My life is collapsing, I feel like killing myself. PF, me

[Unshin]

When I was in high school my grades were poor, no more than a B. In recent years during my senior year I suddenly had a huge interest in physics and math. I began to study day after day and eventually I made it to Multivariable Calculus during my final years in high school (I applied for concurrent studies).

Now here is where my life went down. My instructor told us that the last day to drop the course was the two days after midterm and he said he would rush mark the exam. A few weeks later, I just got my midterm and I scored an average mark. I noticed most of my mistakes were silly mistakes that I overlooked and brought my marks down to an average score. I feel really down because the average was C+ and it was not going to be curved because one person got 98.6% on it. I literally cried (yes I am very emotional because getting poor grades when I desire good grades is big blow to me since I have just still started really caring for my grades) for 3 days. After some emotional grief, I got back on my feet and strive to do better on the second midterm.

Now today in the morning, my uncle phoned my mother and told us that my grandmother died. This is like a second blow to me, my grandmother was the closest person to me since she raised me. I really don't know what to do, I am feeling so depressed that I can't even cry. I can't focus on my Maths because I keep thinking about my grandmother. I even skipped class for two days straight (one of them I am supposed to hand in our assignments, but I just didn't care anymore). The thing is, I feel like I should have dropped the course. Now if I do drop it, I think I am going to get a W and my college life will be over.

I am going to be a freshman this year in college, but I don't think I can even make it anymore. I want to fly back home for my grandmother's funeral, but my mother is telling me to just try to focus on my studies.

I know I sound like a child right now just seeking condolence or words of sympathy, but I really need some academic advice here. I am not asking you guys to give me words of sympathy over my grandmother, I just need some academic advice for my situation right now because I feel like my life is over.

Thank you reading.

 

[Noxide]

A death in the family can qualify for academic concession on compassionate grounds at some universities.

 

[hadsed]

Why is getting a W the end of your college career? Also, I think a lot of colleges will grant you leave or drop a class or something if you have important personal matters to attend to. You must talk to some of the counselors at your school to see what you can do about it.

It's hard to lose someone, but you still have to make sure you're not screwing yourself over. Don't do dumb things like not turn in your assignment, at the very least let the professor know what's happened and maybe he/she will understand and give you an extension until you figure out some stuff.

 

[Unshin]

Why is getting a W the end of your college career? Also, I think a lot of colleges will grant you leave or drop a class or something if you have important personal matters to attend to. You must talk to some of the counselors at your school to see what you can do about it.

It's hard to lose someone, but you still have to make sure you're not screwing yourself over. Don't do dumb things like not turn in your assignment, at the very least let the professor know what's happened and maybe he/she will understand and give you an extension until you figure out some stuff.

My current college is a community college, I am not a freshman until this winter. Having a W means that I dropped out because it was too hard and I will never get into grad school. I don't even know how I am suppose to handle this situation since my grandmother died in another country.

 

[Math Is Hard]

My current college is a community college, I am not a freshman until this winter. Having a W means that I dropped out because it was too hard and I will never get into grad school. I don't even know how I am suppose to handle this situation since my grandmother died in another country.

I don't know of any school that defines a W that way. People withdraw from courses for all kinds of reasons. If you really think it will be a dealbreaker, you will have an admissions essay to explain the situation.

 

[Unshin]

I don't know of any school that defines a W that way. People withdraw from courses for all kinds of reasons. If you really think it will be a dealbreaker, you will have an admissions essay to explain the situation.

I can't even focus on my work, I don't think I will be able to write an essay to convince some counselor to have pity on me. I am trying not to even drop the course, I really want to continue.

 

[Pengwuino]

My current college is a community college, I am not a freshman until this winter. Having a W means that I dropped out because it was too hard and I will never get into grad school. I don't even know how I am suppose to handle this situation since my grandmother died in another country.

I'm sorry for your loss!

That is not how universities see W's however. They KNOW things like this happen and no university is under the impression that everyone should be able to just continue on like nothing happened. I'm fairly sure the reason you dropped the course isn't even noted anywhere. It's basically as if the course never happened.

 

[Unshin]

I'm sorry for your loss!

That is not how universities see W's however. They KNOW things like this happen and no university is under the impression that everyone should be able to just continue on like nothing happened. I'm fairly sure the reason you dropped the course isn't even noted anywhere. It's basically as if the course never happened.

