Are you still treated like a child by your parents at 21?

[spaghetti3451]

How would you feel if you're 21 and your parents still treat you like you're their 5 year old baby?

 

[jedishrfu]

I guess I'd feel loved.

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

I could do without the cheek pinches

 

[jedishrfu]

For some parents, you're grownup when you're 18 or 21 so they can kick you out into world and recover their lost youth.

For other parents, you're grownup when you get married.

And for those very few special parents, you're always their baby no matter what pinches ear pulls and all.

 

[john101]

I think that when my kids are able to feel free of any real or imagined restraint from me treating them as my kids I will recognise that and be able to more easily treat them as my grown up kids. My 22 yo is kinda getting there and my 18 yo is trying. Hasn't quite figured out she doesn't need to distance herself to do that.

 

[Vanadium 50]

It would depend on if I were living on my own or not.

 

[jim hardy]

How would you feel if you're 21 and your parents still treat you like you're their 5 year old baby?

Mine had a lot of wisdom, in hindsight .
Mom always said "The Terrible Two's last to around 35."

Print this thread and stash it someplace you might stumble across it in twenty years .

 

[Logical Dog]

I would love it!

 

[Mondayman]

Considering how much of a brat I was and the poor choices i made as a teenager, I would just be thankful that they still love me.

 

[Choppy]

Hmmm...

• I would get to have naps in the middle of the afternoon
• I could watch cartoons on Saturday mornings
• Mom would make me breakfast, lunch, and supper
• I wouldn't have to clean the house - except for maybe for keeping my room tidy
• I wouldn't have to follow a schedule
• Zero stress

What's not to love?

 

[BL4CKB0X97]

How would you feel if you're 21 and your parents still treat you like you're their 5 year old baby?

Not fair. I'm 19 and need permission for everything. I spend every day waiting to be told what I'm allowed to do.Including doing maths and physics. I am forbidden about talking about star wars.

Hmmm...

• I would get to have naps in the middle of the afternoon
• I could watch cartoons on Saturday mornings
• Mom would make me breakfast, lunch, and supper
• I wouldn't have to clean the house - except for maybe for keeping my room tidy
• I wouldn't have to follow a schedule
• Zero stress

What's not to love?

 

[spaghetti3451]

Well, treating me like I'm still a little child makes me lose my manhood. I begin to think I'm inadequate to live independently. I can live independently, though.

 

[Choppy]

Well, treating me like I'm still a little child makes me lose my manhood. I begin to think I'm inadequate to live independently. I can live independently, though.

Okay, I know my initial response was a little tongue-in-cheek, but this really begs the question. If you're having troubles with your parents respecting your independence, and can live independently - why aren't you doing it?

 

[Choppy]

I'm 19 and need permission for everything. I spend every day waiting to be told what I'm allowed to do.Including doing maths and physics. I am forbidden about talking about star wars.

That sounds horrible. Why do you suppose that is?

 

[Drakkith]

Well, treating me like I'm still a little child makes me lose my manhood. I begin to think I'm inadequate to live independently. I can live independently, though.

What exactly do they do to you that makes you feel inadequate?

Not fair. I'm 19 and need permission for everything. I spend every day waiting to be told what I'm allowed to do.Including doing maths and physics. I am forbidden about talking about star wars.

That's sounds pretty unfortunate. Do your parents have something against star wars?

 

[russ_watters]

Well, treating me like I'm still a little child makes me lose my manhood. I begin to think I'm inadequate to live independently.

Yeah, I also didn't like the way I felt when I was an adult, living with my parents. Fortunately, there was an easy solution.

 

[gmax137]

Well, treating me like I'm still a little child makes me lose my manhood...

Manhood is not given or taken by others. It is something you give to yourself.

 

[Mark44]

Well, treating me like I'm still a little child makes me lose my manhood. I begin to think I'm inadequate to live independently. I can live independently, though.

If you're still living under your parents' roof, which seems to be the case, they're the ones who make the rules, whether or not you're 21. There's a big difference between "can live independently" and "are living independently."

 

[BL4CKB0X97]

What exactly do they do to you that makes you feel inadequate?
That's sounds pretty unfortunate. Do your parents have something against star wars?

Too geeky.

 

[BL4CKB0X97]

That sounds horrible. Why do you suppose that is?

