Is Marriage the Ultimate Relationship?

[Astronuc]

Humans are generally socially interactive. There are a variety of relationships in which one can be involved, e.g., home/family, friendships, companionships, acquaintances, collegial or peer relationships, partnerships, and one-on-one intimate relationships. Perhaps the penultimate relationship is marriage.

Edmund O'Neill wrote -

Marriage is a commitment to life ~ to the best that two people can find and bring out in each other. It offers opportunities for sharing and growth no other human relationship can equal, a physical and emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime.

Within the circle of its love, marriage encompasses all of life's most important relationships. A wife and husband are each other's best friend, confidant, lover, teacher, listener, and critic. There may come times when one partner is heartbroken or ailing, and the love of the other may resemble the tender caring of a parent for a child.

Marriage deepens and enriches every facet of life. Happiness is fuller; memories are fresher; commitment is stronger; even anger is felt more strongly, and passes away more quickly.

Marriage understands and forgives the mistakes life is unable to avoid. It enourages and nutures new life, new experiences, and new ways of expressing love through the seasons of life.

When two people pledge to love and care for each other in marriage, they create a spirit unique to themselves, which binds them closer than any spoken or written words. Marriage is a promise, a potential, made in hearts of two people who love, which takes a lifetime to fulfill.

Some other thoughts on marriage - http://www.wedding-references.com/poetry_on_marriage.htm

In pursuing an intimate relationship, it is perhaps worthwhile to reflect on O'Neill's words (there are perhaps other aspects or functions one could add to O'Neills list, e.g., supporter).

There are quite a few threads in this forum on dating. Dating is a process by which the parties learn about each other, or should do so, in addition to achieving companionship or providing entertainment. Part of the learning process should be about likes/dislikes, goals/aspirations, principles, etc. Dating starts with two strangers, and it may end with two estranged individuals, or it may conclude with an intimate relationship.

 

[Evo]

Marriage can be a huge mistake, two people that really don't belong together only find out after they get married that they aren't compatible, or as they mature, they find that their interests have grown far enough apart that they have little or nothing in common.

I feel that when two married people realize that their relationship is no longer healthy, they should divorce and allow each other the opportunity to find mental peace of mind either alone or with someone else. Unfortunately many people are too frightened to end the relationship, no matter how bad it is because they are either more afraid of being alone, or afraid of what other people might think. I think divorce is preferable to cheating, abusing and even murder.

I have to disagree with O"Neill, "marriage" is not some magical bandage that you can force onto people that mystically fixes everything. If you know history, marriage in ancient times had very little to do with "love".

Marriage, a History

Long ago, love was a silly reason for a match. How marriage has changed over history.

Through most of Western civilization, marriage has been more a matter of money, power and survival than of delicate sentiments. In medieval Europe, everyone from the lord of the manor to the village locals had a say in deciding who should wed. Love was considered an absurdly flimsy reason for a match. Even during the Enlightenment and Victorian eras, adultery and friendship were often more passionate than marriage. These days, we marry for love—and are rewarded with a blistering divorce rate.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200505/marriage-history

 

[Astronuc]

I'm thinking more in terms of the marital relationship as opposed to the institution of marriage or legal relationship. Clearly one does not have to be 'married' in order to establish such a relationship.

Clearly some people 'marry' impulsively, or without necessary thought, conviction or commitment.

I would propose that folks give some thought before pursuing a relationship, especially marriage.


I think O'Neill idealized 'marriage', as do others. It works for some, like my parents and grandparents, but certainly fails for many others.

 

[Borg]

I see having a healthy marriage as being like maintaining one's weight. There are known processes to keeping them both healthy. In dieting it's all about exercise, eating the right foods, and portion control. Mutual respect, acceptance of your spouse's differences and humor are important factors in maintaining a healthy marriage. In both, there can be times where you don't stick the plan like you should. A little mistake here or there probably won't wreck either of them but, continual bad habits have a way of adding up.

 

[lendav_rott]

Too early to think about such things. There is not enough time for me alone in 1 day, how should I even consider commitment. They say it happens out of the blue, when one least expects it. Guess I will keep my fishing boat ready to go until someone has the audacity to tell me to stop fishing.

 

[turbo]

When I was a teen in the 60s it seemed like people married on a whim. Often, a baby would show up about 8-9 months later, so some of those could be explained. Some of my classmates have been married and divorced 3,4, or 5 times. My wife and I have been married for over 35 years, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

First and only marriage for both, BTW

 

[OmCheeto]

I would comment, but I've never been married.

But I have seen stories.

hmmm... I guess marriage is like a book.

Sometimes, a book is bad, even thought it had a fancy cover. For after reading the first page: garbage.
Sometimes, a book is good, and you are thankful the author kept writing more.
And sometimes, even though you thought it didn't exist, you find the book, you've waited your whole life for.