I'll be frank, I typed this up really quickly because I feel like I just don't care anymore. I admit I have no experience in this and I don't really know the true meaning of a W. I am not even sure I will get a W since I have passed the date for dropping the course. I honestly don't know what to do. My mother can't help me because she doesn't speak English. I really feel like dying

 

[Pengwuino]

I can't even focus on my work, I don't think I will be able to write an essay to convince some counselor to have pity on me. I am trying not to even drop the course, I really want to continue.

Drop the course, take a semester off if need be. Universities do not care. The ONLY thing you can do that will hurt you in the future would be to continue a course you are going to do poorly in because you felt you had to continue even though you knew you couldn't. That's it. You will not be able to find any informed individual who will tell you different.

At the very very worst, if you take a semester off, you might have some annoying paperwork to do when you try to continue but it's not a big deal at all and will have no effect on your college career.

I'll be frank, I typed this up really quickly because I feel like I just don't care anymore. I admit I have no experience in this and I don't really know the true meaning of a W. I am not even sure I will get a W since I have passed the date for dropping the course. I honestly don't know what to do. My mother can't help me because she doesn't speak English. I really feel like dying

There's usually multiple drop deadlines. One is dropping it without any question, one requires a serious and compelling reason, and then one near the very very end of the semester where they won't drop people (although this is really not strict rule!). In the end, even if you get an F in the course. It's 1 out of 40 courses and you're at the very start, it doesn't matter at all.

Also, if you seriously are feeling that way, get counseling (Universities provide this!) if you can.

 

[Math Is Hard]

I dropped a cc class once because my cat died. I never even bothered to explain it on my admissions essay. I still got into the school of my choice. It's not that big of a deal. Like the penguin said, just go talk to your counselors (both academic and psychological if need be). You should know exactly what the transcript result/impact will be before you make yourself crazy over this.

 

[twofish-quant]

I know I sound like a child right now just seeking condolence or words of sympathy, but I really need some academic advice here. I am not asking you guys to give me words of sympathy over my grandmother, I just need some academic advice for my situation right now because I feel like my life is over.

Family comes first. Deal with the death first, and then work out the grades later. Most colleges tend to be understanding about this sort of thing, and you are much, much better off withdrawing then getting bad grades and learning nothing because you have external life events.

Also, the rules in college (and in life) are very different than in high school. People that do well in high school tend to have a shock when the enter college and life and find that grades aren't everything.

 

[twofish-quant]

I'll be frank, I typed this up really quickly because I feel like I just don't care anymore. I admit I have no experience in this and I don't really know the true meaning of a W.

Whatever it means, it's less important than life and family. You clearly are not in a situation where you are able to focus on your studies, and trying to continue classes when you are in a bad shape is likely to make things worse.

I am not even sure I will get a W since I have passed the date for dropping the course. I honestly don't know what to do. My mother can't help me because she doesn't speak English. I really feel like dying

If you are actively suicidal, then get yourself checked into a hospital NOW!

Grades are not that important. School is not that important. The basic problem is that in high school, your life revolved around grades and school. One of the more important things that you need to learn in college is grades and school is just not that important in the grand scheme of things.

 

[skeptic2]

I think first you should talk to your advisor or the school's academic counselor. You also should see your doctor about a prescription for anti-depressants which will getting you feeling normal again. Don't delay on seeing your doctor because some anti-depressants take about two weeks to take affect.

 

[Pyrrhus]

Grades are not that important. School is not that important. The basic problem is that in high school, your life revolved around grades and school. One of the more important things that you need to learn in college is grades and school is just not that important in the grand scheme of things.

I second this. It is especially a hard reality for (typically good) students that used attach their worth and happiness to their GPAs. Learn to let go. It is nice to have high grades, but not that important!.

 

[Jack21222]

If you need to get an F, get an F in the course. Who cares? It's community college. Just retake the course later. When you transfer to a real college, the GPA doesn't transfer, only the credit. As long as you do well in your upper level classes, I doubt grad schools will care that you had to take an intro level class at a community college twice early in your career.

 

[Angry Citizen]

I know I sound like a child right now just seeking condolence or words of sympathy, but I really need some academic advice here.