Overprotective. The best parents you have though, they seem to be relaxing now. After I said when I finish my chemo I'm moving out mum's coming up with reasons I shouldn't. Including stuff like we'll get a dog! And occasionally "do what you want" which has happen only a few times in recorded history.

 

[BL4CKB0X97]

Well, treating me like I'm still a little child makes me lose my manhood. I begin to think I'm inadequate to live independently. I can live independently, though.

Prove yourself then. The only way forward.

 

[StatGuy2000]

To the OP,

Any parent who genuinely loves and cares about their children will always think of them as their child, no matter how old they become. I'm 41 years old and my parents (particularly my mother) still worry about me. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

If you become a parent yourself one day, I suspect you'll understand.

 

[HAYAO]

To the OP,

Any parent who genuinely loves and cares about their children will always think of them as their child, no matter how old they become. I'm 41 years old and my parents (particularly my mother) still worry about me. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

If you become a parent yourself one day, I suspect you'll understand.

This. I'm only 25 but I've learned this by watching my grandma and how she treats my mother.

I'm nowhere close to getting married or getting a good job yet (I'm still a Ph.D. candidate), but I do feel that I am getting quite close to being an "adult." Nonetheless, I don't feel like my mother would ever stop treating me like her child anytime soon.The definition of "being an adult" is difficult. You'll find tons of older people who are obviously immature. I don't expect a person to be mature if they have been spoiled in their youth. Meanwhile, I would dare say that even some 15 years old can be quite mentally "adult." I am sometimes amazed by how some people can be so young and yet be such an adult. A few centuries ago, 15 years old was legitimately an adult, and they were treated as one. In the end, it is not about age. It's really about what they've been through in life.

 

[MarneMath]

No matter how old my daughter gets, I will always view her as this little creature who had trouble getting out of a large pile of leaves I raked. While I'm sure it'll annoying her to no end when she gets older, I'm sure she'll prefer that than what my parents did. When I was merely a boy(10ish), my parents sent my brother and I to cross the Rio Grande (illegally) and find my aunt in Texas. My brother got scared half way through and returned back to Guatemala. So if the choice is between being treated like a kid or being a kid and treated like an adult...

 

[dipole]

Personally I find it somewhat pathetic that someone who is 21 is still complaining about their parents. If they bother you so much, move out and reduce contact with them. Simple.

 

[dkotschessaa]

I'm 40 and have already lost both of my parents. Treasure them.

 

[Mark44]

Personally I find it somewhat pathetic that someone who is 21 is still complaining about their parents. If they bother you so much, move out and reduce contact with them. Simple.

+1

 

[micromass]

Personally I find it somewhat pathetic that someone who is 21 is still complaining about their parents. If they bother you so much, move out and reduce contact with them. Simple.

Not everybody lives in America.

 

[QuantumQuest]

How would you feel if you're 21 and your parents still treat you like you're their 5 year old baby?

How would you feel if you were 21 having no parents? Would it be better? I can tell you if you want to - even now at my 50 and having my own family. Parents are always parents. Pay respect to them. In the end, if you want to be independent then so be it. But don't forget your parents.

 

[dkotschessaa]

How would you feel if you were 21 having no parents? Would it be better? I can tell you if you want to - even now at my 50 and having my own family. Parents are always parents. Pay respect to them. In the end, if you want to be independent then so be it. But don't forget your parents.

Having no parents sucks. My wife lost both of hers as well. No baby advice, no taking the kid to see grandma, and no backup plan if we screw up and need money or a place to stay! People really don't know how good they have it.

-Dave K

 

[russ_watters]

Not everybody lives in America.

What part of that is an American thing?

 

[Student100]

What part of that is an American thing?

Different cultures practice different things/some areas of the world are expensive.

In Japan, it was common for women, atleast the ones i knew, to live with their parents until marriage - due to housing costs/culture i suppose.

I don't really know, but assume this was MM's point.

 

[russ_watters]

Different cultures practice different things...

I'm aware, but I didn't see a specific part of the post that triggered a recognition of such a difference. Hopefully @micromass wasn't saying that people outside of the US take longer to grow-up than Americans!

...some areas of the world are expensive.

As are some areas of the US, but the OP's concerns didn't appear to me to be about the issue of expenses.

