How do you meet intelligent women?

[QuarkCharmer]

I'm a huge dork and very socially anxious. I have a hard time approaching women, but fortunately I am quite attractive (I am told). Whenever I go out anywhere I am approached by really attractive women (by conventional standards), and as a result, I never really need to approach women for the most part, but I find each new relationship progressively less fulfilling. I am interested in women that have their lives in order, are passionate about something other than reality television and hair-care products.

I have been talking to this really cute girl who works at my local book store. She's studying mathematics, plays the violin, two things that I really enjoy myself. I thought things were going fine when she invited me to go out with her and some of her friends. I happily went and had a great time talking to her as usual, until she introduced me to a friend of hers. From that point on, it seemed like she invited me just to set me up with her very attractive attractive but not remotely interesting girlfriend who also works at that bookstore.

I don't know how how to meet the types of girls that I might be interested in having an "actual" meaningful relationship with.

 

[Pengwuino]

Why didn't you just flat out ask the girl you're interested in out instead!

 

[QuarkCharmer]

I tried! I suggested we meet up or do something, something along those lines, and she replied with "Oh were doing this thing on Friday ect". Maybe I was not clear on my intentions, I should have just asked her specifically to do something sans friends, but now it's probably too late.

This isn't a specific instance, this happens to me all the time. I am invisible to normal girls.

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

I tried! I suggested we meet up or do something, something along those lines, and she replied with "Oh were doing this thing on Friday ect". Maybe I was not clear on my intentions, I should have just asked her specifically to do something sans friends, but now it's probably too late.

This isn't a specific instance, this happens to me all the time. I am invisible to normal girls.

Yes you must be specific. Be direct. Women respect it. If she declines without offering an alternative date or at least expressing much interest then she prolly isn't into you. People who are interested WILL make themselves available.

 

[nucleargirl]

maybe she thinks she's not attractive enough for you and so assumes you can't be into her (cos you are good-looking, and she seems sensible). be direct, like: girl, you are the one I like, not your friend. You seem really interesting and I would really like to spend some time with you and get to know you. or just do something cute and just for her so she gets that you like only her - bring her a cupcake or something at work :) or a flower. or take time to chat to her when you see her, care about how she is.

and if ur goodlooking then she might think cos girls throw themselves at you, you might be a player, and she doesn't want to be just another fling, so she's seeing if you are really into her - playing a bit hard to get to test your intentions.

 

[Topher925]

maybe she thinks she's not attractive enough for you and so assumes you can't be into her (cos you are good-looking, and she seems sensible). be direct, like: girl, you are the one I like, not your friend. You seem really interesting and I would really like to spend some time with you and get to know you. or just do something cute and just for her so she gets that you like only her - bring her a cupcake or something at work :) or a flower. or take time to chat to her when you see her, care about how she is.

and if ur goodlooking then she might think cos girls throw themselves at you, you might be a player, and she doesn't want to be just another fling, so she's seeing if you are really into her - playing a bit hard to get to test your intentions.

Geez you girls are complicated. Next time any of you gals say to yourself "why is it so hard to find a nice guy?", this is why.

Just ask her out on a date and be direct about it. If she says yes, great, if she says no, move on, there's other fish in the sea.

 

[Antiphon]

The fix-up is a reliable indication that she's not interested in you.

You are probably emitting Dorkons. These are little hints to a woman that you do not think you are powerful and self-assured.

James Bond never fidgets, is always a gentleman, emits zero Dorkons, and can snap anyone in two. It shows in the way he carries himself. How do you carry yourself? Do you wear nice shoes? A nice watch? How's your hair cut? How's it styled? These are the metrics women have to size you up with.

 

[turbo]

Just be frank and respectful. Women generally don't want to be "hit on" by men that they don't know. If they assume that they know you, however, Katy bar the door, because they will be the ones doing the hitting. Take some time and lay some track.

 

[QuarkCharmer]

I have been trained in "how to dress like an adult", I don't think that is the issue. I typically leave my opinions on why The Next Generation is far superior to DS9 at home, so I don't put anyone off. I really have no idea how to approach women and it's not something I have generally had to worry about much. How would you even go about that without coming off like you are intentionally hitting on them?

 

[Dude.]

Know what you want, and the path will work itself out. As long as you have the courage to take those scary leaps of vulnerability, you'll be fine man.