If you can't concentrate on your studies, then drop the class. You're taking calculus III, which is something I've never heard of a high school kid doing. Unless you're trying to make it into something like MIT, you're not going to have issues.

I think you have the wrong mentality about death. Seriously, you're neglecting your studies, you're suicidal, and you're worried about a W on your transcript. Imagine how other people might feel if you killed yourself. How many other people's lives will as you say 'collapse' over your death? Don't kill yourself. Just.. don't. Take it from me (a veteran of family death): In a few months, things will be better, you'll be able to concentrate, and everything will work out. It is not worth offing yourself over. But seriously, drop the class. I'm a homeschool student who's having to take two years of community college just to think about getting into a university. Your life is absolutely grand compared to mine.

 

[Norman]

Having a W means that I dropped out because it was too hard and I will never get into grad school. I don't even know how I am suppose to handle this situation since my grandmother died in another country.

As has been already noted, this is false. I had a W on my transcript. I got into grad school and even finished.

Again, as others have said, life and family come first. School can wait. One class will not matter much in the grand scheme of approximately 30-40 classes you take as an undergrad.

Take time to grieve. It is important. It gets better eventually.

 

[Office_Shredder]

I can't even focus on my work, I don't think I will be able to write an essay to convince some counselor to have pity on me.

You would be explaining this when you apply for graduate schools, not to get out of the class.

It seems (and you admit) that you are not very informed about how the process of dropping out of classes impacts your academic career. I don't know how it works at community colleges, but I assume there's some sort of academic advisor you can talk to. Do that, explain the situation, and they'll be able to tell you what your options actually are, as opposed to this preconceived notion you have of what your options are.

You're stressing out over what is really a minor situation academically, and it seems like it's snowballing to impact other parts of your life that it shouldn't be. If you really feel suicidal and are not just posting hyperbole, you need to get medical attention for that ASAP.

 

[Dickfore]

When I was in high school my grades were poor, no more than a B. In recent years during my senior year I suddenly had a huge interest in physics and math. I began to study day after day and eventually I made it to Multivariable Calculus during my final years in high school (I applied for concurrent studies).

Now here is where my life went down. My instructor told us that the last day to drop the course was the two days after midterm and he said he would rush mark the exam. A few weeks later, I just got my midterm and I scored an average mark. I noticed most of my mistakes were silly mistakes that I overlooked and brought my marks down to an average score. I feel really down because the average was C+ and it was not going to be curved because one person got 98.6% on it. I literally cried (yes I am very emotional because getting poor grades when I desire good grades is big blow to me since I have just still started really caring for my grades) for 3 days. After some emotional grief, I got back on my feet and strive to do better on the second midterm.

Now today in the morning, my uncle phoned my mother and told us that my grandmother died. This is like a second blow to me, my grandmother was the closest person to me since she raised me. I really don't know what to do, I am feeling so depressed that I can't even cry. I can't focus on my Maths because I keep thinking about my grandmother. I even skipped class for two days straight (one of them I am supposed to hand in our assignments, but I just didn't care anymore). The thing is, I feel like I should have dropped the course. Now if I do drop it, I think I am going to get a W and my college life will be over.

I am going to be a freshman this year in college, but I don't think I can even make it anymore. I want to fly back home for my grandmother's funeral, but my mother is telling me to just try to focus on my studies.

I know I sound like a child right now just seeking condolence or words of sympathy, but I really need some academic advice here. I am not asking you guys to give me words of sympathy over my grandmother, I just need some academic advice for my situation right now because I feel like my life is over.

Thank you reading.

Wow, you are so depressed and can't think of anything else but your grandma, and, yet, you found the time to create an account on PF and write all of this. Do I smell a troll?

 

[PieceOfPi]

Wow, you are so depressed and can't think of anything else but your grandma, and, yet, you found the time to create an account on PF and write all of this. Do I smell a troll?

If it's a troll, then I would be very happy because that probably means (a) we don't have this depressed person on PF and (b) this grandma didn't die!

Otherwise, I would agree with everybody else said on here. Getting a W in your Calc III class that you took when you were a high school student will not be a huge deal; just take the class again and do better in there. What's important is that you actually learned the material--and with the condition you're in now, you're not learning Calc III, which is one of the important concepts that you have to know to learn physics. So take it again, and learn it this time!

