Dismiss Notice
Join Physics Forums Today!
The friendliest, high quality science and math community on the planet! Everyone who loves science is here!

Open Relationships

  1. Nov 2, 2008 #1

    JasonRox

    User Avatar
    Homework Helper
    Gold Member

    Ok, I have to bring this up.

    I get questions about this almost all the time now. I'm in an open relationship (some of you may know).

    It's a difficult process, but it's definitely very fulfilling for me.

    So, I want to ask questions now. What are your first thoughts on open relationships? What do you think about those in open relationships? Are you in one? Have you ever been in one? Would you consider one?

    Note: Please note I want mature responses. I'm not talking about open-frienship with benefits relationships. I consider those to be immature relationships, just like immature exclusive relationships also exist.

    Anyways, please share. I'll post some articles if it comes to interest depending on comments.

    Note: Becareful not to make facts about social habit, views and assumptions.
     
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2008
  2. jcsd
  3. Nov 2, 2008 #2

    Evo

    User Avatar

    Staff: Mentor

    When I was young, you dated several people at the same time, that was normal and encouraged. It wasn't until you became serious and decided to see each other "exclusively" that you stoped dating other people.

    But I guess you are at the "serious" stage, but still don't want to be exclusive? Are you in love and serious about each other, but still want to date other people? Hey, if that is what you both want, why not. But what do you tell the other people that you "date"? Do you tell them you are in love with someone else and there is no chance of a romantic relationship? Or are you not in love?

    I guess you need to explain exactly what your relationship is with this girl first.
     
  4. Nov 2, 2008 #3

    Moonbear

    User Avatar
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    I will first preface this that I think personal relationships are PERSONAL. It's nobody's business but those involved, and as long as ALL involved are okay with it, then it's all fine in my view. I do think it's important that ALL involved be considered, though. So, even if you are okay with open relationships, and a particular partner is as well, that's not enough. Every OTHER partner EITHER of you have also needs to be okay with the idea.

    Now, personally, I would not be comfortable with such a relationship. I just would have a hard time defining it as a relationship. To me, a relationship means there is a unique connection between two people, and it's something special. I have a hard time viewing an "open relationship" as anything other than a "friends with benefits" relationship, or a "I haven't quite found the right person, so am still shopping around, and so can you" relationship.

    On the other hand, I think it's also possible to fall in love with more than one person, either at different times in life or sometimes at the same time. I think this is ONE reason people "cheat", because they have genuinely fallen in love with two people (it's only ONE reason...there are others, including NOT being in love with one person and trying to fake it). I'm not sure I consider these situations to really be "open" relationships though, but more of a closed relationship situation with a couple extra players.

    I think the important thing is that whatever type of relationship you're in, you're happy with it and comfortable with your own choices. And, regardless of your feelings going into it, if your feelings change, then your relationship situation should change accordingly too, and all parties involved need to be comfortable communicating this to one another.
     
  5. Nov 2, 2008 #4

    JasonRox

    User Avatar
    Homework Helper
    Gold Member

    I'm asking the questions. :wink:

    Believe it or not, I prefer to not use the word "love". I don't really want to explain why because that is irrelevant since love does not imply exclusive and it also does not imply that it belongs to only one person (therefore, let's exclude love from discussion).

    We have been together for almost 4 years.

    Most people I date know. They are not required to know either. If I ask a girl out, we go out and have fun just like normal. If things progress, of course I communicate it. Why don't I have to tell her first? Well, gays don't need to be holding signs saying they're gay so I also do not need to hold a sign saying I'm in an open relationship. We take our expectations for granted. We label everyone as straight and monogamous. So, anyways, that's how it goes. No girl has said anything about it. Also, most of them know before anyways.

    I can have two or more romantic relationships, so I don't know what you mean by telling the other person there isn't any chance.

    Anyways, anyone care to answer my questions in the OP?
     
  6. Nov 2, 2008 #5

    JasonRox

    User Avatar
    Homework Helper
    Gold Member

    Nice post.

    For sure, everyone has to be consented when a relationship is getting more involved. Kind of like monogamous people, it must be made aware at some point that you're exclusive. You do not need to tell the person on the first date! Haha.
     