Know that in order to get what you want (ie, an intelligent girlfriend), it's going to be extremely anxiety-inducing, because it's new and you're just not used to it. So when you feel that anxiety, understand that it's a good sign! Use it as strength man.And if all else fails, having a cute chick friend that's fun to talk to is way better than not having a cute chick friend that's fun to talk to. You really don't need a girlfriend.

Have fun dude! I hope everything goes well.

 

[physiqueper4]

did you try near departments of science in universities?

 

[aabottom]

I meet intelligent women all the time. Mostly, I've meet them on the dance floor- social dancing such as swing, mambo, cha-cha, waltz, foxtrot, etc. Almost all of them, I've met while doing something I like to do: dance, mountain biking, road biking, volleyball, parties at a friend's house.

I can't think of any woman (intellegent or not) that I've met in a bar, that I still know.

 

[psparky]

How do you meet intelligent women?

This question has been asked for millions of years now...you are not the first to ask!

First of all, you should be looking for a life long partner...rather than a girlfriend. Don't just "bang" around like most young people. Search for your soulmate. The obsession of being a stud or Don Juan is total bull crap and a total waste of time. Be real with women...win over their minds and they will give you their body and soul.

If you have women hitting on you...it's simple, be patient. Eventually an intelligent one that shares your interests will eventually come along.

Being hit on by women is obviously a rare thing. Appreciate it instead of taking it for granted. You will know almost instantly when she is standing in front of you..

 

[turbo]

Being hit on by women is obviously a rare thing. Appreciate it instead of taking it for granted. You will know almost instantly when she is standing in front of you..

One night after trudging through a blizzard to get to a local bar (a dive under a motel), I was approached by a tall grad student asking "can I sit with you if I buy you a drink?".

It's not all that rare, if you don't look like a predator or a "player". We had a great relationship for years. She took the initiative. I might not have (too sad).

One thing that bugged me a bit was that she always scooched down a little when someone was taking our picture, as if she wanted to down-play the fact that she was about 3" taller than me. She was a lovely woman and very intelligent, but social pressures can creep in.

Still, I met a very intelligent woman by trudging through snow alone to crappy little bar.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Being hit on by women is obviously a rare thing.

Not in my experience.

 

[psparky]

Not in my experience.

I was referring to the original poster who made it sound like he gets swooned on by 5 woman every where he goes.

Obviously we've all been hit on by women...

 

[DaveC426913]

Being hit on by women is obviously a rare thing.

Not in my experience.

Nor in mine. I get hit on by my wife every time I forget to put my dirty shirts in the laundry.

 

[Pasha582]

I've been hit on by women in clubs. I mean with clubs. I would have much preferred in.

 

[BobG]

Still, I met a very intelligent woman by trudging through snow alone to crappy little bar.

Well, if we're changing the definition of "intelligent woman" to mean "any woman that will hit on me, even when my addiction to alcohol is so great that I'll trudge through a blizzard to get my next drink", then we've all been hit on by intelligent women.

Or at least, if we drink enough, we'll think we've been hit on by every woman in the bar - and, hey, that's good enough for me.

 

[Mathos]

The fix-up is a reliable indication that she's not interested in you.

You are probably emitting Dorkons. These are little hints to a woman that you do not think you are powerful and self-assured.

James Bond never fidgets, is always a gentleman, emits zero Dorkons, and can snap anyone in two. It shows in the way he carries himself. How do you carry yourself? Do you wear nice shoes? A nice watch? How's your hair cut? How's it styled? These are the metrics women have to size you up with.

Dorkons have yet to be experimentally verified. He's probably just emitting your standard, low-frequency Geek Field.

And if you're extolling TNG over DS:9 you'll never find a beautiful joined Trill to mate with.

 

[Czcibor]

I used dating sites (free ones actually). I was reading profiles to find any traces of more ambitious interests. Worked in my case but required quite a lot of time. (and that was the girl that contacted me... other thing that in my profile I was described as ph.d. student and among interests listed the most fascinating books that I've read)

 

[psparky]

The good Lord once said that he will fill all the corners of the Earth with the most obedient, intelligent, sexy women possible.

The then made the Earth round...and he laughed, laughed...and laughed...

 

[psparky]

I've had great success in landing an attractive, intelligent woman over a year ago.