 

[Indifferent89]

Wow, you are so depressed and can't think of anything else but your grandma, and, yet, you found the time to create an account on PF and write all of this. Do I smell a troll?

It seems strange this "troll" would risk a pf administrator calling the police on him for threatening to commit suicide...

 

[Dickfore]

It seems strange this "troll" would risk a pf administrator calling the police on him for threatening to commit suicide...

What would the police do? Arrest him for attempting suicide?

 

[Indifferent89]

What would the police do? Arrest him for attempting suicide?

Who knows? Its merely a possibility.

 

[Gregg]

What is the difference between community college and university?

 

[Dickfore]

What is the difference between community college and university?

2 blocks in Manhattan.

 

[Gregg]

2 blocks in Manhattan.

and in general?

 

[Angry Citizen]

CC's grant associates degrees and certificates. Universities typically grant bachelors and above. CC's are typically commuter campuses, meaning there's pretty much no social life. Universities have on-site housing, leading to a rich social life. Universities are known to be more rigorous. University class sizes are often humongous (~200 students), whereas CC's are usually pretty small (high school size, or less). Universities cost MUCH more.

 

[Gregg]

CC's grant associates degrees and certificates. Universities typically grant bachelors and above. CC's are typically commuter campuses, meaning there's pretty much no social life. Universities have on-site housing, leading to a rich social life. Universities are known to be more rigorous. University class sizes are often humongous (~200 students), whereas CC's are usually pretty small (high school size, or less). Universities cost MUCH more.

Right so is it a step further than high school? Also these quotes are confusing, why is it a given that he will transfer etc.?

[...] I'm a homeschool student who's having to take two years of community college just to think about getting into a university. Your life is absolutely grand compared to mine.

[...] Who cares? It's community college. Just retake the course later. When you transfer to a real college, the GPA doesn't transfer, only the credit. As long as you do well in your upper level classes, I doubt grad schools will care that you had to take an intro level class at a community college twice early in your career.

 

[Angry Citizen]

Right so is it a step further than high school? Also these quotes are confusing, why is it a given that he will transfer etc.?

Yes, it's a step further than high school. Classes are conducted in a collegial manner, and they are more rigorous than high school.

It's assumed he'll transfer because no community college program offers physics or mathematics as a degree that would turn into a job opportunity. I believe he also mentioned he was entering physics, although I'm too lazy to check.

Also, the fact that he's taking vector calculus is a sign. I don't know any degrees that require that knowledge that are offered in community colleges.

 

[Unshin]

I second this. It is especially a hard reality for (typically good) students that used attach their worth and happiness to their GPAs. Learn to let go. It is nice to have high grades, but not that important!.

Only if one passes the 3.7GPA mark.

If you can't concentrate on your studies, then drop the class. You're taking calculus III, which is something I've never heard of a high school kid doing. Unless you're trying to make it into something like MIT, you're not going to have issues.

I think you have the wrong mentality about death. Seriously, you're neglecting your studies, you're suicidal, and you're worried about a W on your transcript. Imagine how other people might feel if you killed yourself. How many other people's lives will as you say 'collapse' over your death? Don't kill yourself. Just.. don't. Take it from me (a veteran of family death): In a few months, things will be better, you'll be able to concentrate, and everything will work out. It is not worth offing yourself over. But seriously, drop the class. I'm a homeschool student who's having to take two years of community college just to think about getting into a university. Your life is absolutely grand compared to mine.

No, I just feel like dying. I am smart enough not to actually commit suicide, but to have another misfortune struck me right after I got back on my feet is a big blow to my mind right now

Apparently, many high school students have taken Calc III and linear algebra that went to MIT.

As has been already noted, this is false. I had a W on my transcript. I got into grad school and even finished.

Again, as others have said, life and family come first. School can wait. One class will not matter much in the grand scheme of approximately 30-40 classes you take as an undergrad.

Take time to grieve. It is important. It gets better eventually.

Perhaps that was 10 or 5 years ago? Competition is more rigorous and it grows every year. High grades are demanding because there are so many talents out there.

Wow, you are so depressed and can't think of anything else but your grandma, and, yet, you found the time to create an account on PF and write all of this. Do I smell a troll?

