So do you risk talking to her about fat?

[turbo]

The issue is with both actually. Health is more salient than other considerations, but yeah, being fat is uncool. You do look like ugly, old and spent if you are fat, truth be told.

The critical point here is "what is the best approach?" If you focus on the negatives, you will give the young girl self-image problems and accentuate the social insecurity that she will inevitably experience as she enters puberty. That's not healthy, and it could result in anorexia, bulemia, and other self-destructive behavior.

What you perceive as "honesty" in such a situation is a form of abuse, IMO.

 

[jackmell]

jackmell, do you have any kids yet, or are you just speaking hypothetically?

I have a grown daughter and son and I am speaking hypothetically as to what a parent could do to raise a healthy daughter.

But it looks like I'm startin' to get my butt kicked with this so well, I know some of you might think this is a cop-out but as I see it, I was successful in engaging a discussion about something that is important to me and other parents: daughters, so wish to claim a lil' bit of win. She needs you to be a healthy part of her life dad. Be there for her as best as you can. :)

 

[DanP]

The critical point here is "what is the best approach?" If you focus on the negatives, you will give the young girl self-image problems and accentuate the social insecurity that she will inevitably experience as she enters puberty. That's not healthy, and it could result in anorexia, bulemia, and other self-destructive behavior.




What you perceive as "honesty" in such a situation is a form of abuse, IMO.

Im not proposing to tell the kid that, but ppl on the forum should be able to get a simple truth. Obesity is a curse. It is not only health issues, there is a plethora of other issues steaming from it, psychological, social, etc.

Claiming is health only issue is burying your head in the sand IMO.

 

[DaveC426913]

Im not proposing to tell the kid that, but ppl on the forum should be able to get a simple truth. Obesity is a curse. It is not only health issues, there is a plethora of other issues steaming from it, psychological, social, etc.

Claiming is health only issue is burying your head in the sand IMO.

No one claimed it is only a health issue.

What we are claiming is that it is first and most importantly a health issue. And certainly when it comes to weighing the risks of a parent's criticism.

Negative criticism from a parent can do far far more damage in the long-term of a person's life than merely being overweight.

 

[DanP]

Negative criticism from a parent can do far far more damage in the long-term of a person's life than merely being overweight.

It can indeed.

 

[FrancisZ]

I would say, that if you want someone else to lose weight, you have to lose weight yourself first (even a minor amount).

I had a friend that used to run every day. She lived next door to our mutual job--a school--so she used to run every day, after work, on her free time in the school yard. It's funny how a thing like that could become contagious.

I really don't like running much; I don't like the impact, or bodily jiggling we are all subject to. But because my friend was doing it, somehow it wasn't so bad to join in. I had somebody to talk to, so I didn't even notice after a while, the unpleasantries of running.

 

[Klockan3]

Negative criticism from a parent can do far far more damage in the long-term of a person's life than merely being overweight.

But it can also do a whole lot of good as well, it depends so much on the context, if your kid is currently going through a tough time then don't, else they can take it just fine and it is good for them to learn that even people who loves them can be brash. Being overweight never helped anyone though.

If you focus on the negatives, you will give the young girl self-image problems and accentuate the social insecurity that she will inevitably experience as she enters puberty.

I think that most of this thread comes from the stigma about females appearances. Somehow you aren't allowed to tell them that they are fat... Why not? What is the difference between telling her that she is fat and telling her that her grades won't get her where she wants? And if you won't tell her then someone else inevitably will and I am sure that the parents are better at handling it well than her classmates.

I'd say that the best way would be to be honest with her when she is just starting to get overweight, not after.

 

[DanP]

I would say, that if you want someone else to lose weight, you have to lose weight yourself first (even a minor amount).

Why in the name of god should I do that ?

 

[airborne18]

The best way to deal with this is with prevention. Address wieght issues before they become a teenager.

My daughter used to eat endlessly, and never gained weight. One day I warned that she will some day have to watch her diet. ( she was probably 9 or 10 ). And I kept it light hearted and she would just laugh and say.. well until then...

Finally she got to the age where she realized that I was right. And I told her, if you work out 45 mins a day, really work out, then you can eat whatever you want.

