Just a silly story I wrote tonight for a friend of mine. His nickname is 'Lumberjanko' and he makes the most awesome batch of beans, hence forth known as 'Jankobeans'. This is his story. May god have mercy on your souls for reading this. The Saga of the Lumberjanko, Episode 1. The Lumberjanko sighed. Sweat beaded his brow, brought forth by the heat radiating from the molten metal nearby and the work required to hammer shape and function into his greatest creation. But it was being difficult. It railed against his will, aching for freedom from its superheated prison. He’d traveled the cosmos looking for the perfect ingredients for this magnificent beast of a batch. Of all of them, the most difficult had been the AllSpark. Through it he would give life to his creation and ensure future generations would forever enjoy its taste long after he had left this section of the galaxy to spread his spawn upon new worlds. The ring of metal on metal still filled his ears every time he remembered the glorious battle in the depths of Cybertron. His axe had felled many machines, cleaving their metallic bodies and severing limbs as he battled his way to the heart of the machine planet. There he had faced down Megatron and Optimus Prime themselves. For days they had fought, lasers pinging off of his thick beard like bullets off a tank. His axe, made from one-of-a-kind-ium, was a tornado of death. Again and again the two iron men attacked and again and again they found naught a single way through his flurry of blows. He had taken Megatron down first. Parrying a strike from the Prime, he suddenly pulled the autobot towards him and used him as a launching pad to reach the Master of the Decepticons, who rained death from above. His axe left a vacuum in the air itself as it passed through and struck. One blow. It had only taken one blow to bring the great Megatron to his knees. He looked up into the eyes of the lord of death itself, and then he begged for mercy. But the Lumberjanko had no mercy in him that day. He had already spared too many and the one kneeling before him had performed too many atrocities to be forgiven. With a yell that echoed from Cybertron to Illinois, he thrust his bare hand into Megatron’s chest and ripped out his sparking heart. Which was three sizes too small due to a mix up in supply. Turning, he heaved the blackened organ through the air where it struck Optimus in the cheek. The Lumberjanko charged, turning aside Prime’s weapons and ripping the heart from the autobot’s face. Taking a moment to compose himself, the Lumberjanko then punched Megatron’s heart through Optimus Prime’s heart with such force that the two underwent nuclear fusion and annihilated everything within five miles, leaving only the Lumberjanko standing, the AllSpark in hand. And so ends Episode 1, The Spark Inside.