Universities, boyfriends and lies

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Discussion Overview

The discussion revolves around personal concerns regarding a relationship, specifically whether a boyfriend is being truthful about his educational background. The inquiry is prompted by a question about the practices of universities in reaching out to former students, particularly those who may have left their studies long ago. Participants share their thoughts on trust, paranoia in relationships, and the implications of differing values.

Discussion Character

  • Debate/contested
  • Conceptual clarification
  • Meta-discussion

Main Points Raised

  • One participant seeks confirmation on whether universities send invitations to former students to complete their education after many years.
  • Some participants suggest contacting the university registrar for accurate information.
  • There are discussions about the impact of paranoia on relationships, with some advising the original poster to confront her boyfriend about her suspicions.
  • Concerns are raised about the boyfriend's aggressive behavior and past, including legal issues and extremist affiliations, which contribute to the original poster's anxiety.
  • Participants express differing views on the importance of shared values in relationships, with some arguing that significant differences may lead to incompatibility.
  • Humor is introduced in the conversation regarding dating preferences and the challenges of finding compatible partners.

Areas of Agreement / Disagreement

Participants do not reach a consensus on whether the original poster should break up with her boyfriend. While some express strong concerns about the relationship based on the boyfriend's behavior and beliefs, others focus on the importance of trust and communication.

Contextual Notes

Participants highlight various personal experiences and opinions, which may not apply universally. The discussion includes emotional and subjective elements that reflect individual perspectives on relationships and trust.

Who May Find This Useful

Individuals interested in relationship dynamics, trust issues, and the impact of differing values on personal connections may find this discussion relevant.

  • #31
I am not letting him go. We have talked and reunited in many ways. The points which we disagree on, I hardly know anything about and I cannot base my decision on ignorance. I would probably regret it. I am thinking deeply and I no longer believe he is a liar as I used to. He has convinced me. He would not be as intelligent as he is if he was lying. It is my mind that is the problem. My mental state. I am thinking of perhaps contacting a psychologist. That is MY idea.
 
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  • #32
Thallium said:
I am thinking deeply and I no longer believe he is a liar as I used to. He has convinced me.

You'll find out that people don't change a whole lot (unless influenced by rapid hormone changes). If somebody is a cheater when you meet them, they will always cheat. If they lie, they will always lie.
 
  • #33
i agree with evo
 
  • #34
ShawnD said:
You'll find out that people don't change a whole lot (unless influenced by rapid hormone changes). If somebody is a cheater when you meet them, they will always cheat. If they lie, they will always lie.

But he has never lied to me. I realized that today when we talked. I cannot think that he is manipulating me with every word he says. What would that say about ME? It was all in my head. I conceived all of this about the darn university. The way he spoke about was to me credible. Now I do not know about the "Jews-are-children-of-Satan"-theory. I will have to do some research.
 
  • #35
Thallium said:
Now I do not know about the "Jews-are-children-of-Satan"-theory. I will have to do some research.

That doesn't even need research. They're not, and neither is any race.
 
  • #36
Geez, honey, you're 18, go find someone in your age bracket (try and keep 'em under 25) that respects you and treats you well. I think your idea about seeking a psychologist is a good one. They would be a great resource for you to be able to talk about this relationship, because it sounds exploitive and manipulative.
 
  • #37
Hi Thallium,

I don't really know what to say here, except perhaps from what you have written, the man you love is able to put a spin on everything and brainwash you. He is able to do so because 1. he is much older and more experienced, intelligent and articulate than you are and 2. you are swayed (if not blinded) by your desperate love for him. I am not trying to divorce you from him, because I know nobody can, you will have to think for yourself and come to your own decision.

Seeing a psychiatrist is a good idea, so is keeping your distance from him so that you can think for yourself. Still your thought and ask yourself, if you could start your life all over again before you met him, would you date a guy like him?

All of us on the forum are nice people and can offer you both men's and women's perspectives, you are amongst friends.
 
