How Can I Approach a Pretty Girl at My University Despite My Social Anxiety?

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The discussion revolves around a person with low social skills and Asperger's who is anxious about approaching a beautiful girl at their university bookstore. They express a desire to make friends and potentially start a romantic relationship but feel overwhelmed by the prospect of initiating conversation. Various participants offer advice on how to approach her, emphasizing the importance of being genuine, confident, and relaxed. Suggestions include starting with simple greetings, making eye contact, and focusing on her interests rather than rehearsing lines. The conversation highlights the significance of socializing as a skill that improves with practice and the need to shift the mindset from feeling like a "supplicant" to approaching others as equals. Ultimately, the discussion underscores that everyone has something valuable to offer in social interactions, and being a good listener can be a significant asset.
  • #61
Basic hygiene should be elementary, but yes. Don't stink and don't stink of mass deodorant either.
 
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  • #62
Quote from Albert Einstein:
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
 
  • #63
  • #64
Remember B3NR4Y, you've already impressed this girl, you don't need to worry about impressing her anymore. Just enjoy yourself when you're with her, as hard as that sounds.
 
  • #66
Enigman said:
Where did you steal my picture from?
You didn't notice the drone? Not listening.
 
  • #67
Well just got out of my lab. Shortly after posting my reply I decided I wouldn't wait for you guys' advice, and took a leap of faith based on what I expected you to say, and what my sister was telling me I HAD to do. I decided to go ahead and go.

I arrived and knocked 3.5 times, she interrupted the fourth. She invited me in with a big smile, she was barefoot, a pet peeve of mine I hate feet. I will wear socks around my home to avoid looking at my own, but I let it slip, she's literally too perfect to let go because of trivialities. I felt awkward at first because I didn't see your replies about my looks yet (thanks for that by the way, I picture myself more like zooby's picture), but she sat next to me and said "whaddya want to do?" I replied that whatever she wanted to do is fine with me, but you said we are here to get to know each other so why not start there? First thing she asked was how tall I was, I said 6'2" because I have scoliosis pretty bad and my height falls between 6'1" and 6'4". I asked how tall she is, 5'7". Then she went into my studies and then I went into hers, chemical engineering. The usual questions were thrown around, favorite book, movie, food, etc. then the best thing in the world happened at 13:39, she said she was glad I talked to her because she felt awkward approaching me. That was like +100 confidence level right there. She then decided kissing was the next best thing to do, and I didn't protest. It felt weird, but it was also quite enjoyable. I wonder if she could tell it was my first time

I then said that I had to get to class, and the second best thing happened, she offered to walk with me, holding hands. I don't know if this is normal, but walking with a girl like that is even more confidence. I could quote quite a bit of Eminem songs about it, but the language filter would block it. She invited me to go to her house again tomorrow when my class ends at 9:30 and after her class ends. I didn't protest.

Now I am waiting for my sister to pick me up, she will likely have 100 questions.

Thanks for you guys' help, and compliments. I will continue to update if that is what the general public wants


And as an aside zoobyshoe: my dad said something similar yesterday when I came to him with this, he said I am in the wrong body. My build suggests a sports player (minus the back), and my face is pretty attractive, but my social skills do not match. He jokingly remarked, I should add.
 
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  • #68
What a great thread. I'm so happy for you! From what I've read here, I think you didn't really need our advice at all. You had everything you need, all along.

And yes, you're really adorable :!).
 
  • #69
OP, you know what could be nice? If you showed us a picture of HER! For science.. (unless she's underage)
 
  • #70
DataGG said:
OP, you know what could be nice? If you showed us a picture of HER! For science.. (unless she's underage)


No. Do not do that!

She finds out you're posting all the details and photos here and you're dead.

Now that you have made the move keep the details to yourself. Its even wise to be careful what you tell friends. You're in a relationship now! Look after it.
 
  • #71
DataGG said:
OP, you know what could be nice? If you showed us a picture of HER! For science.. (unless she's underage)



She's of age, I will post one when I have one. I don't use social media so it has to be a real picture
 
  • #72
B3NR4Y said:
She's of age, I will post one when I have one. I don't use social media so it has to be a real picture


Edit: nevermind cwatter is right
 
  • #73
I'm really proud of you B3NR4Y after reading this thread. It's no easy task to work through social situations with aspergers, but you're doing it. I hope this helps you a lot in your personal development.
 
  • #74
Rockoz said:
I'm really proud of you B3NR4Y after reading this thread. It's no easy task to work through social situations with aspergers, but you're doing it. I hope this helps you a lot in your personal development.


Boldly going where no aspie has gone before.
 
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  • #75
Damn man congrats. Guess she found you cute :)
 
  • #76
OP, is she pregnant already? Update us.
 