Here's my tips and what I have learned:

~Online dating stinks. Lots of wasting time, lots of dissapointment. (there are some exceptions, but few)
~Use Meetup.com to meet women and/or friends. Whether your interest is poker, skiing, baseball, drinking...whatever, you will meet like minded people who want to meet other people. You will meet real people in real world situations such as bars, homes, museums, ski slopes, parks, etc...you get the point. And again, not just for women...friends also. Which brings up another point...expand your friend base...and you will expand your female base. Meetup.com is worldwide...doens't matter where you live.
~Speed dating. Google it in your area. Great way to meet 10 or more women in under an hour of time.
~Don't stay home. Every day you stay in, you are guaranteed not to meet anyone!
~Dress nice when going out, woman definitely notice what you have on!
~Don't drink too much when on dates. No woman in her right mind is going to like a guy who has 10 drinks on a date...unless she is also a drunk.
~Smoking will be a big turn off for a woman who doesn't smoke. Don't smoke on initial dates for sure.
~Be funny if you can. Women absolutely love funny. If you are not funny, learn how to be funny.
~Dress nice when you go out, yes, I said above, but I feel the need to write it twice!
~Smile...smile...smile. Everybody loves a good smile.
~Don't talk about ex-girlfriends. Move forward...not backward!
~Be realistic. Go for women with similar looks to your own. Don't go chasing waterfalls.
~Put yourself out there. Try to be outgoing, but don't try too hard. When the cosmos finds the right woman for you, you will know it. In the meantime, just hang in there, keep your chin up and keep working hard.

 

[Nunchi]

I'm still in high school so I don't know if this works in the real world, but breaking the subconscious "touch barrier", hasn't failed me yet. Three for three, sadly, since it's pretty manipulative, I guess.

You're friends with a girl. Or maybe acquaintances. She might have put you in the imaginary excuse you fabricated called the "friend zone", or maybe not, but you're near her, friends or not, whatever the situation may be. Maybe she's on her phone and laughs at something and/or wants to show you something on it. You go up close to her and look at whatever it is. As you're in this situation, your shoulders are touching. Ok, what's the point? Big deal right?
Later on, she makes you laugh. You high-five her for something. She makes fun of you, you nudge her maybe. If you're not known as a shy person, when she's with her friend you walk in-between and put your arm around both of them and ask, "What's going on?". Only for a minute max, then you take your arms away and continue conversation (make sure your arms were around both of them). Slowly and slowly you make casually touching her become normal. She must not be aware of it, so it must be without hesitation and if she's aware of it she doesn't smell any ulterior motives; you're just genuine. The slower you go, the more genuine it seems. Too fast, and I mean, all isn't lost, but unless you're not socially inept - it probably will be. Completely subconscious for her unless she finds you attractive or unattractive, and that's easy to differentiate between. Eventually it'll somehow click that she's actually comfortable around you - touching you. Maybe she's aware enough to realize it, or maybe her friends joke about how close you guys are or whatnot. I left out a lot, but you probably get it. It seems stupid because it is, but try it.

 

[jim hardy]

hmm when i was young a girl who was all "touchy" was deemed "likely to..."
maybe that's a meme nowadays, i wouldn't know.

anyhow -
i'd say go someplace where people are trying to better themselves, like an evening adult ed class;
or someplace where creative folks congregate like an astronomy club or library.

If you shop instead where people are trying to escape their life you are asking for whatever it is inside them that they're trying to escape.

“Man staggers through life yapped at by his reason, pulled and shoved by his appetites, whispered to by fears, beckoned by hopes. Small wonder that what he craves most is self-forgetting.”

― Eric Hoffer

Bar scene is more like "Piano Man" than "Cheers" I'm afraid.

 

[StatGuy2000]

I've had great success in landing an attractive, intelligent woman over a year ago.

