How Does My American English Sound for a UK TV Clip?

[marlon]

Hey guys,

I need your advice. I have been hired to play in a little clip that is going to be broadcasted on UK-television. How i got that part is a long story but fact is that i need to speak USA-English. So, i made a little clip, myself, with a piece of the text that i need to say. My question to you is : HOW IS THE ENGLISH ? Is it ok, way too much, or does it just SUCK ?

Don't worry, you do not need to spare me. I really want an honest opinion. What can I do better ?


[MEDIA=youtube]yXSOC41YY1w[/MEDIA][/URL]

ps : cyrusabdollahi, no, no porn this time. I am sorry, i know you will be disappointed...:smile: :wink:

regards
marlon

 

[Anttech]

Sucks sorry. (actually that was harsh, it doesn't suck, but it doesn't sound so american)

I can here your flemmish accent (its not so strong but its there) :)

Its cool tho, perhaps you could do a Jean-Claude Van Damme accent?

Americans typically speak more nasal than UK people, think of it like Netherlands V Flemmish accent, try more with the nose :)

 

[neutrino]

The "You really do deserve to die"-part reminds of Jean Reno. ;) Sorry, I don't have any constructive criticism to offer. Good luck!

 

[Moonbear]

Pretty good American accent there! It sounds fairly urban, and from the lines you're saying, I'm guessing that's appropriate. You do have to work on which words you emphasize though to get across the right emotions.

"You constantly ridicule me," doesn't sound right for the context though. If you were playing the part of a well-educated person, yes, but your character sounds more like a thug, so it wouldn't be a good word choice. I'm trying to think of better wording, but I'm thinking maybe it's more that a "tough guy" wouldn't bring up being ridiculed at all.

And "you're having it off with my girlfriend" sounds very British. I'll send you a PM with alternatives on that one.

 

[Astronuc]

Don't worry, you do not need to spare me. I really want an honest opinion. What can I do better ?

[MEDIA=youtube]yXSOC41YY1w[/MEDIA][/URL][/QUOTE] Actually, that's not a bad accent for someone from NY City, possibly Manhattan, Queens or Brooklyn. It's reasonably American from a large Metropolitan area like Chicago or NY City, except for the phrasing as Moonbear pointed out.

 

[Danger]

It actually sounds like a mild Peurto Rican accent to me, which is quite common in the US and goes with your appearance. Generally I agree with Moonbear's opinion, except that the term 'having it off' is used in Canada. For that type of character, though, it's far too polite.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I think it sounds pretty good [very good actually] but I can definitely detect a slight accent.

When you say money, it sounds to me more like monney. Try saying it like "munney"

Be careful about rising inflections at the end of sentences. I noticed a few that sounded wrong.

Also, when you say the word "to", I think you need to prolong the decay a bit.

Finally, be careful not to sound melodic. To when you say "to much", there is a slight rhythm in addition to improper inflection, and as stated, a short decay on the word "to".

 

[marlon]

I think it sounds pretty good [very good actually] but I can definitely detect a slight accent.

Thanks. I know it is never going to be perfect but i just want to produce something that is credible and realistic.

When you say money, it sounds to me more like monney. Try saying it like "munney"

Ok, good advice. I will do that.

Be careful about rising inflections at the end of sentences. I noticed a few that sounded wrong.

I don't understand what you mean here. Could you point out a specfic error that i made and that tell me what i need to do to get it right ?

Also, when you say the word "to", I think you need to prolong the decay a bit.

You mean i need to prolong the "o". Like in to"oo" much ?

Finally, be careful not to sound melodic. To when you say "to much", there is a slight rhythm in addition to improper inflection, and as stated, a short decay on the word "to".

I am sorry, but again, i don't quite understand. What exactly do you mean here ?

Thank you very much for helping me out Ivan. Also many thanks to Moonbear, Danger, Astronuc for the good advice.

marlon

 

[Moonbear]

I think it sounds pretty good [very good actually] but I can definitely detect a slight accent.

That's because it's not an Oregon accent. Danger may have called it though...maybe it's a bit of a Puerto Rican accent...but, it's tough to really say what's an "American" accent anyway. If you're in NYC or northern NJ, you'll hear a different accent every few blocks.

Though, we should ask...is it supposed to be a "generic" American accent, or does the story define what part of the US the character is from? For example, that's definitely NOT an accent typical of the southern US, or the midwest. I would definitely place it as an East Coast city. Maybe Miami, maybe NYC.

When you say money, it sounds to me more like monney. Try saying it like "munney"

I listened to it three more times, specifically listening for that word. I don't hear anything wrong with it at all. It does sound like "munny" to me.

