How Did PrudensOptimus's Dating Adventure Turn Out?

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The discussion centers around the dating experiences and challenges faced by several individuals, particularly focusing on PrudensOptimus, who is encouraged to provide updates on his dating life. Participants share their struggles with reading signals from potential partners and express feelings of nervousness in romantic situations. Tips for improving interactions include being genuine, relaxed, and attentive to the other person's interests. The conversation also highlights the complexities of dating, especially when one party is on the rebound from a previous relationship. Concerns about emotional readiness and the importance of mutual interest are discussed, with a consensus that clear communication and understanding are essential. Participants note that both men and women often experience insecurity and nervousness, suggesting that vulnerability can be endearing. The thread emphasizes the need for patience and the importance of recognizing genuine interest from potential partners, while also acknowledging the difficulties in navigating romantic signals.
  • #51
When she said that she has an on the job training it didn't sound to me like she made a counter-offer to you. Such as, Can we go out on Tuesday instead? We should make it another time on Monday, etc..

Like Evo mentioned, she's on a rebound so this is difficult. Continue seeing other girls as well.
 
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  • #52
Evo said:
If it has to do with training, she may not have the option to take off, or it could make her look like her job's not important to her. My suggestion, trust her, be understanding, but let her know that you want to see her a different night then. If she's telling the truth (which she probably is) she will appreciate how considerate and understanding you are.

I did that. Then she questioned me as to why I was so set on dating her. I think I will give it another go, anyway.


Evo said:
Keep me informed and I'll give you my 2 cents worth. You though have to be the ultimate judge since you are there and I can only guess.

Your two cents are worth a lot at this moment.
 
  • #53
Call me cold blooded, but I honestly can not have any sympathy for any girl who starts seeing guys while on a rebound. It is stupid and unfair to the guy. A total waste of time. Why dragging someone into her own emotional turmoil? She is being selfish.
 
  • #54
Chrono said:
I did that.
Did she agree to another date?
 
  • #55
Polly said:
Call me cold blooded, but I honestly can not have any sympathy for any girl who starts seeing guys while on a rebound. It is stupid and unfair to the guy. A total waste of time. Why dragging someone into her own emotional turmoil? She is being selfish.
I've known many girls that will not break up with a guy until they have a new one lined up. It's really sad.

Maybe in Chrono's case, it is a bad timing thing. She wasn't expecting him to come along and maybe she has concerns about dating on the rebound. Maybe this is causing her to rethink her decision to date him and why she is questioning why he wants to date her.

I don't think she would be bringing up these questions if she was just wanting to use him.
 
  • #56
Depending on how low a girl's interest level is on her ex-boyfriend. They usually go through a couple of Guys before they start seriously dating again.
 
  • #57
(sigh) yes, maybe that's why we have so very many numerous problems in our society - people do not think, they just act on their impulse and emotional needs. They forget they have a brain, are capable of restraint and other people are people too. If the girl concerned does not start to put her act together, she will find more problems ahead and she becomes a problem in the lives of all those around her.

edit: typo
 
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  • #58
Evo, being there all the time will not get him a girl.
There are 2 problems with trying to have a relationship with a girl you are just infatuated with.

First, there is the question of motive.
Remember that saying would you want to join a club that would accept you as a member? Relationships are the same way. Both men and women are very self conscious and most people think they are less than they really are. Noticing that somebody likes you makes you question why. What's wrong with her if her standards are low enough to want me?

Secondly, if he puts this girl on a pedestal, she will not respect him enough to want to go out with him. To understand what I mean, look at how friendships work. If you were at the top of the social ladder (one of the cool kids) and somebody who idolized you wanted to be your friend, do you think that would work? What if that person didn't care who you were, do you think you could be friends then?

Put the person you are interested in at the same level as you. If you idolize them, they will not respect you. If you look down on them, they'll think you're a jerk (which actually works against some women). If you treat them like you treat everybody else, it might just work out.
 
  • #59
Chrono, she is a quark, there is nothing you can do about it.
 
  • #60
ShawnD said:
Noticing that somebody likes you makes you question why. What's wrong with her if her standards are low enough to want me?

Sounds like low self-esteem to me. If you don't think you're worthy enough then why would she think you're worthy? What would that say about her? Not good

You should give yourself plenty of approval for being the Great guy that you are. Don't sell yourself short.
 
  • #61
ShawnD said:
Evo, being there all the time will not get him a girl.
I never said that, are you sure you're reading one of my posts?
 
  • #62
The_Professional said:
Sounds like low self-esteem to me.

Don't sell yourself short.