Here's my tips and what I have learned:

~Online dating stinks. Lots of wasting time, lots of dissapointment. (there are some exceptions, but few)
~Use Meetup.com to meet women and/or friends. Whether your interest is poker, skiing, baseball, drinking...whatever, you will meet like minded people who want to meet other people. You will meet real people in real world situations such as bars, homes, museums, ski slopes, parks, etc...you get the point. And again, not just for women...friends also. Which brings up another point...expand your friend base...and you will expand your female base. Meetup.com is worldwide...doens't matter where you live.
~Speed dating. Google it in your area. Great way to meet 10 or more women in under an hour of time.
~Don't stay home. Every day you stay in, you are guaranteed not to meet anyone!
~Dress nice when going out, woman definitely notice what you have on!
~Don't drink too much when on dates. No woman in her right mind is going to like a guy who has 10 drinks on a date...unless she is also a drunk.
~Smoking will be a big turn off for a woman who doesn't smoke. Don't smoke on initial dates for sure.
~Be funny if you can. Women absolutely love funny. If you are not funny, learn how to be funny.
~Dress nice when you go out, yes, I said above, but I feel the need to write it twice!
~Smile...smile...smile. Everybody loves a good smile.
~Don't talk about ex-girlfriends. Move forward...not backward!
~Be realistic. Go for women with similar looks to your own. Don't go chasing waterfalls.
~Put yourself out there. Try to be outgoing, but don't try too hard. When the cosmos finds the right woman for you, you will know it. In the meantime, just hang in there, keep your chin up and keep working hard.

My take on psparky's advice in the quote above:

Point #1: Completely agree about online dating.

Point #2: Never used Meetup.com but I agree that expanding your friend base is the best guarantor of meeting compatible women (or for heterosexual women to meet compatible men). Also works for gay men/women to meet other gay men/women.

Point #3: Disagree strongly with speed dating. I just don't see how talking to someone within 6 min or less will possibly lead to landing a good match, except possibly in weeding out those who are completely incompatible (or weeding out outright weirdos).

Point #4: Completely agree with not staying home.

Point #5: Completely agree. Don't dress like a slob! Look presentable!

Point #6: Completely agree with not drinking too much.

Point #7: Completely agree (only applies to smokers, obviously -- I'm a non-smoker).

Point #8: I agree that women love funny men, but nothing is more painful than an unfunny person trying to be funny but failing. Learning how to be funny is EXTREMELY difficult; I would even argue that it's a natural talent that can't really be taught. If you know you're not funny, don't even bother trying!

Point #9: See my response to Point #5.

Point #10: Completely agree.

Point #11: Completely agree.

Point #12: Completely agree.

Point #13: Completely agree.

 

[Evo]

I completely disagree with psparky #1

I've met world famous scientists through online dating. You just need to be a quality person with an honest profile and be able to select other quality profiles. If you go after junk, you get junk.

Basically, you have to have enough intelligence to select the right profiles. If you select creeps and bimbos, you need to realize that it's your fault, not the fault of the dating site. The gems are there.

 

[micromass]

I've met world famous scientists through online dating. You just need to be a quality person with an honest profile and be able to select other quality profiles. If you go after junk, you get junk.

You're a woman Yes, that makes a huge difference!

 

[lisab]

You're a woman Yes, that makes a huge difference!

My husband met me online !

But I believe you. I used online dating sites to filter, not attract. Big difference.

 

[Evo]

My husband met me online !

But I believe you. I used online dating sites to filter, not attract. Big difference.

Exactly, you filter. You do the opposite of what these sites say to do. You need to be painfully honest, and have common sense. You do not accept contact from people based on appearance, you REALLY scrutinize their profiles.

 

[micromass]

Exactly, you filter. You do the opposite of what these sites say to do. You need to be painfully honest, and have common sense. You do not accept contact from people based on appearance, you REALLY scrutinize their profiles.

Yeah... Go make an OKCupid profile of an average male. There isn't going to be much to filter...

 

[Evo]

Yeah... Go make an OKCupid profile of an average male. There isn't going to be much to filter...

I met incredible men on OKC. Their profiles were honest. You need to search for what you want. It works.

Sure there were a lot of creeps, I didn't contact the creeps or respond to them. I met book authors, a few local professors, and some really incredible people. I mean REALLY incredible. Politicians, diplomats. It's hysterical when you find out who some of these people are. Yes, I verified them. When you can reach them at their office... They keep themselves well hidden, but once they realize you're real, they will let you verify them.

 

[micromass]

I met incredible men on OKC. Their profiles were honest. You need to search for what you want. It works.

Sure there were a lot of creeps, I didn't contact the creeps or respond to them.

Do me a favor and make a male profile and try the same thing. It's going to be a whole lot harder!

