Hi all.... I currently find myself within a position of which i hardly perceive to be enviable. Lost amidst the proverbial smoke of despair, instigated by an abrupt realization of life as an entity, and more specifically my relevance within it. I feel my predicament would best be aligned to mainstream thinking if i were to be described as in the mist of an existential crisis, a rather bad one at that. An existential crisis tapered with a sudden want and need on my behalf, to be fully coherent to the scientific rhetoric of the universe and my very being. From the very entity of the universe to the ability on my behalf to instigate conscious thought. But throughout cognitive dissidence reigns supreme, in layman's terms, i am lost, big time. I come to this echelon of the internet somewhat by chance, but please forgive me if this is somewhat misplaced. I need guidance. Caught in the crossfire if you like, having the inability to choose or fulfill either of the apparent paths i feel i am compelled to tread. The one of blissful ignorance, and the ability to conform to the ideals of a western society. Or the path of ultimate knowledge, and to be fully coherent to everything. Both are unachievable. I would write more , specifically questioning concepts that theoretical physics presents to us, in the context of the universe, and infinity, i don't like infinity. Perhaps that is just the natural cognitive response from the human brain to such concepts, irrespective , i don't like it. I just need guidance, i am a teenager, perhaps lost in the blur of adolescence, i dont know. Any help would be greatly appreciated. PS I did stumble across a great quote in relevance to the summarization of my predicament from jean paul sartre 'life has no meaning once you lose the illusion of being eternal' and furthermore “Anything, anything would be better than this agony of mind, this creeping pain that gnaws and fumbles and caresses one and never hurts quite enough” There is more i feel i could write about, but i do not want to bombard you with a million and one different questions and predicaments. I.e. my perception that there is really no such thing as love and the ability to care, this is a bi product of looking at the human form from such a fundamental view point. Which only services to compound such comparatively negative emotion inducing thoughts. Anyway, any guidance would be greatly appreciated.