tim_lou said:
when in the presence of others. I often find me talking to myself, "what should I say? does he/she really notice me?". Then I start asking myself, "do I really care if someone knows my existence?". Then I think again, "what's all this non-sense, why am I thinking about this..."
By changing your questions just a little bit, you get more relevant questions.
For example:
Does it matter what I say?
Generally no, and the thinking is done.
Does it matter if they notice me?
Also no, and the thinking is done. No one needs to notice you. There is no obligation on this planet to notice anyone.
Does is matter is someone knows about my existence?
I would say no again. No one needs to know you exist. Again, there is no obligation on this planet to be aware of someone else's existence.
Does is matter that I'm thinking about this non-sense?
Also no. So, since it doesn't matter, don't think about it.
There you go, I've been through each question.
The reality is to ask yourself the appropriate questions and before you know it, you stop thinking about the non-sense.
Nothing matters honestly. I think the biggest problem for most people when it comes to socializing is having expectations. In fact, I can directly link this idea to your questions.
Look, for example you asked the following questions:
"what should I say? does he/she really notice me?".
The first question, you're expecting that you should say someone catchy or something "worthy" enough to keep the socializing going because YOU'RE expecting a good conversation. Don't expect things like that. When you meet someone new, don't expect that this can be a good relationship. Don't expect that you can become closer. Don't expect to hang out more. When you meet a girl for example, don't expect that she will like you. Don't expect that she will enjoy the conversation with you. Don't expect that things can get further than just being friends.
The only thing you should expect in a conversation is that you enjoy it. That's it. If you don't enjoy it, why bother continuing the conversation. The second the conversation gets boring for me, I end it. The other person might enjoy it, but that's fine and I still end because this means we aren't really compatible in that area. A lot of times, you will find something new to talk about which is more enjoyable. If the new topic is not enjoyable, again end it. Also, don't spend too much time going through topics that you might enjoy talking about with the other person. That gets boring and annoying.
Note: Of course, I'm considering pleasant social conversations here. Therefore, I'm not including a friend breaking up with a partner because that's not enjoyable, but it does not mean you end the conversation like I said. You should support them. But for pleasant social conversations, if you don't enjoy it, end it. How? Don't look act so darn interested.
When talking to girls or guys, or whomever, the only thing you should expect is to have a good time. That's it! That simple. It's what I do now, and it works great. My female talking social skills are much better.
The second question you're EXPECTING people to notice you. Well, don't expect that. Like I said earlier, no one needs to notice you, so don't expect it.
"do I really care if someone knows my existence?".
Again, EXPECTING someone should know about your existence. Don't expect that either.
Stop expecting stuff period.
The problem is that people expect things for nothing. And once we don't get what we expected, we get this trigger in our brain that we failed. That negative feedback is NOT good at all. The more this happens, the worse it gets and the harder it is to overcome it.
When I meet a girl, I don't expect that the girl will like me or what not. I simply expect to have a good time. That's it. Too many guys meet new cute girls, and are already day dreaming about how a nice relationship with that girl would be. Well, don't do that! When you do that, you spend less attention on the conversation at hand as well as less time enjoying the present time. Then, because of that, it has a negative impact on the girl and will most likely end the conversation, just like I would.
Note: I have a girlfriend, and my thoughts when meeting a girl are still the same. There is nothing wrong with that because I'm only expecting a good time, which is the same expectation when I meet a guy.
Anyways, think less.
I used to be pretty heavily introverted, but I have become more extroverted. I'd say it's like 60% introverted and 40% extroverted. This is how I feel anyways. I'm aiming for a 50/50 split, and that should be good. I wouldn't be surprised if people think I'm 90-100% extroverted. This might be because I am a happy person and feel comfortable with myself. I got rid of many many insecurities, which is awesome.
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