Exactly. Again call me mean, cold blooded and unkind, but a girl who has dated with a bad boyfriend tells a lot about herself.
 
  • #63
Polly said:
Exactly. Again call me mean, cold blooded and unkind, but a girl who has dated with a bad boyfriend tells a lot about herself.

Mean, cold blooded and unkind :biggrin:

My previous post was referring to the situation where a Guy puts himself down with the girl
 
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  • #64
Polly said:
Exactly. Again call me mean, cold blooded and unkind, but a girl who has dated with a bad boyfriend tells a lot about herself.
You're being realistic and honest. What you said earlier about people not looking beyond their own needs and not caring about what they're doing to others is unfortunately all too true.
 
  • #65
I agree .
 
  • #66
The_Professional said:
Sounds like low self-esteem to me. If you don't think you're worthy enough then why would she think you're worthy?

It's mostly women that have low self esteem. Men are usually the opposite, they think they're attractive even though they're fat, bald, and have a hairy back. Thankfully, I'm none of those 3 :wink:. I'm still full of myself though.

Women are complicated so it's hard to tell what you're dealing with. Women who have very very low self esteem will date you because she thinks she can't do any better. Women who have a somewhat low self esteem will question why you are interested in them instead of somebody better. Women with high self esteem will just blow you off thinking she's better than you.

The best way I've seen was to be direct (through flirting) but accept no as an answer. If you flirt and she likes you, right on. If you she doesn't like you, just accept the no and act like that ship has sailed. If you keep giving signals that you are interested, you become the proverbial "dick in a glass".
She won't consider dating you as long as you're just a backup plan.
 
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  • #67
Chrono, I am really sorry I said those nasty things about the lady you fancy. My only explanation is perhaps I was too biased in your favour I forgot she is a person too and probably wants to clinch onto someone in a moment of weakness. I hope you will forgive me for being so mean and nasty and cold. Yes if you like her a lot then go for it, we are afterall all here to fumble our way through and learn (but do it in a more objective way please if possible). I am sorry my wisdom only allows me to say this much, I hope I have not done some irreparable harm already. Last of all please again forgive me for everything I said.
 
  • #68
...wish i could get a rebound girl... at least i wouldn't have to go through all the goddamn effort and worry as to whether i am going to make an ass of myself or not...
 
  • #69
Polly said:
Chrono, I am really sorry I said those nasty things about the lady you fancy. I hope you will forgive me for being so mean and nasty and cold. I am sorry my wisdom only allows me to say this much, I hope I have not done some irreparable harm already. Last of all please again forgive me for everything I said.


No problems. No harm was, and wouldn't have been done. I don't think you're mean, cold blooded, or unkind.

Evo said:
Did she agree to another date?

Nope. That's why I'm going to try again in a couple of days.
 
  • #70
jimmy p said:
...wish i could get a rebound girl... at least i wouldn't have to go through all the goddamn effort and worry as to whether i am going to make an ass of myself or not...

Okay I am reformed now, I shall try to be more objective and impartial.

If you trust me, I have this to say.

Yours is a tough problem, mostly because we know very little about the background, mentality and love life of this very "casual" lady. But I don't think any woman will go around kissing a friend, albeit a good friend, just out of the blue (BTW was she very drunk at the time?). Seems to me she is toying with the idea of dating you and was experimenting it. I shall sound like an old man now, but if there is nothing you could do about problem, why don't you channel your time and energy into something more construtive? Do a course, develop a special interest, learn something, so that she will be able to look at you in a more flattering light in the future? Women like men with a goal and working towards it. It shows they are enterprising and hardworking.
 
  • #71
Chrono said:
No problems. No harm was, and wouldn't have been done. I don't think you're mean, cold blooded, or unkind.



Nope. That's why I'm going to try again in a couple of days.


Thank you and may all the factors combined nicely together to work in your favour.
 
  • #72
Chrono said:
Nope. That's why I'm going to try again in a couple of days.
She really seemed to like you, from what you've said. It would be unusual for her to change her mind so quickly and before going on your date, so something is going on. It could be one of the following:

1) Her ex is trying to get back together with her, probably promising her he'll change, blah, blah, blah... She might fall for it, or at least make her hesitate from moving on. Maybe she's not over him yet, even if it was a "bad" relationship.

2) Her friends or family have told her she is moving too fast, that she needs to get over the first guy before dating again.

3) She has decided on her own that she needs to think things through more and decide what she needs to focus on right now.

I would suggest not pursuing her immediately. This will make her wonder about you. If she thinks you are smitten with her, she may really lose interest in you. Wait a couple of weeks and try to size up her situation. If you aren't paying much attention to her, she might be the one to approach you first. If she is interested in you, there is no better way to get a woman's attention than to stop paying attention to them.
 