  • #77
Nikitin said:
Damn man congrats.
He looks like a boy to me :p
 
  • #78
maybe she flew south for the winter :o
 
  • #79
zoki85 said:
He looks like a boy to me :p
Not anymore I think :)
 
  • #80
Nikitin said:
Damn man congrats. Guess she found you cute :)
I think so as well ^^

DataGG said:
OP, is she pregnant already? Update us.
No, I was told to use protection and I did!

zoki85 said:
He looks like a boy to me :p
nuuskur said:
maybe she flew south for the winter :eek:

This exchange made me laugh out loud. I'd be allowed to fight alongside the Spartans!
 
  • #81
Great thread, trolls included :cool:
 
  • #82
she was barefoot, a pet peeve of mine I hate feet. I will wear socks around my home to avoid looking at my own, but I let it slip

I suppose she'll never have the erogenous zones on her feet nibbled, then...
 
  • #83
Pythagorean said:
I suppose she'll never have the erogenous zones on her feet nibbled, then...
Never, just the thought of it repulses me.
 
  • #84
B3NR4Y said:
Never, just the thought of it repulses me.

Not even with the right condiments or add-ons like whipped-cream, etc. :)
 
  • #85
WWGD said:
Not even with the right condiments or add-ons like whipped-cream, etc. :)
I am visibly perspiring just thinking about that! If she even asked me I think I would cry.
 
  • #86
B3NR4Y said:
I am visibly perspiring just thinking about that! If she even asked me I think I would cry.

Sorry, I was just kidding.
 
  • #87
2 words.

MAN UP.

Say, hi, hello, hows it goin?..."I really like your book bag"..."wow, those are really great shoes"...ummm...how about, you have the most beautiful eyes?
How about, "hey, how you doin...my name is John smith, what's yours?" What's your major? Wow, I really like your smile! The list goes on, etc, etc, etc. Use your brain. Woman are looking for smart, intelligent, witty, secure men. Kinda the same way you are looking for a smart, intelligent, witty, smart woman. Rate yourself on those categories, then find a woman that is similar.

Up your dating IQ. What kind of clothes are you wearing? How's your shoes? Do you wear a watch or cologne? When you picture what the woman you want is wearing, does your wardrobe match this, or is it time to get a little more stylish? Hows your hair? How about your teeth? If you need improvement, do it. Just like you, woman notice appearance first and foremost. You can overcome some of this with a great personality, but I recommend polishing up a bit first. It can only help.

Ok, keep in mind that woman are actually versions of human beings as well...lol. They all want love just like men, they are all a bit insecure at least at some level. They want to be talked to and they also want friends as well. Since you are obviously a novice, just go with the friends kinda hello first. Girls are tricky, they aren't just going to jump up and be your girlfiend because you said hello. Keep in mind to that if you are dealing with an attractive gal, that means there are 500 other "bucks" out there trying to land her as well. Competition is fierce. Are you the big buck on the hill? If you somehow match up with this gal in personality and chemistry, you may just be the most dominant buck on the hill.

Now, here's some tricks. Big smile...smile a lot. How about being funny and humorous? An average looking guy with big smile and sense of humor can get well above average looking women...and way above average personality (personality is really the most important thing down the line) If you can get looks and personalilty, you're all set...tough to do, but very possible.

Also, practice by just talking to random everyday gals. Even the ones that arne't super attractive can have super personalites and be fun to be around. Engaging a gal for her personality rather than her looks generally leads to successful relationships. I believe the expression is "friends first".
 
  • #88
I cringe every time I see categorisation. "Average looking guy with a great smile and a sense of humour can get ABOVE average looking girls..." Did you even re-read that part yourself? :D So, where do we draw the line when a woman is of average looks or above average?
Nobody in their right state of mind would want a relationship with someone, because they are good-looking. Now we have another problem: what do we mean by a relationship? .. OH dear, gets complicated. Need to socialise, everything else will play out fine. Going out the front door thinking something like "I need a relationship, so I need to get my act straight" is a recipe for doom. Be whoever the hell you are.
 
  • #89
Socialization is hard. This thread, now that I reread, makes me seem as though I went from a social retard to a lady killer, but trust me it's exactly the opposite. I go to parties with the girl and can't even talk to her friends. I feel as though it's a combination of having nothing in common with them and me being too socially stupid to talk with them, with heavy emphasis on the latter. I got lucky with this one girl, but part of me knows it's likely not to last (it's an early college relationship, do those ever last?). I'm happy with her right now, but I like to keep my expectations in line with reality.

Anyway, I will continue taking tips because I will eventually need them.
 
  • #90
I don't fare well at parties either as far as socialization goes unless I meet someone similar minded by chance, but I don't mind staying quiet until there's good conversation.
 

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