There seems to be a disconnect between the idea that QM solves the riddle and exactly what that solution is. Or at least I can't seem to find anyone fessing up to it.
There is no riddle. Just the way things are and then the question as to whether or not we can describe what is happening. I'll do my best, but don't expect that it will necessarily make perfect sense. Imagine trying to describe gravity to somebody that had never been on a planet.
NOTE: a particle being in a particular place and measuring the particle in that particular place are the same thing.
The first step is to make things as simple as possible. Let it take place in a large room that is two dimensional, not just thin, we are only considering two dimensions because visualizing more than that will be tough, but mathematically it will work fine. There is a divider in the room and a light that is so dim that only one photon at a time is emitted on one side pointed at the center of the divider. On the other side of the divider there a photo-detector.
The center of the divider has slit A and slit B. As you know, when either slit is the only slit open, there is a Gaussian distribution. What does that exactly mean? It means that after a long time, the number of photons measured is greatest right in front of the slit and tapers of as a bell curve. If both are open, there is an interference pattern. This is the same as the interference pattern that you would see if you had water waves.
Now we can imagine looking down and "seeing" the probability wave move across the room. As soon as the photon is released it would spread out similar to the way that you would expect any other wave to spread out and it would interfere just like water waves. But this wave is in fact only the probability that the photon would be measured at any particular point.
So if we could see this wavefunction spread out, it would indeed tell us the probability that the particle is at any given point in the room. But we can't actually see the whole wave. It really is a probability of measuring something. All you can do pick some points and measure them over and over and eventually find that the result is what you would find from a wave. The most obvious measurement is on the opposite wall using the photo-detectors.
You may still be annoyed that I haven't exactly answered you first two questions, but, I think they are misguided. The particle does not have a well defined path when the interference pattern is observed! If it has a well defined path, the interference pattern is not observed. That is a fairly shocking idea, but it is true.
if you want a more eloquent explanation of this experiment, check a library for the Feynman lectures. Any college library will have them and I bet a number of public libraries do too.