How Did PrudensOptimus's Dating Adventure Turn Out?

[Evo]

Evo, being there all the time will not get him a girl.

I never said that, are you sure you're reading one of my posts?

 

[Polly]

Sounds like low self-esteem to me.

Don't sell yourself short.

Exactly. Again call me mean, cold blooded and unkind, but a girl who has dated with a bad boyfriend tells a lot about herself.

 

[The_Professional]

Exactly. Again call me mean, cold blooded and unkind, but a girl who has dated with a bad boyfriend tells a lot about herself.

Mean, cold blooded and unkind

My previous post was referring to the situation where a Guy puts himself down with the girl

 

[Evo]

Exactly. Again call me mean, cold blooded and unkind, but a girl who has dated with a bad boyfriend tells a lot about herself.

You're being realistic and honest. What you said earlier about people not looking beyond their own needs and not caring about what they're doing to others is unfortunately all too true.

 

[The_Professional]

I agree .

 

[ShawnD]

Sounds like low self-esteem to me. If you don't think you're worthy enough then why would she think you're worthy?

It's mostly women that have low self esteem. Men are usually the opposite, they think they're attractive even though they're fat, bald, and have a hairy back. Thankfully, I'm none of those 3 . I'm still full of myself though.

Women are complicated so it's hard to tell what you're dealing with. Women who have very very low self esteem will date you because she thinks she can't do any better. Women who have a somewhat low self esteem will question why you are interested in them instead of somebody better. Women with high self esteem will just blow you off thinking she's better than you.

The best way I've seen was to be direct (through flirting) but accept no as an answer. If you flirt and she likes you, right on. If you she doesn't like you, just accept the no and act like that ship has sailed. If you keep giving signals that you are interested, you become the proverbial "dick in a glass".
She won't consider dating you as long as you're just a backup plan.

 

[Polly]

Chrono, I am really sorry I said those nasty things about the lady you fancy. My only explanation is perhaps I was too biased in your favour I forgot she is a person too and probably wants to clinch onto someone in a moment of weakness. I hope you will forgive me for being so mean and nasty and cold. Yes if you like her a lot then go for it, we are afterall all here to fumble our way through and learn (but do it in a more objective way please if possible). I am sorry my wisdom only allows me to say this much, I hope I have not done some irreparable harm already. Last of all please again forgive me for everything I said.

 

[jimmy p]

...wish i could get a rebound girl... at least i wouldn't have to go through all the goddamn effort and worry as to whether i am going to make an ass of myself or not...

 

[Chrono]

Chrono, I am really sorry I said those nasty things about the lady you fancy. I hope you will forgive me for being so mean and nasty and cold. I am sorry my wisdom only allows me to say this much, I hope I have not done some irreparable harm already. Last of all please again forgive me for everything I said.

No problems. No harm was, and wouldn't have been done. I don't think you're mean, cold blooded, or unkind.

Did she agree to another date?

Nope. That's why I'm going to try again in a couple of days.

 

[Polly]

...wish i could get a rebound girl... at least i wouldn't have to go through all the goddamn effort and worry as to whether i am going to make an ass of myself or not...

Okay I am reformed now, I shall try to be more objective and impartial.

If you trust me, I have this to say.

Yours is a tough problem, mostly because we know very little about the background, mentality and love life of this very "casual" lady. But I don't think any woman will go around kissing a friend, albeit a good friend, just out of the blue (BTW was she very drunk at the time?). Seems to me she is toying with the idea of dating you and was experimenting it. I shall sound like an old man now, but if there is nothing you could do about problem, why don't you channel your time and energy into something more construtive? Do a course, develop a special interest, learn something, so that she will be able to look at you in a more flattering light in the future? Women like men with a goal and working towards it. It shows they are enterprising and hardworking.

 

[Polly]

No problems. No harm was, and wouldn't have been done. I don't think you're mean, cold blooded, or unkind.



Nope. That's why I'm going to try again in a couple of days.

Thank you and may all the factors combined nicely together to work in your favour.

 

[Evo]

Nope. That's why I'm going to try again in a couple of days.

She really seemed to like you, from what you've said. It would be unusual for her to change her mind so quickly and before going on your date, so something is going on. It could be one of the following:

1) Her ex is trying to get back together with her, probably promising her he'll change, blah, blah, blah... She might fall for it, or at least make her hesitate from moving on. Maybe she's not over him yet, even if it was a "bad" relationship.

2) Her friends or family have told her she is moving too fast, that she needs to get over the first guy before dating again.

3) She has decided on her own that she needs to think things through more and decide what she needs to focus on right now.

I would suggest not pursuing her immediately. This will make her wonder about you. If she thinks you are smitten with her, she may really lose interest in you. Wait a couple of weeks and try to size up her situation. If you aren't paying much attention to her, she might be the one to approach you first. If she is interested in you, there is no better way to get a woman's attention than to stop paying attention to them.