 

[Evo]

Do me a favor and make a male profile and try the same thing. It's going to be a whole lot harder!

I contacted almost all of the men, very few contacted me. So, I don't know what the point would be. What is it you think is supposed to happen?

If you're saying women get contacted more, yes, I agree, but I deleted all of the responses from men that didn't meet my criteria, once in a while I might get a gem, but I was the one that was scrutinizing men's profiles and contacting those that met my criteria. The only men I actually dated were the ones that I contacted. I did become friends with some that contacted me.

 

[micromass]

I contacted almost all of the men, very few contacted me.

Well, at least some people contacted you

Anyway, I can't find the site I was looking for, but this sums it up pretty well too: http://jonmillward.com/blog/attraction-dating/cupid-on-trial-a-4-month-online-dating-experiment/

 

[psparky]

That's great some of you had success with online dating. I personally hated it. Seemed like 100 dates of akward torture until I accidentally met someone at a meetup. Just my own personal experience.

Most people I have spoken with dislike online dating. Although clearly some have success.

I think they say that 1 out of 5 relationships are from online dating now.

Btw...if you have any interest in playing poker, tournament or cash games...check out the local meetup in your area and search "poker". Should be several "rake free" legal low stakes (and higher) games available to you. Just a bunch of normal folk like yourself getting together for some cards...and drinks...and yes, tons of women play poker now. They are complete nuts about it~!
Stay away from the home "raked" games...illegal and they will take money out of each pot. I bring up poker because I assume some of you math nuts are quite fascinated by the game.

 

[Drakkith]

Well, at least some people contacted you

Anyway, I can't find the site I was looking for, but this sums it up pretty well too: http://jonmillward.com/blog/attraction-dating/cupid-on-trial-a-4-month-online-dating-experiment/

I really love this little gem from the end of the article:

Oh, and if you’re a man, it’s in your best interest to make sure your messages are really well-considered, creatively-constructed and demonstrative of your intelligence, humour and lack of neediness.

Easy. Right?

I'm screwed.

 

[lendav_rott]

I continually find this amazing - why on Earth does something as simple as socialising have to be turned into some sort of super-science.

To meet intelligent women, one has to have brains, otherwise.. tough :D Not intelligent like you know calculus and quantum mechanics by heart, that is not intelligent. Intelligence as in you know what you want and you know how to take care of yourself and others.

 

[seany]

Define intelligence.

Is the ability to solve 600 differential equation a minute a benchmark of intelligence? Or is the ability to find a smooth solution to the general NS equation the intelligence. Or even, trying to develop something like Begriffsschrift the "real intelligence muhaaha - then although it resulted in failure, someone took up the responsibility and associated difficulties to do it". You see, the thing is, I don't know about the academic / intellectual setting you are in, but one thing a Prof in München told me is this : "There are two types of people. The first type can address a part of a problem, and can visualize it, and therefore can place in context, and deducably, admire others who solve the same / similar 'part(s) of problem(s) in a commendable manner. These people can not visualize and therefore contextualize those who deals with the whole of the problem. Therefore, the second type of people, who deal with the whole problem, will neither be understood, nor appreciated by the first."

I personally had this experience. I was with someone (who even crossed the ocean for me) who took most of her time admire everybody else (their works I mean - yes I am identifying people with their works - but let us put the morality of that identification aside for a moment) besides me, while I incorporate almost all of what of all they do, and may I insist in at least in the same rigorous manner, if not more, in my work, I was never admired with same sincerity in her voice as she does to others. (That kind of work would imply that I have to incorporate the time all of them spend for their works. Yes, I sleep 10 hours in 54 hours in a regular work phase - which gets interrupted when once in two months I fall sick for 3 to 4 days, and with efficient thinking and organization you can work faster so not all the same number of manhours is needed.)

You see, the admiration often goes around all these people who present / replicate / put things together in such a wonderful way, this brings us to the question : Is playing Bach correctly or Fusing Bach with Mozart with elements of What is the name of the woman on a wrecking ball? - Ah Hanna Montana - the same as writing a similiarly unique, original and impactful piece as Mozart or Bach?

This brings us to the problem known as - I know you get it, but for the sake of formality, I will complete the sentence - the P vs NP problem.