  • #73
Evo said:
I would suggest not pursuing her immediately. This will make her wonder about you. If she thinks you are smitten with her, she may really lose interest in you. Wait a couple of weeks and try to size up her situation. If you aren't paying much attention to her, she might be the one to approach you first. If she is interested in you, there is no better way to get a woman's attention than to stop paying attention to them.


So you're saying to wait a couple of weeks before I try to reschedule the date? I'm not so sure that would be best. I'm not sure if I told you, but there is someone else trying to hook up with her and I do believe he has the advantage.
 
  • #74
Originally posted by Evo
I would suggest not pursuing her immediately. This will make her wonder about you. If she thinks you are smitten with her, she may really lose interest in you. Wait a couple of weeks and try to size up her situation. If you aren't paying much attention to her, she might be the one to approach you first. If she is interested in you, there is no better way to get a woman's attention than to stop paying attention to them.

She's passing real wisdom here, so follow it
 
  • #75
Chrono said:
So you're saying to wait a couple of weeks before I try to reschedule the date? I'm not so sure that would be best. I'm not sure if I told you, but there is someone else trying to hook up with her and I do believe he has the advantage.
Aha, another guy trying to move in. Like I said, I'm not there and you are the best judge of what is going on. I'd say go with your instincts. You seem level headed. :smile:

P.S. Sorry, The Professional, I caved. If he waited and the other guy horned in, I'd feel guilty. Chrono, you're on your own, but keep me posted!
 
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  • #76
One way to eliminate the competition is by holding back. If she likes you, then while on the date with the other guy she will be thinking about you. Provided that she likes you, you got nothing to lose..

At least, in reality that's how it worked for me.
 
  • #77
The_Professional said:
One way to eliminate the competition is by holding back. If she likes you, then while on the date with the other guy she will be thinking about you. Provided that she likes you, you got nothing to lose..

At least, in reality that's how it worked for me.
So very true! I know it works on me. Something that's harder to get seems more valuable and interesting.
 
  • #78
You mean a guy who's a challenge
 
  • #79
The_Professional said:
You mean a guy who's a challenge
Yeah, I like a bit of a challenge, it makes it more interesting.
 
  • #80
Polly said:
Okay I am reformed now, I shall try to be more objective and impartial.

If you trust me, I have this to say.

Yours is a tough problem, mostly because we know very little about the background, mentality and love life of this very "casual" lady. But I don't think any woman will go around kissing a friend, albeit a good friend, just out of the blue (BTW was she very drunk at the time?). Seems to me she is toying with the idea of dating you and was experimenting it. I shall sound like an old man now, but if there is nothing you could do about problem, why don't you channel your time and energy into something more construtive? Do a course, develop a special interest, learn something, so that she will be able to look at you in a more flattering light in the future? Women like men with a goal and working towards it. It shows they are enterprising and hardworking.


Oh, i know quite a lot about this girl we have been friends on and off for about 5 years now (we see each other now and then) and she has told me a lot about herself...

I have to admit we were both quite drunk, but I am not sure how drunk she was... i remember everything but i haven't asked her what she remembers about that night.

Hmmmm it's not like I'm a boring person, i do tend to have a lot of interesting (and slightly less interesting) facts...in fact people always ask me the answer to weird questions. I always have a story to tell, and i always make a lot of effort for people... unfortunately a lot of my friends/potential partners take it for granted and don't notice how much i put in for them. I suppose goalwise, I am not really very sorted. It's an important decision time in my life but i have no real plans. Other than the fact that i am going to be a billionaire somehow. :biggrin:

I suppose i may as well give up on this girl thinking about it. We arranged to meet up twice this week, and i have phoned and sent messages to her asking details and stuff and she has never responded (the odd thing was that she was the one who asked if i wanted to meet up with her). *sigh* its lame. And depressing. All my friends are taken and i feel like such a loser when we go out cos I'm "captain single".
 
  • #81
Evo said:
Aha, another guy trying to move in. Like I said, I'm not there and you are the best judge of what is going on. I'd say go with your instincts. You seem level headed.

P.S. Sorry, The Professional, I caved. If he waited and the other guy horned in, I'd feel guilty. Chrono, you're on your own, but keep me posted!

I'm not as upset about it as I was a couple of days ago. I think I have a plan. I will try and reschedule the date in which I already asked her. Whether she says yes or no, I will wait a couple of weeks to a month to ask her out again. Does that sound good?
 