 

[Chrono]

I would suggest not pursuing her immediately. This will make her wonder about you. If she thinks you are smitten with her, she may really lose interest in you. Wait a couple of weeks and try to size up her situation. If you aren't paying much attention to her, she might be the one to approach you first. If she is interested in you, there is no better way to get a woman's attention than to stop paying attention to them.

So you're saying to wait a couple of weeks before I try to reschedule the date? I'm not so sure that would be best. I'm not sure if I told you, but there is someone else trying to hook up with her and I do believe he has the advantage.

 

[The_Professional]

Originally posted by Evo
I would suggest not pursuing her immediately. This will make her wonder about you. If she thinks you are smitten with her, she may really lose interest in you. Wait a couple of weeks and try to size up her situation. If you aren't paying much attention to her, she might be the one to approach you first. If she is interested in you, there is no better way to get a woman's attention than to stop paying attention to them.

She's passing real wisdom here, so follow it

 

[Evo]

So you're saying to wait a couple of weeks before I try to reschedule the date? I'm not so sure that would be best. I'm not sure if I told you, but there is someone else trying to hook up with her and I do believe he has the advantage.

Aha, another guy trying to move in. Like I said, I'm not there and you are the best judge of what is going on. I'd say go with your instincts. You seem level headed.

P.S. Sorry, The Professional, I caved. If he waited and the other guy horned in, I'd feel guilty. Chrono, you're on your own, but keep me posted!

 

[The_Professional]

One way to eliminate the competition is by holding back. If she likes you, then while on the date with the other guy she will be thinking about you. Provided that she likes you, you got nothing to lose..

At least, in reality that's how it worked for me.

 

[Evo]

One way to eliminate the competition is by holding back. If she likes you, then while on the date with the other guy she will be thinking about you. Provided that she likes you, you got nothing to lose..

At least, in reality that's how it worked for me.

So very true! I know it works on me. Something that's harder to get seems more valuable and interesting.

 

[The_Professional]

You mean a guy who's a challenge

 

[Evo]

You mean a guy who's a challenge

Yeah, I like a bit of a challenge, it makes it more interesting.

 

[jimmy p]

Okay I am reformed now, I shall try to be more objective and impartial.

If you trust me, I have this to say.

Yours is a tough problem, mostly because we know very little about the background, mentality and love life of this very "casual" lady. But I don't think any woman will go around kissing a friend, albeit a good friend, just out of the blue (BTW was she very drunk at the time?). Seems to me she is toying with the idea of dating you and was experimenting it. I shall sound like an old man now, but if there is nothing you could do about problem, why don't you channel your time and energy into something more construtive? Do a course, develop a special interest, learn something, so that she will be able to look at you in a more flattering light in the future? Women like men with a goal and working towards it. It shows they are enterprising and hardworking.

Oh, i know quite a lot about this girl we have been friends on and off for about 5 years now (we see each other now and then) and she has told me a lot about herself...

I have to admit we were both quite drunk, but I am not sure how drunk she was... i remember everything but i haven't asked her what she remembers about that night.

Hmmmm it's not like I'm a boring person, i do tend to have a lot of interesting (and slightly less interesting) facts...in fact people always ask me the answer to weird questions. I always have a story to tell, and i always make a lot of effort for people... unfortunately a lot of my friends/potential partners take it for granted and don't notice how much i put in for them. I suppose goalwise, I am not really very sorted. It's an important decision time in my life but i have no real plans. Other than the fact that i am going to be a billionaire somehow.

I suppose i may as well give up on this girl thinking about it. We arranged to meet up twice this week, and i have phoned and sent messages to her asking details and stuff and she has never responded (the odd thing was that she was the one who asked if i wanted to meet up with her). *sigh* its lame. And depressing. All my friends are taken and i feel like such a loser when we go out cos I'm "captain single".

 

[Chrono]

Aha, another guy trying to move in. Like I said, I'm not there and you are the best judge of what is going on. I'd say go with your instincts. You seem level headed.

P.S. Sorry, The Professional, I caved. If he waited and the other guy horned in, I'd feel guilty. Chrono, you're on your own, but keep me posted!

I'm not as upset about it as I was a couple of days ago. I think I have a plan. I will try and reschedule the date in which I already asked her. Whether she says yes or no, I will wait a couple of weeks to a month to ask her out again. Does that sound good?

 

[Evo]

I'm not as upset about it as I was a couple of days ago. I think I have a plan. I will try and reschedule the date in which I already asked her. Whether she says yes or no, I will wait a couple of weeks to a month to ask her out again. Does that sound good?

Sounds good. I will keep my fingers crossed for you!

 

[Chrono]

Sounds good. I will keep my fingers crossed for you!

Thanks, I appreciate all you and everyone else has done.