  7. Nov 2, 2008 #6

    Moonbear

    User Avatar
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    Same for me. I'm not sure if Jason is referring to something different, but it seems to me that young people nowadays jump into what they call "relationships" very quickly, and are skipping this dating phase where you're completely allowed to date more than one person at a time while "shopping" for the right one. So, I'm not sure if it's just a terminology issue, or something else. I actually DON'T think it's normal or healthy that "kids nowadays" jump so quickly into exclusive relationships.
     
  8. Nov 2, 2008 #7

    JasonRox

    User Avatar
    Homework Helper
    Gold Member

    For sure, I noticed that too. I think it's an insecurity thing or mismanagement of one's own emotions. I think lack of parenting of the new generation is causing this result, as well as many others.
     
  9. Nov 2, 2008 #8

    Evo

    User Avatar

    Staff: Mentor

    That's what I wanted to know. You don't feel obligated to each other. That's fine if that's what the two of you want and you don't mislead the other people you date. Even if you two felt obligated to each other, as long as the two of you agree about what you are doing and you don't mislead others, I don't know why you are even asking for other people's opinions.

    My confusion was if you were afraid of how to approach other people or thought other people would frown on what you were doing based on an obligation or lack of one. Doesn't seems like it is an issue.
     
  10. Nov 2, 2008 #9

    JasonRox

    User Avatar
    Homework Helper
    Gold Member

    People who know me and learn that I am into open relationships have never frowned upon me. Not even a Christian girl I know. I don't mislead anyone. I'm totally against that.

    I'm not afraid to approach people about it. Haha, I enjoy talking about it. It gets everyone thinking.
     
  11. Nov 2, 2008 #10

    Evo

    User Avatar

    Staff: Mentor

    The term for this is "polyamorous". It's become a very popular buzz word.
     
  12. Nov 2, 2008 #11

    Moonbear

    User Avatar
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    I don't really consider any relationship completely "exclusive" until there's an engagement announced or a wedding ceremony performed. Considering I've been in a few "relationships" that terminated for various reasons, I don't consider a relationship to be much more than an extended test drive.
     
  13. Nov 2, 2008 #12

    JasonRox

    User Avatar
    Homework Helper
    Gold Member

    And sometimes you test drive a BMW even when you can't afford it. :wink:
     
  14. Nov 2, 2008 #13

    JasonRox

    User Avatar
    Homework Helper
    Gold Member

    For sure, I'm a little more strict than "polyamorous" I think. But I guess, it's a pretty good summary.
     
  15. Nov 2, 2008 #14

    Evo

    User Avatar

    Staff: Mentor

    I wouldn't mind test driving a man.
     
  16. Nov 2, 2008 #15

    Moonbear

    User Avatar
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    :rofl: Absolutely! Sometimes you take the little red sports car on a test drive when you know you really need a reliable station wagon too. :biggrin:
     
  17. Nov 2, 2008 #16

    Moonbear

    User Avatar
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    :rofl: And then there's just being blunt. :rofl:
     
  18. Nov 2, 2008 #17
    I've come to the conclusion that love is both the best and worst thing the human brain can do.
     
  19. Nov 2, 2008 #18

    Moonbear

    User Avatar
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    Okay, considering this topic, I just have to share that there's this goofy show on Discovery Channel right now about "purity pledges." It's one thing waiting until marriage to have sex...not that I'm fond of even that idea, but I can understand it...but some of these people think it's wrong to even KISS until married! :bugeye: What's wrong with these people? Since when is it bad to kiss someone?
     
  20. Nov 2, 2008 #19

    JasonRox

    User Avatar
    Homework Helper
    Gold Member

    That's my view. Kissing is great thing. Usually, that's all I want to do.

    You have to admit. It's nice to see different kissing styles... unless they are horrible!
     
  21. Nov 2, 2008 #20

    Evo

    User Avatar

    Staff: Mentor

    Oh, I dated , or rather tried to date, a guy that was a human fountain. I would be drowning when we kissed. I couldn't take it. Otherwise, he was perfect for me.

    Another guy was a smacker, he'd make these loud popping noises that hurt my ears.
     
Know someone interested in this topic? Share this thread via Reddit, Google+, Twitter, or Facebook

Have something to add?



Similar Discussions: Open Relationships
  1. Ending relationships (Replies: 95)

  2. Grrr Relationships (Replies: 114)

  3. Open a business (Replies: 1)

Loading...