  • #82
Chrono said:
I'm not as upset about it as I was a couple of days ago. I think I have a plan. I will try and reschedule the date in which I already asked her. Whether she says yes or no, I will wait a couple of weeks to a month to ask her out again. Does that sound good?
Sounds good. I will keep my fingers crossed for you! :smile:
 
  • #83
Evo said:
Sounds good. I will keep my fingers crossed for you!

Thanks, I appreciate all you and everyone else has done.
 
  • #84
It seems like our society places great emphasis on having a mate, girlfriend, wife, and vice versa. Ever notice when you're single everyone's trying to hook you up with everyone.
 
  • #85
Really? Nobody's ever once tried to hook me up with anyone in my entire life...

Guess they couldn't find any poor victims.

cookiemonster
 
  • #86
jimmy p said:
Oh, i know quite a lot about this girl we have been friends on and off for about 5 years now (we see each other now and then) and she has told me a lot about herself...

I have to admit we were both quite drunk, but I am not sure how drunk she was... i remember everything but i haven't asked her what she remembers about that night.

Hmmmm it's not like I'm a boring person, i do tend to have a lot of interesting (and slightly less interesting) facts...in fact people always ask me the answer to weird questions. I always have a story to tell, and i always make a lot of effort for people... unfortunately a lot of my friends/potential partners take it for granted and don't notice how much i put in for them. I suppose goalwise, I am not really very sorted. It's an important decision time in my life but i have no real plans. Other than the fact that i am going to be a billionaire somehow. :biggrin:

I suppose i may as well give up on this girl thinking about it. We arranged to meet up twice this week, and i have phoned and sent messages to her asking details and stuff and she has never responded (the odd thing was that she was the one who asked if i wanted to meet up with her). *sigh* its lame. And depressing. All my friends are taken and i feel like such a loser when we go out cos I'm "captain single".

Jimmy P,

If I were a guy I would look at the bigger picture and think along these lines:

1. What do I want in a woman?

Pretty/beautiful (a must), all the right curves in the right place (don't get me started on her anatomy), kind and loving (very important that she is nice to me, my family, my friends and our children), nice personality and character (wouldn't want the children to have anti-social genes), educated and intelligent and sensible (so I could count on her advice (and income) in difficult times, a girlfriend/wife is afterall a man's greatest asset) etc etc etc.

2. Now that I know what I want, what does she want? In other words, what do I have to be like to attract this ideal woman?

Well guess work is not quite necessary here, statistics have repeatedly shown that women in general want their men to be intelligent, reliable, kind and good looking.

3. Where is she most likely to be found?

Watering holes? Discos? Shopping malls? Cinemas? Football pitch? Bus stops? Hospitals? Ladies (unfortunately men are barred)?


I would say a young man who is warm, friendly, smart, considerate and forthright with a wide variety of interests like YOU, armed with a good education, will eventually quite without fail find himself in an enviable position where he literally has to "peel off willing women" like Zero said.

Personally I will go for the university for Question 3.
 
  • #87
Listen to Polly, Chopnik. She's giving you GREAT advice. :wink:
 
  • #88
I'd like to go to university, but i just can't get the grades in maths. I try real hard but every module so far i have failed spectacularily. ah well.

I would like to say that i am "a young man who is warm, friendly, smart, considerate and forthright with a wide variety of interests like YOU, armed with a good education" but i can't because I am not very confident in myself... though i will admit that i have a wicked sense of humour.

I dunno, sometimes I'm just willing to give up and become a priest. Until i realize that I'm not religious. I have never had much luck with girls... I suppose I'm a but like Prudens, but he gets a little further with the girls, they talk to him loads and invite him round n stuff :)
 
  • #89
Well, I do hope that you get into a university. Besides the trivial matters like education and your future, being in a place filled with charming, beautiful, INTELLIGENT women is a such a wonderful experience. I remember my first weeks, when my first reaction was : "So here's where they've been hiding for all these years !" :biggrin:

I had similar thoughts when I first found PF, off course :wink:
 
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  • #90
jimmy p said:
I'd like to go to university, but i just can't get the grades in maths. I try real hard but every module so far i have failed spectacularily. ah well.
So what kind of non-university schools do you have over there where you can 'fail spectacularly' at maths? Go THERE! :biggrin:

I would like to say that i am "a young man who is warm, friendly, smart, considerate and forthright with a wide variety of interests like YOU, armed with a good education" but i can't because I am not very confident in myself... though i will admit that i have a wicked sense of humour.
You are ALL of those things! You're just still working on the education part. :biggrin: Ya know... Drama classes can be a real kick in the pants AND help build confidence. (Yes, I know. I'm weird - but I'm SERIOUS! Your sense of comedy would do well there! Did you ever see -or even HEAR of- a play called Tony & Tina's Wedding? It was an audience participation play and completely hysterical. I was this close *holds up fingers mashed together* to auditioning for that play. I often wish I HAD. It would have been a blast! :biggrin: ) Anyway... Just a thought... :redface:

I dunno, sometimes I'm just willing to give up and become a priest. Until i realize that I'm not religious. I have never had much luck with girls... I suppose I'm a but like Prudens, but he gets a little further with the girls, they talk to him loads and invite him round n stuff :)
Yeah. Right. You - a priest. :biggrin: :eek: :biggrin: Hang in there, Chopnik. I was 30 when I met Ivan! :wink: (What's a 'but like Prudens'?) :biggrin:
 
  • #91
She is a beautiful, charming and intelligent woman so i should feel lucky if i get with her!

Unfortunately Tsunami, this is my final year before university so i am AT the non-uni school where i fail maths spectacularly. I like ham-acting more, its a lot of fun to blatantly overdo things, and if needs be, I'm a master! :) A bit like Prudens is "unlucky with women" (no offence Prudens) however i make more moves than he does.

Recent development, the girl i like phoned me on Saturday to ask if we could meet up at some point during the week. She is supposed to phone tomorrow so we can arrange something for wednesday or thursday so fingers crossed. If anything does happen i shall let you guys (n gals) know!
 
  • #92
hehe omg i can't beileve that love relationship is so complicate,. it's more complicate than maths or physics.

sometimes it's like that, the one you really loved that makes u go dizzy, u might not able to be with. the one who loves u deeply , u might not feel a thing. u eventually will be with the one who is just in the middle.

i think is that

if you try to hard to love a person, sometimes it turns to be ugly.
it needs a clear head, to get a alone with a person. not to be too dizzy for it. you will
become negative .
 
  • #93
my suggestion
it's best to assume how her feelings are, and wat she is thinking, usually not abel to predict exactly to wats real but quiet useful to make your moves, to keep her feel warm.

all i mean is that u got understand a girl first , before really let her be your girlfriend.
it you can't even understand her, than it's really hard for further relationship anyway.

for chronc if you are able to know her more, through her recent thoughts expressed in conversation , or her interest. you could easily know want she wants and her satisfaction.

btw 1 don't let her know that u r trying know everything about her. she will feel weird uncomfortable, maybe even annoying
2 don't try to everything abt her, u get confused. just know the things will help you with your relationship. but nothing abt her feeling to other ppl.
etc
 
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  • #94
Cheers for that, I'll keep it in mind. Well we are going to the cinema tomorrow... even if it is like, 2 hours in silence in front of a screen, the rest of the time spent with her will be quality... hopefully...
 
  • #95
In my opinion, education is the reason why people have difficulties having relationships. For high school in America, you get a lunch break and five or six five minute bells to meet up (Hope it's better in England). Don't talk in class, of course. I can easily blame school for causing low self-esteem. It's their job. In addition to school crushing you, you're probably wearing deodorant that prevents you from sweating and releasing yummy pheromonies. I don't know hehe, thought it'd be interesting to say. If I were you, I should only listen to the primitive caveman grunts that should be the natural progression of your infant googoo gaagaa. I also blame our learning to talk as the cause of our lack of self-confidence and the meaninglessness my words seem to have captured innately. You know what you need? Pheromonies products. Even if they don't work, they'll boost your confidence. And about the deodorant, I know thai deodorant stones are an alternative to mainstream deodorants. They work by killing the bacteria that causes bad odor, and it works for me much better than the deodorant that suppresses sweating. Some deodorants contain perfume and pheromones, I know Axe sprays do. And if that fails, start singing, "Girls just want boys with cars and money"
 
  • #96
well, i got stood up... probably could have guessed that would happen, I'm "Captain Unlucky" after all. Looking on the bright side, if I had gone out with her, I would probably have been hit by a meteorite or something...
 
  • #97
Stop chasing this girl. If she would disrespect you by not even showing up, she's not worth chasing.
 
  • #98
well i was supposed to pick her up, and i phoned her to make sure she was ready before i left...1.5 hours of phoning later there was still no answer.
 
  • #99
jimmy p said:
well i was supposed to pick her up, and i phoned her to make sure she was ready before i left...1.5 hours of phoning later there was still no answer.
Awww, Chopnik. :frown: Look on the bright side, maybe something terrible happened to her. :-p

I don't get it. She called you about getting together. Maybe there is a reasonable answer.
 
  • #100
that's what i am thinking but i can't help but feel let down and disappointed!
 

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