a real picture

 

[B3NR4Y]

She's of age, I will post one when I have one. I don't use social media so it has to be a real picture

Edit: nevermind cwatter is right

 

[Rockoz]

I'm really proud of you B3NR4Y after reading this thread. It's no easy task to work through social situations with aspergers, but you're doing it. I hope this helps you a lot in your personal development.

 

[B3NR4Y]

I'm really proud of you B3NR4Y after reading this thread. It's no easy task to work through social situations with aspergers, but you're doing it. I hope this helps you a lot in your personal development.

Boldly going where no aspie has gone before.

 

[Nikitin]

Damn man congrats. Guess she found you cute :)

 

[DataGG]

OP, is she pregnant already? Update us.

 

[zoki85]

Damn man congrats.

He looks like a boy to me :p

 

[nuuskur]

maybe she flew south for the winter

 

[Nikitin]

He looks like a boy to me :p

Not anymore I think :)

 

[B3NR4Y]

Damn man congrats. Guess she found you cute :)

I think so as well ^^

OP, is she pregnant already? Update us.

No, I was told to use protection and I did!

He looks like a boy to me :p

maybe she flew south for the winter

This exchange made me laugh out loud. I'd be allowed to fight alongside the Spartans!

 

[JasonRoberts]

Great thread, trolls included

 

[Pythagorean]

she was barefoot, a pet peeve of mine I hate feet. I will wear socks around my home to avoid looking at my own, but I let it slip

I suppose she'll never have the erogenous zones on her feet nibbled, then...

 

[B3NR4Y]

I suppose she'll never have the erogenous zones on her feet nibbled, then...

Never, just the thought of it repulses me.

 

[WWGD]

Never, just the thought of it repulses me.

Not even with the right condiments or add-ons like whipped-cream, etc. :)

 

[B3NR4Y]

Not even with the right condiments or add-ons like whipped-cream, etc. :)

I am visibly perspiring just thinking about that! If she even asked me I think I would cry.

 

[WWGD]

I am visibly perspiring just thinking about that! If she even asked me I think I would cry.

Sorry, I was just kidding.

 

[psparky]

2 words.

MAN UP.

Say, hi, hello, hows it goin?..."I really like your book bag"..."wow, those are really great shoes"...ummm...how about, you have the most beautiful eyes?
How about, "hey, how you doin...my name is John smith, what's yours?" What's your major? Wow, I really like your smile! The list goes on, etc, etc, etc. Use your brain. Woman are looking for smart, intelligent, witty, secure men. Kinda the same way you are looking for a smart, intelligent, witty, smart woman. Rate yourself on those categories, then find a woman that is similar.

Up your dating IQ. What kind of clothes are you wearing? How's your shoes? Do you wear a watch or cologne? When you picture what the woman you want is wearing, does your wardrobe match this, or is it time to get a little more stylish? Hows your hair? How about your teeth? If you need improvement, do it. Just like you, woman notice appearance first and foremost. You can overcome some of this with a great personality, but I recommend polishing up a bit first. It can only help.

Ok, keep in mind that woman are actually versions of human beings as well...lol. They all want love just like men, they are all a bit insecure at least at some level. They want to be talked to and they also want friends as well. Since you are obviously a novice, just go with the friends kinda hello first. Girls are tricky, they aren't just going to jump up and be your girlfiend because you said hello. Keep in mind to that if you are dealing with an attractive gal, that means there are 500 other "bucks" out there trying to land her as well. Competition is fierce. Are you the big buck on the hill? If you somehow match up with this gal in personality and chemistry, you may just be the most dominant buck on the hill.

Now, here's some tricks. Big smile...smile a lot. How about being funny and humorous? An average looking guy with big smile and sense of humor can get well above average looking women...and way above average personality (personality is really the most important thing down the line) If you can get looks and personalilty, you're all set...tough to do, but very possible.

Also, practice by just talking to random everyday gals. Even the ones that arne't super attractive can have super personalites and be fun to be around. Engaging a gal for her personality rather than her looks generally leads to successful relationships. I believe the expression is "friends first".