  • #38
adrenaline said:
i agree with evo
I do, too.
 
  • #39
Thallium said:
Yes, he appears to be very aggressive. Fights, jail sentences, custody, fines,
ex-member of the Ku Klux Klan, and before he "received" that letter, I joked about not wanting to be with him if he was not well-educated and had completed his degree in engineering. Perhaps he took this seriously. I am happy with him as he is, and he seemed to understand that, but... I am still anxious. There are also other reasons for me being unsure: He and I share different opinion on Jews. He believes they are the Children of Satan(this is getting very personal), I DON'T. No people are the childran of Satan. We do not share the same views. He does not complain to me about my views, but he does not know this particular opinion of mine.

Well, I get so upset when teling about this. Please, no comments on my views relating to God and Jews, no criticism: I am asking for advice, not derision.

All of these bad signals are part of my displeasefulness with our relationship. Should I break up with him? I am closing in on that thought. I deserve something better than such a hostile and hateful man. I cannot stand it, but at the same time I love him. But I am not convinced that I have ever been in love with him.

Suddenly this turned into an enormously personal matter, but I have to air my grievance! Forgive me if I insult anyone!

This guy comes with a lot of ugly baggage. Do you really want to associate with him for the rest of your life? You said he is aggressive, and is a fighter has he ever hit you? Do you think he has this potential? Why isn't he with the mother of his child (you mentioned custody)? What was the jailtime for? Does he pay child support? Has he skipped out on this responsibility (is that what the fine was for)?

If you love each other, none of this matters. You can work through the problems. You said you love him, but does he love you?
 
  • #40
No, I do not wish to associate with such a man for the rest of my life. If I could rewind tme, I would definitely date someone different. Another thing is that I know another man who I also have feelings for. He is safe, clean and SO nice! And INTELLIGENT too! He is 25 but I am completely fine with that. I like men at that age and it is not so sad to think about... Compared to this other ex-Ku-Klux-Klan man who is 19 years older than me. Think about it, when I am 40, he is 60! Gosh, what am I thinking.

But beg your pardon, Polly! "Much more intelligent than you are"? Oh, thanks a lot! I am sure you did not mean to put it that way, though.. Well, he is intelligent and more experienced, but I do not believe in the experience-concept. If you know yourself, you have experience enough. And I know myself.

And you guys know what? This other guy that I am so fond of.. He makes me feel comfortable. The KKK-man does not. He just frightens me.

I would never believe that the Jews are the children of Satan. No one is. That hostile view of his makes me depressed because I do not have such prejudgements against others. I love Jews! They deserve far more respect than what they have received to this date. That is another discussion..

I have changed my mind. I deserve something better and I see the possibility of him manipulating me. I am not in love with him. Perhaps it was only desire though I am not the shallow type. And I do not need to go to a psychologist. I have sorted this out by myself.

And what a relief! Thank you all for your respons! It means very much to me and you made me think of certain crucial things that never crossed my mind. Thank you again! It will hurt a bit, but I will get over it. There is someone else waiting for me. Someone much better.
 
  • #41
Artman said:
This guy comes with a lot of ugly baggage. Do you really want to associate with him for the rest of your life? You said he is aggressive, and is a fighter has he ever hit you? Do you think he has this potential? Why isn't he with the mother of his child (you mentioned custody)? What was the jailtime for? Does he pay child support? Has he skipped out on this responsibility (is that what the fine was for)?

If you love each other, none of this matters. You can work through the problems. You said you love him, but does he love you?

No. He has never hit me, does not pay child support, he has no children, he was fined for having bought a care that was stolen and fined several times for fighting. I do not think he has the potential to hit me. He adores me, he says, and he would never hit a woman. Klansmen have great respect for their women so I believe in that. But as you see in my previous post, I have made ut my mind. I can fish something better from the ponds of the world! :)
 
  • #42
Thallium said:
No, I do not wish to associate with such a man for the rest of my life. If I could rewind tme, I would definitely date someone different. Another thing is that I know another man who I also have feelings for. He is safe, clean and SO nice! And INTELLIGENT too! He is 25 but I am completely fine with that. I like men at that age and it is not so sad to think about... Compared to this other ex-Ku-Klux-Klan man who is 19 years older than me. Think about it, when I am 40, he is 60! Gosh, what am I thinking.