 

[The_Professional]

It seems like our society places great emphasis on having a mate, girlfriend, wife, and vice versa. Ever notice when you're single everyone's trying to hook you up with everyone.

 

[cookiemonster]

Really? Nobody's ever once tried to hook me up with anyone in my entire life...

Guess they couldn't find any poor victims.

cookiemonster

 

[Polly]

Oh, i know quite a lot about this girl we have been friends on and off for about 5 years now (we see each other now and then) and she has told me a lot about herself...

I have to admit we were both quite drunk, but I am not sure how drunk she was... i remember everything but i haven't asked her what she remembers about that night.

Hmmmm it's not like I'm a boring person, i do tend to have a lot of interesting (and slightly less interesting) facts...in fact people always ask me the answer to weird questions. I always have a story to tell, and i always make a lot of effort for people... unfortunately a lot of my friends/potential partners take it for granted and don't notice how much i put in for them. I suppose goalwise, I am not really very sorted. It's an important decision time in my life but i have no real plans. Other than the fact that i am going to be a billionaire somehow.

I suppose i may as well give up on this girl thinking about it. We arranged to meet up twice this week, and i have phoned and sent messages to her asking details and stuff and she has never responded (the odd thing was that she was the one who asked if i wanted to meet up with her). *sigh* its lame. And depressing. All my friends are taken and i feel like such a loser when we go out cos I'm "captain single".

Jimmy P,

If I were a guy I would look at the bigger picture and think along these lines:

1. What do I want in a woman?

Pretty/beautiful (a must), all the right curves in the right place (don't get me started on her anatomy), kind and loving (very important that she is nice to me, my family, my friends and our children), nice personality and character (wouldn't want the children to have anti-social genes), educated and intelligent and sensible (so I could count on her advice (and income) in difficult times, a girlfriend/wife is afterall a man's greatest asset) etc etc etc.

2. Now that I know what I want, what does she want? In other words, what do I have to be like to attract this ideal woman?

Well guess work is not quite necessary here, statistics have repeatedly shown that women in general want their men to be intelligent, reliable, kind and good looking.

3. Where is she most likely to be found?

Watering holes? Discos? Shopping malls? Cinemas? Football pitch? Bus stops? Hospitals? Ladies (unfortunately men are barred)?


I would say a young man who is warm, friendly, smart, considerate and forthright with a wide variety of interests like YOU, armed with a good education, will eventually quite without fail find himself in an enviable position where he literally has to "peel off willing women" like Zero said.

Personally I will go for the university for Question 3.

 

[Tsu]

Listen to Polly, Chopnik. She's giving you GREAT advice.

 

[jimmy p]

I'd like to go to university, but i just can't get the grades in maths. I try real hard but every module so far i have failed spectacularily. ah well.

I would like to say that i am "a young man who is warm, friendly, smart, considerate and forthright with a wide variety of interests like YOU, armed with a good education" but i can't because I am not very confident in myself... though i will admit that i have a wicked sense of humour.

I dunno, sometimes I'm just willing to give up and become a priest. Until i realize that I'm not religious. I have never had much luck with girls... I suppose I'm a but like Prudens, but he gets a little further with the girls, they talk to him loads and invite him round n stuff :)

 

[Kalimaa23]

Well, I do hope that you get into a university. Besides the trivial matters like education and your future, being in a place filled with charming, beautiful, INTELLIGENT women is a such a wonderful experience. I remember my first weeks, when my first reaction was : "So here's where they've been hiding for all these years !"

I had similar thoughts when I first found PF, off course

 

[Tsu]

I'd like to go to university, but i just can't get the grades in maths. I try real hard but every module so far i have failed spectacularily. ah well.

So what kind of non-university schools do you have over there where you can 'fail spectacularly' at maths? Go THERE!

I would like to say that i am "a young man who is warm, friendly, smart, considerate and forthright with a wide variety of interests like YOU, armed with a good education" but i can't because I am not very confident in myself... though i will admit that i have a wicked sense of humour.

You are ALL of those things! You're just still working on the education part. Ya know... Drama classes can be a real kick in the pants AND help build confidence. (Yes, I know. I'm weird - but I'm SERIOUS! Your sense of comedy would do well there! Did you ever see -or even HEAR of- a play called Tony & Tina's Wedding? It was an audience participation play and completely hysterical. I was this close *holds up fingers mashed together* to auditioning for that play. I often wish I HAD. It would have been a blast! ) Anyway... Just a thought...

I dunno, sometimes I'm just willing to give up and become a priest. Until i realize that I'm not religious. I have never had much luck with girls... I suppose I'm a but like Prudens, but he gets a little further with the girls, they talk to him loads and invite him round n stuff :)

Yeah. Right. You - a priest. Hang in there, Chopnik. I was 30 when I met Ivan! (What's a 'but like Prudens'?)