 

[nuuskur]

I cringe every time I see categorisation. "Average looking guy with a great smile and a sense of humour can get ABOVE average looking girls..." Did you even re-read that part yourself? :D So, where do we draw the line when a woman is of average looks or above average?
Nobody in their right state of mind would want a relationship with someone, because they are good-looking. Now we have another problem: what do we mean by a relationship? .. OH dear, gets complicated. Need to socialise, everything else will play out fine. Going out the front door thinking something like "I need a relationship, so I need to get my act straight" is a recipe for doom. Be whoever the hell you are.

 

[B3NR4Y]

Socialization is hard. This thread, now that I reread, makes me seem as though I went from a social retard to a lady killer, but trust me it's exactly the opposite. I go to parties with the girl and can't even talk to her friends. I feel as though it's a combination of having nothing in common with them and me being too socially stupid to talk with them, with heavy emphasis on the latter. I got lucky with this one girl, but part of me knows it's likely not to last (it's an early college relationship, do those ever last?). I'm happy with her right now, but I like to keep my expectations in line with reality.

Anyway, I will continue taking tips because I will eventually need them.

 

[Pythagorean]

I don't fare well at parties either as far as socialization goes unless I meet someone similar minded by chance, but I don't mind staying quiet until there's good conversation.

 

[psparky]

Socialization is hard. This thread, now that I reread, makes me seem as though I went from a social retard to a lady killer, but trust me it's exactly the opposite. I go to parties with the girl and can't even talk to her friends. I feel as though it's a combination of having nothing in common with them and me being too socially stupid to talk with them, with heavy emphasis on the latter. I got lucky with this one girl, but part of me knows it's likely not to last (it's an early college relationship, do those ever last?). I'm happy with her right now, but I like to keep my expectations in line with reality.

Anyway, I will continue taking tips because I will eventually need them.

Wait...you actually got the girl? Nice...that's what I'm talking about! I guess you are the big Buck on the hill!

Ya know...it takes a while to get experienced and comfortable with girls. Just like it takes quite a while to develop a really good personality in general.
These things do not typically jump out when you are in your 20's. Mid to late 30's...even early to mid 40's are more realistic. Some people refer to this as your "prime".

When you talk with her friends, compliment things about them, ask them how they know your lady. Ask them what they are going to school for...do they have a job? Where are they from? What kind of hobbies do they like? Are you getting drunk yet? Do you need a shot...? lol

Now keep in mind, you will often run into complete duds. These types of woman have no personality, no depth...they are just swept into there own who knows what. If you are talking to someone boring...the conversation is not going to work no matter what you do. Now real woman...you should be able to conversate with.

 

[nuuskur]

Now real woman...you should be able to conversate with.
Amen to that.

 

[psparky]

Now real woman...you should be able to conversate with.
Amen to that.

That's why you need to "dig" a bit when talking to people...get in there, unpeel some layers, see what's up.

Or perhaps "you" are the dud reading this. Well, sorry to hear that, but you will likely end up with a dud of the opposite sex...unless...

Here's the good news tho for the duds...looking to be studs. You can improve yourself in many ways. Like I said in earlier posts...smile more!
Make attempts to be funny! Try to be very self confident...work on it. Try to be more outgoing, try to be the Alpha Male...etc. Wear better looking clothes, fix your hair! etc,.. And I know some people will say just be yourself. Well, sometimes "just being yourself" can lead to a lifetime of lonliness! Come on now, almost anyone can improve themselves. Take a good look in the mirror and picture yourself from a female's eyes. Would you go out with YOU?

 

[B3NR4Y]

Wait...you actually got the girl? Nice...that's what I'm talking about! I guess you are the big Buck on the hill!

Ya know...it takes a while to get experienced and comfortable with girls. Just like it takes quite a while to develop a really good personality in general.
These things do not typically jump out when you are in your 20's. Mid to late 30's...even early to mid 40's are more realistic. Some people refer to this as your "prime".

When you talk with her friends, compliment things about them, ask them how they know your lady. Ask them what they are going to school for...do they have a job? Where are they from? What kind of hobbies do they like? Are you getting drunk yet? Do you need a shot...? lol

Now keep in mind, you will often run into complete duds. These types of woman have no personality, no depth...they are just swept into there own who knows what. If you are talking to someone boring...the conversation is not going to work no matter what you do. Now real woman...you should be able to conversate with.

Yeah I got her by complete luck, and believe me when I say luck. 100% luck, not accounted for in experimental uncertainty.