Finally, be careful not to sound melodic. To when you say "to much", there is a slight rhythm in addition to improper inflection, and as stated, a short decay on the word "to".

I wasn't sure if he wanted us to just comment on the lines and accent, or if he wanted us to address the "acting" style as well. I figured he needs to get the lines down first. Right now, it doesn't sound like someone who's really angry, it does sound a bit like a dramatic monologue. But, I figured he needs to learn the right lines before he would work on getting the emotion to come across right.

But, if that's part of it too, then for example, "I KNOW you're ----ing my girlfriend." Currently, "know" sort of rises and falls in inflection, and it needs to be "punched" more.

Same with, "You really do deserve to die." I'm not sure where the emphasis belongs in that phrase, because I don't know the context. Is your character standing there about to execute someone for stealing his girlfriend, in which case the emphasis should be on deserve, and maybe drop the "do." "You really DESERVE to die," sort of justifying what he's about to do to him. On the other hand, if this is a warning to stay away from his girlfriend, and he's saying he ought to kill him for what he did, but is going to let him go this time, then emphasis should be on "die." "You really deserve to DIE." If the latter is the context, I'd suggest changing that line to something that's more of a direct threat. "Y'know, I oughta shoot you. You've been a lousy friend, going behind my back, stealing my money, and, now you're -----ing my girlfriend. Look, man, I know you're stealing to cover your debts; you gamble too much, you drink too much, AND you love the ladies too much...but, you* stay the hell away from mine!"

*pronounce "but, you" more like "bu-chya"

For the former scenario, one where you're about to kill the guy you caught sleeping with your girlfriend, maybe change up a few other lines,
"Man, you DESERVE to die. You've been a lousy friend, going behind my back, stealing my money, and, now you're -----ing my girlfriend. Look, man, I know you were stealing to cover your debts; you gamble too much, you drink too much, AND you love the ladies too much...buT, you should have stayed the hell away from mine!"

In this case, pronounce the T in "but" and pause for emphasis before "you." In the former example, it's all a threat with the anger seething below the surface still under control...barely, to be done in a low voice, maybe a lot of clenched teeth, but in the latter, it's not a threat, you're going to act on it, and you're telling the guy why you're about to put a bullet through his head.

Your lines were good too. It just gives a different tone, so I'm offering these as alternatives depending on how the scene fits into the larger story line. Your version sounds more dramatized, like the sort of monologue a character in a daytime soap opera would speak, or what someone would say whose been thinking over it for a while and is more of a professional killer who is not acting out of anger/passion but has been plotting it for a while and the person he's about to kill is just another hit of many he's done before.

 

[Moonbear]

Oh, one more thing. If it's anger you want to get across and not a slow, methodical, or thought out threat, then you need to talk a lot faster.

 

[arildno]

To me, the do-word in "you really do deserve to die" sounds rather stilted (or rather British, which goes for the same thing), unless you shift the emphasis from the word "really" to the word "do" itself (keep "really" unemphasized).
If you want the emphasis somewhere else, "do" clogs up the sentence.

Perhaps, as Moonbear suggested, you ought to drop it altogether.

 

[Cyrus]

Your bio says:

Future Academy Award Winner

HAHAHAH...you arrogant..%*^^#...I love it.

What the HELL is this man?

[MEDIA=youtube]nYPvCG0LwFs[/MEDIA][/URL]

How do you still have a girlfriend??

 

[Monique]

You've gotten good advice, do post the revised version. I was surprised one time that I was at a conference sitting at a dinner table when geographical locations came up, that someone pointed at me to be from Michigan.. while I would have expected them to ask me what country I was from
A dutch friend of mine worked in the UK for a while, when she came back to the Netherlands she had a UK-friend with her. It was awkward: they both had a very strong UK-accent, I didn't know whether to speak US-english, dutch-english, or UK-english: the former I felt like an imposter, the latter I felt like an amateur, the middle I felt like a dumb Dutchman who doesn't know how to pronounce words properly

 

[Astronuc]

If one want's to study American accents, the Spencer Tracy or Henry Fonda are good examples.

I also think, Gregory Peck, Rock Hudson, Clint Eastwood and Kirk Douglas are also good.

 

[Evo]

I don't think Marlon wrote the script, he's merely speaking the lines. It's funny that most of the criticism is of the dialogue and not his accent.

Marlon, that's incredibly good considering the fact that you aren't surrounded by American/English speaking people. If I wasn't looking for an accent I might not have noticed anything.

I agree, the script writers are more of a concern than your accent.