I guess after the proper classification of your *required mode and amount of intelligence* is defined, one can tackle the problem of finding it more efficiently.

 

[MattRob]

Interesting thing, girls and dating.

Honestly, I'd take my dream girl over a nobel prize. Maybe even two.

But on the other hand, a nobel prize might be something I could win my dream girl over with, in which case I could have my cake and eat it, too. Maybe even find her that way if she's hiding somewhere on the Calabi-yau manifold that describes our universe.

Joking aside, though, my plan has just been to hunt in my physics classes (I'm an undergrad Sophomore, now).

I'm in this odd superpositioned state of not caring, yet extremely desperate, though. I've heard the best way for my personality type to find one is to not search, so I'm searching by not, even though I am?

I mean, I'll go to study sessions, try to meet as many girls as I can, etc, but at the same time I'm staying relaxed and not overly anxious about it. I think that's what the advantage of not searching is - the happily being yourself, not anxiously trying to impress anyone.

And I also have a "mating call" of putting whatever personal project of mine I'm working on on any white or chalk boards in the room. If a girl asks what I'm doing, and is genuinely interested, I know I've got a great candidate and a conversation starter

Hehe, this has led to one particularly funny incident, though, in a physics TA lab. I was quietly and gleefully humming "midnight train" as I did a for-fun project on the board for solving a spacecraft 's trajectory. As I got closer to deriving the equation I was after, my humming got louder and louder, my strokes with the marker were more and more intense and energetic. When I reached a climax in volume and felt a sudden uneasiness, I suddenly stopped, and slowly turned around to see that most of the room was staring at me. Lol, It was embarrassing, but we all just laughed and I kept going, humming a good deal more quietly.

I'm certainly eccentric, but there's an endearing kind of dorkiness known as "adorkable." I figure, if she doesn't like who I am, then I won't be happy with her anyways, so I'm just proudly myself and if she doesn't like it, then she's definitely not the one for me.

In reality, it rarely works out that way, though. Girls like to play these overly complex social games, but hey, they reap their own reward for that (and either get dumped by - or worse, stuck with - a jerk for it). Maybe I'm asking too much, but I'd like someone who's sensible enough to see how silly those games are, and honest enough to not play them.

And hey, if you don't find "the one" before you're 30, then that just means you've become a wizard XD

(after all, if magic were real, then it'd be called science. Thus, science IS magic. So that'll mean I'll have been single until 30, studying magic, therefore, a wizard.)

I continually find this amazing - why on Earth does something as simple as socialising have to be turned into some sort of super-science.

To meet intelligent women, one has to have brains, otherwise.. tough :D Not intelligent like you know calculus and quantum mechanics by heart, that is not intelligent. Intelligence as in you know what you want and you know how to take care of yourself and others.

Well, it is a super-science. Sociology is one of the softest sciences,
(I'm sure most of you are familiar with this by now:

Fact is, you're trying to describe things that are nigh-impossible to quantify and contain an unfathomable number of variables and connections. It's something like a chaotic system divided by a billion to the power of the cosmological constant.

That is, very chaotic. Chaotic enough that superstition exists. Like; "have fun shooting test particles around at the Planck scale and watch them zip around with quantum gravity that forms all kinds of insane shapes", chaotic.

Geez you girls are complicated. Next time any of you gals say to yourself "why is it so hard to find a nice guy?", this is why.

Just ask her out on a date and be direct about it. If she says yes, great, if she says no, move on, there's other fish in the sea.

Yes. Thank you. All my thank yous. All of them. Every one.

Why do girls continuously shoot themselves in the foot like this? Then they befriend total jerks and wonder why their relationships go as they do.

I almost think my first criterion for a girlfriend is the most restrictive: they need to be reasonable.

I can't help but wonder, though; surely men are no better. How am I being completely irrational, that I'm not aware of?

I've had great success in landing an attractive, intelligent woman over a year ago.
...
~Smile...smile...smile. Everybody loves a good smile.
...

Do I detect an awesome reference here to a certain flash-animated TV series?

 

[alan2]

Take a ballroom dance class.

 

[willbell]

The problem isn't meeting intelligent women, they're everywhere, the problem in the OP's case (and I think in other people's cases as well) seems to be overcoming social anxiety. It may help to attempt to work through that before worrying about meeting intelligent women - in my case it helps to talk to them without distractions and plan what you're going to say before hand when you plan to ask them out.