If I'm not the big-buck on the hill, I'm the bravest one I guess, which may as well make the biggest buck. One of her friends I am sure I can hold a conversation with, she's majoring in aerospace engineering, I'm majoring in Physics with a focus on the astrophysics part of that so next time we'll talk about that. The rest of her friends are any combination of undeclared, liberal arts, English, or *shudder* philosophy (jokes). I like her a lot, my last post may have made it seem like I don't, but I do I just like to be realistic about relationships. We haven't fought at all in the month we've been together. I don't drink so they probably think I'm weird, but it's a combination of me being too young to drink and me not being comfortable getting drunk when I only know one person there. If I were to ever get drunk, I'd want to do it with friends the first time because
1.) I'm not sure how much it would take for me to get drunk and all my friends are science majors so I could rely on them to accurately keep that data
2.) I don't feel comfortable throwing up in front of my girlfriend yet.
3.) I might do something crazy like Karaoke.

 

[B3NR4Y]

That's why you need to "dig" a bit when talking to people...get in there, unpeel some layers, see what's up.

Or perhaps "you" are the dud reading this. Well, sorry to hear that, but you will likely end up with a dud of the opposite sex...unless...

Here's the good news tho for the duds...looking to be studs. You can improve yourself in many ways. Like I said in earlier posts...smile more!
Make attempts to be funny! Try to be very self confident...work on it. Try to be more outgoing, try to be the Alpha Male...etc. Wear better looking clothes, fix your hair! etc,.. And I know some people will say just be yourself. Well, sometimes "just being yourself" can lead to a lifetime of lonliness! Come on now, almost anyone can improve themselves. Take a good look in the mirror and picture yourself from a female's eyes. Would you go out with YOU?

Self-improvement feels masturbatory (no I'm not quoting Fight Club), but I have done quite a bit of it lately. But sneakily doing it. I chose new glasses frames, I still have to wear thick glasses, but I look more like Peter Parker than a run-of-the-mill science guy. I wear new cologne that I had my girlfriend choose, I got a new pair of shoes (hardest part because I have big feet, size 13-1/2, and only some pairs fit and are comfortable), I got new stylish socks and pants, I stopped wearing the same sweater every day and I stopped wearing big headphones (despite the comfort they gave when I jam to Mozart).

My sister and my girlfriend helped transform me, I feel like a hipster but some girls have came up and talked to me out of nowhere, so I must have done something right.

 

[nuuskur]

I'm sorry, "trying to be alpha male" or what ever it is, is the most BETA thing one can do.
Try to be self confident? No, BE self-confident.

Consider your partner in conversation as your equal. It doesn't matter if they are male or female. If they are these "duds", it will soon be apparent.

 

[psparky]

Nibbling on feet...Never, just the thought of it repulses me.

In the movie "scent of a woman" with Al pacino, in the plane scene, he talks about "how he doesn't care if a woman has greek columns or terastyles for legs, doesn't matter...inbetween those legs, passport to heaven...

In other words, don't worry about the feet.

In fact, in that plane scene he says that in life there are only two sylabbles in life worth saying.

Yes, that word, very good:)

Actually, watch that movie or watch it again. It has excellent insight of a true sort of love for the female form. Might be helpful.
I just watched it again...perfect insight for me at this point in life.

Here's another good line. In the plane scene he says he loves woman above all other things. Maybe a very far distant 2nd is a Ferarri.

In all seriousness...what is the distant number 2 thing compared to a woman? What? Golf? Video Games? Hiking? Parachuting? etc...

Its all B.S.

Love in a woman is the juice.

 

[nuuskur]

I strongly recommend you to edit your post and remove the big word.

 

[psparky]

I'm sorry, "trying to be alpha male" or what ever it is, is the most BETA thing one can do.
Try to be self confident? No, BE self-confident.

Sorry, perhaps your words were better. Confident...be confident...my folks been telling me that since I was 5 years old.
Confidence is just about everything...not only in woman, but everything else as well.

 

[Pythagorean]

Alpha male doesn't even make sense in human society, unless you're talking about a father as head of household or a harem lord or the leader of a gang or something; the term has been bastardized by so called "pick up artists".

Yes, confidence is sexy, whether male or female. Sometimes you can make other people feel confident and comfortable and that should really be your goal with people you like and want to learn more about.