The "time" only took 10 minutes alright? I previously had an account here, but I never bothered logging so I forgot all about it. If you think I am trolling, then just leave. I am not in the mood handling the real troll such as yourself.

Right so is it a step further than high school? Also these quotes are confusing, why is it a given that he will transfer etc.?

As I said before in the first post, I just got out of high school this summer

If you need to get an F, get an F in the course. Who cares? It's community college. Just retake the course later. When you transfer to a real college, the GPA doesn't transfer, only the credit. As long as you do well in your upper level classes, I doubt grad schools will care that you had to take an intro level class at a community college twice early in your career.

When I apply to grad school, I will have to report all my transcripts. Retaking a course is generally a low blow just because some misfortune happened to me. I honestly don't think they care about one applicant who had some tragedy in their life, neither will they consider anything impressive about "taking an intro level class at a community college twice early in your career"

I thank you everyone's suggestions. But I really, and I mean really don't feel like quitting. Not because of only my grandmother's death, but I feel like my grandmother would not want me to quit just because she died. I feel like she might feel that because of her death that I will be pulled behind and I don't want that.

 

[Saladsamurai]

Wow, you are so depressed and can't think of anything else but your grandma, and, yet, you found the time to create an account on PF and write all of this. Do I smell a troll?

Wow, this is the absolute worst use of logic I have ever seen. What does the way this person feels have to do with whether or not they start a PF account so that they have somewhere to get advice?

The only person here trolling is you since you took the time to read through this thread, hit "reply" and then proceeded to spew out the first piece of garbage that came to mind. Way to add nothing useful to the discussion.

*********************************
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To the OP: As many others have stated, W's are virtually meaningless to universities unless you have multiple W's. Talk to a counselor at your school. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. In life we lose people and sometimes we are not sure how to handle it. The best way to figure out how you handle loss is probably to talk about it.

Best wishes
~Casey

 

[EnumaElish]

I was just like that when my father died. You need to grieve; the act of grief needs a conscious decision; and it has less to do with where you grieve than you grieve at all. Talk to the school counselor and/or talk to a religious person to help you with your grief.

 

[Pengwuino]

To add to what may have already been in the thread, competition is much different in college than high school. In high school, the only way you have to distinguish yourself is with SAT's and GPA. In college, you have 2 GRE's, GPA, research, letters of recommendation, summer work, and publications to distinguish yourself. To add to that, going to a big name school like MIT or Stanford for a hard science is extremely overrated unless you have no plans on going to grad school. You probably aren't even going to see such big names schools as your "#1 top dream school" for grad school, it's a lot more complicated than that for grad schools.

You seem to be stuck (for good reason) in the high school mentality that all that matters is your GPA and what hte name of your school is. If you're going into grad school in the hard sciences, it's almost night and day compared to high school. There's far less stress to be "the best" because your gpa is just a number at this level and your work ethic more naturally decides how successful you'll be.

 

[Unshin]

To add to what may have already been in the thread, competition is much different in college than high school. In high school, the only way you have to distinguish yourself is with SAT's and GPA. In college, you have 2 GRE's, GPA, research, letters of recommendation, summer work, and publications to distinguish yourself. To add to that, going to a big name school like MIT or Stanford for a hard science is extremely overrated unless you have no plans on going to grad school. You probably aren't even going to see such big names schools as your "#1 top dream school" for grad school, it's a lot more complicated than that for grad schools.

You seem to be stuck (for good reason) in the high school mentality that all that matters is your GPA and what hte name of your school is. If you're going into grad school in the hard sciences, it's almost night and day compared to high school. There's far less stress to be "the best" because your gpa is just a number at this level and your work ethic more naturally decides how successful you'll be.

Thank you, but I knew that reputation for your undergrad never matters (hence, I never really gave much thought about schoolwork and hence my poor grades). However, I do know (at least I believe I still do) that getting in a top program is important and i do know that most of the "big names" may not have the desired programs and hence will not be on my list. However, I don't want to rule them all out because I know at least one of them must intrigue me and the competition will be next to impossible unless I do pass the minimum 3.7gpa mark. I know it does depend highly only other factors, but I also know that my competitions will have just as much in their arsenal (if not greater).

