Well first of call, I wouldn't use the term "Hilbert space" when you only mean to refer to finite-dimensional vector spaces.
Anyway, I think you're still mixing some concepts.
If you have a basis ##v_1,\ldots,v_n## for ##V##, then you have a corresponding dual basis ##\varphi^1,\ldots,\varphi^n## for ##V^*,## defined by the rule ##\varphi^i(v_j)=\delta^i_j,## and by linearity you get an isomorphism ##V\to V^*, v\mapsto \varphi_v.## You do not need an inner product to start with to define this. If you already have an inner product ##\langle\cdot,\cdot\rangle## on ##V##, there is no guarantee that ##\langle u,v\rangle=\varphi_u(v).## The RHS is an inner product, but might have no relation to the inner product you start with (indeed, it is the inner product you get from demanding that your basis ##v_1,\ldots,v_n## is orthonormal).
On the other hand if you do start with a finite-dimensional inner product space ##(V,\langle\cdot,\cdot\rangle)##, then we can define an isomorphism ##V\to V^*, v\mapsto \varphi_v## by the rule ##\varphi_v(u)=\langle u,v\rangle.## This map is more natural than the map in the previous paragraph (also called ##\varphi##) since it doesn't depend on a choice of basis. And then you equation you want is true by definition.
mathwonk said:
maybe i just want bilinear and non singular ("positive definite"). but then why would it be symmetric when V=W? maybe it won't have to be. but the point is supposed to be that an inner product is a special case of a bilinear pairing, and defines an isomorphism with the dual space. but where does symmetry come in?
Forgive me if I'm only saying things that you already know.
Positive-definiteness of a (symmetric is usually assumed) bilinear form usually means that ##(x,x)\geq 0## with equality only for ##x=0##, which is stronger than non-degeneracy. You're also right that symmetry doesn't follow from bilinearity and non-degeneracy. Thinking concretely, the form ##(x,y):=x\cdot Ay## on ##\mathbb{R}^n## is non-degenerate when ##A## is nonsingular, (anti-) symmetric when ##A## is, and positive-definite when ##A## is symmetric with positive eigenvalues.