In English:
A function turns one number, usually written "x", into another number, usually written "y". For example, y = x is a function. This turns the number x into a number y -- in this case, the number y takes the same value as x. Or the function y=4x turns a number x into a number y which is four times the value of x.
The only conditions on a function is that y has to be one number. y can't be "3,4, or 5", "plus or minus 3", or so on, because those represent more than one number.
It's typical to think about functions only in terms of numbers, but a function doesn't necessarily have anything to do with numbers. Remember, although we usually have x and y stand for numbers, it can really stand for anything at all. (Why not?) x can stand for a person, or a word, or anything. For example, you can have x be a type of car, and have y equal "yes" if the car is blue and "no" if it's not. Because each type of car is either blue or not, this is an example of a function. On the other hand, if you make x be the name of a person and y be x's email address, this cannot be a function, because one person can have two email addresses.
In fancy math words, we say that the function "maps" from a certain set of things, called the domain, to another set of things, the range. The domain can be any set of things at all -- numbers, whole numbers, people, words or cars. Similarly, the range can be any set of things -- pumpkins, forums, prime numbers, dogs, etc. The only condition is that if you give it any element of the domain, the function has to pop out with only one element of the range.