 

[chroot]

the middle I felt like a dumb Dutchman who doesn't know how to pronounce words properly

Monique, my dear, I would pay good money to hear you speaking "dumb Dutchman" english!

- Warren

 

[JasonRox]

I think the comments Moonbear pointed were good.

Anyways, the acting was good too. I'm impressed.

 

[Anttech]

I just listen to it again, and on the 2nd run it did sound a lot more American than I first thought... hmmm Peurto Rica is about right, kinda gansterish

Anyway, what are you appearing in?

 

[Cyrus]

I smell a copy cat... It's painfully obvious your trying to be like your hero Jack.

http://img156.imageshack.us/img156/5306/marlonss2.png

 

[Anttech]

You have waaay to much time on your hands...

 

[mattmns]

Overall, it was good, but maybe a bit too mobster-ish

[MEDIA=youtube]nYPvCG0LwFs[/MEDIA]&NR[/URL] :smile: :smile: :smile:

 

[Monique]

Monique, my dear, I would pay good money to hear you speaking "dumb Dutchman" english!

- Warren

yeah, well, I'll just stick with the american accent

 

[Ivan Seeking]

That's because it's not an Oregon accent.

Hah! No, it is [I have] a California accent, and California English is the real language because that's what Hollywood exports all over the world. For example, all three network news anchors speak mostly like Californians.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Hah! No, it is [I have] a California accent, and California English is the real language because that's what Hollywood exports all over the world. For example, all three network news anchors speak mostly like Californians.

The standard American English accent, as adopted by Hollywood, is supposed to have originated in the upper midwest, in the city of Minneapolis, Minnesota. Indeed, if you go there you will be able to understand the residents as clearly as the characters in any Hollywood film. The same is not true of, say, Madison, Wisconsin, where the local accent will make you giggle.

 

[marlon]

Ok, my dear language coaches...I have made a new attempt

[MEDIA=youtube]JkhuzXO9S3g[/MEDIA]1[/URL]

I am curious for your reactions...

regards
marlon

 

[tribdog]

The best American sounding part of this is the "Jesus!" that sounds perfect. I have no idea what you said between "I know you" and "your debts" and your f word needs to be sharper and shorter. bite your bottom lip on the f and then a sharp UK. get the ffUK outta here

 

[mattmns]

I can't say it is much of an improvement in my opinion, you can still detect the accent, especially when you are saying "you're lousy friend,..."

I would reccomend that you speak a little slower. Also, for example, when you say "you're a lousy friend" The way you are saying "you're" seems way off (I think saying it slower will help).

 

[tribdog]

I can't say it is much of an improvement in my opinion, you can still detect the accent, especially when you are saying "you're lousy friend,..."

I would reccomend that you speak a little slower. Also, for example, when you say "you're a lousy friend" The way you are saying "you're" seems way off (I think saying it slower will help).

and don't listen to mattmns. you don't need to speak slower. I think its a matter of crispness, making the words sharper with more definition between them.

 

[marlon]

and don't listen to mattmns. you don't need to speak slower. I think its a matter of crispness, making the words sharper with more definition between them.

ok, i will do that.

Just to be clear; The video i linked you too is some sort of parody, the original one is the video called "i am pissed". VxMVxdYwGs0[/MEDIA]]IT IS THIS ONE[/ur]

Trust me, the acting is not taken seriously in that first video. Just to be clear you know

thanks for the advice though...

marlon

 

[zoobyshoe]

Ok, my dear language coaches...I have made a new attempt

I didn't watch the first one. In this one you sound distinctly European. This is primarily evident in the consonants, but there is also what I'd have to call a "lilt" in the intonations, that I suppose is from the Flemish. You wouldn't be able to come here and pass as an American.

I speak some German and have several times been able to fool German speaking visitors to the US into thinking I'm some kind of native German speaker. (I can sustain this as long as I don't have to form any complex sentences that betray the fact my grammar and vocabulary is poor.) The way I'm able to do this is by imitating a specific German, one of my teachers, and adopting all his intonations, vowels and consonants.

If you can find an American over there who speaks in a more casual everyday manner (i.e. not an "educated" sounding person) you might try to get them to read the lines into a recorder for you and work on imitating the minutia of their speech exactly.

For what it's worth your American accent is superior to Arnold Schwarzenegger's or Jean-Claude van Damme's. Still, its too much to go unnoticed.

 

[Danger]

all three network news anchors speak mostly like Californians.

They do not! Lloyd Robertson and Peter Mansbridge sound perfectly normal. (Who the hell is the third one? )