I would hope that in any country a 21 year old would be old/mature enough to understand the score regarding their choices and relationship with their parents - whatever they may be - but I recognize that many are not.

 

[HAYAO]

I'm aware, but I didn't see a specific part of the post that triggered a recognition of such a difference. Hopefully @micromass wasn't saying that people outside of the US take longer to grow-up than Americans!

As are some areas of the US, but the OP's concerns didn't appear to me to be about the issue of expenses.

I would hope that in any country a 21 year old would be old/mature enough to understand the score regarding their choices and relationship with their parents - whatever they may be - but I recognize that many are not.

Actually, in places like Japan, students have little to no hope of financially supporting themselves if they are a student. There are hardly any scholarships in Japan so one must almost always have to depend on their parents for financial support. I believe this is part of the reason why Japanese are generally much less capable for their age in terms of responsibility and maturity. Because they are not obliged to work on their own and support themselves, they feel less responsible for the consequences and overreliant on other people. Even Ph.D candidates don't get paid whatsoever unless you apply for some program, which only very small number of people get accepted.

Japanese parents generally interfere quite a lot with their children's affair, no matter how old they are. Culturally, Japanese tend to prioritize group/society more than the individual and prioritize older people than younger people. So Japanese parents believe they have the right to order, in any way they want, their children to fit their own desires for their children. So if you have parents that have a different view than you do, then you are going to have a lot of problems in your life.
I believe this is also the reason why Japanese are generally much less capable for their age because basically they are forced to do what their parents and society say, and cannot think for their own.

It is quite strange to me that Japanese people will call someone "mature" if they learn to do exactly the same thing as other people do, and prioritize other people over themselves. Personally, I think that is stupid because they are basically throwing away their ability to think for themselves and succumb to their parents and society, regardless of whether they may be right or wrong.

 

[StatGuy2000]

Actually, in places like Japan, students have little to no hope of financially supporting themselves if they are a student. There are hardly any scholarships in Japan so one must almost always have to depend on their parents for financial support. I believe this is part of the reason why Japanese are generally much less capable for their age in terms of responsibility and maturity. Because they are not obliged to work on their own and support themselves, they feel less responsible for the consequences and overreliant on other people. Even Ph.D candidates don't get paid whatsoever unless you apply for some program, which only very small number of people get accepted.

Japanese parents generally interfere quite a lot with their children's affair, no matter how old they are. Culturally, Japanese tend to prioritize group/society more than the individual and prioritize older people than younger people. So Japanese parents believe they have the right to order, in any way they want, their children to fit their own desires for their children. So if you have parents that have a different view than you do, then you are going to have a lot of problems in your life.
I believe this is also the reason why Japanese are generally much less capable for their age because basically they are forced to do what their parents and society say, and cannot think for their own.

It is quite strange to me that Japanese people will call someone "mature" if they learn to do exactly the same thing as other people do, and prioritize other people over themselves. Personally, I think that is stupid because they are basically throwing away their ability to think for themselves and succumb to their parents and society, regardless of whether they may be right or wrong.

For your information, Japanese students have access to financial aid in the form of grants or low-interest loans to help cover the costs of university -- my cousins had access to these when they attended university years ago. So it's not as if Japanese students have no hope whatsoever to support themselves if they are a student.

[As an aside, I believe I have this disclosed this already, but I am half-American, half-Japanese, and am a dual Canadian/American citizen.]

 

[HAYAO]

For your information, Japanese students have access to financial aid in the form of grants or low-interest loans to help cover the costs of university -- my cousins had access to these when they attended university years ago. So it's not as if Japanese students have no hope whatsoever to support themselves if they are a student.

[As an aside, I believe I have this disclosed this already, but I am half-American, half-Japanese, and am a dual Canadian/American citizen.]

Well, I'm Japanese and I know the situation well.

If you are extremely poor, then most of the time, tuition fees are exempted to some degrees, depending on the level of poverty. And yes, Japan also do have low-interest loans. Grants? Not so much. It is usually specialized or has some sort of restriction for applying, or there may be a restriction that applies after you finished getting your degree.

