# How often does helping someone out ever help?

1. Jun 11, 2010

### Pengwuino

How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help?

Ok I have a good one! I personally hate the idea of welfare (and no, not government sponsored welfare.... but actually yes, that too). I have really become down on the idea of helping people who have the means to help themselves.

What am I talking about? I have a few examples to clarify exactly what I mean since not all welfare is bad!

I have a family member who just cannot let their kids go. The kids (and by kids, I mean 23-30 year olds) rarely have jobs, one gets fired normally after 1 paycheck when he goes out and parties after receiving it and then proceeds to never return to work, another is too lazy to even legally maintain a drivers license/car, and i don't know whats up with the other. Of course, they live at home and are constantly being told to do something or they'll be kicked out... they never do that something... and are never kicked out.

My second example is a girl who went to my mothers church that had "nowhere to go". So she moved in under the condition that she looks (just looks!) for work and goes to school (she's a foster kid so schooling is completely paid for and her life is supported if she attends). Three months later... she has a job that she earned $12 total last month... but oh no, thats a job in her opinion... and of course no school as far as we can tell. My third example is a friend of mine who actually could have moved back in with her parents for the summer but begged to stay here so she could work in the city. Of course, almost two weeks in I've seen her leave the house maybe 2 times and neither out to look for a job. She sleeps all day and just hangs out and blah blah blah's with the girl in the second example. So, all this got me to thinking. I think most people have been in a situation where they offered to help someone out in situations like these or at least know people who have been in situations like these. I think we ALL know of people who take advantage of some sort of system in place to kind of "float through life" as well. I know many people who basically live off of financial aid for school and never look for an actual job because they can get by without it. I also know some (and through these people, know of entire buildings full of people doing this) people who just work seasonally and then claim unemployment for 6-8 months and live off this. Does anyone earn an honest living anymore!?!?! It also got me thinking... I wonder how often people offer someone a place to live and the people in the end actually move out because their situation improved and they left as promised instead of moving out because the person letting them stay got pissed and kicked them out. It feels like with certain people, as long as they know they have a place to stay, they live their life as they please! So here's my assignment for you forumers. In your life experience, how often do people freeload in your opinion? I'm starting to think if you offer anything to anyone and expect certain conditions to be met, you're kidding yourself half the time. I'm remiss to ever label people as "those kinda people" based on certain ways they live their lives... however, in this case, I'm making an exception. I'm starting to think if you're the kind of person who can't support yourself, outside of having problems outside of your control, you're just a low life individual. ::end rant:: 2. Jun 11, 2010 ### DaveC426913 Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help? Sometimes, unconditional love means giving someone a hand up even when you doubt it will pay off. And sometimes these "doldrum" years are a phase. It seems endless, but flash forward five years then look back and you realize - it passes. I went through a "lost" phase. I came out of it. I'm not proud of how long I was in it but I might not have the success I have now if I had simply been kicked out. Also, one must be cautious of judging without having first walked a mile in another's shoes. Just some food for thought. 3. Jun 11, 2010 ### Evo ### Staff: Mentor Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help? LOSERS!!! I've worked my a$$off all of my life since I was 14. I have no sympathy for losers. I can understand a hardworker temporarily down on their luck, but not people that are moochers. 4. Jun 11, 2010 ### rootX Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help? Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Lao Tzu Personally, I neither prefer to be near people who are too nice nor those who are just losers. Last edited: Jun 11, 2010 5. Jun 11, 2010 ### Math Is Hard Staff Emeritus Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help? When I was in my 20s, I took in a meth addict girl. I gave her food and shelter and took her to my dentist to get her rotten teeth fixed (I helped her with that, and my dentist was very kind and gave us a super low price). But she just went right back to drugs and her abusive drug dealer boyfriend and I had to boot her out. Lesson learned. My policy now is NO charity to people. I only support organizations that help animals. 6. Jun 11, 2010 ### DaveC426913 Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help? Set a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man afire and he's warm for the rest of his life. 7. Jun 11, 2010 ### Pengwuino Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help? See, I hear this all the time and there are limitations to how long I can believe that BS. I give people the benefit of the doubt and patience more often and for longer than anyone I know. I find it almost impossible to believe, however, that anything could have happened in someones life or is happening to them at the time that forces someone to sit infront of the tv all day every day or talking to friends on the phone and hanging out with them continuously instead of getting a real job. As for the people who get unemployment while doing that seasonal gig i mentioned, it is completely intentional (and this is not my opinion, this is what the people actually say). They're honestly "smart", why work the rest of the year when the government will give you money to not work? And yes, it is money to not work, I know many people who have used unemployment and know people/family with decades of experience working in social services and they all know its easy to game the system. 