Well she still has some so-so eating habits, but she is also a fitness freak.

So my advice is plan this in advance and make it a lifestyle. Also don't let kids sit idle. They have so much energy when they are young, and make sure they use it.

 

[Jack21222]

Being overweight never helped anyone though.

Chris Farley's career.

 

[DaveC426913]

But it can also do a whole lot of good as well, it depends so much on the context, if your kid is currently going through a tough time then don't, else they can take it just fine and it is good for them to learn that even people who loves them can be brash.

No, but criticism can do good despite being negative.

There is no form of negative criticism that will do as much good as that which is delivered positively and constructively.

 

[lisab]

Chris Farley's career.

I am 35 years old.. I am divorced.. and I live in a van down by the river!

Career? Yes.

Lifespan? Not so much.

 

[DaveC426913]

Career? Yes.

Lifespan? Not so much.

zing!

 

[FrancisZ]

Why in the name of god should I do that ?

Lead by example. Unless you're really muscular and thin to begin with, you could probably work on yourself (just as we all could). Plus, working out together could end up being a fun activity.

Honestly, I'm naturally inclined also, not to enjoy exercising much. But I have finally gotten dissatisfied with myself enough, in recent years, to start whipping my own gluteus maximus into shape. Just the idea of someone else yelling at me (like a drill sergeant) has always given me grief; so I started working out, initially, just to be up snuff.

I don't do weights; I don't even go to the gym. I just do my own conglomerate routine, fairly regularly (at least once every two days).


(1) I ride my bicycle around my neighborhood (roughly 2 miles) for leg strength.

(2) I do push-ups in my bedroom for upper body strength.

and...

(3) I follow abdominal muscle workout videos on Youtube, just to keep my waist size in check (I'm certainly not "ripped," but this does help burn fat noticeably). Here's a good intro even I could do at first...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tDZRogSbbU


Right now, I'm up to 41 push-ups per day (I'd heard at one time that military boot camp does a minimum of 48 for guys).

 

[DanP]

There is no form of negative criticism that will do as much good as that which is delivered positively and constructively.

How would you know ?

 

[Klockan3]

There is no form of negative criticism that will do as much good as that which is delivered positively and constructively.

It depends on how you look at it, a kid which have never faced being hurt by the truth will be a lot more vulnerable in life later on and can easily turn into an ignorant prick. As long as you don't do it all that often and when you do you do it in a way which shows them that negative criticism is not something to fear.

You are absolutely correct though in that if you have a situation with another person then the best way to solve it is not to go straight on the problem but to talk the other persons language and try to get your will that way. However with kids I'd say that you are not there just to make the kid do X Y and Z but also to make the kid grow up into a great person that can handle all kinds of people and tough situations.

And you know, things like telling your kid to not destroy your backyard is negative criticism too. It hurts the kid to hear that but would you say that you would handle situations like that through other means? Do you realize how obnoxious such a kid would become?

 

[DanP]

Lead by example. Unless you're really muscular and thin to begin with, you could probably work on yourself (just as we all could).

It simply doesn't work that way. If you are OK you could technically afford to tell anyone "you are fat", "buy a mirror" or "you are a walking heart attack" without loosing a gram of weight.

Besides, "really muscular and thin" at the same time is a contradiction. Models are thin. Maybe you mean muscular and low body fat ?

Btw, riding a bike won't do anything for your leg strength. If you want strength, learn to squat.
And I am somehow sure that a military bootcamp does a bit more than 48 pushups in a day. Maybe you mean 48 in a single set ?

 

[Jack21222]

Career? Yes.

Lifespan? Not so much.

He didn't die due to his weight. He died because of a days-long heroin, cocaine, alcohol and stripper binge.

 

[DaveC426913]

He didn't die due to his weight. He died because of a days-long heroin, cocaine, alcohol and stripper binge.

He died of a heart attack. True, the heart atack was caused by cocaine and morphine, however,
'...Advanced atherosclerosis was cited as a "significant contributing factor"'
- wiki

 

[leroyjenkens]

Btw, riding a bike won't do anything for your leg strength. If you want strength, learn to squat.

Just because there are better exercises for building leg strength than riding a bike, doesn't mean riding a bike doesn't build leg strength at all.
That's like saying running 5 miles does nothing to build up cardio, because running 25 miles does it better.

