How Do You Cope with Miscarriage and Life Challenges While in College?

[dkotschessaa]

I usually post on Random Thoughts, but I didn't want to hijack that thread with my sad news. It's been about 3 weeks, but my wife miscarried at 20 weeks. We're wanting to move on so we can try again in about 3 months, but we're very sad. She's having some of the after effects now and not feeling great. Plus she got the cold that's going around (thanks to me).

Hard to go through all this in my last semester of undergrad as a math major. Today I am taking the GRE, and not feeling as up to the challenge as I could be. I wanted to study for it last semester, but my father passed away in October (!). I hope the grad admissions council can look beyond the numbers and consider what I've gone through, and what I have done for the math department as well (as Math Club President and a kind of advocate for students here, getting classes going, etc.)

I am not a drama type person, but this isn't created drama. Just stuff keeps happening...

-Dave K

 

[lisab]

I'm so, so sorry to hear this! Wow this is definitely your horrible year. You and your wife are in my thoughts .

 

[Drakkith]

So sorry to hear about all that!

 

[Borek]

I feel for both of you

 

[Enigman]

$#!7

Good luck for your GRE...
(You still into meditation? Might help you focus...)

 

[DennisN]

My condolences. I wish you better fortune.

 

[Evo]

I am so sad to hear this, I know that you both were so excited. I remember that you said your wife wasn't seeing an obstetrician and was doing a "new age" approach, IIRC. You can choose to ignore the following advice. Please consider having your wife get regular care from a licensed medical obstetrician, if she also wants to do the "new age" thing for fun, she can, but at least you know that she is getting proper diagnostic and preventive care. This is probably one of the most important things you two will ever do and so many things can go wrong, it's just not the time to take chances. Of course the miscarriage was no one's fault, these things just happen, makes them no less heartbreaking and devastating.

Ok, butting out now, but I do care, my oldest daughter is alive today because I gave birth in a hospital were they were able to rush her into intensive care directly from the delivery room, nothing was wrong until delivery when she wouldn't turn and almost drowned.

 

[Monique]

What a tough situation, it must leave an immense emotional hole: all those expectations that you must've had.. unfortunately it can happen, hopefully the mother (and you) will feel better with time and the next pregnancy will have a positive outcome. Do seek medical counseling, especially after this experience.

 

[turbo]

Thinking of you and your wife Dave. My best wishes.

 

[dkotschessaa]

I am so sad to hear this, I know that you both were so excited. I remember that you said your wife wasn't seeing an obstetrician and was doing a "new age" approach, IIRC. You can choose to ignore the following advice. Please consider having your wife get regular care from a licensed medical obstetrician, if she also wants to do the "new age" thing for fun, she can, but at least you know that she is getting proper diagnostic and preventive care. This is probably one of the most important things you two will ever do and so many things can go wrong, it's just not the time to take chances. Of course the miscarriage was no one's fault, these things just happen, makes them no less heartbreaking and devastating.

Ok, butting out now, but I do care, my oldest daughter is alive today because I gave birth in a hospital were they were able to rush her into intensive care directly from the delivery room, nothing was wrong until delivery when she wouldn't turn and almost drowned.

Using a birthing center rather than a hospital does not constitute a "new-age" approach. (And no, at this stage it wouldn't have made a difference).

-Dave K

 

[dkotschessaa]

GRE did not go well either.

 

[lisab]

GRE did not go well either.

*pours a nice strong one through keyboard*

 

[Astronuc]

I'm so sorry to hear this! You and your wife are in my thought, too.

 

[Evo]

Using a birthing center rather than a hospital does not constitute a "new-age" approach.

I was referencing her idea to give birth in a kiddie pool full of water, but now is not the time, I'm sorry.

 

[drizzle]

Dave,

I am so sorry to hear about all this. I am sure your wife is going through a tough time now, try to cheer her up and don't mention anything to her about another pregnancy at the moment. Evo is absolutely right, but don't mind it for now. Don't worry about your GRE, there are chances yet to come. Some people fail them without going through tough times like yourself. I'm sure the mathematics department recognize you already for the effort you made so far--they might withdraw the GRE requirement. I wish you all the best of luck.

One more silly line, maybe it's good to go through all this at once and see how you can take it. If you stand it, then nothing will stop you from getting what you want. Cheer up!

 

[Borg]

Very sorry to hear about this Dave. I've seen all of your posts in Random Thoughts and was very happy for you both. Things will get better for both of you I'm sure.

 

[collinsmark]

I'm so sorry. Best wishes.

 

[WWGD]

Sorry to hear it too. You can always cancel the GRE results, and the record will show you took the exam, but will not show your score; pretty sure whomever reads your record will understand the circumstances and will not count the cancellation against you.

 

[Dembadon]

My condolences, Dave.

I can't even imagine what you and your wife are going through. Hopefully things turn up for you both very soon.

 

[dkotschessaa]

Thanks everyone. Doctor said that my wife is healing nicely. We've been slowly coming out of the fog and the mood in our house is back to where we usually are - joking and smiling a bunch and being silly and in love. We'll try again when it's time, but it's not time yet.

 

[Evo]

You both seem like lovely people, I truly wish the best for both of you. My mother miscarried every other pregnancy, I was old enough to remember the last time, I still have a picture in my mind of where I was when I realized why our neighbor was taking her to the hospital.

Things will work out.