The problem is, all these grants are for people who are in middle class to extreme poverty. It doesn't really matter how smart you are, if you don't meet the criteria, then you can't get them. One of the complicated situation is where your parents, despite being wealthy, won't let you go to college. If you are smart and can get some sort of scholarships, then you don't need your parents to go to college. In Japan, it doesn't work that way. If your parents are rich, and they won't pay, then there's really no other way get enough money to go to college other than working at the same time, or getting a job then go to college.

Loans are actually quite complicated. If you are underaged, you need your parents' consent. If you parents refuse, then you'll have to use the surety company. That comes with more complications. Some loans ask you to be financially independent, which requires some paperwork that includes your parents having to have to do something. If they refuse, then you can't do anything about it.I've actually lived a year working while going to college to pay full of my fees. Boy, that was tough. My parents and I had some arguments over a lot of things, and they basically disowned me (there is no legal way to disown, so it remains informal). Scholarships and low-interest loan didn't work because I needed information on my parents' income, which my parents refused to give me. My parents were fairly rich too, so I really had no hope of having some sort of exemption or getting scholarships. Eventually, my siblings mediated and now my parents and I are on good terms. They also paid for my master's course (in Japan, Ph.D course and Masters course is separate). But I lived off wasted food of convenience store that I worked in during my undergrad course. I wonder what would've happened if I didn't live in the dorms (much cheaper). I'm in Ph.D course right now and I am one of those few that gets paid by the government, so I don't need to worry about my parents anymore. I did work my ass off to get that, though.

I did tons of research on this. Trust me. It's not as simple as it may seem if you look at the details.

 

[StatGuy2000]

Well, I'm Japanese and I know the situation well.

If you are extremely poor, then most of the time, tuition fees are exempted to some degrees, depending on the level of poverty. And yes, Japan also do have low-interest loans. Grants? Not so much. It is usually specialized or has some sort of restriction for applying, or there may be a restriction that applies after you finished getting your degree.

The problem is, all these grants are for people who are in middle class to extreme poverty. It doesn't really matter how smart you are, if you don't meet the criteria, then you can't get them. One of the complicated situation is where your parents, despite being wealthy, won't let you go to college. If you are smart and can get some sort of scholarships, then you don't need your parents to go to college. In Japan, it doesn't work that way. If your parents are rich, and they won't pay, then there's really no other way get enough money to go to college other than working at the same time, or getting a job then go to college.

Loans are actually quite complicated. If you are underaged, you need your parents' consent. If you parents refuse, then you'll have to use the surety company. That comes with more complications. Some loans ask you to be financially independent, which requires some paperwork that includes your parents having to have to do something. If they refuse, then you can't do anything about it.I've actually lived a year working while going to college to pay full of my fees. Boy, that was tough. My parents and I had some arguments over a lot of things, and they basically disowned me (there is no legal way to disown, so it remains informal). Scholarships and low-interest loan didn't work because I needed information on my parents' income, which my parents refused to give me. My parents were fairly rich too, so I really had no hope of having some sort of exemption or getting scholarships. Eventually, my siblings mediated and now my parents and I are on good terms. They also paid for my master's course (in Japan, Ph.D course and Masters course is separate). But I lived off wasted food of convenience store that I worked in during my undergrad course. I wonder what would've happened if I didn't live in the dorms (much cheaper). I'm in Ph.D course right now and I am one of those few that gets paid by the government, so I don't need to worry about my parents anymore. I did work my ass off to get that, though.

I did tons of research on this. Trust me. It's not as simple as it may seem if you look at the details.

Ah, I see your situation. My cousins fell into the "middle class" category -- my aunt was divorced, and there was no way that she alone could be able to afford to send my cousins to university, even had my cousins passed the entrance examinations required to enter, hence the low-interest loans. So I suppose my cousins would have qualified for the conditions you speak of.

I find it rather surprising though that there are people in Japan who, despite being wealthy, won't let their children go to university. Japanese culture has traditionally placed a great deal of importance on education, and parents often look on their children's academic performance as a reflection of their own success in society. It is (or was) quite common for parents to put pressure on their children to succeed in school and pass the examinations which will allow them to go to university (hence the phenomenon of shiken jigoku, or "examination hell").

 

[Vanadium 50]

Normally, I tend to take these posts at face value. But the OP is a long-time member who has recently changed his user name. As I said here, there is a history of treating people who help poorly. So I am not surprised if he is receiving, shall we say additional parental attention. Irrespective of his country of origin and residence.