8. Jun 11, 2010 ### Gokul43201 Staff Emeritus Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help? You seem to state this as though unconditional love is obviously a good thing. Speak not ill of murderers and rapists! 9. Jun 11, 2010 ### DaveC426913 Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help? Never really understood this logic. Because I personally have not had experience X, I don't believe anyone else can have had experience X. 10. Jun 11, 2010 ### rootX Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help? Everyone fails once a while on epic scales and sees his/her bad days. There is no exception to this I believe. You can either be a loser or confront your failure. 11. Jun 11, 2010 ### TheStatutoryApe Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help? I have recently had such an issue. I have also seen it happen several times. I think that the primary consideration is that those people who do not leech you will not find leeching. If I lost my job I would have a job very soon and not allow myself to sit leeching off of others. The one instance where I did find myself in a situation where I could not for the life of me find a job I broke down emotionally, felt like a horrible piece of ****, apologized to my friends who were supporting me, and left to find a situation where I could get myself a job. The last time I lost my place to live (because of a roommate who was leeching off of me), when I had to move out and save money before I could find and move into another place, I lived in my car rather than foist myself onto any of my friends or relatives. I did not even tell my family what was going on to avoid their offers of help. 12. Jun 11, 2010 ### DaveC426913 Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help? And you seem to state that as if whether it's a good thing or not changes anything. 13. Jun 11, 2010 ### Pengwuino Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help? I don't think that's entirely what she means. I think it's more of "I had to choose between X and Y, Y being easier or less moral or what have you than X, thus I have no sympathy for people who face problems because of their choice, Y". 14. Jun 11, 2010 ### DaveC426913 Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help? Where did you iron your suit for interviews? Sometimes, not refusing a helping hand is dumb, and even destructive. 15. Jun 11, 2010 ### Moonbear Staff Emeritus Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help? Oh, I've seen this plenty of times. And, yes, freeloaders will continue freeloading as long as there's a sucker willing to support that lifestyle. I have no tolerance for it, but I've seen even employed people manage to bum a room in someone's house while "looking for an apartment" but then no apartment is good enough. They get kicked out, and move in with someone else "just until they can find a place of their own," etc. But, more often they're complete leeches who live somewhere until they get thrown out, find another place until they get thrown out, etc. The only way people finally get rid of them is to fill out the rental application for them and move them out and then change the locks on the doors so they can't get back in when they get evicted for not paying the rent. No, it doesn't help them to let them keep bumming off people. It's amazing how resourceful they can get when they run out of places to bum a couch from. Once in a rare while, someone really does just need a temporary arrangement. An example is the post-doc moving from another state who needs a place to stay for a week or two while apartment hunting because they couldn't find a place without looking at it first. I've put up a few people like that for a week or two in my guest room, but they've been previously self-sufficient and the conditions were clear that it was temporary (they didn't even move all their stuff in, just put it in storage and brought a suitcase of clothes). In contrast, there's a staff person in my department with a long history of never paying rent, just moving from one temporary home to another while supposedly looking for apartments and never finding one that quite suits him. Fortunately, I was warned about this, and made sure never to mention to him that I had a spare bedroom. I later found out he is allergic to cats, so talked about my cat a LOT. I have a step-brother who used to be really bad about bouncing from couch to couch as he quit or got fired from one job or another. Too many people took him in. When it was my turn, I refused. I told him it was time to grow up and be a man. 16. Jun 11, 2010 ### DaveC426913 Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help? Yeah, I'm finding this a running theme. MiH had a similar example where she seemed to think the Meth Addict chose to go back to drugs. Being in a depressive state sort of goes hand-in-hand with being unable to do a lot about it. 17. Jun 11, 2010 ### Evo ### Staff: Mentor Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help? SA went above and beyond with his personal sacrifice. He could come live with me anytime. I'd be proud to help someone like that. I'm the same way, I never, ever asked for help or took the easy way out. I had jobs that paid$1.50 an hour and worked 90 hours a week, seriously.

18. Jun 11, 2010

### TheStatutoryApe

Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help?

I had a job. I did not have a place to live, hence living in my car. If you mean interviews for apartment rentals I just wore regular clothing and I serviced them in a regular old laundr-o-mat. If I could afford to live somewhere that I would need a suit to interview for I would have been staying in motel rooms (which I did do on weekends when I hadn't even work to go to).

19. Jun 11, 2010

### Pengwuino

Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help?

See, while I very much dislike leeches, I do have to say I strongly object to the idea of people refusing all help no matter what. The reason I do actually like the various forms of private and social and governmental welfare is that it's, in my opinion, far more destructive to allow someone to barely scrape by or hit rock bottom if it's possible to "hold them up". Oddly enough, these days it feels like the people most deserving of this safety net are the people who refuse it the most and visa versa.

20. Jun 11, 2010

### DaveC426913

Re: How often does "helping someone out" ever.. help?

Well, that safety net is what we call Employment Insurance. It's for people in the workforce to carry them through a dry spell till they can get back in the saddle.

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