But beg your pardon, Polly! "Much more intelligent than you are"? Oh, thanks a lot! I am sure you did not mean to put it that way, though.. Well, he is intelligent and more experienced, but I do not believe in the experience-concept. If you know yourself, you have experience enough. And I know myself.

And you guys know what? This other guy that I am so fond of.. He makes me feel comfortable. The KKK-man does not. He just frightens me.

I would never believe that the Jews are the children of Satan. No one is. That hostile view of his makes me depressed because I do not have such prejudgements against others. I love Jews! They deserve far more respect than what they have received to this date. That is another discussion..

I have changed my mind. I deserve something better and I see the possibility of him manipulating me. I am not in love with him. Perhaps it was only desire though I am not the shallow type. And I do not need to go to a psychologist. I have sorted this out by myself.

And what a relief! Thank you all for your respons! It means very much to me and you made me think of certain crucial things that never crossed my mind. Thank you again! It will hurt a bit, but I will get over it. There is someone else waiting for me. Someone much better.

Wise choice.
 
  • #43
how much is a ticket to Norway? if you are single i better get packing!
 
  • #44
Jimmy?? Wow, that is a compliment. I am single again now, yes. But... do you like me, Jimmy? :)
 
  • #45
If there were a blushing smiley then I would use about a million. I dunno. You seem cool, bout my age, and besides all girls from your part of the world are hot.
 
  • #46
Aww, this is so cute...
 
  • #47
oh PUH-LEASE!
 
  • #48
jimmy p, I think you've been watching too much Full House.
 
  • #49
like, duh! ... actually, what is full house?? we don't get it over here in Blighty
 
  • #51
That was sweet Jimmy. But if ALL girls from my part of the world are hot, then you would be looking at everyone else too...? Right? I would prefer a MAN who only glared at me.. :)
 
  • #52
:( i don't know any other girls from your part of the world... I am a man anyway.. I'm 19. why do you prefer people glaring at you?? throwback from the Viking period?? *pillaging a village near you* Oh well. Better stick to slaying British people and sacking towns locally.
 
  • #53
:smile: I can't believe I have been "e-turned down". I'm not sure if this is the most humiliating experience of my life. :rolleyes: nah, that has to be the time I attempted to jump 8 chairs but hit the first one and crashed spectacularily into a bench. And then got shouted at while I was lying in a painful, crumpled heap. Gotta love school.
 
  • #54
Anyways, I know of someone better... ;)
 
  • #55
jimmy p said:
I attempted to jump 8 chairs but hit the first one and crashed spectacularily into a bench. And then got shouted at while I was lying in a painful, crumpled heap. Gotta love school.

So you're THAT guy. :-p
 
  • #56
He's an ex member of the KKK... wow. that is some scary stuff. I'm glad u realize that u deserve someone better.! Ure a star thallium. just one question, did he have one of those weird bed sheet things they wear over their heads... just wondering. :redface:
 
  • #57
He probably has yes. He has even maintained contact with some of the members there. I think those hoods were pretty sexy.. But black skimasks are far more sexy!
 
  • #58
Thallium said:
Anyways, I know of someone better... ;)

I'm insulted. :cry: Ah well. If anyone needs me I'll be jumping chairs again.
 
  • #59
Thallium said:
I think those hoods were pretty sexy.. But black skimasks are far more sexy!
We're going to find you dead in the bottom of a ravine one day. :frown:

- Warren
 
  • #60
chroot said:
We're going to find you dead in the bottom of a ravine one day. :frown:

Jeez guy, you are such a downer.
 
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