 

[Jack21222]

Right so is it a step further than high school? Also these quotes are confusing, why is it a given that he will transfer etc.?

It's a given he will transfer because you cannot get into grad school with an associates degree. Did you bother to read the OP?

 

[Gregg]

It's a given he will transfer because you cannot get into grad school with an associates degree. Did you bother to read the OP?

Yes I did.

 

[jackmell]

Wow, you are so depressed and can't think of anything else but your grandma, and, yet, you found the time to create an account on PF and write all of this. Do I smell a troll?

I think the principle is sound: How might one solve this problem? I believe that takes strength and wisdom: the strength to remain healthy, and the wisdom to know and understand life is often painful. Yesterday I saw something terrible that happened to someone (on TV). Just awful. My petty complaints about cleaning the back of my shed pale in comparison to that person and others I've seen with much, much worst problems than me. Face your problems, deal with them, remain strong and healthy and emerge from them with the wisdom they bring to you so that you can face other challenges that life will inevitably bring your way. Start to exercise. It is very cathartic. Just try and you'll see what I mean.

 

[Quantum-lept]

Unshin, maybe you should consider taking a semester or more off and going out into the real world, work, travel, meet people who have "real problems", and develop a more realistic world view, one not so self-centered.

Sorry about your grandma, but old people have been know to die. Do what you need to do to grieve, there is no right way or wrong way. DON'T make any BIG decisions if you are extremely upset!..Most decisions can wait. Even school can wait awhile!

Learn how to think, how to put things in perspective, and how to ride out the low, scary parts of life. Sometimes life is holding on for a few minutes at a time till circumstances change. And things do change, they get better or worse, but then they change again!

The best thing you could probably do right now is get OFF the damn computer, and do something very physical. Walk!, Jog!, Surf!, Sail!..Get a job in construction!

 

[Troponin]

Focus on your family and mourn the loss of someone close to you.

It won't seem like it now, but there will be a time in the future where you'll barely remember your first year of college and will remember even less about this class, but you won't forget about losing someone close to you.

There are thousands of people every year who miss their first year of college for one reason or another and there are many more people that will take a "W" at some point in their college career, so (although it may be hard now) try to look at things in perspective.

I don't know if it will help you or not, but you might want to have a look at some of the famous physicists who had to delay their first year of college for one reason or another, and for reasons less traumatic than losing someone so close to you.

Oppenheimer is one example off the top of my head.

 

[Centaur]

I hate that everything is so marks orientated. In my school we have a thing called the top 10, which is the 10 children with the highest marks, no matter what subjects they do, of every grade.

I wonder why there are always these children who get such high marks while the norm of the good children get above the average.

In my class there is a girl who gets 90s for everything, but she is as white as a ghost and drinks energy sachets in the morning. She wants to go into a science field, but she has no passion at all for anything science.

Oh, and Linus Pauling is also a good example of institutes not wanting him and going through lots of tragedies, but won a Nobel prize in Chemistry and for Peace later in his life.

 

[Tedjn]

Unshin, my condolences for your loss. Let's be more concrete. What expectations do you have for your future? It sounds like you're afraid of the competition. That's reasonable, but what are you competing for? A job in some area? Graduate school in some field? A top graduate school or a decent one? If you take a step back, you'll realize that there's competition, but there's also opportunity. Plenty of it.

 

[twofish-quant]

What would the police do? Arrest him for attempting suicide?

If you are a danger to yourself or others, the police can involuntarily admit you into a hospital where they can keep you for a few days. I've known enough people that have killed themselves in college, that I err on the side of taking this sort of thing pretty seriously.

 

[Dickfore]

Since there is clearly no freedom of opinion on these fora that differs from the mods', I will refrain from writing in this thread anymore.

 

[kscribble]

You need to change yourself...

In my opinion, most of my classmates suffer from caring SOOOOoooo much about their grades. It's really the least important thing. If you KNOW you can do something, and you did it to the best of your ability, it doesn't matter what grade you got.

For example: those stupid mistakes that you made on the test, who gives a crap? You even conceded to those being "silly" mistakes, so why should it matter if you would have gotten it right?

Just stop caring about what your grades are as much. Sure it's bad to completely not care, but when you know that you can do something, your teachers can see through that sometimes (unless they have a lot of students) and with brain maturity, those mistakes will go away.