 

[DanP]

Just because there are better exercises for building leg strength than riding a bike, doesn't mean riding a bike doesn't build leg strength at all.
That's like saying running 5 miles does nothing to build up cardio, because running 25 miles does it better.

Yeah, it builds microscopical amounts of strength.

And your example is flawed to the bone because you compare endurance Vs endurance in your example, and I pointed out endurance Vs max-strength. Whatever.

 

[leroyjenkens]

Yeah, it builds microscopical amounts of strength.

And your example is flawed to the bone because you compare endurance Vs endurance in your example, and I pointed out endurance Vs max-strength. Whatever.

So Lance Armstrong's leg strength will be microscopically greater than the average person's?

 

[DanP]

So Lance Armstrong's leg strength will be microscopically greater than the average person's?

How do I know what exactly training regimen he has ? Do you ?

 

[Jasongreat]

Yeah, it builds microscopical amounts of strength.

And your example is flawed to the bone because you compare endurance Vs endurance in your example, and I pointed out endurance Vs max-strength. Whatever.

While it is true that a bike gives the rider a mechanical advantage through the gearing, one could go the other way with the gearing and get one hell of a muscle(strength) building workout, imo. Put a bike in high gear and find a 10% grade to ride up and then tell me a bike builds no strength.

That being said, riding a bike around the neighborhood will most likely not build signifigant amount of muscle or endurance, but it would burn a few more calories than sitting on the couch.

Also, to be fair, you never said anything about max strength in your previous statement, you said a bike will build no strength, so your example is also flawed, imo.

To the OP:
What is the risk of telling the truth? I don't mean you say boy are you fat, but telling the truth about the downside associated with obesity, then providing an example by living the way you want her to, would guide her to where you want her to be without worrying about hurting her self esteem.

 

[DanP]

While it is true that a bike gives the rider a mechanical advantage through the gearing, one could go the other way with the gearing and get one hell of a muscle(strength) building workout, imo. Put a bike in high gear and find a 10% grade to ride up and then tell me a bike builds no strength.

Like I said, microscopical amounts.

 

[Jasongreat]

Like I said, microscopical amounts.

Like I said, same amounts as squats, if you want.

It wouldn't be too hard to find a hill, set the bikes gearing and find that you need to exert 500lbs force to turn the pedals, which would be the same as squating 1000 lbs, wouldn't it? Would squatting 1000lbs build signifigant amounts of muscle?

We must have different ideas about what microscopically amounts are, even a half pound of muscle isn't microscopic,imo. Since muscle burns more calories than fat, even a small amount of added muscle will have profound effects on daily calories burnt, even while watching tv.

 

[Proton Soup]

Look, I am not buying this. If she is too fat for him, how can he still date her ? Your fat enough not to be my wife, but I am still doing it with you ?

Im more inclined to think he has other reasons not to get married.

well, this is an easy one. if you marry a skinny girl, she gets fat. but if you marry a fat girl, she'll get morbidly obese.

 

[DanP]

Like I said, same amounts as squats, if you want.

It wouldn't be too hard to find a hill, set the bikes gearing and find that you need to exert 500lbs force to turn the pedals, which would be the same as squating 1000 lbs, wouldn't it? Would squatting 1000lbs build signifigant amounts of muscle?

We must have different ideas about what microscopically amounts are, even a half pound of muscle isn't microscopic,imo. Since muscle burns more calories than fat, even a small amount of added muscle will have profound effects on daily calories burnt, even while watching tv.

Give me a break. Go spend the next years under a squat bar and then tell me those stories to send kids to bed.

 

[Proton Soup]

Give me a break. Go spend the next years under a squat bar and then tell me those stories to send kids to bed.

i don't know what you guys are going on about, but cyclists and powerlifters are completely different animals. powerlifters have a lot more muscle mass, strength, and fat, and burn fewer calories than pro cyclists. pro cyclists have a lot more endurance, less muscle, less strength, less fat, and burn a ton of calories.

 

[DaveC426913]

What is the risk of telling the truth?

There is no "truth" here.

There is opinion. Possibly educated, possibly not, but inevitably baised.