 

[ComplexVar89]

I typically leave my opinions on why The Next Generation is far superior to DS9 at home, so I don't put anyone off.

I think I just died a little inside upon reading this sentence.

 

[Chronos]

Relax and be yourself. Most smart girls find it more attractive than an alpha male attempting to assert control over every situation.

 

[mcknia07]

A person should like you for you. No new tricks or tactics to attract someone. If you are only wanting someone to hang out with, then be up front, but if you want something real to last forever, state that too. No girl (or guy) wants to be in for the long haul and find out the person was only "wasting" their time. Clearly speaking from some experience here.

Key points...
Be honest!
Dress nice
Be yourself
Do not put on a front! *pet peeve right there
Don't tell someone you will change when there are no real intentions to change (good or bad)

 

[lendav_rott]

A person should like you for you. No new tricks or tactics to attract someone. If you are only wanting someone to hang out with, then be up front, but if you want something real to last forever, state that too. No girl (or guy) wants to be in for the long haul and find out the person was only "wasting" their time. Clearly speaking from some experience here.

Key points...
Be honest!
Dress nice
Be yourself
Do not put on a front! *pet peeve right there
Don't tell someone you will change when there are no real intentions to change (good or bad)

Don't forget to wash yourself every now and then, too, I think, is something important to keep in mind :D

 

[dirk_mec1]

A person should like you for you. No new tricks or tactics to attract someone.

You really do not get it, do you? Social anxiety (in this case to ask out girls) is a problem of many guys and cannot be simply overcome by just doing it. If that's the case there would be no fear at all, would there?

It's is a slow and difficult process to overcome that fear and to work with it (not against it).

 

[psparky]

You really do not get it, do you? Social anxiety (in this case to ask out girls) is a problem of many guys and cannot be simply overcome by just doing it. If that's the case there would be no fear at all, would there?

It's is a slow and difficult process to overcome that fear and to work with it (not against it).

Just remember that for every guy with social anxiety, there is a girl with the same social anxiety.

Simply put, there is a "lid for every pot"

Find a lady that is just as equally quirky or however you want to put it.

Also, you may have to get rejected 99 times out of a 100 to succeed. 99 rejections to succeed...is it worth it? Yes.

Or sometimes you can just be in situations where you accidentally run into the right one. But this will NEVER happen while you are sitting at home doing nothing. You must go out and explore and meet people...step 1.

 

[dirk_mec1]

Just remember that for every guy with social anxiety, there is a girl with the same social anxiety.

Simply put, there is a "lid for every pot"

TS has no problem meeting women apperently but this is not the case for lots of men. Also, you can't match a socially anxious person to another because one of them has to make the first step and they both need to communicate.

Also, you may have to get rejected 99 times out of a 100 to succeed. 99 rejections to succeed...is it worth it? Yes.

Ah yes, I've heard this countless times. Have you tried this? I'll bet you don't and that's ok because there are loads of men who do't do this because there's always the wonderful fear of rejection.

Or sometimes you can just be in situations where you accidentally run into the right one. But this will NEVER happen while you are sitting at home doing nothing. You must go out and explore and meet people...step 1.

You don't accidently run into someone it happens because you're meeting a lot of people. It seems like you the truth but do not apply it yourself.

 

[psparky]

TS has no problem meeting women apperently but this is not the case for lots of men. Also, you can't match a socially anxious person to another because one of them has to make the first step and they both need to communicate.

Not true. I know a totally akward guy...and girl from meetup. Total misfits in society. I ran into them the other day...out of the blue they are dating! Yep...lid for every pot.

Ah yes, I've heard this countless times. Have you tried this? I'll bet you don't and that's ok because there are loads of men who do't do this because there's always the wonderful fear of rejection.

Pretty sure I've been rejected 999 times. Got a great one now...no risk, no reward.

You don't accidently run into someone it happens because you're meeting a lot of people. It seems like you the truth but do not apply it yourself.

That is the truth. The more doors you knock on, the more you will be invited in.

It's like riding a bike. There was a day you were terrified of that too...until you actually did it. Be a man...step up. There's reallly no nice way to say it.

Stick with the friend zone for a while too. Long relationships tend to come from patience...quick relationships come from...well, being fast.